University of Virginia Library

Scene II.

—Interior of Guardroom. Enter Cospetto meeting Ortensio.
Orten.
Sergeant Sulpizio's in an awful way
Our daughter he's not seen since break of day.

Corp.
She left this morning, matters not to mince,
To climb Mount Blanc and ain't been heard of since!
Perhaps she's fallen down some fearful cut in it,
Some chasm.

Oten.
If she has she's put her fut in it!

Enter Sergeant Sulpizio.
Sul.
Where is our daughter?

Orten.
Up on yonder height.

Sul.
Once more upon her reckless headlong flight,
Bounding from rock to rock! Herself she bears
As if that flight were but a flight of stairs.

Cos.
Oh, she's sure footed quite: you know its true,
Come give the darling girl her mountain due,
She's like an antelope on ridge or coping.

Sul.
An antelope? I hope she an't eloping.

Enter Maria.
Maria.
Papa, why what's all this! why look so glum?

Sul.
(embracing her)
My ravings were but empty froth—she's come,
(sternly)
You should have asked and got the full consent,
Of all your fathers, 'ere away you went.

Maria.
To please a thousand fathers hard for me,
How can I when they always disagree?
(shivering)
I am so cold, how can you treat your ward so?
Upon the mount it froze so.

Sul.
Yes, I thawed so;
No wonder you're frozen by your climb,
You're precious (s) nowing, and you talk in rime.
You shouldn't leave the valley, you're too fragile.

Maria.
Forgive me! There, to show I'm very agile,
At one big bound, although the road's a hard 'un,
I go from Chamouni to Pardon—pardon;

Sul.
(kissing her)
Then you're forgiven: now then to reveal
A secret which I longer can't conceal,
I've always said and you believed it true,
You were the Reg'ment's daughter, didn't you?

Maria.
Oh yes, a thousand fathers now surround me.

Sul.
(impressively)
You're not the Reg'ment's daughter!

Maria.
(amazed)
You astound me!

Sul.
Long years ago upon a battle plain,
The Captain of my company was slain.
But ere he died, he handed to my care
A pretty Baby beautifully fair,
In this silk handkerchief the captain wropped it,
[producing handkerchief.]
But 'ere I could adopt it, he had hopped it!
The baby grew up exquisite indeed,
Now she's the fairest flower you ever seed,

Maria.
(innocently)
The fairest flower? Whoever can that be?
(suddenly)
Why that describes me, father, to a T.

Cos.
We did our best to our gay life to win you,
And fostered military tastes within you,
Words of command you early learn't to prattle.

Ortensio.
The noise of musketry supplied your rattle,
When but a tender babe you went to bed,
With a percussion cap upon your head.

Maria.
When I was ill I swallowed like a lamb
A nice gun powder well disguised in jam.

Sul.
You played at cannon balls in mossy dells,
And on the shore picked pretty shrapnel shells.

Maria.
Then every morning sure as day did come
Didn't I breakfast on a roll of drum?

Sul.
Washing it down, as pleasant as could be,
With cups of good hot strong gun-powder tea.

Maria.
I learnt to sew as well as any one—
Got through my work well with a needle gun.

Sul.
The needle gun with which so well you got on
You always threaded, darling, with gun cotton;
Drill tho' upon parade, you've quite forgot to,
Altho' I've often, dear, p(a)rayed you not to,
With stitching you began—

Maria.
There errs your mem,
Maria dear commences with a hem,
For me, my fathers couldn't have done more.
You've always been most kind to me I'm sure,
Whene'er I asked an inch, as all can tell,
You, though a private soldier, sent an ell.

Duet.—Sulpizio and Maria.
Air.—“Mazeppa's History.”
Maria.
The playthings that you bought me, always cost a sum immense,
And Cremer had instructions quite regardless of expense;
Instructive magic lanterns were the costly consequence,
And dolls that were impossible in their magnificence.
Yes, in my childhood's happy day,
Those were the sort of toys with which I used to play.
Instructive magic lanterns were the costly consequence,
And dolls that were impossible in their magnificence.

