University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

SCENE—The Court of the Palace.
Enter NOODLE.
Noodle.
Sure Nature means t'unhinge the solid Globe!
Chaos is come again—All's topsy turvy.
AIR.

Enter GRIZZLE hastily.
Griz.
If this be true, all women kind are damn'd.

Nood.
If it be not, may I be damn'd myself.

[Exit.
Griz.
Then, get out, patience! Oh, I'm whirlwind all;
Havock, let loose the Dogs of war, Halloo!
SONG.

[Exit.
SCENE—A Chamber in the Palace.
Enter QUEEN.
Queen.
Ah, wherefore from his Dollalolla's arms
Doth Arthur steal? Why all alone;
And in the dark, leave her, whose feeble nerves
He knows, are harrow'd up with fears of spirits.

Air. QUEEN.
In bed, when women lie awake,
(We wives can't always sleep)
At every little noise we hear,
And closer, closer creep;
But cuddled warm
In love's dear arms,
Let thunder rock the house.
We feel no frights,
We matter sprights
Not three skips of a louse.

Enter KING.
King.
We hoped the fumes, sweet Queen, of last night's punch
Had glued thy lovely eyes; but ah, we find
There is no power in drams to quiet wives.

Enter NOODLE.
Nood.
Long life to both your Majesties,—if life
Be worth a fig—Lord Grizzle at the head
Of a rebellious rout, invests the palace;
He swears—unless the Princess straight
Be yielded up, with Tom Thumb's pate,
About your ears he will beat down the gate.

King.
The devil he will!—But see the Princess!
Enter HUNCAMUNCA.
Say, where's the mighty Thumb, our Sword and Buckler?
Tho' 'gainst us men and giants league with gods,
Yet Thumb alone, is equal to more odds.

Hunca.
About an hour and half ago
Tom sallied forth to meet the foe,
And soon who's who, he'll make them know.

King.
Come, Dollalolla. Huncamunca, come;
Within we'll wait in whole skins for Tom Thumb.

[Exeunt.
SCENE.—A Plain.
Enter GRIZZLE, NOODLE, and Rebels.
(A March.)
Griz.
Thus far with victory your arms are crown'd
For tho' we have not fought, yet have we sound
No enemy to fight withal.

(Trumpets.)
Enter THUMB, DOODLE, and SOLDIERS.
(Trumpets.)
Tom.
Art thou the man, whom men fam'd Grizzle call?

Griz.
Art thou the much more fam'd Tom Thumb the small?

Tom.
The same

Griz.
The same

Tom.
His prowess now each prove

Griz.
For Liberty I stand

Tom.
And I for love.

(A bloody Engagement between the two Armies—They fight off.)
Enter GLUMDALCA, and GRIZZLE, meeting.
Glum.
Turn, Coward, turn! Nor from a woman fly!

Griz.
Thou art unworthy of my arm.

Glum.
Am I?
Have at thy heart then?

(Thursts at, but misses him.)
Griz.
Rampant queen of sluts
Now have at thine. (Strikes.)


Glum.
(Falling)
You've run me thro' the guts.

Griz.
Then there's an end of one. (going.)


(Is met by Tom Thumb, who cuts him down.)
Tom.
An end of two
Thou hast it.

Griz.
Oh Tom Thumb! thy soul be-shrew!
I die—Ambition! The lates have made their Tour,
And the Black Cart is waiting at the door.

AIR. Grizzle.
My body is a bankrupt's shop,
My cruel Creditor, grim death;
Who puts to life's brisk trade a stop,
And will be paid with my last breath—
Oh! Oh! Oh!

[Dies:
Tom.
Bear off the carcasses; lop off his knob
'Twill witness to the King, Tom Thumb's good job;
Rebellion's dead, and now—I'll go to breakfast.

(Exit.)
SCENE.—The Presence Chamber.
Enter KING, QUEEN, HUNCAMUNCA, DOODLE, PLUMANTE, FRIZALETTA, and Attendants.
King.
Open the prisons, set the wretched free!
And bid our Treasurer disburse five guineas
To pay their debts.—Let our Arch-Necromancer,
Sage Merlin, straight attend us—we the while
Will view the triumph of our Son-in-law.

Hunca.
Take note Sir, that on this our wedding day;
Two victories, hath my gallant husband won.

Enter NOODLE.
Nood.
Oh, monstrous, dreadful, terrible! Oh! oh!

King.
What means the blockhead?

Nood.
But to grace my tale with decent horror
Tom Thumb is no more.
A huge red Cow—just now—i'th'open street
Before my eyes, devoured the great Tom Thumb.

(A general groan.)
King.
Shut,—shut again the prisons
Let our Treasurer
Not issue out three farthings. Hang all the culprits
And bid the School-masters whip all their boys.

Nood.
Her majesty the Queen is in a swoon.

Queen.
Not so much in a swoon, but to have still
Strength to reward the Messenger of ill.

(Queen kills Noodle.)
Friz.
My lover kill'd—
His death I thus revenge.

(Kills the Queen.)
Hunca.
Kill my Mamma!
O base Assassin! there! (Kills Frizalletta.)


Dood.
For that, take this. (Kills Hunca.)


Plum.
And thou take that. (Kills Doodle.)


King.
Die, murderess vile!
Death makes a feast to day
And but reserves ourself for his bon bouche.
So when the boy, whom nurse from danger guards
Sends Jack for mustard with a pack of Cards;
Kings, Queens and knaves, tip one another down,
'Till the whole pack lie scatter'd and o'erthrown?
Thus all our pack upon the floor is cast,
And my sole boast is, that I fall the last.

(Stabs himself.)
Merlin Rises.—Thunder and Lightining.
Merlin.
Blood, what a scene of slaughter's here!
But I'll soon shift it, never fear.
Gallants, behold! I one touch of Merlin's magic,
Shall to gay comic, change this dismal tragic.
(Wave his wand.—Thunder and Lightning.)
First at my word, thou horned Cannibal,
Return again our England's Hannibal.
(Thunder.)
(Thumb comes out of the Cow's Mouth, and starts fiercely.)
Next to your King, Queen, Lords and Commons,
I issue my Hell-bilking Summons.
AIR. Merlin.

(The dead all start up.)
(Vaudville.)
King.
(To the Queen.)
One kind buss, my Dolly Queen;
When we two last parted
We scarce hoped to buss again;
My heart! Lord, how it smarted!

Queen.
(To the King.)
Dear King Atty, pitty patty,
Mine too went a fleeting;
Now we in a Nipperkin,
May toast this merry meeting.

Tom.
(To Hunc.)
Come my Hunky—come my Pet,
Love's in haste, don't stay him;
Deep we are in Hymen's debt,
And 'tis high time we pay him.

Hunc.
(To Tom.)
Have dear Tommy
Pity on me;
I'm by shame restricted!
Yet I obey,
So take your way,
I must not contradict it.

Griz.
(To Glum.)
Grandest Glum in my behoof.
To love's law be pliant;
Me you'll find a man of proof.
Altho' not quite a Giant.

Glum.
(To Griz.)
Indeed, Lord Griz,
Tho' for that phiz,
Few amorous Queens would chuse you
Yet thus bereft,
Not one chum left,
I think I can't refuse you.

Merlin.
Now love and live, and live and love.

All.
Sage Merlin's in the right on't;

Merlin.
Each couple prove like hand in glove;

All.
Agreed.

Queen.
'Fore George we'll make a night on't.

All.
Let Discord cease,
Let all in peace
Go home and kiss their spouses;
Join hat and cap
In one loud clap,
And with us crowded houses.