 | Young and Handsome |  |
153
Scene First.
—Romantic Ruins—The abode of Mordicanta.Mordicanta is discovered seated, studying her magic books by the light of a lamp on a table; on the other side of the table, on a fragment of the fallen wall, sits a large Black Cat.
Mor.
(taking off her spectacles and closing the volume)
The world is turning upside down, depend on't!
E'en I can scarce see what will be the end on't!
Mortals have grown so wonderfully wise;
Their art and science rule earth, sea, and skies.
Long since from all their classical vicinities,
They drove the dear old heathenish divinities;
And now, so far they carry their vagaries,
They “pooh, poph!” witches, and make fun of fairies!
And through the world dispute our jurisdiction,
Save in what poets call—“the realm of fiction!”
A realm that every day is smaller growing;
Like an estate at auction—“going! going!“
My only comfort is, from night till dawn,
To think how they'll regret it, when 'tis “gone!”
And they are taught by their fine education;
That happiness was in imagination.
Oh! it's a sweet revenge, I see in store for them,
And fatal mischief, magic can't do more for them.
Short is your triumph, ye conceited elves,
Whom no one can deceive, except yourselves.
Cat.
Ha! ha!
Mor.
How now! What impudence is that?
Am I to be laughed at by my own cat!
Dost thou know who I am?
154
Of course, I do.
The great witch Mordicanta.
Mor.
So! and who
Art thou?
Cat.
I'm your familiar.
Mor.
Far too much
Thou art familiar! Dost thou see this crutch?
Grin once more like a Cheshire cat at me,
And it shall tickle thy catastrophe!
Cat.
Mercy! Indeed I couldn't stifle that laugh,
It really was enough to make a cat laugh.
That mortals can't be cheated seems so funny;
While still they make such Gods of Love and Money.
Mor.
Of Love and Money! Well, of course, I know
Those deities have still some power below;
Though as poetic Plutus, known no more.
Man worships gold in the material ore,
And Cupid lurks about—the sly young thief,
Insinuating still the old belief
In vows and sighs, as was his usual custom;
So sweet his words, I sometimes all but trust 'em.
Cat.
You, mistress! at your age I should have thought,
You would have set Dan Cupid's words at naught.
Mor.
You talk like a rude cat, and an absurd one!
Mortal or fairy, I have never heard one
Of the fair sex, admit in any fashion
She was too old to feel the tender passion;
And I confess there is a gentle swain,
For whom I might a tendresse entertain,
But that he is so dull—so coy—so shy;
That love could never move him.
Cupid appears.
Cupid.
Couldn't I?
What will you bet?
Mor.
Love, here!
Cupid.
Where am I not?
From the proud palace to the humble cot;
In the salt desert—on the mountain range.
Aye, madam, even on the Stock Exchange!
From the proud palace to the humble cot;
In the salt desert—on the mountain range.
Aye, madam, even on the Stock Exchange!
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Who shall my power defy?
In every class and clime,
Master of all am I,
As they all find out in time.
In every class and clime,
Master of all am I,
As they all find out in time.
So oft you've heard before this,
In ev'ry tongue and style,
That e'en to say once more this
Is scarcely worth my while.
In ev'ry tongue and style,
That e'en to say once more this
Is scarcely worth my while.
Every poet 'neath the sun,
From Homer down to Bunn,
Has made rhymes upon my rigs,
And has had 'em set to jigs,
And if not the words—the tune
Is heard morning, night, and noon,
On organs ground,
Until the sound,
You're sick of very soon.
Who shall, &c.
From Homer down to Bunn,
Has made rhymes upon my rigs,
And has had 'em set to jigs,
And if not the words—the tune
Is heard morning, night, and noon,
On organs ground,
Until the sound,
You're sick of very soon.
Who shall, &c.
Mor.
His presence makes me feel I don't know how.
Cat.
So it does me—miow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!
Cupid.
Shew me the mortal who defies my power.
(Mordicanta waves her crutch—the back of the scene opens and discovers a glade by moonlight —Alidor is seen sleeping on a bank of flowers)
Mor.
Behold him!
Cupid.
What, the shepherd Alidor!
Is he the gentle swain of whom you spoke?
Mor.
Oh, spare my blushes!
Cupid.
(aside)
Well, this is a joke!
