The Poetical Works of Thomas Moore Collected by Himself. In Ten Volumes |
 | I, II. |
| III, IV. |
| V. |
 | VI, VII. |
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FUM AND HUM, THE TWO BIRDS OF ROYALTY. |
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| VIII, IX. |
| X. |
 | The Poetical Works of Thomas Moore |  |
75
FUM AND HUM, THE TWO BIRDS OF ROYALTY.
[_]
To the Editor of the Morning Chronicle.
Sir,
In order to explain the following Fragment, it is necessary to refer your readers to a late florid description of the Pavilion at Brighton, in the apartments of which, we are told, “Fum, The Chinese Bird of Royalty,” is a principal ornament.
I am, Sir, yours, &c. Mum.
One day the Chinese Bird of Royalty, Fum,
Thus accosted our own Bird of Royalty, Hum,
In that Palace or China-shop (Brighton, which is it?)
Where Fum had just come to pay Hum a short visit.—
Near akin are these Birds, though they differ in nation
(The breed of the Hums is as old as creation);
Both, full-craw'd Legitimates—both, birds of prey,
Both, cackling and ravenous creatures, half way
'Twixt the goose and the vulture, like Lord C*stl---gh.
While Fum deals in Mandarins, Bonzes, Bohea,
Peers, Bishops, and Punch, Hum, are sacred to thee!
So congenial their tastes, that, when Fum first did light on
The floor of that grand China-warehouse at Brighton,
The lanterns, and dragons, and things round the dome
Were so like what he left, “Gad,” says Fum, “I'm at home.”—
And when, turning, he saw Bishop L---ge, “Zooks, it is,”
Quoth the Bird, “Yes—I know him—a Bonze, by his phyz—
“And that jolly old idol he kneels to so low
“Can be none but our round-about godhead, fat Fo!”
It chanced at this moment, th' Episcopal Prig
Was imploring the P---e to dispense with his wig ,
Which the Bird, overhearing, flew high o'er his head,
And some Tobit-like marks of his patronage shed,
Which so dimm'd the poor Dandy's idolatrous eye,
That, while Fum cried “Oh Fo!” all the court cried “Oh fie!”
Thus accosted our own Bird of Royalty, Hum,
In that Palace or China-shop (Brighton, which is it?)
Where Fum had just come to pay Hum a short visit.—
Near akin are these Birds, though they differ in nation
(The breed of the Hums is as old as creation);
76
Both, cackling and ravenous creatures, half way
'Twixt the goose and the vulture, like Lord C*stl---gh.
While Fum deals in Mandarins, Bonzes, Bohea,
Peers, Bishops, and Punch, Hum, are sacred to thee!
So congenial their tastes, that, when Fum first did light on
The floor of that grand China-warehouse at Brighton,
The lanterns, and dragons, and things round the dome
Were so like what he left, “Gad,” says Fum, “I'm at home.”—
And when, turning, he saw Bishop L---ge, “Zooks, it is,”
Quoth the Bird, “Yes—I know him—a Bonze, by his phyz—
“And that jolly old idol he kneels to so low
“Can be none but our round-about godhead, fat Fo!”
It chanced at this moment, th' Episcopal Prig
Was imploring the P---e to dispense with his wig ,
77
And some Tobit-like marks of his patronage shed,
Which so dimm'd the poor Dandy's idolatrous eye,
That, while Fum cried “Oh Fo!” all the court cried “Oh fie!”
But, a truce to digression;—these Birds of a feather
Thus talk'd, t'other night, on State matters together;
(The P---e just in bed, or about to depart for't,
His legs full of gout, and his arms full of H*rtf---d,)
“I say, Hum,” says Fum—Fum, of course, spoke Chinese,
But, bless you, that's nothing—at Brighton one sees
Foreign lingoes and Bishops translated with ease—
“I say, Hum, how fares it with Royalty now?
“Is it up? is it prime? is it spooney—or how?”
(The Bird had just taken a flash-man's degree
Under B---rr---m---re, Y---th, and young Master L---e)
“As for us in Pekin”—here, a dev'l of a din
From the bed-chamber came, where that long Mandarin,
C*stl---gh (whom Fum calls the Confusius of Prose),
Was rehearsing a speech upon Europe's repose
To the deep, double bass of the fat Idol's nose.
Thus talk'd, t'other night, on State matters together;
(The P---e just in bed, or about to depart for't,
His legs full of gout, and his arms full of H*rtf---d,)
“I say, Hum,” says Fum—Fum, of course, spoke Chinese,
But, bless you, that's nothing—at Brighton one sees
Foreign lingoes and Bishops translated with ease—
“I say, Hum, how fares it with Royalty now?
“Is it up? is it prime? is it spooney—or how?”
(The Bird had just taken a flash-man's degree
Under B---rr---m---re, Y---th, and young Master L---e)
“As for us in Pekin”—here, a dev'l of a din
From the bed-chamber came, where that long Mandarin,
78
Was rehearsing a speech upon Europe's repose
To the deep, double bass of the fat Idol's nose.
(Nota bene—his Lordship and L*v*rp---l come,
In collateral lines, from the old Mother Hum,
C*stl---gh a Hum-bug—L*v*rp---l a Hum-drum.)
The Speech being finish'd, out rush'd C*stl---gh,
Saddled Hum in a hurry, and, whip, spur, away,
Through the regions of air, like a Snip on his hobby,
Ne'er paused, till he lighted in St. Stephen's lobby.
[OMITTED]
In collateral lines, from the old Mother Hum,
C*stl---gh a Hum-bug—L*v*rp---l a Hum-drum.)
The Speech being finish'd, out rush'd C*stl---gh,
Saddled Hum in a hurry, and, whip, spur, away,
Through the regions of air, like a Snip on his hobby,
Ne'er paused, till he lighted in St. Stephen's lobby.
[OMITTED]
| The Poetical Works of Thomas Moore | |