Vulgus Britannicus Or, The British Hudibrass [by Edward Ward] |
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CANTO I. On the late Disorders of the Rabble.
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 | Vulgus Britannicus |  |
CANTO I. On the late Disorders of the Rabble.
In Spiteful Times when Humane Folly,
Discourag'd all that's Good and Holy,
When Peace and Truth were out of Season,
And Zeal had got the start of Reason;
When Knaves by dint of Inspiration
Diffus'd their Nonsense thro' the Nation;
And when Ill-Nature and Grimace
Were outward Signs of Inward Grace,
When Atheists Preach'd, and Blockheads Writ,
And Scandal only pass'd for Wit;
When Fiery Words like Blazing-stars,
Portended Plagues and Civil Wars,
And Tavern Cavils shew too plain
The Malice and the Pride of Men;
When our Good Sov'reign Lords the People
Were Crown'd by a Republick Cripple,
And by false Logick prov'd to be
The Source of all Authority,
And that from them all Power Sprung
At first, as Pompions do from Dung,
And did on them devolve again,
As oft as they were pleas'd to Reign,
As if a King, the Lord's Anointed,
Was only by the Mob appointed,
And that they rais'd him to a Crown
For nothing but to pull him down;
So active Boys in windy Gales
Mount Paper Kites with Fiery Tails,
And Guide and Lower 'em by their Strings,
Just as Fanaticks would their Kings.
Discourag'd all that's Good and Holy,
When Peace and Truth were out of Season,
And Zeal had got the start of Reason;
When Knaves by dint of Inspiration
Diffus'd their Nonsense thro' the Nation;
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Were outward Signs of Inward Grace,
When Atheists Preach'd, and Blockheads Writ,
And Scandal only pass'd for Wit;
When Fiery Words like Blazing-stars,
Portended Plagues and Civil Wars,
And Tavern Cavils shew too plain
The Malice and the Pride of Men;
When our Good Sov'reign Lords the People
Were Crown'd by a Republick Cripple,
And by false Logick prov'd to be
The Source of all Authority,
And that from them all Power Sprung
At first, as Pompions do from Dung,
And did on them devolve again,
As oft as they were pleas'd to Reign,
As if a King, the Lord's Anointed,
Was only by the Mob appointed,
And that they rais'd him to a Crown
For nothing but to pull him down;
So active Boys in windy Gales
Mount Paper Kites with Fiery Tails,
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Just as Fanaticks would their Kings.
When Bad Designs had Pious Names,
And Holy Looks hid Tricks and Shams,
And those who seem'd the most Upright,
Turn'd all Religion into Spite,
Would frequently at Church Commune,
And rail against her when they'd done,
As if they only kiss'd the Chalice,
To Whet and Sanctifie their Malice.
And Holy Looks hid Tricks and Shams,
And those who seem'd the most Upright,
Turn'd all Religion into Spite,
Would frequently at Church Commune,
And rail against her when they'd done,
As if they only kiss'd the Chalice,
To Whet and Sanctifie their Malice.
When Feuds and Discords did encrease,
And Men lov'd War instead of Peace,
That all sides had their New Inventions,
To Feed and Propagate Contentions.
And Men lov'd War instead of Peace,
That all sides had their New Inventions,
To Feed and Propagate Contentions.
When Men thro' slavish Fear deny'd
Those Truths they should have Justify'd,
For Int'rest sake themselves deceiv'd
And stood by what they Disbeliev'd;
Affirming Points by dint of Tongue,
Which in their Hearts they knew were wrong;
And acquiesc'd with Solemn Lies,
Invented purely for Disguise,
That False Reports might prove a Blind
To what was wickedly design'd,
And gild the Pois'nous Bitter Pill,
Prepar'd not to Relieve but Kill,
So he that does a fraud intend
First treats the Bubble like a Friend,
That he may gain his Knavish End.
The Bawd puts on a Face devout,
To bring her Base Intrigues about,
And can talk Scripture to betray,
The Pious Maid that's Young and Gay;
The Fox will Bask, and Rowl and Stretch,
To bring his Prey within his Reach:
The Cruel Russian and the Traytor,
The Minute that they stab will flatter,
And Proud Fanaticks Fawn and Bend
When they the greatest Ills intend,
And Preach up Safty to the Throne,
Their Treacherous Hands are Pulling down.
