University of Virginia Library

Epigrams.

1. Epigram.

[A Knight and's Man, both being at an Inn]

A Knight and's Man, both being at an Inn,
The Knight having well eaten, did begin
To say to's Servant, John I have supt well,
Have our horse done so too? I cannot tell,
Replied the Man, for ought I know they may,
I'm sure I saw the Oastler take away.

2. Epigr.

[One said Pauls Church lookt with the Steeple on it]

One said Pauls Church lookt with the Steeple on it,
Just like a Trunk with a hat-case upon it;
No, quoth another, 'tis not like't at all,
Ile tell you what 'tis like, 'tis like to fall.

3. Epigr.

[Sim seeing Harry have a broken head]

Sim seeing Harry have a broken head,
Askt against what he broke it; Harry said,
Against a thing that often doth me ill,
To tell you true, I broke't against my will.

4. Epigr.

[Three Scholars having barely din'd, and growing]

Three Scholars having barely din'd, and growing
A little wanton after it; were throwing
Their bones at one another, a fourth Man,
Who had with plenty dined himself, began
To tell them that their sport was very dull,
Which did declare their bellies were not full,
And in a word his meaning thus exprest,
If they were full, your bones would be at rest.

5. Epigram.

[A Knave and Whore of modesty bereft]

A Knave and Whore of modesty bereft,
Being at that Sport which will ne're be left,
Against a Gate, in a place very wide,
Was question'd of a friend, by whom they were 'spi'd,
Why he would deal with such a dirty Slut
In a wide field, against a Gate too? but
The other made reply, pray do not prate,
The Slut is good enough to prop-a-gate.

6. Epigr.

[A Serjeant sitting at the Compter-gate]

A Serjeant sitting at the Compter-gate,
Fell fast asleep, which made another strait
Grow something witty, and to break a jeast,
This fellow, sayes he, sure hath none to arrest;
And, in meer spightfulness, this envious Elf
(The Serjeant) is Arresting of himself.

7. Epigr. On Mr. Garrat, and Mr. Chambers.

Garrat and his Friend Chambers, having done
Their City business, went to Padington,
And coming near that fatal place where men
(I mean Offenders) ne're return agen;
Looking on Tyburn in a merriment,
Quoth Chambers, here's a pretty Tenement,
Had it a Garrat: Garrat hearing that,
Reply'd, Friend Chambers, I do wonder at
Your simple censure, you prate like a Parrat,
There must be Chambers e're there be a Garrat.

8. Epigram. On a Lady whose name was Mrs. Brown.

We praise the fair, and our Inventions wrack,
In pleasing Sonnets to applaud the Black;
We court this Ladies Eye, that Mistress Hair,
The fair love black, the black affect the fair;
Yet neither sort I court, I doat upon
Nor fair nor black, but a complexion
More rare then either, she that is the Crown
Of my intire affection is Brown.
And yet she's fair, 'tis strange, how can it be,
That two Complexions can in one agree;
Do I love Brown, my Love can please my eye,
And sate my narrowest Curiosity:
If I like fair, she hath so sweet a grace,
A man might leave an Angel for her face.
Let any judge then which Complexion's rarest,
In my opinion she is Brown that's fairest.

9. Epigram. On a little Gentleman, and Mr. Story a tall man.

This little Blade (by th' other mans vain glory
It seems was roughly us'd, (so sayes the Story)
But being strongly heated, and high flown,
In rage he flies on Story, pulls him down:
But when they ris, I know not how it fated,
One got the worst, the Story was translated
From white to red, but e're the fight was ended,
It seems one, whom the little man befriended,
Came in and parted them; the little Blade
There's no man could intreat, nor yet perswade,
But he would fight still, till another came,
And with perswasions counsell'd 'gainst the same,
'Twas in this manner, Friend, you shall not fight
With one that's so unequal to your height.
Story is tall; the other made reply,
I'de pluck him down, were he three Stories high.

10. Epigram. On May-poles.

Hypocrites are like those May-poles they mock,
Rootless and fruitless, with a Weathercock.

11. Epigram. On a red nosed Parson.

A jolly Parson of a comely grace,
Who partly carried his hot zeal in's face,
Being at's Inn, and sitting by the fire,
A pipe of good Tobacco doth require;
The boy straight brings it him, and to his hand
Commits it with a kindled fire-brand;
But as he was at lighting on't, some small
Sparks from the coal upon his hand did fall:
The witty boy perceiving these mishaps,
Cryes, Mr. Parson, hold Sir, your nose drops.

12. Epigram.

[There was a time a difference began]

There was a time a difference began
Betwixt a Welchman and an English man,
Each praising of his Countrey, did express
How much they did abound in fruitfulness;
The Englishman did tell the Welchman, that
There was a piece of ground he had been at,
In Yorkshire, which so fruitful was of grass,
That when a staff was thrown into't, it was
In one nights time so overgrown, they could
Not see't next day: The Welchman cryes out, hold,
That was not worth the praising, In our Land,
Quoth Taffie, I would have you understand,
We have such grass, that turn your horse i'th' ground,
And before morning come, he sha'nt be found.