University of Virginia Library

LETTER LXIX.

By that endearing title you permit
me still to address you, and such you have always
proved yourself, by a participation of
my distresses, as well as by the consoling voice
of pity and forgiveness. What destiny Providence
designs for me, I know not; but I have
my forebodings that this is the last time I
shall ever accost you! Nor does this apprehension
arise merely from a disturbed imagination.
I have reason to think myself in a confirmed
consumption, which commonly proves
fatal to persons in my situation. I have carefully
concealed every complaint of the kind from
my mamma, for fear of distressing her; yet I
have never been insensible of their probable
issue, and have bidden a sincere welcome to
them, as the harbingers of my speedy release
from a life of guilt and woe!

I am going from you, Julia. This night
separates us, perhaps, for ever! I have not resolution

to encounter the tears of my friends;
and therefore seek shelter among strangers;
where none knows, or is interested in my melancholy
story. The place of my seclusion
I studiously conceal; yet I shall take measures
that you may be apprized of my fate.

Should it please God to spare and restore
me to health, I shall return, and endeavor,
by a life of penitence and rectitude, to expiate
my past offences. But should I be called from
this scene of action; and leave behind me a
helpless babe, the innocent sufferer of its
mother's shame, Oh, Julia, let your friendship
for me extend to the little stranger! Intercede
with my mother to take it under her protection;
and transfer to it all her affection for me;
to train it up in the ways of piety and virtue,
that it may compensate her for the afflictions
which I have occasioned!

One thing more I have to request. Plead
for me with my two best friends, Mrs. Richman
and Mrs. Sumner. I ask you not to paliate
my faults; that cannot be done; but to
obtain, if possible, their forgiveness. I cannot
write all my full mind suggests on this subject.
You know the purport; and can better express
it for me.

And now, my dear Julia, recommending
myself again to your benevolence, to your
charity and (may I add?) to your affection;
and entreating that the fatal consequences of

my folly, now fallen upon my devoted head,
may suffice for my punishment; let me conjure
you to bury my crimes in the grave with
me, and to preserve the remembrance of my
former virtues, which engaged your love and
confidence; more especially of that ardent esteem
for you, which will glow till the last expiring
breath of your despairing