University of Virginia Library

THE SCVLLER.

To the whole kennell of Anti-Christs hounds, Priests, Friers, Monkes, and Jesuites, Mastiffes, Mongrels, Islands, Spanniels, Blood-hounds, Bobtaile-tike, or Foysting-hound: The Scvller sends greeting.

Epigram 1.

[Cvrse, exorcise, with Beads, with Booke and Bell]

Cvrse, exorcise, with Beads, with Booke and Bell
Polluted shauelings: rage and doe your worst:
Vse coniurations till your bellies burst,
With many a N gromanticke mumbling spell,
I feare you not, nor all your friends that fell
With Lucifer: yee damned dogs that durst
Deuise that thundring Treason most accurst,
Whose like before was neuer hatcht in Hell,
Halfe men, halfe diuels, who neuer dream'd of good,
To you from faire and sweetly sliding Thames,
A popomasticke Sculler warre proclaimes,
As to the suckers of Imperiall bloud,
An Anti-Iesuite Sculler with his pen,
Defies your Babell beast, and all his Den.

Epigram 2.

[Rome, now approaches thy confusion]

Rome , now approaches thy confusion,
Thy Antichristiā Kingdome down must tumble
The Nimrods proud cloud-piercing Babylon,
Like hell-hatch'd pride, despight thy hart must humble,
In scorne of damn'd equiuosation,
My lines like thunder through thy Regions rumble,
Downe in the dust must lye thy painted glory,
For now I row and write thy tragicke story.

Epigram. 3.

[Whē God had all things out of nothing fram'd]

Whē God had all things out of nothing fram'd,
And man had named all things ye are nam'd;
God shewed to man the way he should behaue him,
What ill would dam him, or what good would saue him,
All creatures that the world did then containe,
Were all made subiects to mans Lordly raigne.
Faire Paradise was Princely Adams walke,
Where God himselfe did often with him talke;
At which the Angels, enuious and proud,
Striu'd to ascend aboue the highest cloud:
And with the mighty God to make compare,
And of his glory to haue greatest share:
Because they saw Gods loue to man so great,
They striu'd to throw their Maker from his seat.
But he, whose power is All-sufficient,
Did headlong hurle them from Heauens battlement:
And for which enuious pride they so did swell,
They lost heauens glory for the paines of Hell.
In all this time, man liuing at his ease,
His wife nor he not knowing to displease
Their glorious maker, till the Sonne of night
Full fraught with rage, and poyson bursting spight,
Finding alone our ancient grandam Eve,
With false perswasions makes her to beleeue
If she would eate the fruit she was forbidden,
She should Gods secrets know, were from her hidden
Supposing all was true the Serpent told,
They both to Adam straightway did vnfold,
This treacherous horrid vile soule-killing treason,
And he ambitious, past the bounds of reason,
(To his posterities sole detriment)
Doth to the Woman and the Fiend consent.
Yet Adam neuer had the diuell obeyed,
Had he not had the woman for his ayde.
Lo thus the sexe that God made man to cherish,
Was by the Diuell intic'd to cause him perish.
Sathan supposing he had wonne the field
(In making man to his obedience yeeld)
Poore Adam now in corps and mind deiected,
From head to foot with shamefull sinne infected:
Is now a slaue to sinne, the Diuell and Death,
Dreading the danger of th'Almighties wrath.
From Eden banisht, from Gods presence thrust,
And all the earth being for his crime accurst,
Opprest with griefe and selfe-consuming care,
Being at the brimme of bottomlesse dispaire.
Yet God in mercy thinking of his frailtie,
Though sinfull man to him had broken fealtie,
Did promise he would send his onely Sonne,
To satisfie for faults by man misdone.
At last he came, in his appointed time,
And on his faultlesse shoulders tooke our crime,
And like a malefactor death he suffered,
And once for all, himselfe himselfe hath offered.
And yet the Diuell will not be satisfi'd,
(Although the Sonne of God for sinners dy'd)
But dayly hellish damned enterprises,
His Ministers and he 'gainst man deuises,
Vnder the shelter of Religions cloake,
Seditiously he doth the world prouoke,
'Gainst God in trayterous manner to rebell,
To amplifie his euerlasting hell,
Attempting mankind still by fraud or force,
His soule from his Redeemer to diuorce,
And yet not man alone must feele his sting,
But he dares venter on our heauenly King,
Whose power though Satan knowes is euerlasting,
Yet after fortie dayes and nights long fasting,
Thinking him weake, attempts now to inuade him:
And with illusions seeking to perswade him:
Carries our Sauiour vp vnto a Hill,
And told him if he would obey his will.
In adoration to fall downe before him,
He of the worlds great glory would so store him
That he should Lord and Master be of all,
If he in reuerence would before him fall.
Christ knowing him to be the root of euill,
With God-like power commands, auoid thou diuell.
'Tis writ, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God,
But serue and feare the fury of his rod,
Sathan perceiuing all his labour lost,
Runnes through the world, more swifter then a post:
Proclaimes large Kingdomes, and a tryple Crowne,
To him that in his Reuerence would fall downe.
Ambitious thirst of fickle fading fame,
Did quickly mindes of wordly men inflame:
Making them dreame on pleasures transitorie,
And to esteeme earths pompe aboue heauens glory.
This made the Pope, with poysonous pride infus'd,
T'accept those honours Christ before refus'd:
Now hath he wonne great fame, on this condition:
That fore the diuell he fall in base submission:
So hauing wonne this great magnificence,
To countermaund the earths circumference:
The Idiot world he proudly ouer-swayes,
Vnder the name of Heauens immortall kayes,
O're all the Globe he raignes as Lord and King,
And to Hels Goat fold aye doth millions bring,
Of soules, seduc'd with buzard blinded zeale,
From men besotted he doth honour steale.
And yet with his effrontit shamelesse face,
Seemes to command the diuell that gaue him place.
A haynous fault in my dull vnderstanding,
The Seruant o're his Lord should be commanding:
But yet I thinke 'tis but for policy,
More to increase th'infernall Monarchy:
He seemes to hate the Diuell he most doth serue,
Else would the world from Romes obedience swerue,
And leaue the Pope and Papists in the lurch:
And then might Sathan whistle for a Church,
The Isle of Brittaine hath perceiu'd their tricks,
And in Rebellion 'gainst the Pope she kickes:
For whom they haue inuented hell-hatcht plots,
Quite to extirpe the English and the Scots.
I wot not which of Rome or hell roar'd lowder,
But they had like t'haue pepper'd vs with powder.
Yea all estates, from Scepter to the Crowne,
Should topsie turuie all be tumbled downe.
Without respect of person, sexe, or age,
All had their doome, t'abide the Romane rage.
But he that by his sacred selfe had sworne,
To guard his Church, did laugh them all to scorne:
For when those vassals of eternall night,
Thought all secure, then God brought all to light,
Casting their painted glory in the dust,
That any power besides his power doth trust:
Leauing their Corps a prey for Crowes and Kites,
That brauely so for Signior Satan fights.
But in this matter I'le no further trauaile,
Least want or water make my Ship to grauell:
Knowing there's many wits of farre more worth,
That to the life hath limbd this Treason forth;
But Ile conclude as I began before,
Because that Christ would not the diuell adore,
Christ lost this glorious worldly pompous raigne,
Which happy losse, the haplesse Pope did gaine.

