University of Virginia Library

On the running away of the Nineteen Members of Assembly from the house, when it was proposed to call a Convention to consider the new system of Congressional Government; and on the apology made by them in their address, &c.

A HUDIBRASTIC.

AWAY from me all jests and slurs,
On Pennsylvania senators,
Save those alone the Tergent few,
Who from the senate-house withdrew
When was proposed new government:
For as if demon had been sent,
To strike them with phrenetic fury,
They ran off headlong hurry scurry:
Some ran to cellars, or absconded
In kitchens, and were there impounded.
'Mongst these there ran a western wight,
Who took the fore way in the flight;
He got a garret by his clambering,
And lay all day in his mind hammering
Escape from danger and alarms
Of furious, fiery sergeant at arms,
Aided by tumultous rabble,
Who from the gallery slipt cable
To take and bring him to the house,
While here he lay entrenched like mouse.
But now uplifting eye 'midst barrels,
The caitiff spoke: ah me what perils
Environ when the city posse,
Draws fist enrag'd across the nose o' ye!
Enough to vex a son of Adam,
To be pursued by such a swad o'em
'Twas well I took the first door open,
Though here I ly pent up in cow pen.
Just at that instant came, the house-maid
Alarm'd by hearing such strange noise made,
Mistook the thing she saw for robber,
And was afraid he might play hob with her;
She scream'd aloud, up came the mistress,
To learn the occasion of the distress,
She join'd the scream, next came the host,
To see if 'twas a rat or ghost....
The wight began to claw his breech,
And make apologizing speech....
I am, said he, an assemblyman,
Who to this upper story ran....
Assemblyman!....by the life of Pharaoh,
You are from the wheel barrow,
Do not I hear the chains rattle,
That usually are ty'd to cattle?
With that he knock'd him down with bludgeon,
And drew him from his airy lodging,
And on the lower floor put question,
Has he a party colour'd vest on,
Or is his head shav'd? at this crisis,
Said one examine what his phiz is.
The wight was known, a senator!
No room to doubt it, or demur.
But now distinguish'd clear as day-light,
They wash'd his face and gave him eye-light:
And the domestics over-joy'd
Convey'd him to the house of Boyd.
Here were conven'd of the nineteen,
Who in the apostacy had been,
A dozen or more: say shall I use
Feign'd names as doth the inventive muse,
Or in direct expression call,
Each by his own name literal?
I chuse the first; then say there were,
Two orators of speech more clear,
Could scarce tell which of them was worthier;
Grogram the one, Bogram the other.
Grogram spoke first: ah what avails,
This stratagem of turning tails?
A house is made; the business done,
Convention will be call'd anon,
This system that we so much dread,
Will soon like cap he pull'd o'er head;
A hanging matter to our wishes,
Not giving time to say God bless us.
So universal is the current
We dare not openly make stir in't
But how to meditate side blow,
Is what we must determine now.
Bogram: one way is left alone,
To keep the thing from going down;
That is to make a contribution
Of clamour of the constitution.
In popular measure when good reason,
Has come across, and stop'd my weazon,
I oft have try'd this last resource,
And found it had a magic force,
To quell objections and prostrate,
All argument of sober weight....
Call constitution.
—Grogram now;
I fear my friend this will not do,
The thing is made a stalking horse,
So long that almost every nurse,
Knows that it is a pussy tabby,
To still the populace like baby;
A stratagem long us'd in war,
Is lost because familiar,
Like silly boy that oft cries fire,
Is reckoned by the others a liar,
Expedient of novel nature,
In state affairs is always better,
Unless some other scheme is got,
Our projects must all go to pot.
Now at this critical non plus,
Our wight arose and argued thus:
Though constitution's almost done,
There's still some picking in the bone,
A new occasion gives new use,
And let's the prejudices loose,
No writing can be understood,
Or read at once by the multitude,
And in obscurity there's fear;
So, we can get a foot-hold here,
Say that this novel government,
Is form'd by them with an intent
To eat up the offices of the state,
And make each one of themselves great;
That under this outrageous system
No man alive will dare say peas t' them,
That soldiers arm'd with battle axes,
Henceforward will collect the taxes;
That the convention in great fury,
Have taken away the trial by jury;
That liberty of the press is gone,
We shall be hang'd each mothers son;
Say Lord knows what, as comes in head,
Pretences for a scare crow made;
Tell them that Mason of Virginia,
And Randolph shun'd the ignominy
Of putting hand to the state paper,
And Eldridge Gerry made a caper,
