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In Epigrammatistam & Humoristam.

In Epigrammatistam & Humoristam.

Come hither now, friend Epigrāmatist,
And doe not wring my words to wrong my speach,
Harken thou likewise, captious Humourist,
And heare that mildly, what I friendly teach:
For those that speake in loue and charitie,
Should both beleeued and beloued be.


Ye (God forgiue ye) mocke, deride, mis-call,
Reuile, scoffe, flout, defame and slaunder to,
Yet here is not the summe (but some) of all,
Ransacke your conscience, you shall find it so;
For to our eye it still reflects our ill;
Man may be brib'd, his conscience neuer will.
Blush then, thou gracelesse Epigrammatist,
That troubled art in troubling other men,
To make thy glorie in their shame consist,
Disquieting with thy grace-tempting pen,
Whom great Iehouah crownes with lawrell peace,
As heires apparant vnto happinesse.


O, who should then so mis-employ his wit,
To plod and plot against his natiue soyle,
And cloak'd with zeale, to play the Iesuite,
Seeking a Trophee of his Countries spoile?
Which spite of spites, still like mount Sion stands,
In gowned peace clapping her happy hands.
No land for peace, no peace for happinesse
Excelleth so, but ours it equall will;
No hap for ioy, nor ioy for pleasantnesse
Will equall ours, it so excelleth still.
Such peace, such happe, such ioy, such pleasures flow,
As passeth speach, and poseth wit to show.


Our gracious Prince with peace our lawes protects,
Our lawes protected, make good gouernment,
Good gouernment our peace with lawes directs,
Our peace directed maketh sweet content:
Our sweet content, thou seeking to preuent,
Hat'st Prince, peace, lawes, and all good gouernment.
Shamelesse of shame, how darest thou attempt
To plucke the plume of Englands happinesse,
And broach the malice of thy base contempt,
In ciuill iarres bred by vnciuilnesse?
Woe worthy thou, that seek'st to dispossesse
The blessed state of reall blessednesse.


I will not soothe our land in sinfulnesse.
No, God forbid, nay, God forbid the same:
It is polluted with all wickednesse,
And vice deserues to be combe-cut with blame,
But not reuiled with vpbraiding speach,
Malignantly mens credit to impeach.
You kept such reuell with your carelesse pen,
As made me thinke you of the Innes of Court:
For they vse Reuels more then any men.
So what you doe in any euill sort,
You may defend it, and buyld herevpon,
That you were taught by reuelation.


Goe to, goe to, y'ar odde companions.
Mistake not odde; ye deale vnfriendly then:
This odde makes euen your commendations:
For still odde fellowes are the wisest men.
My reason mounts aboue a likelyhood,
Because the 7. wise men of Greece were odde.
You say, our Land is giuen to gluttony,
Epicurizing with such sumptuous fare,
As breeds a surfet of Intemperancy:
But in this case you much deceyued are.
For each rich glutton that too much doth eate,
There's ten poore beggers starue for wāt of meat.


So, if you speake it vniuersally
Of this our Land, your speach is most vntrew:
For go ye to the Vniuersitie,
And you shall there no sumptuous Cōmons view.
What? said I, None? Yes, yes, the truth to touch,
Their fare is sumptuous, for it costs them much.
I will not tell you, though their meales be small,
How they haue certaine beuers that they hunt,
Which stead of venison doth serue them all,
Cause I imagine that you know their woont.
But they in wisdome knowe what best befits;
Sith loaden bellies make but leaden wits.


But for the vulgar, let them freely eate,
Because most of them, we most gracelesse see,
And neuer to haue grace, but at their meate;
And therefore then best occupied bee:
For though the most of them be rude and base,
Come they to meate, they'l eate ye with a grace
Much paines you take in handling Lecherie,
Lauishing out such vilde lasciuious speach,
As would inuite one vnto Venerie,
Disclosing things that neuer Bawd could teach.
I cannot I, expresse them, nor I will,
Sith bawdy words, must be subaudi still.


If chaunce a woman smyles in company,
She must be light (forsooth) and loosely liue;
If frowne, she hypocryes her luxury,
And lists to take that others lusts to giue:
If neyther, then she seemes an Innocent,
And may the sooner any way be bent.
But women take him for a simple Gull,
That calls a gallant Loue-alluring Dame,
A common queane, when she's a proper Trull,
And sayes, she's paynted, when she blusht for shame.
Nay, men for painting we may more condemne:
For they are painted euery day by them.