Those Truths they should have Justify'd,
For Int'rest sake themselves deceiv'd
And stood by what they Disbeliev'd;
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Which in their Hearts they knew were wrong;
And acquiesc'd with Solemn Lies,
Invented purely for Disguise,
That False Reports might prove a Blind
To what was wickedly design'd,
And gild the Pois'nous Bitter Pill,
Prepar'd not to Relieve but Kill,
So he that does a fraud intend
First treats the Bubble like a Friend,
That he may gain his Knavish End.
The Bawd puts on a Face devout,
To bring her Base Intrigues about,
And can talk Scripture to betray,
The Pious Maid that's Young and Gay;
The Fox will Bask, and Rowl and Stretch,
To bring his Prey within his Reach:
The Cruel Russian and the Traytor,
The Minute that they stab will flatter,
And Proud Fanaticks Fawn and Bend
When they the greatest Ills intend,
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Their Treacherous Hands are Pulling down.
When some were Ruin'd, some Enrich'd
And some 'twixt Pride and Zeal bewitch'd
Others infected with a Spice,
Of Atheism, Craft, and Avarice,
Some stupify'd with Wine and Folly,
Others with Spleen and Melancholly;
Some by the Sourness of their Natures,
Perverse and Headstrong Jarring Creatures;
Others by Education spoil'd,
Too Hot and Furious, or too mild,
That most were of some Fruits attainted,
Whether bedevil'd or befainted.
And some 'twixt Pride and Zeal bewitch'd
Others infected with a Spice,
Of Atheism, Craft, and Avarice,
Some stupify'd with Wine and Folly,
Others with Spleen and Melancholly;
Some by the Sourness of their Natures,
Perverse and Headstrong Jarring Creatures;
Others by Education spoil'd,
Too Hot and Furious, or too mild,
That most were of some Fruits attainted,
Whether bedevil'd or befainted.
'Twas then the very Dregs or Arse
Of all the Jarring Universe,
Spew'd out of Alleys, Jayls and Garrets,
Grown sturdy with Neckbeef and Carrots;
Some liquor'd well with Foggy Ale,
Others with Glorious Mild and Stale;
Informers, Lab'rors, Brothel-Keepers,
Pimps, Panders, Thieves and Chimney-Sweepers,
And all the rest oth' Heath'nish Race
That do our Grand Processions grace;
More Mad, worse Savage Brutes at best,
Than the Wild Herd the Dev'l possest
And more portentous when they rise,
Than blazing Comets in the Skies,
Unletter'd, Rascally and Base,
A Kingdoms Danger and Disgrace,
The High-born Traitor's noisy Tools,
Govern'd by neither Laws or Rules,
Always by others Craft betray'd
To Ills behind the Curtain laid,
To Mischief by their Stars inclin'd,
Deaf to Advice, to Danger Blind,
Forward and Furious in Extreams,
Fearless of Life, or loss of Limbs,
And lavish of Destructive Pains,
To do Bad Work for Little Gains,
This Monstrous Rout so Loose and Idle,
A Paradox, a perfect Riddle,
To those for whom their Love's most warm,
They always do the Greatest Harm,
And often serve by their Commotions
The Side that feels their Persecutions;
And when they mean to use them Ill,
Do good to those they would despoile
Against their Knowledge and their Will.
Thus oft the Service they intend
Deserves the Curses of their Friend,
And their Revenge much Thanks from those
They Sack and Plunder as their Foes.
Of all the Jarring Universe,
Spew'd out of Alleys, Jayls and Garrets,
Grown sturdy with Neckbeef and Carrots;
Some liquor'd well with Foggy Ale,
Others with Glorious Mild and Stale;
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Pimps, Panders, Thieves and Chimney-Sweepers,
And all the rest oth' Heath'nish Race
That do our Grand Processions grace;
More Mad, worse Savage Brutes at best,
Than the Wild Herd the Dev'l possest
And more portentous when they rise,
Than blazing Comets in the Skies,
Unletter'd, Rascally and Base,
A Kingdoms Danger and Disgrace,
The High-born Traitor's noisy Tools,
Govern'd by neither Laws or Rules,
Always by others Craft betray'd
To Ills behind the Curtain laid,
To Mischief by their Stars inclin'd,
Deaf to Advice, to Danger Blind,
Forward and Furious in Extreams,
Fearless of Life, or loss of Limbs,
And lavish of Destructive Pains,
To do Bad Work for Little Gains,
This Monstrous Rout so Loose and Idle,
A Paradox, a perfect Riddle,
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They always do the Greatest Harm,
And often serve by their Commotions
The Side that feels their Persecutions;
And when they mean to use them Ill,
Do good to those they would despoile
Against their Knowledge and their Will.
