University of Virginia Library

Scene II.

—Apartment in Princess Isabella's palace
Enter Isabella, followed by Prince of Granada, who is annoying her with his attentions.
Prince.
My darling cousin—but one chaste salute.

(tries to kiss her.)
Is.
Oh, go away, my lord—you persecute.
(he kisses her hand.)
Release me, sir; how dare you kiss my hand?
Even your addled pate might understand
That persons whom I absolutely hate,
Detest, abhor, despise, abominate,
Are not the persons I prefer to kiss.

Prince.
(foolishly.)
Of course—I understand (aside)

Much more of this,
And I shall almost think—unless she's fooling—
The ardent rapture of her love is cooling!
(aloud)
Six months ago you called me best of men.

Is.
Six month? I hadn't seen my Robert then!
Whom you and your's drove from my father's court

Prince.
Well, ya-as, because I found him spoiling sport,
For when a fellow finds that though he's true,
He's cut out, deuce knows how by deuce knows who—
By somebody who's nobody, I swear,
Who came here deuce knows when, from deuce knows where,
And that, in mode particularly curt,
Of course a fellow feels a little hurt!

(Exit, R.)
Enter Alice and Raimbault, L.
Al.
Your highness—

Is.
Is it Alice?

Al.
Alice, certo,
I bring some news to you of your Roberto!

Is.
Of Robert?

Raim.
Yes; he sends a letter—see!

Is.
A note from Robert, and addressed to me!

Raim.
Of course, or I should not have hither tramped.
It's marked Immediate! Urgent! Private! Stamp'd!
And then your name in full your vision blesses.

Is.
He always was most marked in his addresses!
(Open and reads.)
He says he'll soon contrive to me to steal!
Oh, happiness! For Alice, dear, I feel
So dull now that the castle is without him.

Raim.
And he's without the castle—never doubt him!

Is.
Robert without? Good gracious, who advised him?

Al.
I: as a vintner's lad, I've well disguised him—
Laden with flasks Rhenish cased in wicker.
He comes!

(enter Robert, disguised as vintner's lad, with bottles, &c)
Rob.
Behold your Bob, disguised in liquor!

Is.
(embracing him)
Well, how you planned it goodness only knows!
You must have bribed the servants, I suppose!

Rob.
No, with my fists I silenced all inquisitors—
I'm not one of those servant-tipping visitors
Who go about with fivers in their grip,
These are the only fivers that I tip!
(showing his fist..)
An honest Bob—just like an honest shilling—
Is known by the perfection of his milling.
Moreover—blinded by love's dazzling heat—
I saw no sort of danger in the feat,
I'm blind to everything—yet truth to tell,
Blind though I be, I hope I see you well?
I came to snatch one kiss this afternoon—
Then I must go.

Is.
Oh, dear, that's very soon,
If you are blind, dear Robert, why it's certain
You're not unlike your visit—that's a curt'un!

Quartette.—Robert, Isabella, Alice, and Raimbault. Air—“Le Chateau de Kaoutchou.”
Rob.
One moment more, and then you know
Its necessary I should go.

Is.
Go, go, go?

Al.
Go, go, go!

Rob.
For, spite of all my close disguising,
My face they may be recognizing (chord)
,
They would divide of each of us
The beautiful œsophagus—

Al.
They would divide of each of us
The beautiful œsophagus!

All.
Oh, what a sham, la! la! ou!
They'd take and run us through and through!
Oh, what a sham, la! la! ou!
They'd take and run us through and through!

Is.
Oh come with me, a spot I know
Where, unperceived, we all may go.

Al.
Go, go, go!

Is.
Go, go, go!

Al.
Lead on, we'll follow as directed;
But, certainly, if we're detected (chord)
,
They will divide of each of us
The beautiful œsophagus (bis)
.

All.
Oh, what a sham, &c.

(At the end of Quartette they dance off, R.) Then enters Bertram.
Bert.
(whining)
I must stop Robert's plans at any cost!
If he weds Isabella, all is lost! (draws dagger)

For this behaviour you're quite right to blame me!
But if he weds, my ghostly dun will claim me!
I was a goose to trade with such a one,
There never was a goose so under dun!
(looking at dagger)
What! against Robert use my sharp stiletto?
(indignantly)
No! but I know a chap who will! Gobetto!

Enter Gobetto looking very unhappy.
Bert.
(with remorse)
A melancholy sight! My latest victim!
'Twas yesterday I nick'd him!