The other way: say this and more t' 'em,
And leave the result of it to fortune,
Or in the words of better sense,
To good discretion and Providence.
Just at this moment came a writer,
Had drawn up all these paragraphs better;
It was in shape of an address,
In substance neither more nor less
Than an apology worth making,
For their disorderly HOUSE-BREAKING...
Accosting them; said he my masters
Here is the sovereign of all plaisters
For your desertion from the senate,
Cost me a good deal of pains to pen it;
The address was read; it was approved;
All made their marks to it as behoved;
The writer thank'd; nor could do less,
They hurry'd it away to the press.
Now Grogram rose....'Tis well what's done,
Though still we are but coming on;
For who so buried in the ocean
Of ignorance to credit notion,
That Washington could have design,
Our government to undermine,
Or aged Franklin to erase
Our constitution from the base.
Or other wise men of convention
Have such inferior intention;
Or that conspiring, one and all,
They form'd a plan tyrannical,
To eat up liberty among us
And make our laws a mere Mundungus?
Besides our names just put on paper,
Will sanction the convention labour;
For who will not give preference,
In point of reason and of sense,
To list of members from the states,
Compar'd with our inferior pates?
There's Wight himself just come from mooring,
His anchor on the upper flooring
Is in reality but a weaver,
Though at his trade he may be clever.
This gave offence to signior Wight,
Was almost angry enough to bite,
For true, he was of the occupation,
Nor did he think it a degradation,
Unless when waggs, just fiddle faddle,
In way of talk, would call him, Traddle,
But being now assemblyman,
He wish'd to put it off his hand,
And keep the mystery from view;
But we shall call him Traddle too.
Just for the whim of the odd name,
For what we call him 'tis the same....
Provided we but know what's meant,
Which of all language is the intent;
Then as he means to speak. BE IT KNOWN,
Traddle is the name he must own.
Traddle....stop, sir, 'tis ill bred,
To throw reflections on a trade....
What tho' I drive a shuttle, yet,
I may be charg'd with affairs of state,
A weaver is as good's a farmer,
And often by profession far more,
Vers'd in news and politics,
So no more of your dry tricks
To slur men's calling....
—Pardon sir,
Quoth Grogram, I mean not to slur,
Or give opinion of the matter,
Or move at your expence my laughter,
I only hint what others may,
Invidiously in this case, say,
When they compare both lists together,
That of convention and this, whether,
The occupation and the trading,
Will not be brought heels over head in,
As whether you or old Ben Franklin,
Ought to be follow'd in the wrangling....
You skill'd in woof and warp, while he
Has travell'd ever land and sea
Survey'd all states and the foundation
Of government through every nation;
Not that I doubt you may be equal
To him and shew it in the sequel,
But some may doubt you could at once
By force of yourself make such a bouce.
Grogram: I verily believe.
Bogram has no design to give
Offence to Traddle; but what's true,
In this case, 'twill give much ado,
To overpower the names against us,
Although we take the greatest pains t'us;
But let us do what can be done.
For instance, as to Washington,
Say his skill lies wholly in arms,
And care of his Virginia farms;
But nothing knows of state affairs,
No more than Buff'lo does of prayers;
And as to Franklin say he fails,
In judgment as his age prevails;
These hints will help the lame dog over
The stile and give us time moreover,
To breathe awhile; the worst o' the worst
Is but to be where were at first.
Thus having spoke all bow'd acclame
And seem'd to think the very same!
Just at this instant came a writer;
What if I should throw in my mite here?
Give inuendoes out in legions
And string objections up like pigeons—
Here is a piece sign'd Centinel
If that will do, as false as hell,
This may accompany the address
As greater snake is by the less.
It was approv'd and Traddle spoke,
Grogram and Bogram, you are folk,
Who know the tricks and quirks of law,
What power it has to clapper claw;
Say in your wisdom what redress,
Against insurgents more or less,
Who with such after claps broke loose,
When we absconded from the house;
Is not such overshot of rage,
Breach of assembly privilege?
Where commonwealth in her own right,
May order attorney to indict?
Scarce ended speech when Boyd the host,
Rush'd in and bid each take his post,
In other quarters of the town,
For there was Barry coming down,
With half a legion of the posse,
Swearing should he come across ye,
To tar and feather ye like geese,
And tear my house down in a trice.
A word to the wise was here enough,
The orators and groupe ran off
And when poor Barry came to search,
He found he was left in the lurch.