Thus oft the Service they intend
Deserves the Curses of their Friend,
And their Revenge much Thanks from those
They Sack and Plunder as their Foes.
When Liberty they loudly cry
Some hidden Danger's always nigh,
And when they're suffer'd most to use it,
They're in the fairest way to lose it.
Justice if e'er th' attempt to shew it,
By Means Unjust they always do it;
Disguise their Ills in Agitation,
With loud Huzza's of Reformation;
And when their Violence runs most high
Mod'ration is their only Cry:
So Rebels do for Peace declare,
When bent to raise a Civil-War,
And cry God save the Church and Crown,
Whilst rushing on to pull 'em down.
Some hidden Danger's always nigh,
And when they're suffer'd most to use it,
They're in the fairest way to lose it.
Justice if e'er th' attempt to shew it,
By Means Unjust they always do it;
Disguise their Ills in Agitation,
With loud Huzza's of Reformation;
And when their Violence runs most high
Mod'ration is their only Cry:
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When bent to raise a Civil-War,
And cry God save the Church and Crown,
Whilst rushing on to pull 'em down.
When all Sides had their Raving Fits,
And in their Turns grew Bedlamites;
Whilst Foaming Authors of Renown,
Spread New-Infection up and down;
And poison'd Others by their Writings,
As Mad-dogs by their Frothy Bitings,
'Twas then, I say, the Magazine
Of Pow'r who long had silent been;
Mov'd by their Blazing Zeal arose
And happen'd thro' Mistake, God knows,
To deem their Pious Friends their Foes,
Who long had dignify'd the Croud
With Pow'r Supream to make them Proud;
Appeal'd to these their S--- Brutes,
As the best Judge of all Disputes;
And that the Wise Imperial Throng,
Like Papal Chair, could do no Wrong,
But were, as Nob declares in spite,
By dint of Number always Right.
And in their Turns grew Bedlamites;
Whilst Foaming Authors of Renown,
Spread New-Infection up and down;
And poison'd Others by their Writings,
As Mad-dogs by their Frothy Bitings,
'Twas then, I say, the Magazine
Of Pow'r who long had silent been;
Mov'd by their Blazing Zeal arose
And happen'd thro' Mistake, God knows,
To deem their Pious Friends their Foes,
Who long had dignify'd the Croud
With Pow'r Supream to make them Proud;
Appeal'd to these their S--- Brutes,
As the best Judge of all Disputes;
And that the Wise Imperial Throng,
Like Papal Chair, could do no Wrong,
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By dint of Number always Right.
These Mighty Lords, the Gracious Rabble
Who Reign'd long since as Kings of Babel;
Where Jarring Tongues such Discord bred,
That one scarce knew what t'other said,
And angry Heav'n was pleas'd to pour
Confusion round that Lofty Tow'r,
Having of late imbib'd such Notions,
As warranted their vile Commotions;
They thought without Offence they might
Assemble to assert their Right,
And in an awful Manner shew 'em
Their Pow'r who gave it first unto 'em;
So he that when he makes a Feast,
For Friends, inebriates his Guest,
And gives them with an Ill Design
Too great a Plenty of his Wine;
If they Run Mad, and Spew and Spoil
His Parlour, and his Goods defile;
He that first made their Brains so dizzy,
Should bear their Rudeness and be easy.
Who Reign'd long since as Kings of Babel;
Where Jarring Tongues such Discord bred,
That one scarce knew what t'other said,
And angry Heav'n was pleas'd to pour
Confusion round that Lofty Tow'r,
Having of late imbib'd such Notions,
As warranted their vile Commotions;
They thought without Offence they might
Assemble to assert their Right,
And in an awful Manner shew 'em
Their Pow'r who gave it first unto 'em;
So he that when he makes a Feast,
For Friends, inebriates his Guest,
And gives them with an Ill Design
Too great a Plenty of his Wine;
If they Run Mad, and Spew and Spoil
His Parlour, and his Goods defile;
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Should bear their Rudeness and be easy.
So he that will entrust a Sword,
With him that's Frantick and Untow'rd,
And then prvoke him, ought to feel,
The Sharpness of the pointed Steel.
