University of Virginia Library

FABLE XXV. The KING and the COBLER.

A cobler, in a sorry plight,
Chang'd his profession, and turn'd Quack,
Shut up his stall, and took his flight,
With his whole fortune on his back.
From mending shoes, to a Physician,
Or to a mender of the state,
Is no such violent transition,
Nor an old tale quite out of date.
An orator that speaks off hand,
A speaker for the public good,
Is not oblig'd, I understand,
To make himself be understood:
But if his speeches bring him pelf,
You're sure he understands himself.
The Cobler did not speak like Nestor,
Whose words fell soft as flakes of snow,
Nor like Thersites, the old jester,
But like some orators we know.
His oratory cost him nought,
His lungs were made of cobler's leather,
The words ran off as quick as thought,
Rapid and clutter'd all together;
A kind of hurricane oration,
A whirlwind, with an inundation.
Or like a rapid roaring torrent,
Full of confusion and disasters,
With cattle swimming down the current,
And fishes laying in the pastures;
Cottages, houses, meadows, wood,
Standing in water or in mud.
Speaking was not his surest card,
The best was of his own invention;
It was an antidote to guard
Against all poison you could mention.
Its fame was spread through every quarter,
And all folks drank it like Tar-water.
God bless his Majesty; the King,
Like other folks, had got a cold,
On which the Courtiers in the ring
Observ'd that some folks were grown bold.
From thence it went through every rout,
In whispers, whisper'd very low,
The King was poison'd, without doubt,
By poison that would poison slow.
The King was speedily appriz'd
Of what folks said, and all folks thought,
And by the Cabinet advis'd
To take the Cobler's antidote.
He would have taken it, I fear,
Had it not been for a wise Seer.
Sir, what your ministers advise,
Suppose the fact be true, indeed,
Said he, may be extremely wise;
But let them on sure ground proceed.
Order the Doctor to appear,
And then I'll make this matter clear.
The Cobler was directly call'd,
A glass of water stood prepar'd,
The cobling Doctor stood appall'd,
The King and all the Courtiers star'd.
Take, said the Seer, this glass and view it:
Doctor, said he, if you're so clever,
To take this potion, and subdue it,
Your fame and fortune's fix'd for ever.
That it is poison is most true,
The worse, the deadlier the draught,
The greater honour will be due
To your alexipharmic craft.
Now, Doctor, you must shew your skill;
Whip them off clean, and make your will.
The Cobler fell upon his knees:
I own, said he, my want of knowledge,
And also own that my degrees
Were taken at the Coblers college:
For want of practice, and from hunger,
I turn'd a counter-poison monger.
Let it not cause the least alarm,
I'll answer for it with my blood,
It can do no one any harm,
But may do fanciful folks good.
In short, 'tis neither more nor less,
'Tis my own water, I confess.
Then, turning to the King, the Seer
Said, pray Sir, ask your good friends here,
What their advice was built upon,
What they could mean, what were their views,
To let you trust your life with one
That none would trust with their old shoes.
So long betray'd, so long deceiv'd,
The King reply'd, I'm truly griev'd.
These rogues, that gave themselves such airs,
That made bad worse, are fairly trapp'd;
These coblers shall be kick'd down stairs,
Turn'd out, and all be soundly strapp'd.
Sir, said the Seer, after their flogging,
Pray give me leave to make a motion,
That every one shall take a noggin
Of Doctor Strap's salubrious potion;
'Twill either prove a mild emetic,
A gentle purge, or diuretic.
Mind, Doctor, cry'd the King, and laugh'd,
Do you take care that every man
Drink the King's health in a full can,
And pay you for your cordial draught.
Now, said the King, I am quite fast,
All kind of menders I have try'd;
The menders of the other side
Cobbled exactly like the last.
When my two doctors disagree,
To drive out both, with resolution
To trust to a good constitution
And temperance is best for me.