University of Virginia Library

Letter from William Francis Brand to Amanda Catherine Armentrout, December 12, 1865

It has been so long
since I have tried to put up
a letter that I am at a loſs to
know how to commence. When
I cast my eye up at the top
of the page & see the heading
Alone, It calls forth a short
sigh, & I imagine shall it
always be so, I am alone at
heart, while company are around
me inviting me to be cheerfull
I noticed in the last Specta
tor the Marrige of Mr Peck &
your Cous, Lizzie, Does this not
create a sigh in my breast
If I had been a child of for
tune I might have been blest
with a smiling bride, and
alas I wait on the uncertain
future, when thy noble heart

may change towards me, & eaven
score eaven the omble path
I pursue why is it that
fears torment me, on thy account
Well I know you have never giv
en me of late room to doubt
you consistency, Sometimes I
imagine I see you looking at
me; and saying; I once loved
you, but now I pity you. Weell
I know thare is know tender cord
in thy posom but wich I can
cause to vibrate with feelings
of pity, The last time I was in
your presance you desired to be
united in the holy bans of
marriage in Nov. The month is
past & you have never hurd from
Mr. Dear Lady can I account
for my inconsistancy It must
be my carleſsneſs & fate, If I could
have willed it to my sadisfaction
you would now be with me, But
well do I recolect that I have hurd you say time and again
that you never would be willing
to marry me, untill I had some
little home of my own to take
you too. at that time I coinsided
with you But know I fear many moons
will grow old before I can claim
a home of my own.own or such as
I would have a little lot I would
not have if I it was made a presant
to me I believe I could keep a
mate at my presant acupation
with ease. & would be willing
to risk it next fall. & at presant
but we have not house room. as
Mr C, has a young couple living with
him this winter. His wifes bro,
Why am I writing thus, what
makes my heart throp & say oh
Kate what must I do to make
thee happy. While I am writing I
am sad. I know not what recep
tion this may meet with. “Maybe”
cold & formal, Once I believed the sight of my scribling created a
pleasent sensation. But that
time has propably past. & may
be left to morn because I was
the dupe of time. Time waits
for no one & I have been wait
ing for time. I may wait on &
in a few short years I may sleep
with my mother earth. Dear Kate
I intended comming down in
four weeks from the time I was
down, But my ocupation is so
confining that I cannot always
go when I desire. & I have neglect
ed writing untill I am ashamed
to write, Busineſs & love are two
conflicting eliments, Belive
me I remain yours with unchan
ed devotion. & if you will wait
untill another Summers Sun
shall paſs I will give the my
hand with my heart. if not
your will shall be my desire
I do not know when I will get
down during hollodeys I hope
I will bring this to a close hoping you will excuse
all my past errors & love me as your Willie boy