Gob.
Yes—Old Nicked him!
(aside)
With such a master this must be a rum place!

(Bertram overhears him, and frowns satanically at him,)
Gob.
(with assumed enthusiasm.)
Long live Count Bertram! Duke, no doubt, of some place!

Bert.
(sternly)
You quarrel with your place? I read your mind!
You might be in a worse place, as you'll find,
Unless you do my bidding, sir, this morning!

Gob.
(aside)
Oh lor, I can't stand this—I'll give him warning.
(aloud)
Yah! this day month!

Bert.
(sternly)
What's that I heard you call!

Gob.
(changing his mind, very terrified.)
Will be the fourth of February, that's all!

Enter Robert. He is surprised at seeing Bertram.
Bert.
(going up to him.)
Why came you here?

Rob.
I told you why, before.
I came to visit her whom I adore—
To try and make her fly with me—but no,
There's such a watch on her, she dares not go!
It's hard that Prince Granada and his mates
Should try to separate us, when the Fates
A pair of spoons like us together bring!

Bert.
A pair of spoons? Pooh, pooh! there's no such thing!

Rob.
Indeed) prove that!

Bert.
I will—in half a second—
(With intense meaning.)
It's by the dozen, spoons are always reckoned!
You and one other? It was well we met!
(insidiously)
You and eleven others—That's the set

Rob.
(innocently)
Eleven wives polygamy they call!

Bert.
Oh, go along—who talked of wives at all?
Hymen's a humbug and a hollow sham—
(aside)
Oh what a very naught boy I am!

Rob.
(drawing sword)
You scoundrel! Blacker words I never heard!

Bert.
(much alarmed)
I didn't mean it, Bob, upon my word!

Gob.
(aside to Bert.)
The dagger guv'nor?

Bert.
(aside to Gob.)
Stop—“another way,”
As works on cookery so often say—
I've still one deadly arrow left to launch—
If I can make him steal the magic branch
That's planted in the Nun's Enchanted Bower,
He'll be for ever shackled in my power.
(to Rob.)
Now this time I'm in earnest.

Rob.
Well, begin!

Bert.
If Princess Isabella you would win,
Come, snatch the magic branch from where it's planted.

Rob.
And where is that?

Enter Alice and Raimbault, R. They listen unperceived
Bert.
Why in a room that's haunted!
It's called the Room of Horrors—it unfurls
The statues raised to naughty boys and girls.
You'll find there, penned in its resistless trammel,
Thieves, murderers, and people who enamel.
Whose slightest crime would make your bosom bleed.

Alice.
(coming forward)
Madame Tussaud!

Bert.
Madam 'tis so, indeed!

Rob.
A kind of treat for butchers only, meet!

Bert.
A treat for butchers? nonsense! Baker's treat!

Gob.
How comes one there?

Bert.
Why, I've been somewhere told
That when you're dead, before your body's cold, there.
To sketch your face their artist will repair,
You'll first be hanged, then drawn, then quartered
There you may seize at midnight's magic hour
The mystic branch—none can resist its power!
You can go where you will, and none can ban you.
(aside)
Oh, Bertram, oh you naughty boy, how can you?
(to Rob.)
Its sixpence each—a fact I to explain meant—

Rob.
Who pays for this sixpensive entertainment?

Bert.
I do.

Rob.
That's well—come Bertram, quick, away!

Bert.
(aside)
Ha! he consents! he's mine, and from to-day!

Quintette.—Robert, Bertram, Raimbault, Gobetto, and Alice.
Air—“Digue, digue, digue” (“L'Ile de Tulipatan”).
Alice.
Oh, he's tricky—tricky—tricky—tricky—trick—tricked him.
There's the deuce to pay
As he'll find to-day.

Raim.
(to Rob.)
You're his vicky—vicky—vicky—vicky—vick—victim.
I'm glad it isn't I,
He's so particularly sly!

All.
Oh, he's tricky—tricky—, &c.

(Air changes to finale to “L'Ile de Tulipatan,”)
Raim.
He's a very bad old gentleman—let him go, pray do!
I'm sure that chamber isn't a place for boys like you!

Rob.
My love, I can't be gaining,
By here alone remaining!

Bert.
That's quite incontrovertible, and grandly true!

All.
'Txing! imitating cymbals).

Tra! la! la! la! la! la!
Let us dance to Isabella!
Tra! la! la! la! la! la!
In a graceful Tarantella!

Dance, and off, L.)