With him that's Frantick and Untow'rd,
And then prvoke him, ought to feel,
The Sharpness of the pointed Steel.
These Tuchinites, our Mighty Lords,
According to that Sage's Words,
Arm'd with a Magazine of Power,
Assign'd them by the fam'd Reviewer;
Aspiring in their Noble Thought,
Above the Laws as they'd been taught,
Presum'd to make a Street Convention
To prosecute some new Intention;
The bolder Hero's first began,
Near an Old Ditch, their wise Divan;
Where leaning o'er the Rails they stood,
Consulting Ancle-deep in Mud;
Where Dung-boats sail'd in Dirty Streams,
Beneath their Noses, from the Thames,
Which kindly mix'd with Common-shoars,
As nasty as the Neighb'ring Wh***s.
According to that Sage's Words,
Arm'd with a Magazine of Power,
Assign'd them by the fam'd Reviewer;
Aspiring in their Noble Thought,
Above the Laws as they'd been taught,
Presum'd to make a Street Convention
To prosecute some new Intention;
The bolder Hero's first began,
Near an Old Ditch, their wise Divan;
Where leaning o'er the Rails they stood,
Consulting Ancle-deep in Mud;
Where Dung-boats sail'd in Dirty Streams,
Beneath their Noses, from the Thames,
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As nasty as the Neighb'ring Wh***s.
Here Leathern Approns, Tatter'd Frocks,
With Faces black as Chimny-stocks,
And Raggamuffins who would cut,
For a small Booty Purse or Throat;
Were from their Lousy Huts crept out,
To joyn the bold Lanarian Rout;
Whose Greasy Rags and Brimless Hats,
Were half devour'd by Hungry Rats;
Yet what Remains of Hat they'd left,
Were useful, tho' of Brims bereft;
Adorn'd their Noddles in their Freaks,
At Night were made their Candlesticks.
With Faces black as Chimny-stocks,
And Raggamuffins who would cut,
For a small Booty Purse or Throat;
Were from their Lousy Huts crept out,
To joyn the bold Lanarian Rout;
Whose Greasy Rags and Brimless Hats,
Were half devour'd by Hungry Rats;
Yet what Remains of Hat they'd left,
Were useful, tho' of Brims bereft;
Adorn'd their Noddles in their Freaks,
At Night were made their Candlesticks.
When this wild Frape, to Mischief free;
The Sons of Blood and Cruelty;
Well arm'd with Oaken Stick and Club,
The Scepters of the Sovereign Mob,
In Loud Huzzas proclaim'd their Coming,
On Stalls and Bulks with Truncheons Druming;
St. Bridget's Lesser Mob advanc'd to meet 'em,
And did with equal Clamour greet 'em;
Much Joyful Madness was exprest,
As if they now were highly blest,
To see their furious Noisy Throng,
So wild, so num'rous and so strong.
The Sons of Blood and Cruelty;
Well arm'd with Oaken Stick and Club,
The Scepters of the Sovereign Mob,
In Loud Huzzas proclaim'd their Coming,
On Stalls and Bulks with Truncheons Druming;
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And did with equal Clamour greet 'em;
Much Joyful Madness was exprest,
As if they now were highly blest,
To see their furious Noisy Throng,
So wild, so num'rous and so strong.
When thus according to their Mind,
They all were in one Body Joyn'd;
And equally possest with Devils,
Were ready for the worst of Evils;
Their Helborn Leaders then thought fit,
To call a Council in the Street;
That they might Form some new Example,
More startling than to burn a Temple;
And hammer some Dark Project out,
Worthy of such a daring Rout;
For all Joynt Bodies whether wise,
And Just as Senates who despise,
A Sorded Act, and scorn to break
The Rules they give, or Laws they make,
Or whether Headstrong Wicked Elves,
All aim at what's most like themselves;
For Men of High or Lower Station,
In spite of Wise Ratiocination;
Like less intelligible Creatures,
Pursue the Dictates of their Natures.
They all were in one Body Joyn'd;
And equally possest with Devils,
Were ready for the worst of Evils;
Their Helborn Leaders then thought fit,
To call a Council in the Street;
That they might Form some new Example,
More startling than to burn a Temple;
And hammer some Dark Project out,
Worthy of such a daring Rout;
For all Joynt Bodies whether wise,
And Just as Senates who despise,
A Sorded Act, and scorn to break
The Rules they give, or Laws they make,
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All aim at what's most like themselves;
For Men of High or Lower Station,
In spite of Wise Ratiocination;
Like less intelligible Creatures,
Pursue the Dictates of their Natures.