And if to spoil it I should be so stupid,
I'm not that wicked little god called Cupid.
(aloud)
Well, I approve your taste, as far as looks go;
But rather wonder you should down to crooks go,
Who might of sceptres sure a choice command,
Few monarchs would refuse a fairy's hand.
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Can Cupid feel surprise at such a case?
But know, that shepherd is of royal race;
Last of a line of shepherd kings—cut short
By a proud fairy queen one day for sport.
I hate that fairy and I love that boy;
Make me less sensitive, or him less coy.
Cupid.
Sure as yon Planet Venus, was my mother,
Before she winks I will do one or t'other.
(shoots an arrow at Alidor)
There; if he have a heart that shaft is in it!
Now, madam, all you have to do's to win it;
He'll love the first fair lady he may see.
Mor.
Then I'll take care that lady shall be me.
Cupid.
(aside)
And I'll take care it shan't
(waves his bow—hunting horns heard without)
Mor.
What sounds are those?
Cupid.
Diana's been out hunting, I suppose!
Mor.
Diana, driven horn-mad! she found too soon
A lunatic asylum in the moon.
Cupid.
Then what fair huntress bends her steps this way?
Mor.
It is the daughter of that hateful fay,
The Princess Young and Handsome!
Cupid.
Is she so?
A sort of person Love, then, ought to know.
Mor.
Oh, if some mischief I for her could brew—
I hate her worse than her mamma—I do.
Music—Princess Young and Handsome, in hunting attire, appears amongst the trees.
Cupid.
Perhaps I can oblige you in that matter.
I will let fly my deadliest arrow at her.
(shoots at the Princess)
Mor.
Nay, don't do that!
Cupid.
I've done it; you're too late.
Mor.
She'll fall in love with him, as sure as fate!
Cupid.
Him! Who?
Mor.
My shepherd.
Cupid.
Zooks! I'd quite forgot him.
Now you remind me, I believe I shot him.
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Of course. And should he wake and see her first—
(as she speaks, Alidor wakes and sees Princess, who from the moment Cupid shot at her has been gazing with admiration at the sleeping Shepherd)
Distraction! he has done so.
(the Princess disappears—Alidor, who has started to his feet with a gesture of admiration and astonishment, rushes out, as in search of her, and scene closes)
Cupid.
(aside)
I shall burst
With laughter! (aloud)
Bless me, I have made some blunder!
But Love's so blind, you know, that it's no wonder.
Mor.
Blind! it was done on purpose, and you know it,
You good-for-nothing little villain!
Cupid.
Go it!
I'm used to it. I have been from my birth
The best abused divinity on earth;—
There's not a crime or folly folks commit,
But Love, of course, must be the cause of it.
With all my heart;—I'm callous to your clamour,
And laugh at threats. Omnia vincit amor!
But take my word for it, that weak or bold fool,
In love there's no fool, madam, like an old fool.
(Exit Cupid)
Mor.
Oh, I could burn my broom for very spite!
Old fool, indeed! The vagabond is right.
What had I with the little wretch to do?
I sought him not—his tricks too well I knew—
But of his own accord the traitor came,
Flattered my hopes, and now—O rage! O shame!
But I will be revenged on Love, and all
He favours. There's one fiend will hear my call,
Who can the strongest spells of Love destroy,
Poison his shafts, embitter every joy,
And torture hearts with agony unknown.
I'll do it, though I feel 'twill rack my own.
Rise, Jealousy, with all your scorpion brood!
Jealousy rises out of cauldron.
Jeal.
A true Paul Pry, I hope I don't intrude.
158
Had just dropped in, without an invitation.
Can I make anybody wretched? Pray
Command me. Anything in my small way?
Mor.
You know the shepherd, Alidor?
Jeal.
Not I.
Mor.
But you can seek him out?
Jeal.
Perhaps;—I'll try.
Mor.
He is in love,
Jeal.
Then, madam, never doubt me!
For Love, they say, cannot exist without me!
Who's the fair object?
Mor.
Proud Pastora's daughter—
Called Young and Handsome, which I never thought her.
Go! make them miserable beyond measure,
As you have made me!
Jeal.
With the greatest pleasure.
(Exit Mordicanta)
Quick to the scene of action I repair!
(the scene changes as he speaks to
| Young and Handsome | |