The history of Lady Julia Mandeville | ||
To George Mordaunt, Esq;
I AM still with Mr. Herbert, whose genius, learning, and goodness of heart, make him an honor to human nature itself: I shall never know peace till I find a way to render his situation more worthy of his character.
It was with great difficulty I drew from him the following short account of himself.
"There is nothing in my past life but what is, I fear, too usual to be worth relating. Warmth of temper, and the vanity of youth, seduced me into a circle of company not to be kept up, by one of my fortune, at a less price than ruin; and the same vanity, with inexperience and a false opinion of mankind, betrayed me into views not less destructive.
My father unhappily died when I was about nineteen, leaving me at college, master of my own actions, of the little estate you see, and of four thousand pounds; a sum I then thought inexhaustible. The reputation of such a sum in my own power drew about me all the worthless young men of fashion in the university, whose persuasions and examples led me into a train of expence
It was some time before he could convince me of this; but, finding his accounts
I applied to my banker, who undertook to send me a purchaser; but, before I had compleated my design, I received by the post a bank note of five hundred pounds, the sum I was indebted in town; with a letter, in a hand unknown to me, representing, in the most delicate manner, the imprudence of my past conduct, the madness of my views, and the certain consequences of my parting wish this my last stake: intreating me, by the memory of my parents, to preserve
Melted with this generosity, struck with the just reproof, yet chained down to that world which had undone me; convinced, yet irresolute; I struggled with my own heart to determine on retiring into the country; but, to postpone as long as possible a retreat, which I could not bear to think of, resolved first to try my great friends, and be certain of what I had to hope for. I represented to them the necessity of immediately attempting in earnest to push my fortune; and, pressing them closely, found their promises were air. They talked in general terms of their esteem for me, of my merit; and each of them expressed the warmest desire of seeing me served by any means but his own. In order to animate their languid friendship, I discovered to them the real state of my affairs; and from that moment found myself avoided by them all;
Burning with indignation, I determined at once to break the bands which held me captive. I sold my equipage, discharged my debts, and came down to this place, resolved to find out to whom I had been so obliged; and, by living on half my income, to repay this generous benefactor.
I took lodgings in a farm-house, and soon found that peace of mind to which I
I dare say, I need not tell you this noble creature was my dear Mrs. Herbert; the smallness of whose fortune added infinitely to the generosity of the action, what she had sent me being within a trifle her all.
I loved, I addressed her, and, at length, was so happy as to call her mine. Blest in the most exalted passion for each other, a passion which time has rather encreased than abated, the narrowness of our circumstances is the only ill we have to complain of; even this we have borne with chearfulness, in the hope of happier days. A late accident has, however, broke in upon that tranquillity with which Heaven has hitherto blest us. It is now about six months since a Lady, who tenderly esteemed us both, sent for me, and acquainted me she had
I will sooner want bread, Sir, said I, rising, than owe it to the most contemptible of mankind. Your living is once more at your disposal; I resign all right to it before this company.
The pleasure of having acted as I ought swelled my bosom with a conscious delight, and supported me till I reached home; when my heart sunk at the thought of what my Sophia might feel from the disappointment. Our affairs too were a little embarrassed, from which misery I had hoped to be set free, instead of which my debts were increased. Mr. Mandeville, if you never knew the horrors of being in debt, you can form no idea of what it is to breathe the air at the mercy of another; to labor, to struggle to be just, whilst the cruel world are loading you with the guilt of injustice.
I entered the house, filled with horrors not to be conceived. My wife met me with eager enquiries about our future residence; and with repeated thanks to that God who had thus graciously bestowed on us the means of doing justice to all the world. You will imagine what I felt at that moment: instead of replying, I related to her the treatment I had met with, and the character of him to whom we were to be obliged; and asked her, what she would wish me to do? Resign the living, said she, and trust to that Heaven whose goodness is over all his creatures. I embraced her with tears of tender transport, and told her I had already done it. We wrote to the Lady to whose friendship we had been obliged for the presentation; and she had the greatness of mind not to disapprove my conduct. We have since practised a more severe frugality, which we are determined not to relax till what we owe is fully discharged: time will, we hope, bring about this end, and remove
Oh! Mr. Mandeville! What can you think of him, who, instead of pouring out his soul in thankfulness to Heaven for those advantages he enjoys by his goodness above his fellow-creatures, makes use of them to
The real evils of a narrow fortune are trifling; its worst pangs spring from the unfeeling cruelty of others; it is not always that philosophy can raise us above the proud man's contumely, or those thousand insults
"Which patient merit of th' unworthy takes."You, Mr. Mandeville, are young, and full of probity; your own heart will mislead you, by drawing too flattering a picture of others; the world is gay before you; and, blinded by prosperity, you have never yet seen it as it is. I have heard you with infinite concern hint designs too like my own; let me intreat, let me conjure you, to profit by my example; if peace is worth your care, be content with your paternal fortune, however small; nor, by
Mordaunt! Is not this the voice of Heaven? I will return to the bosom of independence, and give up designs in which it is almost impossible for modest worth to succeed.
My father is in town; I will go to him when he returns; his advice shall determine my future conduct.
A letter from Lady Julia: my servant has this moment brought it from Lord T — 's, whither I desired it to be directed/; not chusing to let them know I have put an end to my visit, lest Lord Belmont should insist on my return.
The history of Lady Julia Mandeville | ||