The English Dance of Death :: :: University of Virginia Library

The Doctor's call'd—his eye to throw
On the good 'Squire from top to toe.
The sage Director stands beside
In dictatorial pomp and pride,
Th'important Scrutiny to guide.
—Doctor,—you'll now be pleas'd to scan
The features of that Gentleman;
And tell us, whether that round paunch
Has been nurs'd by up ham and haunch:
Say, if that vast protuberance
Comes from ill habits, or from chance.
Think you that crimson glow is health,
Or form'd by drink, or made by stealth.
Those legs, which now appear so stout,
Have they been tickled by the Gout.—

165

—And, Doctor, for your private ear,
Does not this Country 'Squire appear
Older, at least, by half a year
Than what he has been pleas'd to state?
—May we trust the Certificate?—
To this the Doctor sage agreed:—
The Office then was duly feed;
And sign'd and seal'd each formal deed.
Now Death, who sometimes loves to wait
At an Insurance Office gate,
To baffle the Accountant's skill
And mock the calculating quill,
Had just prepar'd his cunning dart
To pierce Ned Freeman's tranquil heart:—
But lest the stroke should cause dispute,
And Lawyers conjure up a Suit,
Death was determined to delay
Ned's exit to a future day;
And the dull moment to amuse,
He turn'd—and kill'd a pair of Jews.

Thus was the Husband's life insur'd,
And the Wife's future wealth secur'd.

166

Then to their Inn they went to dine;
And while the 'Squire enjoy'd his wine,
Madam, thus thought she might impart
The secret wishes of her heart.
—Now, my dear Ned, as we're in Town,
And all this happy bus'ness done,
We may as well a fortnight stay;
Go to Vauxhall—and see a Play;
With every sight which now occurs:
The Grand Illustrious Visitors,
Princes, and Cossacs, and Lord Mayors,
And flaming Fire-works, and Fairs;
With all the noble, splendid train,
Which London may ne'er see again.
It will, no doubt, respect command
To've had an Emperor by the hand.
How great the boast, 'mong country folk,
To say we've seen old Blucher smoke.
How, at my head they'll stare, when on it
They see an Oldenburghian Bonnet.
—Hunting, you know, has long been done,
And Harvest is not yet begun:

167

Let us the interval employ
These recreations to enjoy.
'Squire Freeman, with his heart at ease,
Happy and proud his wife to please,
To grant her ev'ry wish consented,
And smil'd to see her so contented.
But Death had not forgot his Fiat—
So bid a Fever set him quiet;
And e'er, alas, ten days were past,
Honest Ned Freeman breath'd his last.
The Doctor call'd, to certify
His glowing health, now saw him die.