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Galfred and Juletta

Or, the Road of Nature. A Tale, In Three Cantos. By the Late Thomas Brerewood
  
  

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 1. 
THE FIRST CANTO.
 2. 
 3. 

THE FIRST CANTO.

THE ARGUMENT TO THE FIRST CANTO.

Introduction (1). Account of Galfred's Family (19). Description of Galfred Hall and Gardens (45). Married to Juetta, the Widow of a neighbouring Knight (90): Her Temper and Disposition (116). Hilda, her Waiting Woman, her Character (176). Murdac, chief Manager of the Country Affairs: Account of him, and his little Daughter Clara by his deceased Wife (198). Hilda's View to marry him. Hubert, an active young Fellow, chief Manager of Domestick Affairs: Character of him (222). Description of the Summer House (268). Hilda and Hubert walking, she, to serve him a Trick, appoints to meet him at Six that Evening in the Summer House: they part (280): Hilda returns to the House; finds Clara in the Farm Yard: Description thereof (308). Description of the Parlour (352). Dinner over, and Company gone, as Galfred, Juetta, and Clara, are sitting in the Parlour, an odd Accident puts them all into a strange Combustion (362). All quiet again. The Clock strikes Six; and Hilda, mindful of her Assignation, repairs to the Summer House (440). Description of the Evening, and threatening Storm (452). Meets Hubert there: opens the Door: then locking him in, returns to the House (464): Goes into the Kitchen, where Galfred's Labourers were all met: Description of them (486). Galfred and Juetta sup (522). She enquires for Hubert: Hilda excuses his not being there, by sudden Illness. The Night coming on: it blows and rains hard (548). A sudden Alarm from a Rapping at the Wicket; where, upon opening, they find Oswald, who gives them an Account of a strange Apparition and Disturbances at the Summer House, which puts them all in a terrible Consternation. Account of Galfred Hall being long troubled; and the haunted Room (594). Galfred, and the rest, sit about the Fire talking of Spectres, &c. till they retire to Bed (610). The Tempest increases, with Thunder and Lightning (658). While all in Bed, a fresh Disturbance strikes them with Terror: Accounted for by the Adventure of Eustace and Maud in the Kitchen (680). Calm again (700).


5

'Tis known, by all Records of Fame,
That Men and Manners are the same:
That all the Animal Creation
Are in a just Subordination:
And all before, and since, the Flood,
Were made, like us, of Flesh and Blood:
Tho' Men and Women, of all Sizes
And Constitutions, love Disguises,
These Prudence only did invent,
For Nature still will have it's Bent.
This, History evinces well;
And good Tradition, too, can tell.
But as of Grain, from Measures ample,
A Handful is enough for Sample,
So, from the Mass of Nature's Store,
A few will serve to shew her Pow'r:
And here's a Tale, your Shelf may keep,
At Random taken from the Heap:
Within the Wilds of Kent, renown'd;
For Wealth and Yeomen, all around,
Far distant in a Vale retir'd,
For richest Pasture much admir'd.

6

There liv'd a Farmer old and bald,
And honest Galfred was he call'd;
From worthy Pedigree deriv'd
When Norman William first arriv'd,
Whose Ancestors did make a Shew
Some seven Centuries ago,
When Champions dar'd, for Love or Right,
In Tilts and Tournaments to fight,
When Glory was the only Bait
For Men of Rank or high Estate,
Who from Portcullis issu'd forth
To shew their Valour and their Worth,
And, clad in Steel, in dreadful Battle,
With hardy Blows did thund'ring rattle.
But as by Folly or Misdeeds
Some lost their Lands, and some their Heads,
For fear of being quite bereft,
He wisely manag'd what was left,
And rightly chose for his Retreat
His moated old paternal Seat,
In which the Vestiges were seen
Of Living, that before had been.
The Structure large, without, around,
With lofty Battlements was crown'd,
Which spreading Ivies Shades surround.
A Buttress here and there supports
The mould'ring Walls that front the Courts,
With narrow Casements, that admit
The glimm'ring Light as thro' a Slit.
When enter'd thro' the Porch, is plac'd
A spacious Hall with Trophies grac'd,
Whose Oaken Sides suspended bear
The Helmet, Shield, and pointed Spear,
And Heads of Stags, with Antlers wide
Extending large on either Side;
With various Arms, in Order hung,
That shew'd from whence the Galfreds sprung.
Hence, sev'ral Ways, the Entries lead
To various Rooms, for Use decreed,
Whose Ornaments of Gothick Taste
Profusely spread, with Gloom o'ercast;