Epigram 4.

[How weakly is that weake Religion grounded]

How weakly is that weake Religion grounded,
That thinks ye Church on Peters corps is foūded?
The Spouse of Christ is built on Faiths firme Rocke,
Which not the fury of Hels direfull shocke,
Though all the fiends in troupes doe her assaile.
Yet 'gainst Gods power their force cannot preuaile.
Peters confessing Christ Gods true begotten,
Is sure the Churches ground, but Peter's rotten.
Or else if Peter neuer had had life,
Through want of him Christ neuer had had wife.
For 'tis an Article of Faith profound,
To know S. Peter for the Churches ground.
And who denyes it shall haue fire and rope,
Beleeue me Reader, or goe aske the Pope.
But yet I muse in what place of the earth,
Gods Church did stand before S. Peters birth?

Epigram 5.

[VVhen as our Sauiour to the Temple went]

VVhen as our Sauiour to the Temple went,
To tell the message that his Father sent:
And finding there a rude vnruly rout,
That bought and sold, he angry beat them out,
And ouerthrew their Tressels and their Tables,
And made them packe away with all their bables:
And further said (what all true hearts beleeues)
This house was made for Prayer, no den for theeues.
Those Marchants thus whipt from their market place
Practis'd reuenge 'gainst Christ for this disgrace.
And more to strēgth their power, joyn'd wth ye Pope:
Who by his lawlesse Law hath giuen them scope,
That in the Church they still should buy and sell
Both God, and Diuell, Heauen, Purgatory, Hell.
Now here's the oddes, Christ out the Pedlers thrust,
And stayd himselfe there, preaching what was iust.
And for reuenge the haughty Romane Priest.
Hath tane the Pedlers in, and thrust out Christ.

Epigram 6.

[It is a question farre beyond my Logicke]

It is a question farre beyond my Logicke,
How those ye haue ye Popedome won by Magicke,
Can be Lieutenants vnto Christ our Sauiour,
Being knowne for hell-hounds of most damn'd behauiour:
Then since the diuell hath the Pope created,
His Vicar must he be, that there him seated:
'Twould make a wiser head then mine to muse,
That God should like the man the Diuell doth chuse.

Epigram 7.

[A prouerbe old, where had the Diuell the Fryer?]

A prouerbe old, where had the Diuell the Fryer?
Where had the Diuell the Fryer but were he was?
The Diuell with the Fryer sits in the Quire,
The Fryer with the Diuell sayes and sings Masse?
The diuell and the Frier are ne're asunder,
The Fryer to hate the Diuell is more then wonder.

Epigram 8.

[Conferring with a Romish]

Conferring with a Romish Pharisee,
Who void of grace maintain'd this heresie,
That he the Law of God had neuer broken,
Nor neuer ill had done, nor ill had spoken.
I gaue his Antichristian faith the lye.
And told him that for him Christ did not dye.
For be did suffer onely for their sinne,
Who were insnared in the diuels ginne.
And as for him that neuer had transgrest,
Twere good to hang him now he's at the best.

Epigram 9.

[It is an Art beyond the worke of Nature]

It is an Art beyond the worke of Nature,
The Pope should be Creator, and a Creature:
Betwixt the Pope and God there's one thing odde,
For though God all things made, ye Pope makes God.

Epigram 10.

[Religions scatter'd into diuers sects]

Religions scatter'd into diuers sects,
One likes one way for many sound respects.
Others like that way; others like another,
And what likes th'one, is loathed by the other.
Yet each man deemes his owne opinion's right,
And each 'gainst other beares inated spight.
Amongst the rest the Romane Catholike,
Who scornes that his Religion saile should strike
To any, since from it two vertues springs,
That they may eate their God, and kill their Kings;
By which maine Maximes they do strongly hope
To the worlds Period to vphold the Pope.

Epigram 11.

[It is no wonder though Romes regall sway]

It is no wonder though Romes regall sway,
Is by a Sheapheard rul'd with Lordly same;
For ancient Records truly doth display;
How Romulus the Shepheard built the same:
And how his brother Remus and himselfe,
In Tybers restlesse waues ydrencht and duckt,
When infant miserie was all their pelfe,
A rauening wolfe, most motherly they suckt:
From whom doth spring as from a flowing gulfe,
Romes Priest and Prince, a Shepheard and a Wolfe.

Epigram 12.

[Tvmultuous thoughts within my brest doth struggle]

Tvmultuous thoughts within my brest doth struggle,
To thinke how finely popish Priests can iuggle:
And make the world beleeue a a wafer Cake,
Is that Creator that did all things make
Or that the sinne-polluted bald-crownd Priest,
With coniurations, can create his Christ,
When our beliefe doth plainly testifie,
He sits at Gods right hand in Maiestie,
From whence in humaine forme he will not come,
Till quicke and dead shall all abide his doome.
What Fooles are they then thinks the Priest & Baker,
With impious hands makes their immortall maker.

Epigram 13.

[Not all the sophistrie of Aristotle]

Not all the sophistrie of Aristotle,
Cannot perswade me but the Pope did erre,
When he and's sonne mistooke the poysned bottle.
'Twas 'error sure, what euer they inferre.
O't had beene good then, both for him and's heyte,
He had beene haltered fast in Peters Chayre.

Epigram 14.

[The warlike Emperours before Christ come]

The warlike Emperours before Christ come,
Subdu'd the world, both Sea and Land to Rome.
Then afterwards the Heauens their Bishops wonne.
By preaching truly Gods immortall Sonne.
Heauen, Earth, and Sea, being taken in the prime,
What rests now for the Popes this latter time?
Since of the heauens and earth they loose their part,
They will haue hell, despight the diuels hart.

Epigram 15.

[Christs Church in no wayes is the]

Christs Church in no wayes is the Church of Rome
For Paul sayes, in the latter time should come,
Apostates, that the truth should quite forsake,
That lyes and fables should Religion make:
Affirming meates and Matrimony euill,
Which Paul doth call the doctrine of the deuill.
Then since the Pope and all his shaueling rout,
What Christ commands they wilfully thrust out.
I with my betters must conclude this doome,
The Deuils deere drab must be the Church of Rome.

Epigram 16.

[O yes, if any man would know a place]

O yes, if any man would know a place,
Where God himselfe hath neither power nor might,
Where as th'Almighty neuer shew'd his face.
Where words, not swords, can neither talke nor fight.
O such a placelesse place is, Purgatory,
Created by the Pope without Gods leaue,
To amplifie his Antichristian glory,
And all the world with cunning to deceiue,
Where as the Pope hangs, drawes, condemnes, and iudges
Commits, acquits, sets free, or casts in thrall,
Whether he thousands sends, on heapes like drudges,
For in this no place, hee is all in all,
And like a mighty three-crownd Priestly Prince,
With threats and bans he so the world bewitches:
In sending thither, and recalling thence,
He gaines himselfe the Diuell and all for riches.

Epigram 17.

[The ]

The Pope hath charge of heauens immortall keyes,
And triple-headed Cerberus obeyes,
His triple Crowne, and who so e're he please,
He sends to Hell for payne, or Heauen for ease.
He can command the Angels and the Fiends,
What pleases them for him or for his friends,
Like as a Dog doth feare a flitch of Bacon,
So his great name, Heauen, Earth, & Hell hath shaken.