And tho' we only walk erect,
Look upwards and are Heav'ns Elect;
And boast our standing on no more
Than two Legs, yet when arm'd with Pow'r,
We prove worse Brutes than those with Four.
Look upwards and are Heav'ns Elect;
And boast our standing on no more
Than two Legs, yet when arm'd with Pow'r,
We prove worse Brutes than those with Four.
After some Whispers pass'd about,
Among the Captains of the Rout,
And those of lower Rank had chose,
Indentur'd Cit in Antick Cloths,
To be their Gen'ral for the Day,
Commission'd by a loud Huzza;
Whose Rakish Impudence prefer'd,
The Hopeful Youth to lead the Herd;
That e'ery Pace the Rake might be
The nearer to the fatal Tree,
Or some more violent Destiny.
Among the Captains of the Rout,
And those of lower Rank had chose,
Indentur'd Cit in Antick Cloths,
To be their Gen'ral for the Day,
Commission'd by a loud Huzza;
Whose Rakish Impudence prefer'd,
The Hopeful Youth to lead the Herd;
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The nearer to the fatal Tree,
Or some more violent Destiny.
Thus those that sit in Peace above,
And pour their Vengeance and their Love,
As they see Just, on Human Race,
Crown some with Wealth, give others Grace;
Do oft Decree the Man of Spite,
To perish in his own Delight;
So he that's guided by his Lust,
Dies by the Vice he loves the most.
And pour their Vengeance and their Love,
As they see Just, on Human Race,
Crown some with Wealth, give others Grace;
Do oft Decree the Man of Spite,
To perish in his own Delight;
So he that's guided by his Lust,
Dies by the Vice he loves the most.
When thus the bold Infernal Crow,
Had fix'd the Ills they mean'd to do;
And chose a true Unthinking Leader,
Whose Hot-brain'd Fury knew no Tedder;
Tow'rds Good St. Dunstan then they stood,
And turn'd their Arse on Old King Lud,
Now like the Gad'ret Herd of Swine,
They Ran to forward their Design,
As if they were alike possest,
And could not for the Devil Rest.
Had fix'd the Ills they mean'd to do;
And chose a true Unthinking Leader,
Whose Hot-brain'd Fury knew no Tedder;
Tow'rds Good St. Dunstan then they stood,
And turn'd their Arse on Old King Lud,
Now like the Gad'ret Herd of Swine,
They Ran to forward their Design,
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And could not for the Devil Rest.
Had Hell's Poor Pris'ners snap'd their Chains,
To fly from their Incessant Pains;
And frighting Cerb'rus from the Gate,
Resum'd on Earth their Mortal State;
The 'nfernal Mansions scarce could Spew,
Among us, such another Crew.
To fly from their Incessant Pains;
And frighting Cerb'rus from the Gate,
Resum'd on Earth their Mortal State;
The 'nfernal Mansions scarce could Spew,
Among us, such another Crew.
Tatter'd and Torn they all appear'd,
And look'd as if no God they fear'd;
But Mad as Bedlamites in Straw,
Despis'd both Heav'n, and Humane Law;
With loud Huzzas they Rent the Skies,
And fill'd the Neighb'ring Streets with Noise;
Put Pious Dames besides their Wits,
And frighted Children into Fits;
Made the Saints tremble at their Cries,
To think at such a time as this;
That after so much Reformation,
Such Brutes should still infest the Nation;
But let us take what Pains we Can,
And use the utmost Art of Man:
Nettles will still grow up to spite us,
I'th' fruitful Gardens of the Righteous;
And the same Fertile Land that Bears
Good Corn, will cherish Weeds and Tares.
And look'd as if no God they fear'd;
But Mad as Bedlamites in Straw,
Despis'd both Heav'n, and Humane Law;
With loud Huzzas they Rent the Skies,
And fill'd the Neighb'ring Streets with Noise;
Put Pious Dames besides their Wits,
And frighted Children into Fits;
Made the Saints tremble at their Cries,
To think at such a time as this;
That after so much Reformation,
Such Brutes should still infest the Nation;
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And use the utmost Art of Man:
Nettles will still grow up to spite us,
I'th' fruitful Gardens of the Righteous;
And the same Fertile Land that Bears
Good Corn, will cherish Weeds and Tares.
| Vulgus Britannicus | |