7

The Panels small, the Chimnies wide,
With monstrous Masks on either Side:
Above, the massive Beams extend,
With pond'rous Bulk, from End to End,
O'er which, with Modes of antique Cast
The Chambers of Repose are grac'd.
Within the Garden, which was small,
Inclos'd with partly Hedge and Wall,
In various Ranks of Order grew
The Holly, Bays, and baleful Eugh;
Where flow'ring Shrubs, of rankest Kind,
The narrow-border'd Albeys lin'd;
And crowded Trees projecting, made,
With unlopp'd Growth, a solemn Shade.
To mark the Center, stood alone
A lumpish Figure, carv'd in Stone,
Whose Giant Form, with hideous Grace
And Aspect grim, adorn'd the Place
Ill suited, in a Bason fix'd
With Spawn of Frogs and Duckweed mix'd.
Here Galfred took the Morning Air
To free his Lungs, and banish Care:
And here, by Sev'nty Years of Quiet,
From Company, Debauch, and Riot,
He now became, by frugal Care,
The most substantial Farmer there.
With Ease and Plenty pamper'd long,
Old Galfred found himself yet strong;
And fond, as Dotards often are,
To get or find a hopeful Heir,
Resolv'd to change his future Life,
And form'd the Project of a Wife:
But careful not to bring Disgrace
To blot the Honour of his Race,
He chose in Prudence, as was right,
The Widow of a neighb'ring Knight.
The Lady, handsome, plump, and straight,
Might still unruly Thoughts create,
And being warm in Disposition
Ill relish'd first the Proposition;
For tho' her Virtue was rever'd,
It was by Inclination steer'd,

8

And Rumour spread, do all she cou'd,
Nature wou'd follow, still, her Road,
Which made it irksome to engage
With fumbling Impotence and Age;
And being neither old nor young,
Cou'd hardly brook the Smell of Dung,
But, fond of Wealth and Power too,
Resolv'd to live as Ladies do,
And as the Stock cou'd not degrade,
The Jointure fix'd, the Match was made.
Juetta, so this Lady's Name,
Was of a nice and tender Frame;
Who, in her former Husband's Days,
Must always have her settled Ways,
And, by habitual Love of Ease,
Had really got a strange Disease,
Which none cou'd tell us what to call,
Unless it were Histerical;
A motly Ail, of Mirth and Sadness,
Of Folly, Dumps, of Flights and Madness,
Of all Distempers most severe,
For all, in this, at once appear.
Sure Women all, from last to first,
Are fated to be most accurst.
'Tis hard to say what Ills perplex
And persecute the Female Sex,
When Want of Rest, or Dreams, by Night,
Disturb, distract, deceive, or fright;
When Appetite is bad or dull,
Or when the craving Belly's full;
Or when the contradicting Air
Is hot, or cold, or foul, or fair;
When Colick gripes, or Puppies bark,
Or Lights are wanting in the Dark;
When, thro' the Keyhole of the Door,
The saucy Wind pretends to roar;
When simple Dogs presume to howl,
Or—what no Creature ought—to foul;
When vulgar Stinks the Nose offend
Of Pitch, or Paint, or Candle's End,
The Maid is call'd, to know the Meaning,
And bid to smell, or sent to cleaning.

9

To remedy, in Cases urgent,
Like such as these, the most emergent,
Juetta, always had, at Hand,
Fine Surfeit Water at Command;
And, as the Circumstance might vary,
Good Brandy, Anniseed, and Clary,
With Juleps, Draughts, and Cordial Drops,
For tott'ring Strength, the ready Props:
Tho', often, Palliatives like these
But serve to heighten the Disease;
And strange Emotions, then, betray'd
Desires—not easy to be laid.
With such Infirmities opprest,
Galfred, at first, had little Rest;
But found it vain to cross her Will,
As Woman wou'd be Woman still:
And therefore, rightly, acquiesc'd
In all she said and did, as best:
Hence, mutual Liberty ensu'd,
And each their fav'rite Schemes pursu'd.
Juetta nothing was debarr'd,
But, ever, his Indulgence shar'd:
No eager Fancy was deny'd,
But all her Wishes—soon suply'd:
While Galfred's woollen Cap became
Familiar to the gentle Dame,
Who, chearfully prepared the Physic
To ease his Cough, and help his Phthisick.
Hilda, a fair, but wanton Jade,
Was chose to be Juetta's Maid,
A merry, artful, coming Lass,
As pliant as the yielding Grass,
Who never scrupled to comply
With any Motion—by the By;
Who, to procure her Mistress' Grace,
Cou'd change the Muscles of her Face,
Do as she pleas'd, or wrong or right,
And boldly say, that—Black was White:
In all her Secrets, close and sly,
Cou'd sawn and flatter, weep and lie.
Nor was her Artisice in vain
Her Master's Favour to obtain;
For when his latent Warmth arose
From Beauties Hilda did expose;