Epigram 18.

[VVho dares affirme the Popes of Rome are Proud]

VVho dares affirme the Popes of Rome are Proud,
Amongst the Heretickes himselfe must shroud:
Or who dares say they'r giuen to Auarice,
In selling Heauen and Hell for summes of price?
Or who dares speake such words of treachery,
To say the Pope is giuen to Letchery?
Or who is he, dares be so impious,
To say his Holinesse is Enuious?
Or who, for feare of euerlasting scath,
Dares once accuse his Holinesse of Wrath?
Or who is he that dares once verisie,
The Pope doth vse excessiue Gluttony?
Or who dares say, that like a drone or moath,
Like an vnpreaching Priest, he liues by Sloath?
He that against him this dares justifie,
Is a plaine Protestant, and such am I.

Epigram 19.

[May it be call'd intollerable Pride]

May it be call'd intollerable Pride,
For man to sit in the Almighties seate,
Or on mens shoulders pompously to ride,
To terrifie the world with thundering threat?
To weare a three pilde Crowne vpon his head?
To haue both Kings and Princes at his becke?
Whose Horse by mighty Potentates is led,
Who proudly footes vpon the Emperours necke:
If trickes like these, for pride may be allow'd,
Then I conclude, the Pope must needs be proud.

Epigram 20.

[If it be couetous for gripple gaine]

If it be couetous for gripple gaine,
To sell the Heauens, the Earth, yea God himselfe,
To dispossesse Kings from their lawfull raigne,
To cramme his coffers with vnlawfull pelfe.
To pardon sinnes for money, more then pitty:
Nay more, to pardon sinnes that are to come:
To maintaine Whores, and Stewes in Towne and City:
Who yerely payes the Pope a countlesse sum,
Who takes great interest, puts great summes to vse,
'Tis Couetousnesse I thinke without excuse.

Epigram 21.

[Is it not bruitish sensuall]

Is it not bruitish sensuall appetite,
The Sire to make a strumpet of his child,
Or is not Letcherie an Epethite,
For him that hath his Fathers bed defilde?
For him that hath deflour'd Virginitie?
That hath defilde the Damozell and the Damme,
Without respect of Consanguinitie?
That like a wolfe hath spoyld both Ewe and Lambe?
This may be tearm'd incestuous Luxury,
And yet his Holinesse not wrongd thereby.

Epigram 22.

[He like a God that gouernes in the world]

He like a God that gouernes in the world,
That Envies each mans honour but his owne:
He that sedition through the earth hath hurld,
Whose Enuie hath great Kingdomes ouer-throwne.
He that vngraues his foe, that's once intomb'd,
For Enuie that he wrong'd him whilst he liu'd,
And after death is Enuiously doom'd.
To be of liuelesse sencelesse limbs depriu'd.
If this be true none will deny I hope,
That Enuie is ingrafted in the Pope.

Epigram 23.

[He whose fierce]

He whose fierce Wrath with bloudy rage doth swell,
That takes delight in slaughtering Gods elect:
He that is sworne the Champion of Hell.
That Wrath and Murther onely doth effect:
He whose combustious all-deuouring ire,
Depopulates and layes whole Empires waste,
Whose Wrath like a consuming quenchlesse fire,
Hath blessed peace from Christendome displac't.
If I should need one, skild in Wrath and Murther,
His Holinesse commands me goe no further.

Epigram 24.

[VVho dares for]

VVho dares for Glutony the Pope accuse,
Or 'gainst voluptuous dyet make complaints?
His Holinesse so many Fasts doth vse,
As Lents, and Fasting-dayes, and Eeues of Saints,
Yet where Pride, Lust, and Auarice are found,
Heart gnawing Enuie, and fell murthering Wrath,
There rauenous Gluttony must needs abound,
Else other vices will be out of breath.
For Papists Fasts are generally more deare,
Then Feasts of Protestants with all their cheare.

Epigram 25.

[Those ]

Those liberall Sciences in number seauen,
Began with Pride, & ends with drowsie Sloath,
Yet Christs command vnto the Apostles giuen
Was, feed my sheepe that faith in them haue growth.
Now I suppose, the feeding of Christs flocke,
Is truly Preaching of his sacred word,
Which word's the Key that opes the heauenly locke,
Which Sword and Word his Holinesse doth hoord.
Which drawne, cuts his throat and the Diuels both,
For feare of which he lets it sleepe in sloath.

Epigram 26. The beliefe of a Romane Catholike.

[I doe beleeue the holy Pope of Rome]

I doe beleeue the holy Pope of Rome,
Is Lord of Scriptures, Fathers, Church and all:
Of Councels of the world, whose dreadfull doome,
Can at his pleasure make all rise, or fall.
I doe beleeue, though God forbids the same,
That I should worship Images, and Saints:
I hope by mine owne workes I heauen may claime.
In tongues vnknown, I must make praiers & plaints.
I doe beleeue Christs bodie made of bread.
And may be eaten by Dogs, Cats, or Mice,
Yet is a sacrifice for quicke and dead,
And may be bought and sold for rated price.
I further doe beleeue the Pope our Lord,
Can at his pleasure all my sinnes forgiue.
I doe beleeue at his commanding word,
Subiects must Kings of liues and land depriue.
Like as the Church beleues, so I beleeue:
By which I hope the Heauens I shall atchieue.

Epigram 27.

[Like as the Vipers birth's his mothers bane]

Like as the Vipers birth's his mothers bane,
So the Popes full, hath been the Emperors wane:
The Empires Autumne, was the Popish Spring,
And Kings subiection made the Pope a King.
Then did his Holinesse become a God,
When Princes children-like, gan feare his rod.
Whil'st earthly Potentates their owne did hold,
The Popes then Shepheard-like did keepe their fold.
And fore the sacred truth should be o'ercome,
They willingly would suffer Martyrdome.
But farewell Martyrs now, and welcome Myters,
For painefull Preachers now, contentious fighters,
With bloud or gold, ascends the Papall Chayre,
Vnder the title of Saint Peters heyre.
I thinke if truth were brought vnto the tryall,
The Pope is heyre to Peter in denyall.
But want of penitence proclaimes him base,
A Bastard not of Peters blessed race,
Vnlesse when Christ did call th'Apostle diuell,
He's Bastard to the good, and heyre to th'euill.

Epigram 28.

[Me thinkes I heare as warme of Romanists]

Me thinkes I heare as warme of Romanists,
Reuile and curse, with Candle, Booke & Bell:
Yea all the polteshorne crew of Antichrists,
Condemnes me all without remorse to Hell:
But I with resolution so doe arme me,
Their blessings doe no good, nor cursings harme me.

Epigram 29.

[I that haue rowed from Tyber vnto Thames]

I that haue rowed from Tyber vnto Thames,
Not with a Sculler, but with Scull and braines,
If none will pay my Fare, the more's their shames,
I am not first vnpaid that hath tane paines.
Yet Ile bee bold if payment be delay'd.
To say and sweare your Sculler is not pay'd.

To his approued good friend, Master Robert Branthwayt.

Deere friend, to thee I owe a countlesse debt,
Which though I euer pay will ne're be pay'd:
Tis not base coyne, subiect to cankers fret,
If so, in time my debt would be defray'd,
But this my debt, I would haue all men know,
Is loue, the more I pay, the more I owe.

