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295

EPIGRAMS

IPHIGENIA À LA MODE

How many a noble father since Agamemnon sinned,
Has sacrificed his daughter just to raise the wind!
1864.

LOVE'S LOGIC

Love's Logic:
I am and thou art . . . . must be marriage.
(A syllogism who will dare disparage.)
1865.
296

A TIMELY PRAYER

Thou great Physician, fair play is divine
To “M.D.” add “V.S.”; for, by the powers,
The cattle on a thousand hills are thine,
The cattle with a thousand ills are ours.
1866.
 

This was written at a time when the cattle-plague was very prevalent.

WHO KILLED MOSES?

Who killed poor Moses?
Goethe supposes
That the terrible son
Of a masculine Nun,
And Caleb his crony,
Whose sire is Jephone,
Together killed Moses;
So Goethe supposes!
1866.
297

SUGGESTED FROM SOUTHAMPTON

Mr. Kingsley's faith is just
What a candidate should swear;
Mr. Kingsley takes on trust
All these trifles light as Eyre.
September 1866.
 

This refers to Mr. Kingsley's professed faith in the necessity of the severe measures taken by Governor Eyre in the suppression of the rebellion in Jamaica.

POOR INDEED!

The earth is the lords' and the fulness thereof,
The country and also the towns;
Our dear old Queen is our only sov.,
And she's hardly worth three crowns;
And we very much fear when her loss we deplore,
The sovereign or crown we shall never see more.
April 1871.
298

IN EXITU ISRAEL

The Jew came up from the land of Goschen;
Now Gladstone makes that land the ocean;
A miracle which brings to thought
The plaguey wonders Moses wrought.
March 1871.

THE SUCCESSORS WHO DO NOT SUCCEED

I.

The first Apostles, called to be
Fishers of men in Galilee,
By hook or crook, as all agree,
Did catch their men by shoal;
Now each Successor has his see,
Fine gold and silver fish nets he,
Some jolly place, p'raps two or three,
But never any soul.

II.

Could the Twelve see their faith's retrogression,
The Bishops they would not bless,
“These rich rogues claim our succession,
But the Infidels have our success.”
April 1871.
299

BLESS THEE! THOU ART TRANSLATED

Dizzy translated the Bishop
For his Irish eloquence;
But who can translate his sermons
Into English, and common sense?
April 1871.
 

Bishop Magee.

CROSS LINES FROM GOETHE

[_]

(Being No. 67 of the Epigrams dated Venice, 1790)

Very much can I put up with. Most things that are trials of temper
I in tranquillity bear, as if imposed by a God.
Some few, however, I find as hateful as poison and serpents:
Four: the smoke of tobacco, garlic and bugs, and the +.
April 1871.
300

WE CROAK

When Stork succeeded Log as King
The poor frogs fared but ill;
We've both at once—the senseless thing,
The damnable long bill.
May 1871.

IN A CHRISTIAN CHURCHYARD

This field of stones, he said,
May well call forth a sigh;
Beneath them lie the dead,
On them the living lie.
May 1871.
301

OUR CONGRATULATIONS ON THE RECOVERY OF HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS

Though we have not a God to thank for this grace,
Though we care not a fig for the man,
We have yet our share in the general joy
At the lengthening of his span.
Yes, because we scorn himself and his race,
And because we love not the crown,
We are truly pleased that this model prince
May add to its bright renown.
If we wished him well we might wish him gone;
As it is, we rejoice in his breath;
For his life is likely to damage the throne
Such a great deal more than his death.
January 1872.
302

PATHETIC EPITAPH

I

Gould and Fisk in sacred league
Were full bold:
Gould has lost his precious fisc,
Fisk his gold.

II

When one leads an Erie life,
He must risk
Even such an eerie death,
Sweet James Fisk.
1872.
 

James Fisk, a great American “financier,” famous for his dealings with the Erie Railroad Stock, was shot in 1872 by Gould, one of his victims.

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