10

As when her Breasts, those Snares of Love,
Did tempt his Hands, by stealth, to rove,
The harmless Dalliance, well she knew
Wou'd bring Esteem and Profit too:
But Hilda's Views much higher rose,
As by and by we shall disclose.
In Galfred's Service, there was one
Murdac by Name, a perfect Clown,
Whom, twenty Years before, he hir'd
To do the Bus'ness he requir'd,
And, as a Husbandman profest,
Preferr'd him much before the rest;
But saw no farther than his Nose,
And gath'ring Muck, —no higher rose.
His Wife, a blooming Wench, was made
By Favour, too, a Dairy Maid;
And Rumour said, the rampant Hussy
Had been with Galfred much too busy:
Howe'er it was, she prov'd with Child,
And Clara was the Infant stil'd:
But as untoward Fates decide,
Within the Month the Mother died:
Whether—by nat'ral Instinct mov'd
The prattling Girl he, dearly, lov'd:
And now, the little Clara grown,
They treated, both, as if their own.
By Ways, like these, Men often live,
And this made Murdac rich, and thrive;
And, therefore, Hilda thought it best
To feather well, by him, her Nest.
Now, to proceed, in Thread of Story,
And lay wild Nature's Pranks before ye,
'Tis fit we mention Hubert here,
An arch young Wag, as will appear,
Who, by his Industry and Spirit,
Had gain'd much Confidence and Credit,
Was Brewer, Serving Man, and Steward,
Paid all the Bills, and all procur'd;
Made the Metheglin and the Perry,
To warm their Hearts, and make them merry:
Cou'd shoot, and course, and lay a Snare
For Partridge, Woodcock, Snipe, or Hare:
Was late and early, often, out
To troul for Jack, or whip for Trout:

11

Knew how to break a Horse or Dog,
Cou'd geld a Lamb, or kill a Hog;
In short, in ev'ry thing of use—
But rattling, giddy, wild, and loose;
By Nature form'd in such a Fashion
As hard to bear a strong Temptation;
Well qualify'd, alike, to give
Impressions, he did oft receive:
For many Girls, about, did prove
The Feats that he perform'd in Love;
And many a ruddy Boy, in Haste
Wou'd d'off his Cap, when Hubert pass'd.
But Hilda's Charms did most inspire
The ardent Embers of Desire;
With eager Warmth he made his Suit
To gain her by his warm Pursuit,
For well he knew the skittish Puss
Did love to toy, and romp, and buss:
And true it is, if known her Mind,
To Hubert she was most inclin'd,
But Int'rest sway'd the crafty Baggage
To mind her Paces well, and Carriage,
And, therefore, all his Arts defy'd,
In hopes of being Murdac's Bride;
For well she knew, that silly Oaf
Cou'd never miss—a slice from Loaf;
Yet teas'd by Hubert, o'er and o'er,
To recommend her Virtue more,
And stop Pursuits, at such a Time,
Which, afterwards, she thought no Crime,
She fram'd, by Genius Politick,
This subtle Bait, but jilting Trick.
West of the Garden Wall, there stood
A Summer House, upon the Road,
Which, Dungeon-like, without, expos'd
A Building square of Flints compos'd,
Whose gaping Joints, their Cement gone,
Were, with the vary'd Moss, o'ergrown;
Within, on Cobweb Walls, appear
A Crowd of Distichs, here and there,
With Dates of Years in ev'ry Place,
And Names of Galfred's ancient Race;
Now, unfrequented, dark Abode
Of Spiders, Bat, and crawling Toad.