To his well esteemed friend, Master Maximilian Waad.

VVit, Learning, Honesty, and all good parts,
Hath so possest thy body and thy minde,
That couetously thou steal'st away mens hearts,
Yet 'gainst thy theft, there's neuer none repin'd.
My heart, that is my greatest worldly pelfe,
Shall euer be for thee as for my selfe.

To my friend Master William Sherman.

Thou that in idle adulating words
Canst neuer please the humours of these dayes,
That greatest workes with smallest speech affords,
Whose wit the rules of Wisedomes lore obeyes.
In few words then, I wish that thou maist be,
As well belou'd of all men, as of me.

Epigram 1.

[All you that stedfastly doe fixe your eye]

All you that stedfastly doe fixe your eye,
Vpon this idle issue of my braine,
Who void of any intricate disguise,
Describes my meaning rusticall and plaine.
My Muse like Sisiphus with toylesome trade,
Is euer working, yet hath neuer done,
Though from the Romish Sea she well gan wade,
Yet is her labour as 'twere new begun.
For hauing at the Papists had a fling.
Great Britaines vice, or vertues now I sing.

Epigram 2.

[Then cause I will not hug my selfe in sinne]

Then cause I will not hug my selfe in sinne,
First with my selfe, I meane for to begin.
Confessing that in me there's nothing good:
My vaines are full of sinne-polluted bloud,
Which all my corps infects with hell-borne crimes,
Which make my actions lawlesse like these times,
That had I power according to my will,
My faults would make compare with any ill.
But yet I muse at Poets now adayes,
That each mans vice so sharpely will dispraise:
Like as the Kite doth o're the carrion houer,
So their owne faults, with other mens they couer.
Cause you shall deeme my judgement to be just,
Amongst the guilty, I cry guiltie first.

Epigram 3.

[Glacus that selfe conceited criticke foole]

Glacus that selfe conceited criticke foole,
Vpon my Epigrams doth looke a scaunt,
And bids me put my barren wit to Schoole,
And I in anger bid the Asse auaunt.
For till some better thing by him is pend,
I bid him fault not that he cannot mend.

Epigram 4.

[A skilfull Painter such rare pictures drew.]

A skilfull Painter such rare pictures drew.
That every man his workemanship admir'd:
So neere the life, in beautie, forme, and hew,
As if dead Art, 'gainst Nature had conspir'd.
Painter sayes one, thy wife's a pretty woman,
I muse such ill-shape Children thou hast got,
Yet makest such pictures as their like makes no man,
I prethee tell the cause of this thy lot?
Quoth he, I paint by day when it is light,
And get my Children in the darke at night.

Epigram 5.

[Vnlearned Azo, store of Bookes hath bought]

Vnlearned Azo, store of Bookes hath bought,
Because a learned Scholler hee'l be thought:
I counsell'd him that had of Bookes such store,
To buy Pipes, Lutes, the Violl and Bandore,
And then his Musicke and his learning share,
Being both alike, with either might compare.

Epigram 6.

[Faire Betrice tuckes her coats vp somewhat hie]

Faire Betrice tuckes her coats vp somewhat hie,
Her pretty leg and foot cause men should spie:
Sayes one you haue a handsome Leg sweet ducke,
I haue two (quoth she) or else I had hard lucke:
There's two indeed, I thinke th'are twinnes (qd, he)
They are, and are not, honest friend (quoth she)
Their birth was both at once, I dare be sworne,
But yet betweene them both a man was borne.

Epigram 7.

[The way to make a Welch-man thirst for blisse]

The way to make a Welch-man thirst for blisse,
And say his prayers dayly on his knees:
Is to perswade him, that most certaine 'tis,
The Moone is made of nothing but greene Cheese.
And hee'l desire of God no greater boone,
But place in heauen to feed vpon the Moone.

Epigram 8.

[A gallant Lasse from out her window saw]

A gallant Lasse from out her window saw,
A Gentleman, whose nose in length exceeded.
Her boundlesse will, not limited by Law,
Imagin'd he had what she greatly needed.
To speake with him, she kindly doth entreat,
Desiring him to cleare her darke suppose:
Supposing euery thing was made compleat,
And correspondent equall to his nose.
But finding short where she expected long,
She sigh'd and said, O nose thou didst me wrong.

Epigram 9.

[Young Sr. John Puckefoist, and his new made Madam]

Young Sr. John Puckefoist, and his new made Madam:
Forgets they were the off-spring of old Adam.
I'm sure 'tis not for wit, nor manlike fight,
His worthlesse worship late was dub'd a Knight.
Some are made great for wealth, and some for wit,
And some for valour doe attaine to it:
And some for neither valour, wit nor wealth,
But stolne opinion, purchase it by stealth.

Epigram 10.

[One told me flattery was exil'd the state]

One told me flattery was exil'd the state,
And pride and lust at Court were out of date,
How vertue did from thence all vice pursue,
'Tis newes (quoth I) too good for to be true.

Epigram 11.

[He that doth beate his braines, and trie his wit]

He that doth beate his braines, and trie his wit,
In hope thereby to please the multitude,
As soone may ride a Horse without a bit,
Aboue the Moone or Sunnes high altitude.
Then neither flatterie, nor the hope of pelfe,
Hath made me write, but for to please my selfe.

Epigram 12.

[A rusticke swaine was cleauing of a blocke]

A rusticke swaine was cleauing of a blocke,
And hum he cryes at euery pond'rous knocke,
His wife sayes, Husband, wherefore hum you so?
Quoth he, it makes the wedge in further goe.
When day was done, and drowsie night was come,
Being both in bed at play, she bids him hum.
Good wise (quoth he) entreat me hum no more,
For when I hum I cleaue, but now I bore.

Epigram 13.

[VVhen Caualero Hot shot goes with Oares]

VVhen Caualero Hot shot goes with Oares,
Zoun's row ye Rogues, ye lazy knaues make hast,
A noyse of Fidlers and a brace of Whores,
At Lambeth stayes for me to breake their fast;
He that's so hot for's wench ere he come nie her,
Being at her once, I doubt hee'l be on fire.

Epigram 14.

[It was my chance once in my furious mood]

It was my chance once in my furious mood,
To call my neighbours wife an arrant whore,
But she most stifly on her credit stood,
Swearing that sorry I should be therefore.
Her Husband vnderstanding of the case.
Protested he would sue me for a slander,
When straight I prou'd it to his forked face,
He was a Knaue, a Cuckold and a Pander.
O to (quoth he) good neighbour say no mo,
I know my wife lets out her buggle bo.

Epigram 15.

[The Law hangs Theeues for their vnlawfull stealing]

The Law hangs Theeues for their vnlawfull stealing,
The Law carts Bawds, for keeping of the dore,
The Law doth punish Rogues, for roguish dealing.
The Law whips both the Pander and the Whore,
But yet I muse from whence this Law is growne,
Whores must not steale nor yet must vse their owne.

Epigram 15.

[Old Fabian by Extortion and by stealth]

Old Fabian by Extortion and by stealth,
Hath got a huge Masse of ill gotten wealth,
For which he giues God daily thankes and praise,
When 'twas the Diuell that did his fortunes rayse.
Then since the getting of thy goods were euill,
Th'hast reason to bee thankfull to the deuill,
Who very largely hath increast thy mucke,
And sent the Miser Midaes golden lucke.
Then thanke not God, for he hath helpt thee least,
But thanke the Diuell that hath thy pelfe increast.

