Derrick's Jests or, The Wits Chronicle. Containing A pleasing Variety of Repartees, Puns, Bon-Mots, and other Species of Wit and Humour, Which passed between Samuel Derrick ... and other Persons distinguished for their Wit and Humour. Also A Collection of Poetical Pieces on Various Subjects, By Mr. Derrick and Others. Dedicated to the Public |
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The Hamadryads to Lord G---ve---r, on his preventing some beautiful Rows of Trees from being cut down, near a Place of public Entertainment.
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 | Derrick's Jests |  |
The Hamadryads to Lord G---ve---r, on his preventing some beautiful Rows of Trees from being cut down, near a Place of public Entertainment.
As saunt'ring, without cash or care,
Sir Sable stalk'd to breathe the air;
Chance led him to that beauteous grove,
Where Chelsea's vet'rans love to rove;
Here the maim'd soldier stumps along,
And hears the blackbird's ev'ning song;
Or stretch'd at ease, now safe from wars,
Talks of old deeds, and counts his scars:
Broad elms their branches intertwine,
Birds tune their notes—almost divine!
Around his raptur'd Eye explores,
Whilst from old Thames's sedgy shores,
Responsive echo swells the sound,
And makes the whole enchanted ground.
Sir Sable stalk'd to breathe the air;
Chance led him to that beauteous grove,
Where Chelsea's vet'rans love to rove;
Here the maim'd soldier stumps along,
And hears the blackbird's ev'ning song;
Or stretch'd at ease, now safe from wars,
Talks of old deeds, and counts his scars:
Broad elms their branches intertwine,
Birds tune their notes—almost divine!
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Whilst from old Thames's sedgy shores,
Responsive echo swells the sound,
And makes the whole enchanted ground.
Attentive stood the Knight awhile,
And grinn'd—as if he meant to smile;
But some curst Demon, stung with spite
At Nature, pregnant with delight!
With cringing compliments drew near,
And thus the flatterer sooth'd his ear:
“My good old friend, by fame renown'd,
For spoiling many a piece of ground!
Who op'st thy hospitable door
To all good comers—but the poor!
Yet here fair ladies, full as needy,
Meet with relief both sure and speedy,
When, gather'd from a fortnight's savings,
Thou get'st good things to stop their cravings;
And craming down thy tarts and Jellies,
Stuff at both ends their hungry bellies:
Who keep'st in friendship with the great,
So long as thou can'st raise—a treat;
And liv'st this sov'reign truth to prove,
That pudding is the bond of love!
And grinn'd—as if he meant to smile;
But some curst Demon, stung with spite
At Nature, pregnant with delight!
With cringing compliments drew near,
And thus the flatterer sooth'd his ear:
“My good old friend, by fame renown'd,
For spoiling many a piece of ground!
Who op'st thy hospitable door
To all good comers—but the poor!
Yet here fair ladies, full as needy,
Meet with relief both sure and speedy,
When, gather'd from a fortnight's savings,
Thou get'st good things to stop their cravings;
And craming down thy tarts and Jellies,
Stuff at both ends their hungry bellies:
Who keep'st in friendship with the great,
So long as thou can'st raise—a treat;
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That pudding is the bond of love!
For these—and more which I cou'd tell,
My good old friend, I wish thee well!
To prove I am the friend I seem,
Now listen to a glorious scheme:
My good old friend, I wish thee well!
To prove I am the friend I seem,
Now listen to a glorious scheme:
“Prick up thine ears, and raise thine eyes,
What notes—what beauteous scenes arise!
Who'll fly to R---gh thrice a week,
To hear them quaver, squall and squeak,
And there o'er tea and coffee doze,
Whilst here they gratis can repose;
View intermingled groves and plains,
And listen to enchanting strains!”
What notes—what beauteous scenes arise!
Who'll fly to R---gh thrice a week,
To hear them quaver, squall and squeak,
And there o'er tea and coffee doze,
Whilst here they gratis can repose;
View intermingled groves and plains,
And listen to enchanting strains!”
Quoth Knight, with most sagacious squint,
“Good Mr. Dev'l—I take your hint—
Ere thrice the glorious sun goes round,
These prostrate trees shall strew the ground.”
“Good Mr. Dev'l—I take your hint—
Ere thrice the glorious sun goes round,
These prostrate trees shall strew the ground.”
Led hither by propitious fate,
Gr**n**r o'erheard the foul debate
While rage inflam'd his gen'rous breast
He thus the dismal pair addrest.
Gr**n**r o'erheard the foul debate
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He thus the dismal pair addrest.
“Who are these slaves, who mean t'invade,
With impious rage, this sacred shade?
Whose seeds a father's honour'd hand
Lodg'd in this chosen spot of land;
Pleas'd that a future shade should rise,
A shelter from inclement skies!
And he who hence shall dare convey,
By fraud or force, one single spray,
Shall meet with treatment d---n'd uncivil,
Be he a Kight, mock Duke, or Devil.”
Sir Sable, saddl'd with disgrace,
Put on a rueful length of face;
He saw the fav'rite project quash'd,
For even the Devil look'd abash'd;
And thinking now 'twas past a joke,
Both vanish'd in a cloud of smoke.
With impious rage, this sacred shade?
Whose seeds a father's honour'd hand
Lodg'd in this chosen spot of land;
Pleas'd that a future shade should rise,
A shelter from inclement skies!
And he who hence shall dare convey,
By fraud or force, one single spray,
Shall meet with treatment d---n'd uncivil,
Be he a Kight, mock Duke, or Devil.”
Sir Sable, saddl'd with disgrace,
Put on a rueful length of face;
He saw the fav'rite project quash'd,
For even the Devil look'd abash'd;
And thinking now 'twas past a joke,
Both vanish'd in a cloud of smoke.
By me, the Hamadryads send,
And greet thee, Gr---n---r, for their friend:
And soon as the revolving year
Shall in the pride of spring appear;
When nature dons her best array,
Here humbly if thou deign'st to stray;
Should Sol with sultry beams invade,
Each tree shall pay thee with its shade.
The little tenants of the grove,
For thee awhile shall cease to love;
Grateful, their sweetest notes prolong,
And pay their quit-rent with a song.
And greet thee, Gr---n---r, for their friend:
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Shall in the pride of spring appear;
When nature dons her best array,
Here humbly if thou deign'st to stray;
Should Sol with sultry beams invade,
Each tree shall pay thee with its shade.
The little tenants of the grove,
For thee awhile shall cease to love;
Grateful, their sweetest notes prolong,
And pay their quit-rent with a song.
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