But I'm ashamed, that ye are not asham'd,
To craze the credit of your owne good name,
And by defaming others be defam'd,
Sith losse of life is lesse then losse of fame.
How can ye then strayne curt'sie to confesse
Your shamefull fault of shamelesse faultinesse?
O, could ye looke with an vnpartiall eye,
Vpon the fault of your offensiue speach,
And by the Iury of your conscience trye
The iniury that ye haue done to each,
The world might then by your confession know,
What shame will now by your confusion show.


Ye may be taken, and I feare ye will,
For Seminaries of seditious strife,
Who through deuotion seeke diuision still,
And the subuersion of our quiet life.
Fie, doe not thinke the Pope can pardon this.
Man cannot license men to doe amisse.
Doe not denie, that ye such persons bee:
Men know back-biters, as they horses know,
Both by their mouthes, your marke is yet to see,
Imprinted so, as few but can it show.
But learne ye this, a slaunderer at one time,
Iniuries three persons by his hatefull crime:


Himselfe that speakes it, payring his good name,
For he is after noted for a knaue:
Him that he speakes it of, by his defame,
For he shall causelesse ill opinion haue:
Him that he speakes it to, deceiued so,
For he takes it for trueth, and tels it to.
A flatterer, whose supple-tongued talke
Soothes all in speach, but neuer speakes in sooth,
Yet of the two a better way doth walke,
And shewes no malice, as the slaunderer doth;
Who spits the poyson of his spightful hart,
The other doth but wagge his tongue by Art.


Nature hath parkt within an Iuory pale,
The toung of man, for feare lest it should stray,
And made a goodly Lodge full round and tall,
Wherein the Keeper, Reason, watch it may:
Who when it is about to faune, should see
It range not out, and so miscarried bee.
If then the tongue for feare of flatterie,
Seemes to require such circumspect regard,
Doubtles for slaunderous make-bate mockery,
Reason had need keepe daily watch and ward,
Lest it should breake out, as it oft doth proue,
From bounds of reason, or from bounds of loue.


The ancient Greekes did not for nought adore
Harpocrates goddesse of silence so,
Whose finger on her lips lay euermore.
The Romanes had their Angerona too:
No idle Idole as they did suppose,
But such as shew'd that they should nought disclose.
For let's obserue the tongue in parts of man,
Of softest slippery substance doth consist:
And therefore by the nimble nature can
Giue him the slip, ere his discretion wist.
Ye be examples, though ye be but bad:
Yours slipt away with all the wit ye had.


Bid god be with it, and so let it goe,
The losse will neuer hinder you so much,
Because the profit benefits no moe,
The barenesse and the barrennesse is such.
But what car'd ye such profit for to raise,
So ye might suck the honie-sweete of prayse?
But he doth ill, if ye consider it,
That prostitutes before each carelesse eye,
The naked beggery of a thred-bare wit,
To get an almes of commendations by:
For each should earne the price of praise indeed,
And doing so, not one should need to need.


But ye perhaps, as Satyre, argue well,
Yet sought not for reuersion of the praise,
But publique good in taxing publique ill,
And reprehending mens blame-worthy waies.
Well, let that be, that seem'd but your intent:
Yet I will it conuince by Argument.
Were one endew'd with all cœlestiall grace,
Had he the tongue of men and Angels too,
Should he remoue the moūtaines frō their place,
Could he alone what no man else can doe,
Yet wanteth loue, (as ye) when all is done,
Were he a Prophet, he could profit none.


Want ye not loue, that with malignant spight,
Vncouer'd all the fraile infirmities
Of your weake brethren, to the wide worlds sight
Want ye not loue, that all men do despise,
And would extort from others open shame,
Your famous glorie and your glorious fame?
Either ye could and would not vanquish vice,
Or else, ye would and could not happily,
Or neither could or would in any wise,
Or else both would and could, and dare not trie:
Or could, and would, and dar'd, but did not so:
Or could, and would, and dar'd, and did it to.


If could, and would not, then ye spightfull were;
If would, and could not, insufficient men;
If neither could nor would, ye both appeare,
If could, & would, and dar'd not, cowards then:
If could, and would, and dar'd, why did not ye?
If could, would, dar'd, and did, no vice haue we.
This needes must be the true conclusion:
Yet this will not a true conclusion be;
We shall resolue it by distinction,
True then in feare, in matter false we see.
For proofe of which we all haue vice to shew,
True that it's false then, and false that it's true.