Epigram 17.

[What matter ist, how men their dayes doe spend]

What matter ist, how men their dayes doe spend,
So good report do on their deaths attend,
Though in thy former life thou ne're didst good,
But mad'st Religion for thy faults a hood,
And all blacke sinnes were harbour'd in thy brest,
And tooke thy Conscience for their natiue nest:
Yet at thy buriall for a noble price,
Shalt haue a Sermon made, shall hide thy Vice,
A thread bare Parson shall thy praise out-poure
And in the Expiration of an houre
Will make the world thy honesty applaud,
And to thy passed life become a Bawd.
Our Christian Brother here lyes dead (quoth he)
Who was the patterne of true Charitie.
No Drunkard, Whoremonger, nor no vile swearer,
No greedy Vsurer, nor no Rent rearer.
O deare beloued, this example take,
And thus an end at his time doe I make.
Thus Mr. Parson nobly spends his breath,
To make a Villaine honest after death.
And for one Noble, freely he affords,
Much more then twenty shillings-worth of words.

Epigram 18.

[Lord who would take him for a pippin Squire]

Lord who would take him for a pippin Squire,
That's so bedaub'd with lace and rich attire?
Can the dam'd windfals of base baudery,
Maintaine the slaue in this embrodery?
No maruaile Vertue's at so low a price,
When men knowes better how to thriue by Vice.

Epigram 19.

[All Bradoes oathes are new sound eloquence]

All Bradoes oathes are new sound eloquence,
As though they sprung from learned Sapience:
He sweares by swift-pac'd Titans fiery Car,
By Marses Launce, the fearfull God of war,
By Cupids Bow, Mercuries charming Rod,
By Bacchus Diety, that drunken God.
By grim fac'd Pluto, and Auernus Caues,
By Eolus blasts, and Neptunes raging Waues,
By his sweet Mistris bright translucent eyes,
All other Oathes his humour doth despise.

Epigram 20.

[Signeor Serano to and fro doth range]

Signeor Serano to and fro doth range
And at high Noone he visits the Exchange:
With stately gate the peopled Burse he stalkes,
Prying for some acquaintance in those walkes;
Which if he spye, note but his strange salute,
Marke how he'l spread to shew his broaking sute,
When he perhaps that ow'd that cast apparell,
Not a fortnight since at Tyborne fought a quarrell.

Epigram 21.

[Old Grubsons Sonne a stripling of good age]

Old Grubsons Sonne a stripling of good age,
Twill make one laugh to see him and his Page,
Like to a garded Vrchin walkes the streets,
Looking for reuerence of each one he meets:
Eagles must honour Owles, and Lyons Apes,
And wise men worship fooles for farre fetcht shapes;

Epigram 22.

[Great Captaine Sharke doth wonderfully muse]

Great Captaine Sharke doth wonderfully muse,
How he shall spend the day that next ensues:
There's no Play to be playd, but he hath seene,
At all the Theaters he oft hath beene:
And seene the rise of Clownes, and fall of Kings,
Which to his humour no contentment brings.
And for he scornes to see a Play past twice:
Hee'l spend a time with his sweet Cockatrice.

Epigram 23.

[A compleat Gallant that hath gone as farre]

A compleat Gallant that hath gone as farre,
That with his hands from skyes hath pluckt a star:
And saw bright Phœbus whē he did take Coach:
And Luna when her throne she did approach:
And talkt with Iupiter and Mercury,
With Vulcan and the Queene of Lechery.
And saw the net the stumpfoot Black-smith made,
Wherein fell Mars and Venus was betrayd,
With thousand other sights he saw in skyes,
Who dares affirme it that this gallant lyes?
I counsell all that either hate or loue him.
Rather beleeue him, then goe to disproue him.

Epigram 24.

[Drusus his portion gallantly hath spent]

Drusus his portion gallantly hath spent,
What though? He did it to a good intent.
Vnto a wise man it seemes neuer strange,
That men should put their mouey to Exchange.
Nay then I saw he was a subtile Fox,
What had he for't I pray, sweet Sir the Poxe.
I doe not like his bargaine: why, wherefore?
His mony still wan'd lesse, his poxe waxe more.
He need not now feare wasting of his stocks.
Spend what he can, he nere shall want the Poxe.

Epigram 25.

[Neate Master Scape-thrift, railes against all ryet]

Neate Master Scape-thrift, railes against all ryet,
Commending much a temperate sparing dyet:
What though he hath beene prodigall and wilde,
Those idle fancies now he hath exilde:
What though he hath beene frequent with excesse
Of Dice, of Drabs, and drowsie Drunkennesse,
Yet now he's chang'd Sir, he is not the man,
The case is alter'd now from what 'twas than:
The Prologue of his wealth did teach him spend,
And 'tis the Epilogue that makes him mend.

Epigram 26.

[A greedie Chuffe once being warn'd in poste]

A greedie Chuffe once being warn'd in poste
To make appearance at the Court of Hell:
Where grisly Pluto hotly rules the roste.
And being summon'd by the passing Bell.
With heapes of gold he would haue bribed Death,
But he disdaining bribes depriu'd his breath.

Epigram 27.

[Doctor Donzago one of wondrous learning]

Doctor Donzago one of wondrous learning,
And in Astronomy exceeding cunning:
Of things thats past and cōming he's discerning,
His mind on Prophesies is euer running,
Of Comets, Meteors, Apparitions,
Of Prodigies, and exhalations,
Of Planets, natures, and conditions,
And of the spheares great calculations,
Yet want of one skill all his cunning smothers,
Who lyes most with his wife himselfe or others.

Epigram 28.

[Braue Bragadocia whom the world doth threaten]

Braue Bragadocia whom the world doth threaten,
Was lately with a Faggot. sticke fore beaten:
Wherefore in kindnesse now my Muse must weepe,
Because his resolution was asleepe.

Epigram 29.

[Walking along the streets the other day]

Walking along the streets the other day,
A ragged Souldier crost me on the way;
And though my purses lyning was but scant,
Yet somewhat I bestow'd to ease his want.
For which he kindly thankt me with his heart,
And tooke his leaue, and friendly we did part.
When straight mine eyes a Horse & Footcloth spy'd,
Vpon whose backe in pompous state did ride,
One, whom I thought was deputie to Ioue,
Yet not this Souldiers wants could pitty moue,
But with disdainefull lookes and tearmes of scorne,
Commands him trauaile whether he was borne.
'Twill almost make a Puritan to sweare,
To see an Asses Horse a cloake to weare.
When Christians must goe naked bare and thin,
Wanting apparell t'hide their mangled skin.
Vaine world vnto thy Chaos turne agen,
Since brutish beasts are more esteem'd then men.

Epigram 30.

[Lieutenant Puffe from Cleaueland is return'd]

Lieutenant Puffe from Cleaueland is return'd,
Where entring of a breach was sorely burn'd:
And from reuenge hee'l neuer be perswaded,
Till the low Countries he hath quite inuaded.
When his hot wrath makes Neatherlands to smoke,
He's bound for Deepe in France with irefull stroke.
But haue a care in these hot warres of France,
Least in a Pockie heat you spoyle your Lance.

Epigram 31.