12

Near this, as Hubert, once, was walking
With Hilda round the Waist, a talking,
He push'd so far his brisk Approaches
(As Love encourag'd, oft encroaches)
That, doubling Strength, at last, said she,
Hubert—no more—our Thoughts agree;
“A faithful Love deserves Regard,
“And yours shall find its just Reward:
“But, as you know how much I fear
“The Consequence, should ought appear,
“Have Patience till the Night comes on;
“I'll meet you here at Six—alone—
“When, if you'll promise to be civil,
“And tempt me not to any Evil,
“Wee'll to this Summer House repair,
“And spend an Hour, together, there;
“But now, dear Hubert, let me go,
“For I have Bus'ness, yet to do.”
Hubert, whose Heart with throbbing panted
For promis'd Joys he so much wanted,
Reply'd,—“My Dear, 'tis now I find
“My gen'rous Hilda good and kind;
“Rely on me,—and never fear,
“Be you but punctual,—I'll be there.”
This said, her rosy Lips he kiss'd,
And on her rising Bosom press'd,
When, fearing, both, a longer Stay,
They, parting, took a diff'rent Way.
As by the Farming yard she went
(On her mischievous Project bent)
That sweet Assemblage of Delight,
So pleasing to the ravisht Sight,
Where, on the Dunghill, proud, at Morn,
The Cock turns up the Barley Corn,
And clucking, calls, with strutting Air,
His feather'd Family, to share:
The Pigs, on Heaps of Straw, are lying,
And Pigeons from the Dovehouse flying;
The Ducks, and Ducklings waddling a'ter,
With Geese, are sporting on the Water:
Where brindled Cows are eating Fodder,
And Blanche is stroaking of the Udder:
While Thumps of Flail, repeated, warn
That Hodge is threshing in the Barn:

13

With Stacks of Wood, and Ricks of Hay,
And Hovels thatch'd the Country Way:
(That Seat of Innocence and Health,
Of honest Labour, Joy, and Wealth;)
The little Clara, here, she spies,
With gaping Mouth, and staring Eyes,
Amaz'd to see—in rampant Mood.
A Bull and Cow—near where she stood;
Who seeing Hilda come, in Haste
She ran, and clinging round her Waist,
With little Fingers, pointing yonder,
Bid her behold—the striking Wonder;
On which she quickly, with Surprize
And strong Attraction, fix'd her Eyes,
'Till having seen the whole Transaction,
Was now dispos'd—to move to Action,
And taking Clara by the Hand,
Who, longing, wish'd to understand
The Meaning of this wond'rous Sight,
(For Wonders Children much delight)
Along they pass'd:—While Clara's Prattle
Was, still—the Subject of the Cattle:
For all her Search, in vain, descry'd,
Why Cows with Double Tails did ride;
Which Hilda—by th'Impression blinded
Of cogent Nature—little minded:
And thus, at length, they gain'd the House,
Unseen by Galfred, or his Spouse.
The Parlour, where they both had din'd,
With ancient Portraitures was lin'd,
Where flat and pallid Tints betray'd
The Infancy of Light and Shade;
Yet awful look'd, with rev'rend Mien,
In Gothick Garb,—with Galfred's Chin;
Upon the chequer'd Glass appear'd
The blazon'd Coats, with Colours smear'd;
And, here and there, where Daylight peep'd,
The tendrill'd Vine luxuriant crept.
'Twas now the Time, when, after Meals,
The Nerves are brac'd and Belly swells,
That with October fill'd, and Plenty,
Not One is easy found in Twenty:
When Stock of Farms are bought and sold,
And all the Jokes, and Stories, told:

14

With bloated Faces, red with quaffing,
Some yawning stretch, and some are puffing;
The Pipes all out, and Dinner done,
And all retir'd, one by one,
Thro' dirty Ways, to reach their Houses,
With Liquor ripe—to vex their Spouses;
The Visiters withdrawn.—Now, Diet
With heavy Lids, dispos'd to Quiet,
When Galfred, in his Easy Chair,
Repos'd at large from Pain and Care;
Where, when he had enjoy'd his Nap,
With Clara sitting on his Lap,
She stroak'd his Beard, and 'gan to tell
The Wonders in the Yard befell.
On perching Stand the Parrot sate,
And on the Chimney's Side, the Cat;
Juetta, as the Time was fitting,
Had laid aside her Work and Knitting,
And made the Coffee, to dispel
The Fumes arising from the Meal;
When, 'fore the Fire, as Duchess stood,
The fairest of King Charles's Brood,
And Pompey, one of Galfred's Pack,
Was mounted, wriggling, on her Back,
A Spark flew out, by Destination,
Between the Parts of Proc******n:
Away the yelping Creatures slew,
And all the Crock'ry overthrew,
With Tables, Chairs, and, by Mishap,
The Coffee—in Juetta's Lap.
Juetta scream'd, the Parrot bawl'd,
Old Galfred laugh'd, and Clara squall'd;
With Laughter, Galfred's Cough provok'd,
He'd very near, indeed, been choak'd;
While poor Juetta, out of Wits,
Had like t' have fallen into Fits.
The Dogs, with Madness, tear about,
Increase the Clamour and the Rout:
The Uproar louder, brought, at last,
Hubert and Hilda down, in Haste:
Galfred, the first requiring Aid,
His Collar burst, they back his Head,
His Bosom bare—'till, by Degrees,
The ready Lambative gives Ease:
Juetta, next, their Cares demand,
By Helps, judiciously, at Hand;

15

The Cordials brought were soon apply'd,
Or else Juetta, sure, had dy'd:
But now, the Fright and Terror over,
Her Spirits, soon again, recover,
And, as their Forces grow more strong,
Add Spring and Vigour to her Tongue:
What, first, her Passion most increas'd,
Was Virtue wrong'd—by filthy Beast.
Murdac was call'd a stupid Lout,
For letting Pompey go about;
Hilda could hardly 'scape her Clutches,
For not securing little Duchess;
And Galfred too, among the rest,
Was blam'd, for laughing at the Jest.
Hubert alone, from female Blindness,
Escap'd her Tongue, and shar'd her Kindness.
At length, none making a Reply,
Her Anger lessen'd.—By and by
The Room was mopp'd, the Scene was chang'd,
And ev'ry thing in Order rang'd;
Fresh Coffee made.—They found their Speech,—
And Clara stroak'd the little Bitch:
Good Humour, thus, return'd again,
(That sweetest Charm in Grief or Pain)
And Galfred's with Juetta's chime,
Who in Backgammon pass the Time.
Hilda, meanwhile, had not forgot
The dire Contrivance of her Plot.
The Clock erect, by Galfred's Side,
For fifty Years had never lied;
Wound up by his observant Care,
(A Present to the future Heir)
Had, with delib'rate Strokes, pronounc'd
The Hour of Six—the Time denounc'd;
When missing Hubert—gone before—
She pass'd, on Tiptoe, thro' the Door,
And, slily, tripping on with Speed,
Soon reach'd the destin'd Place agreed.
The Sun was set, the Air was bright,
The purple Clouds were streak'd with Light;
While in the West, with pallid Grace,
The Silver Moon displays her Face;
Serenely calm, the Winds, till now,
With whisp'ring Breezes silent blow.

16

But—like Vicissitudes of Life,
Now balmy Peace, now Noise and Strife
The rustling Leaves are fan'd around;
The Swallows swiftly skim the Ground;
And spreading Clouds, that threat'ning low'r,
Portend a quick-approaching Show'r.
Hubert, who ready, there, before,
Expected Hilda, near the Door
Within his Arms receiv'd the Maid,
And Thanks, in eager Kisses, paid.
“Haste, Hubert, cries the treach'rous Quean,
“The Rain comes on, and we are seen;
Then, op'ning straight, with thrusting Knee,
She push'd him in, and turn'd the Key.
Rejoic'd at Heart, away she hied,
While Hubert “Hilda, Hilda!” cry'd,
And thunder'd with repeated Might,
While, hallowing loud, she bid—“Good Night;”
Holding her Sides, with Laughing pain'd,
And scamper'd fast, because—it rain'd.
Return'd;—within the Porch she rests,
To shake her Cloaths, and wipe her Breasts:
Where, for a While, she strains her Wit
For some Invention of Deceit;
But soon contriv'd a Lie, to cover
The Absence of her limbo'd Lover:
When meeting Berno, come from Ditching,
She went with him—into the Kitchen.
Here Galfred's Labour'rs all were met,
To rest their Limbs, and wipe their Sweat:
A boist'rous Crew of rough-hewn Hinds
With tawny Skins, and stupid Minds,
Who, long inur'd to daily Toil,
Contract the Colour of the Soil:
The Wenches too, tho' better Mould,
Were something masculine and bold,
With coarse red Arms, and sunburnt Faces,
With sheepish Looks, and awkward Graces,
Well suited those, we just did mention,
In Shape, in Features, and Dimension:
And here too,—Nature, oft—they say,
Did move, tho' in a dirty Way:

17

Which seem'd, in Truth, to be most likely,
As Eustace look'd at Maudobliquely,
And had not Hilda, then, been there,
Might steal his Hands—I know not where:
Thus while some drinking, some a smoaking,
And others with Horse-laugh a joking,
Murdac, who just was come from Fair,
And sitting, great, in Elbow Chair,
With Can on Knee of homebrew'd Drink,
To Hilda, grinning tipt the Wink,
On her Approach, with chimsy Jest,
He slipt a Topknot in her Breast;
Which Rose perceiv'd—that little Baggage
Who fed the Magpie in the Passage,
And, whisp'ring, told about the Place
How slily Hilda tapt his Face.
But not, of trifling Things, to chatter,
As Authors do—to make up Matter,
Leave we the rustick Churls a gnawing,
And Luncheons, spread with Rashers, pawing;
For Hilda, call'd by Clara, left 'em,
And of her Company bereft 'em.
The Clock went Seven:—Juetta thought
It Time for Supper to be brought:
And as a little will suffice
For Lady's Stomach, that is nice,
She order'd, quickly, be prepar'd
The Larks that Hubert had ensnar'd;
And (as for his Digestion best)
To get her Husband's Sagos drest
But wonder'd Hubert did not come
To lay the Cloth, and clear the Room;
When Hilda, ready at a Lie,
With Confidence soon made Reply,
That Hubert, much with Pain opprest,
Desir'd Excuse, to take his Rest:
Juetta who, as said, from Blindness,
For Hubert had a Sneaking Kindness,
Strait bid her from her Closet bring
The Cordial Balls of Doctor King,
And twenty Grains, in Sack, so give him;
Which, on her Word; would soon relieve him.
Hilda, who never miss'd t'improve,
By any Hint, the Cause of Love,

18

With ready Steps her Will obeys,
And took, with Speed, the Bunch of Keys,
Well pleas'd with this invented Flam,
And treated Murdac with a Dram.
The Night advanc'd, the Wind grew high,
And black'ning Clouds obscur'd the Sky;
Impetuous Gusts their Bodies rend,
And Deluges of Rain descend.
The Shutters shut, and Doors secur'd,
They bless their Safety, thus ensur'd;
And, snug within, lament the Fate
Of Travellers expos'd so late.
Now, from the Wicket, next the Yard,
A sudden rapping Noise is heard,
Which all the House, at once, surprises;
Old Galfred starts, Juetta rises:
The Lanthorn lighted, sally out
The stoutest of the Peasant Rout,
But all abreast, and much aghast,
For fear the Devil—take the last,
And op'ning Wicket, found, at Gate,
Poor Oswald, sous'd like drowned Rat;
Who said, and look'd most sore affrighted,
That, on the Road, by Chance benighted,
As 'bout the Garden Wall, around
He pass'd, in coming from the Pound,
Such Shrieks and Noises he did hear,
As if the Devil himself were there;
That, after, meeting on the Way
With Baldwin with a Load of Hay,
He told him, too, with great Surprise,
He'd seen a Bear, with Sawcer eyes,
Just by the Summer Houses's Door,
Who lash'd his Tail—with hideous Roar;
Then disappear'd, as Tom could tell,
And left a most sulphureous Smell.
How often Men are on the Brink
Of Terrors, while they little think!
And where's the Hero, in the Night
So bold, as nothing will affright;
Or would not choose to be so civil
To run away—before the Devil?
In Oswald's Case had Cæsar been,
He might, perhaps, the same have seen.