Sul.
My playthings, as a boy, were neither elegant nor new;
A bit of chalk, a rabbit skin, some washerwoman's blue,
Some cobbler's wax, a cabbage, half-a-pipe, a lump of glue,
A piece of string, a kitten, seven buttons and a shoe!
Yes, in my boyhood's happy day,
Those were the only toys with which I used to play.
Some cobbler's wax, a cabbage, half-a-pipe, a lump of glue,
A piece of string, a kitten, seven buttons and a shoe!

(COMIC DANCE.)
Exeunt Sulpizio, Cospetto, and Ortensio. Tonio pops his head in at the door.
Tonio.
May I come in, Maria? It's your lover.

Maria,
Oh, Tonio.—If the serjeant should discover!
(Tonio comes in.)
The Sergeant's grown suspicious, dear, of late.

Tonio.
The matter's urgent, dear, and cannot wait:
I come to say I love you; wilt be mine?

Maria.
You love me? yes, that's all extremely fine,
You've conquered me, but haven't done your task;
My thousand father's leave you first must ask;
These gallant soldiers all are my papas!

Tonio.
Who are your mothers then?

Maria.
My mothers? Mars!
If their consent you can beg, steal, or borrow,
I'll be your little wifey dear to-morrow.
'Twas but the accident of fire and sword
Made me their protegée, their little ward.

Tonio.
Oh, what a union! bless you for affording it,
A union, too, with such a casual ward in it.

Maria.
A casual ward? That never very sad is,
When cared for by a thousand “kind old daddies.”

Duet.—Tonio and Maria.
Air—Dites, la jeune belle.
Tonio.
Sweeter lollipop than—
Longer I dare not stay—

Maria.
Fleeter, never a man,
Flew from his love away;
My fathers you'll seek—a,
I'll be yours in a week—a,
If they agreeing are.

Tonio.
What? a week, without slumber?

Maria.
Yes, remember their number;

Tonio.
The date is much too far.

Both.
Sweeter lollipop than—
Longer he dares not stay,
Fleeter, never a man,
Flew from his love away.

(At the conclusion of the Duet, they embrace each other.)
Enter Sulpizio.
Sul.
A “Guide” to Polly paying his addresses
I'll give you mustard, Miss, with your caresses,
With a mere guide, a poor Mont Blanc explorer!

Tonio.
(kissing her.)
This is my way of showing I adore her.

Sul.
(dragging him away.)
Of these proceedings, sir, I'll have no more.
This is my way of showing you a door.
(points to door.)
Unless you do those loving words rescind, o.’
Sulpizio, here, sal pitz yo out of window.
Be off, or you shall go to your account.

Maria.
Don't treat him so, he did, when on the mount,
From six stout English noblemen assist me,
Who, led by one, Lord Margate, would have kiss't me.
And when my blood was curdled with alarms,
He curdled me within his manly arms,
He to my rescue, or you'd outlive me;
Need I say more, or esk you to forgive me.

Sul.
(To Tonio.)
When first she came among us, sir, we said
Maria should a soldier only wed,
Into a soldier if you like we'll coin you,
If you consent to join us, why we'll join you,

(Tonio gives her hand a token of consent.)
Trio.—Sulpizio, Maria, and Tonio.
Air.—“Ciascun lo dice.”
Maria.
Tonio devoted ne'er will we part,
Your only trump card, pluckily, pluckily playing

Sul.
You'll be promoted, your loving heart,
Down at her tootsies luckily, luckily laying!

Tonio,
I am devoted as you agree
When I'm promoted, wedded we'll be.

Maria.
What a plan, what a plan, what a plan 'twill be

Tonio.
What a plan, what a plan to be joined to she.

Sul.
There never was known such an excellent plan,
There never was seen such a brave little man.

Air changes to Rataplan Chorus.
All.
What a plan, what a plan, what a plan,
What a plan, what a plan, plan, plan,
If I'm right I'll/he'll delight for to fight day and night
and at sight he will draw on a foe;
What a plan, what a plan, what a plan,
What a plan, what a plan, plan, plan,
I'm/He's a wight, very dight, ready quite for to bite, like
a kite at a chick or a crow.

DANCE.—and off together.