[A loue-sicke Wooer would a Sonnet write]

Epigram 32.

[Looke how yon Lechers legs are worne away]

Looke how yon Lechers legs are worne away,
With haunting of the Whore-hose euery day:
He knowes more greasie Panders, Bawds, and Drabs,
And eates more Lobsters, Artichockes, and Crabs,
Blew roasted Egges, Potato's Muskadine,
Oysters, and pith that growes i'th Oxes Chine:
With many Drugs Compounds, and Simples store,
Which makes him haue a stomacke to a Whore.
But one day hee'l giue ore when 'tis too late,
When he stands begging through an Iron Grate.

Epigram 33.

[Light finger'd Francis begging in the Iayle]

Light finger'd Francis begging in the Iayle,
Did chance to see a friend of his passe by,
Thinking his lamentations would preuaile,
And that some coyne would from his bountie flye,
These ancient friends, one thrall, and th'other free,
One hungry, lowsie, ragged, and forlorne:
The other fat with prodigality,
Makes him this answer mixt with pride and scorne,
What Frænke (quoth he) art there for Ale & Cakes?
Why how the Diuell comes this lucklesse crosse?
Faith Sir (quoth Franke) your mastership mistakes.
For I am heere for stealing of a Horse,
Troth I mistooke indeed, and so didst thou,
For at this time I haue no money now.

Epigram 34.

[Mounsieur Luxuri hath beene with a Puncke]

Mounsieur Luxuri hath beene with a Puncke,
Wherby his worships purse is shrodely shrunk.
And now for penance of his former ryet,
With good Duke Humfrey he must take his diet.
Thus with a crosselesse purse and meatlesse maw,
I judge his case quite past the helpe of Law.

Epigram 35

[There chanst to meet together in an Inne]

There chanst to meet together in an Inne,
Foure men that thought that lying was no sinne,
The first an old man was in age well enter'd,
The next a trauailer that farre had venter'd,
The third a Poet, in prose and verse attir'd,
The fourth a Painter for his art admir'd:
These foure striued each other to excell.
Who should in lying beare away the Bell:
The old man said that when he was a boy,
To lift nine hundred waight was but a toy,
To iumpe in plaine ground thirtie foote at least:
Then was accounted but an idle jest.
The Trauailer reply'd that he had seene,
The King of Pigmies, and the Fairy Queene:
And beene where triple headed Cerberus,
Did guard the sulphrus gate of Erebus,
The Poet he had beene at Hellicon,
And rak'd from embers of obliuion
Old Saturnes downefall, and Ioues royall rising,
With thousand fictions of his wits deuising,
And for the Painter scornes to come behinde,
He paints a flying Horse, a Golden Hinde,
A Sagitary, and a grim wild man,
A two neckt Eagle, and a cole-blacke Swan.
Now reader tell me which of those foure Lyers,
Doth best deserue the whetstone for their hyers.

Epigram 36.

[Though Death doe Vsurers of life depriue]

Though Death doe Vsurers of life depriue,
Yet their extortions euer shall suruiue.

Epigram 37.

[Miraculous Monsters in the British clime]

Miraculous Monsters in the British clime;
Monsters of Nature sprung from putred slime.
Sampson hat pull'd the Gates of Gaza downe,
No Libian Hercules whose furious frowne,
Would maze strong Gyants, tame the Lyons rage,
Were not so strong as Gallants of this age:
Why you shall see an vpstart Corkebraind Iacke,
Will beare fiue hundred Akers on his backe,
And walke as stoutly as if it were no load,
And beare it to each place of his aboad,
Men of such strength I iudge it necessary.
That none but such should Porters burdens carry.

Epigram 38.

[For Gods loue tell what gallant Gullis that]

For Gods loue tell what gallant Gullis that,
With the great Feather, and the Beauer Hat?
O now I know, his name is Mounsieur Shift,
Great Cozen german to Sir Cuibert Theft,
All his reuenewes still he beares about him,
Whore-house nor ordinary neuer are without him.
False Dice, sharp Knife, and nimble nimming fingers,
Are his sworne subiects and his tribute bringers.
Thus doth he swagger, sharke, steale, filch & quarrell,
Vntill the Hangmans Wardrop hangs his parrell.

Epigram 39.

[A famous House in poasting hast is built]

A famous House in poasting hast is built,
A gallant Porch with Pillars all beguilt,
Braue loftie Chimnies pitty to defile them,
Pray make no fire, for the smoake will soyle them.

Epigram 40.

[A worthy Knight there is of ancient fame]

A worthy Knight there is of ancient fame,
And sweet Sir Reuerence men doe call his name:
By whose industrious policie and wit,
There's many things well tane were else vnfit:
If to a foule discourse thou hast pretence.
Before thy foule words, name Sir Reuerence,
Thy beastly tale most pleasantly will slip,
And gaine thee praise, when thou deseru'st the whip.
There's nothing vile that can be done or spoke,
But must be couered with Sir Reuerence Cloake,
His ancient pedigree who euer seekes,
Shall finde he's sprung from 'mongst the gallant Greekes,
Was Aiax Squire, great Champion to God Mars:
Pray God Sir Reuerence blesse your Worships (------)

Epigram 41.

[Hvnting is all this Gentlemans delight]

Hvnting is all this Gentlemans delight,
Yet out of Towne his worship neuer rides;
He hunts inuisible, and out of sight,
For in the Citie still his Game abides.
He hunts no Lyon, Tygre nor the Bore,
Not Buck, nor Stag, nor Hart, nor Hinde, nor Hound,
But all his sport's in hunting of a Whore,
And in the chase no trauaile he will spare.
He hath one Dog for hunting of the Cunny,
Worth a whole kēnell of your flap-mouth'd hounds,
He will not part with him for any money,
But yet the Curre will course beyond his bounds,
But I aduise him to respect his lot,
Least too much heating make him pockie hot,

Epigram 42.

[Falling a sleepe, and sleeping in a dreame]

Falling a sleepe, and sleeping in a dreame,
Down by the dale that flows with milk & cream,
I saw a Rat vpon an Essex cheese,
Dismounted by a Cambrian clad in Freeze.
To bid his worship eate I had no need,
For like a Serieant he began to feed.

Epigram 43.

[A french and English man at Dinner sate]

A french and English man at Dinner sate,
And neither vnderstanding others prate
The Frenchman sayes, mange proface Monsieur,
The Englishman begins to storme and sweare:
By all the Diuels, and the Diuels dams,
He was not mangie but ith wrists and hams.

Epigram 44.

[A dead dead bargaine is a quicke quicke wife]

A dead dead bargaine is a quicke quicke wife,
A quicke wife lyes ore long vpon ones hands,
But for a dead wife that hath lost her life
A man may sooner vtter then his Lands.
This Riddle greatly doth amaze my head,
That dead things should be quicke, and quicke things dead.
Loe then Ile make an outcrie, wondrous strange,
If death doe any wife of life depriue:
I giue her Husband coyne to boot, and change:
And for his dead wife one that is aliue:
Besides, Ile pay the buriall and the Feast,
And take my wife againe, when she's deceast.

Epigram 45.

[Momus fits mumming like an Anticke elfe]

Momus fits mumming like an Anticke elfe,
Hates others good, nor doth no good himselfe.

Epigram 46.