19

The strange Account, to Galfred told,
Made poor Juetta's Blood run cold;
And little Clara, dead with Fear,
Crept close to Galfred's Easy Chair;
While Hilda, who no Tittle miss'd,
Aside did laugh, almost b*p*ss'd.
Now, true it was, tho' Stories doubled,
That Galfred Hall had long been troubled:
And some there were who freely talk'd
That, even Galfred's Father walk'd,
With grisly Beard, and Visage gruff,
With Truncheon arm'd, and plaited Ruff:
In Dead of Night, was seen to come
In what they call'd—the haunted Room:
And all the Servants, young and old,
Had, often, thro' the Hundred told,
That Noises strange were nightly heard,
With which their very Wits were scar'd,
Like bandy'd Tables, Beds, and Chairs;
And Chains, as dragging down the Stairs:
That, even now, they're so much daunted,
They dare not pass the Room was haunted.
No Wonder then, what Oswald said
Should make them all so much afraid:
And so it was—that drawing nigher,
And cov'ring close the ember'd Fire,
Their whole Discourse did turn on Visions,
Of Spectres, Ghosts, and Apparitions.
Murdac and Hilda, by Permission,
On this Occasion had Admission;
While all, attentive, sate to hear
Of Stories told, that made them store;
For Galfred, oldest of the five,
Knew more than any Man alive,
And, by implicit Faith assisted,
An Hour talk'd, and ne'er desisted,
Of Witches, Wizards, Elves, and Fairies,
That plagu'd Mankind with strange Vagaries:
Of Will o' the Wisps, that often lighted,
To Ruin, Travellers benighted;
Of Goblins, Talismans, and Dreams,
Enchanted Castles, Woods, and Streams;
Of whate'er had, or had not been,
And what he swore himself had seen;

20

While gaping, with Attention strong,
They watch'd the Motions of his Tongue,
'Till now, almost with Terror dead,
They, none, did care to go to Bed.
But Galfred's Hour of Rest approach'd,
Which no Concern had e'er encroach'd,
And therefore to his Chamber past,
While pretty Clara held him fast:
The Bed was warm'd, the Pillows laid
To raise the higher Galfred's Head;
The Spitting-pot was plac'd, well rinsed,
And by his Side a Jug of Linseed;
As, by Juetta's Arm, a Cup
Of Cordial, if requir'd, to sup.
Hilda, in Hurry, help'd the faster
Undress her Mistress and her Master,
When poor Juetta laid her down
To snore, with Impotence, on Down.
Both fast tuck'd up, as well as able,
And Rushlight plac'd upon the Table,
Hilda and Clara then took Leave,
Clara still holding by her Sleeve,
And to her Chamber, strait, repairs,
Which lay another Pair of Stairs,
Where into Bed they quickly crept,
And in each other's Arms they slept.
Now, Floods of Rain in Cat'racts pours,
And louder still the Tempest roars;
Dread Thunder rolls; and Light'ning flies,
With forked Death, along the Skies;
And echoing Peals, at Distance, sound,
With glaring Horror, all around;
To which succeeds, with horrid Din,
A furious rumbling Noise within,
As Hell itself, in Rage, broke loose,
Had ta'en Possession of the House,
And all the Fiends, in Battle wag'd
With dire Attack, had just engag'd;
The Pewter from the Shelves was thrown,
And Pots and Kettles tumbled down;
Terror and Dread increas'd throughout,
The Rush burnt blue, and strait went out:
Juetta trembling lay, and wet;
And Galfred 'tween the Bankets sweat:

21

So great their Fear, alike they strove,
By lying close, to shew their Love,
Tho now indeed, they little thought
Of Pleasures—more than Safety brought.
Here, to account for this great Evil,
'Twas Nature's Self that rais'd the Devil:
For, as we hinted just above,
Eustace and Maud were hot in Love;
Which she, with equal Wildfire burn'd,
As kindly answer'd and return'd,
And so, by mutual Inclination,
Agreed to quench by—T*t*ll*t**n
Now, as ingenious Love's Invention
Is quick;—to favour his Intention,
By odd Contrivance, Maud, G*d bless her,
Was mounted, cover'd, on the Dresser,
Where, in the Height of boist'rous Motion,
Ensu'd this dreadful, rude Commotion;
For, with her Legs, she overthrew
The Pewter, Brass, and Pipkins too:
The Dishes roll'd the L**d knows whither,
And down they tumbled, both, together:
Undaunted, yet, upon the Floor
They finish'd that—began before.
Now, Nature, by its Laws impell'd,
Was calmer grown—her Passion quell'd:
Our loving Pair below, thought best
Just where they fell—to take their Rest:
Above, Juetta and her Spouse
Turn'd Back to Back, as still as Mouse,
And sunk in Quiet, slumb'ring lay
In pleasant Dreams, till Break of Day:
All calm without, serene and bright
Display'd the Moon's refulgent Light.
The END of the FIRST CANTO.