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Poems (1791)

Smart, Christopher (1722-1771)

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[section]
collapse sectionI. 
VOL I.
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[A Trip to Cambridge, or the Grateful Fair.]
  
The Princess Perriwinkle sola, attended by fourteen Maids of great honour.
  
[In ancient days, as jovial Horace sings]
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ODES.
 I. 
IDLENESS.
 II. 
To ETHELINDA,
 III. 
On an EAGLE confined in a College Court.
 IV. 
On the sudden Death of a CLERGYMAN.
 V. 
On GOOD-NATURE.
 VI. 
On ILL-NATURE.
 VII. 
To the reverend and learned Dr. WEBSTER,
 VIII. 
EPITHALAMIUM.
 IX. 
ODE IX. The Author apologizes to a Lady, for his being a little Man.
 X. 
ODE X. An Ode on the 26th of January, being the Birth-Day of a Young Lady.
 XI. 
ODE XI. On taking a Bachelor's Degree.
 XII. 
A MORNING PIECE,
 XIII. 
A NOON-PIECE;
 XIV. 
A NIGHT-PIECE;
 XV. 
On Miss ---.
 XVI. 
On the Fifth of December, being the Birth-Day of a beautiful young Lady.
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ODE FOR MUSICK ON Saint CECILIA's DAY
 I. 
I.
 II. 
II.
 III. 
III.
 IV. 
IV.
 V. 
V.
 VI. 
VI.
 VII. 
VII.
 VIII. 
VIII.
  
HYMN TO THE SUPREME BEING,
  
ON THE ETERNITY OF THE SUPREME BEING,
  
ON THE IMMENSITY OF THE SUPREME BEING,
  
ON THE OMNISCIENCE OF THE SUPREME BEING,
  
ON THE POWER OF THE SUPREME BEING,
  
ON THE GOODNESS OF THE SUPREME BEING.
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THE HOP-GARDEN.
 1. 
BOOK THE FIRST.
 2. 
BOOK THE SECOND.
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THE HILLIAD:
 1. 
BOOK THE FIRST.
  
THE JUDGMENT OF MIDAS,
  
REASON AND IMAGINATION.
  
ODE TO LORD BARNARD,
  
ODE TO LADY HARRIOT.
  
Ode to the Earl of Northumberland,
  
THE SWEETS OF EVENING.
  
ODE to a Virginia Nightingale, which was cured of a Fit in the Bosom of a young Lady, who afterwards nursed the Author in a dangerous Illness.
  
Martial. Book 1, Ep. 26.
  
On a Lady throwing Snow-Balls at her Lover.
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VOL. II.
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FABLES.
 I. 
The WHOLESALE CRITIC and the HOP-MERCHANT.
 II. 
The ENGLISH BULL DOG, DUTCH MASTIFF, and QUAIL.
 III. 
FASHION AND NIGHT.
 IV. 
WHERE'S THE POKER?
 V. 
The TEA-POT and SCRUBBING-BRUSH.
 VI. 
The DUELLIST.
 VII. 
The COUNTRY SQUIRE and the MANDRAKE.
 VIII. 
The BROCADED GOWN and LINEN RAG.
 IX. 
MADAM and the MAGPIE.
 X. 
The BLOCKHEAD and BEEHIVE.
 XI. 
The CITIZEN and the RED LION of BRENTFORD.
 XII. 
The HERALD and HUSBAND-MAN.
 XIII. 
A STORY of a COCK and a BULL.
 XIV. 
The SNAKE, the GOOSE, and NIGHTINGALE.
 XV. 
Mrs. ABIGAIL and the DUMB WAITER.
 XVI. 
The BAG-WIG and the TOBACCO-PIPE.
 XVII. 
CARE and GENEROSITY.
 XVIII. 
The PIG.
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BALLADS.
 I. 
SWEET WILLIAM.
 II. 
The LASS with the GOLDEN LOCKS.
 III. 
On my WIFE's BIRTH-DAY.
 IV. 
The DECISION.
 V. 
Tho TALKATIVE FAIR.
 VI. 
The SILENT FAIR.
 VII. 
The FORCE of INNOCENCE.
 VIII. 
The DISTRESSED DAMSEL.
 IX. 
The FAIR RECLUSE.
 X. 
To Miss --- one of the Chichester Graces.
 XI. 
LOVELY HARRIOT,
 XII. 
To JENNY GRAY.
 XIII. 
To Miss KITTY BENNET and her Cat Crop.
 XIV. 
The PRETTY BAR-KEEPER of the MITRE.
 XV. 
The WIDOW's RESOLUTION.
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EPISTLES.
  