[Reader if any thing this Booke thee cost]

Reader if any thing this Booke thee cost,
Thou need'st not deeme thy coine and labor lost:
'Twill serue thee well Tobacco for to drie,
Or when thou talkst with mother Anthonie,
'Twill serue for Muckenders for want of better,
So farewell Reader, I remaine thy debter.

Satyre.

Thou that hast euer beene a rouing Thiefe,
A diuing Cutpurse, or a periur'd Slaue,
And in all villanie hast beene the chiefe,
And with a brazen brow canst Iustice braue,
That steal'st thy Pedegree from ancient houses,
And iet'st in broaking Sattin euery day:
That tak'st delight in stabbing and Carowses,
Not caring how thou letst thy loose life stray,
Thou that hast beene a Traytor to thy Prince,
A great Arch-villaine to thy Natiue soyle,
And wouldst by treacherie exile from thence,
The blessed peace hath beene procur'd with toyle.
Thou that hast beene a Machiuilian,
For damned sleights, conceits, and policie:
Thou that hast beene an Antichristian,
Or Schismaticke with blinded Heresie,
If any of these vile iniquities,
Haue beene the Axioms of thy passed life;
Then view the Roles of old antiquities,
And see goods got with falshood, lost with strife.
There shall you see how Iustice euermore,
Hath poyz'd the Ballance, and vpheld the Sword,
How Grauity inspir'd with Wisedomes lore,
Hath Vertue honour'd, and foule vice abhorr'd.
How Treason hath beene seuer'd lim from lim,
How Theft and Murther there haue pay'd their hire,
How those that earst in wordly Pompe did swim,
Haue soyld their fortunes in disgraces mire.
How Periurie hath forfeited his cares,
How Cheating's mounted on the Pillorie,
How gracelasse Impudents that nothing feares,
Doe end their dayes in loathed miserie.
How Vsurie is plagued with the Gout,
How Auarice complaineth of the Stone:
How guiltie Consciences are still in doubt,
How Enuie gnawes on honour to the bone,
How Letcherie is laden with the Poxe,
How Prodigalitie doth end with woe:
How Pandarisme is headed like an Oxe.
Because the Destinies appoint it so.
How Drunkennesse is with the Dropsie fraught,
And made his visage like a fiery Comet.
Who being full must haue the tother draught,
Till like a Swine he wallow in his vomit.
How dam'd Hypocrisie and painted zeale,
And outward shew of painted Holinesse:
(Doth like a Canker eate the publike weale)
All scornefull pride, yet seemes all lowlinesse.
To thee that read'st this, therefore be it knowne,
If any of these vices are immur'd
Within thy heart not to the world yet showne:
If by this reading thou mayest be allur'd,
To turne thy tide of life another way,
And to amendment all thy thoughts incline
And to thy rebell will no more obey,
But seeke by vertuous actions to combine
Fame to thy Friends, and terror to thy foe,
And say 'twas friendly counsell told thee so.

Satyre.

This childish Anticke, doating pie-bald world,
Thraugh which ye Diuel all black sins hath hurld
Hath beene so long by wickednesse prest downe.
From ye freeze-Plow-swaine to th'Imperiall crown.
We haue so long in vice accustom'd beene.
That nothing that is wicked lookes like sin.
The glistring Courtier in his gaudie tire,
Scornes with his heeles to know his russet Sire.
The pettifogging Lawyer crammes vp Crownes,
From hobnaild Boores, & sheep skin country clowns
The gaping greedie, griping, Vsurer,
The Sonne of Hell, and Sathans treasurer:
The base extorting black sould bribing Broaker,
The Bane of Mankind and his Countries choaker.
The helhoundwhelpes the shoulder-clapping Seriant,
That cares not to vndoe the world for Argent.
The Post Knight that will sweare away his soule,
Though for the same the Law his eares doe powle.
The smoakie black-lung puft Tobacconist:
Whose ioy doth in Tobacco sole consist.
The cholericke Gull that's tangled with a Drab,
And in her quarrell will his Father stab.
The baudie drie boand letcherous Baboone,
Would faine repent, but thinkes it is too soone.
The riming lygmonger would be a Poet,
But that the Rascall hath not wit to shew it.
The wrinckled baud, and dam'd vermelian whore
That buyes and sels the poxe to enrich their store.
The greasie eauesdropping dore-keeping Pander,
That with a Punke to any man will wander.
The conycatching shifter steales most briefe,
And when hee's hang'd hee'l cease to be a thiefe.
The drousie Drunkard will carouse and quaffe,
Till like a hog he tumble in his draffe.
Besides, there's diuers other Hell-borne sinnes,
As some great men are wrapt in Misers skinnes,
For feare of whose dislike, Ile hold me still,
And not bumbast them with my Ganders quill.
Consider with thy selfe Good Reader then,
That here thou liust amongst those wicked men,
Who on this earthly stage together keepe,
Like Maggots in a Putrified sheepe,
Whose damned dealings blacke confusion brings,
By the iust iudgement of the King of Kings.

Pastorall Equiuokes, or a Shepheards complaint.

Epitaph.

Heere lies ingrau'd, whose life fell death did sack,
Who to his graue was brought vpon a Beere:
For whom let all men euer mourne in Sacke,
Or else remember him in Ale or Beere.
He who in life, Loues blinded God did lead,
Now in his death lyes heere as cold as lead.

Sonnet. Jn trust lyes Treason.

The fowlest friends assume the fairest formes,
The fairest Fields doth feed the foulest toad:
The Sea at calm'st most subiect is to stormes,
In choysest fruit the canker makes aboad.
So in the shape of all belieuing trust,
Lyes toad-inuenom'd-treason coached close,
Till like a storme his trothlesse thoughts out burst
Who canker-like had laine in trusts repose.
For as the Fire within the Flint confinde,
In deepest Ocean still vnquencht remaines:
Euen so the false through truest seeming minde,
Despight of truth the treason still retaines,
Yet maugre treason, trust deserueth trust,
And trust suruiues, when treason dyes accurst.

Death with the foure Elements.

Two infant-twinnes a Sister and a Brother,
When out of dores was gone their carefull Sire,
And left hir babes in keeping with their Mother,
Who merrily sate singing by thē fire.
Who hauing fill'd a tub with water warme,
She bath'd her girle (O ruthlesse tayle to tell)
The whilst she thought the other safe from harme,
(Vnluckily) into the fire he fell:
Which she perceiuing, lets her Daughter drowne,
And rashly ran to saue her burning Sonne,
Which finding dead, she hastily casts downe,
And all agast, doth to the water runne:
Where seeing t'other was depriu'd of breath,
She 'gainst the earth falls down, & dasht her braines:
Her husband comes, and sees this worke of death,
And desperate hangs himselfe to ease his paines.
Thus Death with all the Elements conspire,
To reaue mans life, Earth, Water, Ayre, and Fire.

An Inkhorne Disputation, or Mungrell conference, betwixt a Lawyer and a Poet.

With a Quarterne of new catcht Epigrams, caught the last Fishing-tide: fit for heauie stomackes in Ember-weekes, Fridayes, and Fasting-euens.

Epigram 1. Vpon the word, Notwithstanding.