It seemes your brother Satyre and ye twayne,
Plotted three wayes to put the Diuell downe;
One should outrayle him by inuectiue vaine,
One all to flout him like a countrey clowne;
And one in action, on a stage out-face,
And play vpon him to his great disgrace.
You Humorist, if it be true I heare,

Sending your humours to each Theater,
To serue the writ that ye had gotten out.
That Mad-cap yet superiour praise doth win,
Who out of hope euen casts his cap at sin.


Why did ye such vnchristian courses take,
As lothes the eares of the offended wise?
Can ye make sinne against it selfe to make,
Or wring the Diuell out by his owne vice?
It's past your power, to bring your will to passe,
Your vaine attempting, but a tempting was.
Experience, the looking-glasse of fooles,
Shewes much contention, little good affords,
And ye might learne this at the Grāmar schooles,
That man is wise, that speakes few things or words.
Much worth, more worthie is a quiet life,
Then strife in nought, but how to cease frō strife.


Leaue that ambition, that ledde yee away,
To censure men and their mis-gouernement,
Iudging the world before the latter day,
As though ye would the Sonne of God preuent:
Leaue it I say, and lay it quite aside.
How can men rise, sith Angels fell, by pride?
Is't like, the aire of three mens breaths at last,
Should purifie the sincke of all mens sinne,
When as their words, like lothsome vomite cast,
Not purifies, but putrifies within?
For, that your speach do most mens minds infect,
Some sweares, more sayes, most thinks, and all suspect.


What will ye say? your end though good may be,
Ye meaned well, whatsoeu'r ye haue done;
God graunt ye did, and I will graunt it ye;
Nought me contents lesse then contention:
But your good meaning little profites now,
Vnlesse that ye in action do it show.
A good intent faire vertues hand hath kist,
And that's the most, which small auaileth vs,
For vertue still in action doth consist,
Else it were nothing to be vertuous:
Sith euer the most Heroike purposes
Are easly thought, but are not done with ease.


If vertuous Esse then in action be,
Shew your good deeds; but they are not to show:
And, though they were, they would not profit ye;
For doing good, is not sufficient now.
If this profound, or else profan'd appeare,
First heare my proofe, then censure what ye heare.
In doing good, a man may badly do;
Because good deeds ill done do turne to nought;
For doing good, it must be well done to;
Good done, doth no good, nor done as it ought:
One may do good, and yet do euill still;
For good must be well done, or else it's ill.


Sith then ye see how farre ye do digresse,
Consider now what first deprau'd your mind;
It anger seemes, mixt with vaine-gloriousnesse,
If trees by fruit, and fruit by taste we finde:
The bitter nature of your speach is such,
And then the glory taken in't as much.
A fiery spirit of presumption,
An ayry vapour of soone-melted wit,
A watry humour of affection,
An earthie grosenesse of conceit with it,
Compounds your natures: as small palmistrie
May by the lines of your right hand descrie.


But humane anger is of triple kinde;
As ancient Greeke Philosophers say all.
The first, we still in cholericke natures finde,
Soon mou'd, soon pleas'd, whō cholerik mē we cal,
Whose colour will their choler streight bewray,
But lightning-like it flashes soone away.
The next is slower of conceyt then this,
But long remayneth steept in peeuish thought,
And in the melancholike nature is,
So closse conceald, as few misdoubteth ought:
At last bursts out into some sodaine ill,
Or mitigates by phisickes soueraigne skill.


The third most cruell, soone vsurps the minde,
And neuer dyes till it reuenge doth see,
Which in depraued sanguines we may finde,
Who vndispleased still most pleasant be:
But vex them much, and Lion-like they'l rage,
Their bloud wil rise, & scarse with blud wil swage.
But Phlegmatike slowest to wrath of all,
Cause their cold humors quēch their heat of blud,
Rather displeas'd, then angry we may call,
Of later kinde yours, then is vnderstood;
Thirsting reuenge in most mischeeuous thought,
Til with your pen you had your purpose wrought.


Now Iesu God, how swiftly did you scoure,
With Hue and Crie, for apprehending vice;
Your tongues ranne after twentie miles an houre,
No Irish lackey dare it enterprise:
Many like postes do follow after ill,
That should like pillers stand by vertue still.
But all this while we haue employde our speach,
To bring to light the workes that light doe shun,
And what ye did, we did but onely teach.
Now I'le aduise you what you should haue done:
See then my loue, and thinke of what you see,
Beholding it, for it beholding be.


