 | Songs of two centuries |  |
131
FARMER STEBBINS AWHEEL.
I went to Brooklyn visitin' to see what I could see,
An' twenty thousan' bicycles come rushin' after me;
I couldn't even cross the road, or stop to look around,
But some one's wheel was sure to want that very inch of ground;
An' those at whom I shook my fist at scarin' of me thus
Would call me names an' skitter off, 'fore I could clinch the fuss.
An' twenty thousan' bicycles come rushin' after me;
I couldn't even cross the road, or stop to look around,
But some one's wheel was sure to want that very inch of ground;
An' those at whom I shook my fist at scarin' of me thus
Would call me names an' skitter off, 'fore I could clinch the fuss.
An' some of them was double-bent, with noses near the ground,
As if their pocketbooks was lost, an' hadn't yet been found;
An' some was steamin' 'long the road, in reg'lar engine-shape,
As if they'd stole a dollar-bill, an' wanted to escape;
An' some was wildly chewin' gum, industrious as could be,
As if they'd lately took a job to gnaw a hemlock tree;
As if their pocketbooks was lost, an' hadn't yet been found;
An' some was steamin' 'long the road, in reg'lar engine-shape,
As if they'd stole a dollar-bill, an' wanted to escape;
An' some was wildly chewin' gum, industrious as could be,
As if they'd lately took a job to gnaw a hemlock tree;
An' some had faces of despair, as if on frenzy's brink,
An' some was men an' some was boys, an' some was girls—I think;
An' some was ladies lady-dressed, an' lookin' fine an' neat
As that same number of bouquets a-glidin' down the street;
An' when a man about my size come ridin' with a dame,
I says, “If he can pump a wheel, then I can do the same.”
An' some was men an' some was boys, an' some was girls—I think;
An' some was ladies lady-dressed, an' lookin' fine an' neat
As that same number of bouquets a-glidin' down the street;
An' when a man about my size come ridin' with a dame,
I says, “If he can pump a wheel, then I can do the same.”
A little boy with turn-up nose an' unregenerate eye
Had overheard my loud remarks, an' told the followin' lie:
He says to me, “The cycles all have big improvements, now,
An' any one can ride 'em though he hasn't first learned how”;
An' so I hired a stout machine from some one in a store,
An' mounted on, an' started off the village to explore.
Had overheard my loud remarks, an' told the followin' lie:
He says to me, “The cycles all have big improvements, now,
An' any one can ride 'em though he hasn't first learned how”;
An' so I hired a stout machine from some one in a store,
An' mounted on, an' started off the village to explore.
The snub-nose boy he helped me up with all the strength he had,
Then give a push, an' hollered out, “A pleasant journey, Dad!”
An' so it was, a rod or two; when, like some livin' dunce,
The lean an' slippery critter tried to go two ways at once;
An' like a polertician-chap, I strove to do the same,
An' felt the ground reverberate beneath my massive frame.
Then give a push, an' hollered out, “A pleasant journey, Dad!”
132
The lean an' slippery critter tried to go two ways at once;
An' like a polertician-chap, I strove to do the same,
An' felt the ground reverberate beneath my massive frame.
I looked around to find the boy: he wasn't nowhere seen,
An' I raised up the bicycle, a-feelin' rather green;
An' then I said, “There's some mistake; I'll try the thing ag'in,
An' it will probably behave, when I have broke it in.”
An' so I leaped upon its back, an' started off once more;
An' promptly felt the earth ag'in, through all the clothes I wore.
An' I raised up the bicycle, a-feelin' rather green;
An' then I said, “There's some mistake; I'll try the thing ag'in,
An' it will probably behave, when I have broke it in.”
An' so I leaped upon its back, an' started off once more;
An' promptly felt the earth ag'in, through all the clothes I wore.
An' then I sort o' twisted 'round, an' rose into a rage,
An' started wildly in once more, the critter to engage;
An' hollered loud, so all the folks come runnin' 'round to see,
“You little beast, you think you'll get the upper han's of me?
Perhaps you think a farmer bold hain't pluck to bring you down,
That's broke some thirty colts to bit, an' half the mules in town!”
An' started wildly in once more, the critter to engage;
An' hollered loud, so all the folks come runnin' 'round to see,
“You little beast, you think you'll get the upper han's of me?
Perhaps you think a farmer bold hain't pluck to bring you down,
That's broke some thirty colts to bit, an' half the mules in town!”
An' then I strove for victory, with all my varied powers,
For ten good minutes by the clock, but seemin'ly for hours;
An' every time I made a move my mastery to display,
The little wretch would twist itself in some new-fashioned way;
An' sometimes it would lie an' rest, as placid as could be,
Then I'd be on my back, an' it a-grinnin' down at me;
For ten good minutes by the clock, but seemin'ly for hours;
An' every time I made a move my mastery to display,
The little wretch would twist itself in some new-fashioned way;
An' sometimes it would lie an' rest, as placid as could be,
Then I'd be on my back, an' it a-grinnin' down at me;
An' then 'twould rear up like a horse, an' weave an' twist awhile,
An' I would stan' upon my head, in reg'lar circus-style;
An' then 'twould kind o' paw the earth, an' wave its hinder wheel,
An' I would turn a somerset, and give a frenzied squeal;
Until at last I laid amongst a million laughin' folks,
My head upon a pavin'-stone—my legs between some spokes;
An' I would stan' upon my head, in reg'lar circus-style;
An' then 'twould kind o' paw the earth, an' wave its hinder wheel,
An' I would turn a somerset, and give a frenzied squeal;
Until at last I laid amongst a million laughin' folks,
My head upon a pavin'-stone—my legs between some spokes;
An' shouted, as I give my neck a slow an' painful turn,
“Bring me that snub-nose boy that said we didn't have to learn!
Give me the man that first among a trustin' people came
An' set at large this dang'rous beast with ‘Safety’ for its name!
I'll whip 'em with each other in as good a shape, you'll see,
As this 'ere bunch of metal bones has threshed the earth with me!”
“Bring me that snub-nose boy that said we didn't have to learn!
Give me the man that first among a trustin' people came
An' set at large this dang'rous beast with ‘Safety’ for its name!
I'll whip 'em with each other in as good a shape, you'll see,
As this 'ere bunch of metal bones has threshed the earth with me!”
| Songs of two centuries | |