Tom swore to Kate, he neuer more would wooe her,
Kate wish't him hangd, when next he com's vnto her:
But Lou's great (litle) God the man cōmanding,
That Tom must needs goe to her Notwithstanding.
Kate rayld, and brawld and scoulded, curst, and band
And 'gainst Toms not withstanding did withstand.
At last the Not withstanding had forsooke,
And Kate affords her Tom a welcome looke.
Thus Notwithstanding did the warres increase
And Stiffe withstanding made the friendly peace.

Epigram 2.

[Hall and his wife into the water slipt]

Hall and his wife into the water slipt,
She quickly Hall fast by the Codpeece gript:
And reason good shee had to catch him there,
For hold she fast she need no drowning feare.
She oft had try'd and prou'd, and found it so,
That thing would neuer to the bottome goe.

Epigram 3.

[Good Besse forbeare, for beare thou canst full well]

Good Besse forbeare, for beare thou canst full well
For thou for bearing, bear'st away the bell.
Thy patience in thy bearing men admires,
That bearing many wrongs yet neuer tires.

Epigram 4.

[Tis onely womens manners, and their carriage]

Tis onely womens manners, and their carriage,
That maketh them vnfit, or fit for Marriage.
Then Madge thy carriage still so good hath bin
Thou getst the Diu'll and all by commings in.

Epigram 5.

[Mall doth commend Sims comlinesse of stature]

Mall doth commend Sims comlinesse of stature,
But most she likes his freenesse of his Nature.
For she will sweare indeed la, and in truth:
That Sim was euer a sweet natur'd youth.

Epigram 6.

[A messenger, (declaring of his mind)]

A messenger, (declaring of his mind)
In making curtesie, let a scape behind,
Hee looking backe, peace (Sirrha) peace (quoth he)
For if you talke, I sure will silent be.

Epigram 7.

[The Merchant (Drubo) hyer'd a seruant lasse]

The Merchant (Drubo) hyer'd a seruant lasse,
And for her wages he doth duly pay.
From Christmas quarter vnto Michaelmas,
She hath it payd her to a haire (they say)
Sometimes betwixt the quarters she doth take it,
For let it come when 'twill shee'le not forsake it.
And for her Master honest Drubo (hee)
He often payes her with a standing fee.

Epigram 8.

[Fie what an idle life man liues (quoth Dicke)]

Fie what an idle life man liues (quoth Dicke)
How idely they their liues away doe passe:
Whil'st painefull women wins both praise and p.
Induring as they were compos'd of Brasse.
I thinke mens idlenesse was neuer such,
And women ne're were occupi'd so much.

Epigram 9.

[It is no wonder wherefore little Nell]

It is no wonder wherefore little Nell,
So bigge below the waste begins to swell:
For being hungry (in the darke she stole,
A hastie Pudding and deuour'd it whole.

Epigram 10.

[As through the Citie I did lately passe]

As through the Citie I did lately passe,
At a Carts tayle, a Beadle whipt a lasse.
I stept vnto him, and I ask'd the cause,
Quoth he I whipt her, for she brake the Lawes:
In letting out her formost Roome for pelfe,
And (for her pleasure) backward lay her selfe.

Epigram 11.

[A little woman did a bigge man wed]

A little woman did a bigge man wed,
And he was loath to lye with her in bed,
For feare to hurt her: then she spyed a Mouse,
That play'd, and leapt, and skipt about the house.
O Husband would I had that Mouse quoth she,
Her skin would make a paire of gloues for me.
So wide (quoth he) I know twill neuer stretch,
Content your selfe (qd. she) young things will reach.

Epigram 12.

[A lustie wench as nimble as an Eele]

A lustie wench as nimble as an Eele,
Would giue a Gallant leaue to kisse and feele,
His itching humour straight-way was in hope,
To toy, to wanton, dally, busse and grope,
Hold Sir (quoth she) my word I will not faile,
For you shall feele my hand, and kisse my T.

Epigram 13. On Mistresse Charitie

In very deedla, and sinceritie,
There is much Charitie in Charitie.
She hath so kinde, so free a liberall heart,
That euery man of her shall haue a part.

Epigram 14.

[Two Sheepe (in Law) did lately long contend]

Two Sheepe (in Law) did lately long contend,
And Wolfe the Lawyer must the matter end.
Who with his fine fines, and his firking fees,
Drawes both their purses to the very lees,
The mony gone, the strife of Law did cease,
They fooles fell out, and beggers made the peace.

Epigram 15.

[Mad dapper Dicke, doth very often shift]

Mad dapper Dicke, doth very often shift,
And yet hee's lowzie through the want of shift.

Epigram 16. On Madam Temperance.

A man that went to trauaile swore to's wife,
He would loue Temp'rance as he lou'd his life,
Indeed he lou'd a faire and beauteous Dame,
(Although intemperate) Temp'rance was her name.
On whom he spent his loue, his lust, his store.
He might as well haue spent it on a whore.

Epigram 17.

[Doll held the Candle, Raph would faine be doing]

Doll held the Candle, Raph would faine be doing,
O when (qd. she) will you frō lewdnes turne ye,
I prethee Doll quoth Raph regard my woing,
In truth quoth Doll lea be, or else ile burne ye.
Raph puts the light out, sweares to haue about,
And yet Doll burn'd him though the fire was out.

Epigram 18.

[As at an Inne I lately did a-light]

As at an Inne I lately did a-light,
I to my Chamber lighted was with lights:
Where a light Curtezan (of manners light)
Make glad my heart, my Liuer, and my Lights.
Yet when the Candle light was me bereft,
For all those lights I was in darkenesse left.

Epigram 19. Light vanitie.

What is more light then vapor, cork, or feather
Or what more light then Vanity can be?
Compact, compose, compare light things together,
And nothing's lighter then a wanton she.
Yet heere's the Riddle, (past my wits to scan)
Her lightnesse weighes downe many a heauy man.

Epigram 20.

[Twas ne're so hard (since first the world began)]

Twas ne're so hard (since first the world began)
To finde an honest true right, handed man.
Hath man two left hands? no; I pray how then,
Are men nor right hand, or left handed men?
The left hand now, may well be call'd the left,
For true and honest dealing it hath left.
And for the right hand, 'tis the wrong hand sure,
It selfe to wrong, or wrong doth still inure.
So to conclude (I doubt) aboue the ground
A true right handed man, can scarce be found.

Epigram 21.

[My Lawyer said the case was plaine for mee]

My Lawyer said the case was plaine for mee,
The Angell told him so hee tooke for fee:
But yet my Angell and my Lawyer lyed,
For at my Iudgement I was damnifi'd.

Epigram 22.

[As Gold is better that's in fire tride]

As Gold is better that's in fire tride,
So is the Bankside Globe that late was burn'd:
For where before it had a thatched hide,
Now to a stately Theator 'tis turn'd.
Which is an Emblem, that great things are won,
By those that dare through greatest dangers run.

Epigram 23.

[Good companie's in such request with Jone]

Good companie's in such request with Jone,
Tis death to her to walke or lye alone.

Epigram 24.

[I scorne (quoth Alice) to be put downe by any]

I scorne (quoth Alice) to be put downe by any,
And yet 'tis knowne she's bin put downe by many.

Epigram 25.

[My Ladies foysting-hound (surnamed Muske)]

My Ladies foysting-hound (surnamed Muske)
Did chance to mute vpon my Ladies buske:
But ouer all the world, 'twixt Heauen and Hell,
I thinke no Muske had euer stronger smell.

Epilogve.