Not so prophane, with vnprepared minde,
Polluted lippes, vnsanctified hart,
Teach humane kinde, in such inhumane kinde,
As not belongeth to a Christians part:
But haue bewail'd the worlds vnhappinesse,
First drown'd for sin, now drown'd with sinfulnes.
What heathen-hearted Saracene could see
His natiue Countriemen loue-sicke with sin,
Espouse their soules to foule iniquitie,
And not with griefe haue ouerwhelmed bin?
Who to their foes could more vnfriendly doe,
Or to their friends haue been a greater foe?


Or if ye would not for your countries sake,
(Whose loue shuld be the supreme of your brest)
Yet it behou'd a Christian care to take
Of your owne selues as sinfull as the rest.
For if this Land be Sodomiz'd with sinne,
It's not your lots to be at Lots therein.
Accept in loue what I with griefe vnfold,
Hold that in minde what ye accept in loue:
Try that in proofe what ye in minde doe hold:
Vse that in life what ye in triall proue:
That life through proof, & mind through loue may chuse,
What it accepts, to hold, and tries, to vse.


That is, to change your mis-employed course,
And weane your wit from sucking still of shame,
To feed on purer substance of discourse,
That it may manage deeds of endlesse fame;
And not disgraced so ignobly lurke,
Depriu'd of good, deprau'd by euill worke.
Long not to be, what ye too long haue bin.
Rare is the tree that fruit in Winter beares.
O sacrifice your sorrow for your sin,
And bathe your cheeks with deaw of timely teares.
Procrastination breeds but future sorrow;
Then to repentance neuer bid good morrow.


As many dayes as in the yeere there bee,
So many yeeres each day to me will seeme;
As many houres as in the day we see,
So many dayes each houre I shall esteeme;
As many minutes as each houre doth spend,
So many houres each minute will extend,
Vntill I find, what yet I cannot see,
Your words lesse euill and your deeds more sound;
Vntill I see, what yet I doubt will be,
Your loue more deep, your malice lesse profound:
Vntill I heare, what yet I cannot know,
Your ill to good, your good to better grow.


But Iesu God, I haue forgotte me much,
My hope is bootlesse thus dispent on yee,
This gentle dealing will ye little touch,
Proud-stomackt gracelesse Rake-hels as ye be.
Few minds their faults, and fewer mends the same,
Till punishment supplie the place of blame.
Come on your wayes, I'le ye no more reproue,
But what your friends bad, that perfourme I must,
Correct ye sharpely, not for hate, but loue;
Stand not on points, then they must be vntrust:
Parate vos, dispatch, content your minde,
Ye heare before, what ye shall feele behinde.


Yet soft awhile, and first the causes see;
Inprimis you haue plaid the trewants, I can shew,
Spending your time on lewdest companie.
Item, you said In speach, not one word true.
Item, you brawl'd and quarrel'd from your place,
And so forgot the Concord in that case.
Nay, ye are growne to all vngraciousnesse,
Mocking and flouting still at euery one:
Your happinesse is in vnhappinesse,
The world cries out of your abusion:
So that to spring to growth of any grace,
The case is cleare, you are cleare out of case.


Not one a veniall scourge escaping crime,
Each more deserues then I'le inflict for all;
And yet of one I thought not all this time:
That is, because your betters ye miscall,
Nicknaming all your fellowes, there's no hoe,
But tag and ragge, and cutte and long tayle to.
I, if ye meet a Noble man or so,
Instead of reuerence (as becommeth vs)
Ye will abase him and abuse him to,
And so forget Cede Maioribus,
Come on your wayes, the reckning is come in;
To make a purse, now I must flay your skin.


Yet if I saw one sparke of grace in yee,
The kindling hope would melt my anger cleare;
Well masters, ye may thanke God heartilie,
This Gentleman is busie reading here:
For whose disturbance I must keepe the peace,
And cease to striue, or rather striue to cease.
Downe on your knees, though in humilitie,
(For time deposes such as pride exalts,
And aske the world forgiuenesse instantlie;
I did recount, do ye recant your faults.
Now I haue done: say, do no verdicts grutch;
Whether inough, too little, or too much.


Too much, if bad; not good enough, if much,
If good enough, then here's too little here,
To whom it's little, it's not bad to such,
To whom it's much, not good enough I feare:
If bad and little, then the lesse your payne,
If good and much, why then the more your gayne.
FINIS.
 

Against the booke of Humours.

Pasquils Mad-cap.