EPISTLE to Mrs. TYLER.
  
To the Rev. Mr. Powell, on the Non-performance of a Promise he made the Author of a Hare.
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EPIGRAMS.
 I. 
The SICK MONKEY.
 II. 
APOLLO and DAPHNE.
 III. 
The MISER and the MOUSE.
 IV. 
Epigram IV. On a Woman who was singing Ballads for Money to bury her Husband.
  
To the Right Hon. Earl of Darlington, on his being appointed Paymaster of his Majesty's Forces.
  
On the Death of Master Newbery, after a lingering Illness.
  
Epitaph on the Rev. Mr. Reynolds, at St. Peter's in the Isle of Thanet.
  
To my worthy Friend Mr. T. B one of the People called Quakers.
  
On seeing the Picture of Miss R--- G---N. Drawn by Mr. Varelst, of Threadneedle-street.
  
An Invitation to Mrs. Tyler, a Clergyman's Lady, to dine upon a Couple of Ducks on the Anniversary of the Authors Wedding-Day.
  
To MISS S--- P---E.
  
After Dining with Mr. MURRAY.
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INSCRIPTIONS ON AN ÆOLIAN HARP.
  
On one End.
  
The Long-Nosed Fair.
  
The PRETTY CHAMBERMAID:
  
The famous general EPITAPH
  
THE HORATIAN CANONS OF FRIENDSHIP.
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An occasional Prologue and Epilogue to Othello, as it was acted at the Theatre-Royal in Drury-Lane, on Thursday the 7th of March, 1751, by Persons of Distinction for their Diversion.
  
[While mercenary actors tread the stage]
  
EPILOGUE.
  
EPILOGUE TO THE APPRENTICE.
  
EPILOGUE Spoken by Mr. Shuter, at Covent Garden, after the Play of the CONSCIOUS LOVERS, acted for the Benefit of the Middlesex Hospital for Lying-in Women, 1755, in the Character of a Man-Midwife.

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The BAG-WIG and the TOBACCO-PIPE.

FABLE XVI.

A bag-wig of a jauntee air,
Trick'd up with all a barber's care,
Loaded with powder and perfume,
Hung in a spendthrift's dressing-room:
Close by its side, by chance convey'd,
A black Tobacco-pipe was laid;
44

And with its vapours far and near,
Outstunk the essence of Monsieur;
At which it's rage, the thing of hair,
Thus, bristling up, began declare.
“Bak'd dirt! that with intrusion rude
“Breakst in upon my solitude,
“And whose offensive breath defiles
“The air for forty thousand miles—
“Avaunt—pollution's in thy touch—
“O barb'rous English! horrid Dutch!
“I cannot bear it—Here, Sue, Nan,
“Go call the maid to call the man,
“And bid him come without delay,
“To take this odious pipe away.
“Hideous! sure some one smoak'd thee, Friend,
“Reversely, at his t'other end.
“Oh! what mix'd odours! what a throng
“Of salt and sour, of stale and strong!
“A most unnatural combination,
“Enough to mar all perspiration—
“Monstrous! again—'twou'd vex a saint!
“Susan, the drops—or else I faint!”
The pipe (for 'twas a pipe of soul)
Raising himself upon his bole,
In smoke, like oracle of old,
Did thus his sentiments unfold.
“Why, what's the matter, Goodman Swagger,
“Thou flaunting French, fantastic bragger?
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“Whose whole fine speech is (with a pox)
“Ridiculous and heterodox.
“'Twas better for the English nation
“Before such scoundrels came in fashion,
“When none sought hair in realms unknown,
“But every blockhead bore his own.
“Know, puppy, I'm an English pipe,
“Deem'd worthy of each Briton's gripe,
“Who, with my cloud-compelling aid
“Help our plantations and our trade,
“And am, when sober and when mellow,
“An upright, downright, honest fellow.
“Tho' fools, like you, may think me rough,
“And scorn me, 'cause I am in buff,
“Yet your contempt I glad receive,
“'Tis all the fame that you can give:
“None finery or fopp'ry prize;
“But they who've something to disguise;
“For simple nature hates abuse,
“And Plainness is the dress of Use.”
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