University of Virginia Library

Scene I.

—The Post of Palermo, with entrance to an Inn, R. The sea, with galleys in the distance. The Castle of Palermo on the heights, L.
Ferdinando, Bertuccio, Gobetto, and other Sicilian Nobles discovered looking into the window of Inn. Gobetto rather tipsy.
Enter (from Inn) the Prince of Granada.
Prince.
Yes—he's still at it, with his gloomy friend,
It seems Duke Robert's dinner'll never end!

Gob.
His prodigality will prove his bane—
Just look! He's helped himself to tart again!

Ferd.
What takes he now? Cheesecakes, or I'm a dunce!

Gob.
(exited).
Cheesecakes? Yes! There goes two-pence all at once!
Ah, when he gets his bill, surprised he'll be,
He doesn't know that sherry's one and three!

Prince.
He's smoking cigarettes, and has a tray for 'em—
I know they're precious dear—I hope he'll pay for 'em!

Gob.
He's smoking to a pretty tune, I'll bet, oh!

Prince.
The pretty tune must be “Il Cigaretto!”

Bertuccio.
He's coming out!

Gob.
(aside)
A guzzling, greedy gourmand, he!
(aloud)
Come, boys, three cheers for Robert, Duke of Normandy!

Enter Robert from hotel, followed by waiter with bill. Robert carries a cup of wine in his hand. All cheer.
Rob.
(to waiter)
My bill? Ha, yes—I've not sufficient metal.
The dismal gentleman inside will settle!

Gob.
(aside)
Yah! Sunday swell and seedy snob combined!
(aloud)
I hope your Grace has comfortably dined.
I trust the wines were good—of course they would be
And that the cookery was all it should be!
(slyly)
We saw you through the window, pouring fizz in!

Rob.
(severely)
I like the wines, but didn't like the quizzin'.
The bill was heavy, too, but there—that's paid.
My friends, I drink Palermo's town and trade!

(drinks)
Gob.
This condescension, noble sir, will glad it!
(aside)
He'd drink Palermo's harbour, if he had it!

Rob.
(aside)
Poor devil, how he glistens at the sight of it
(aloud)
Come glasses round, suppose we make a night of it!

[All agree. Waiter hesitates]
Gob.
(tipsily to waiter)
Didn't you hear what Duke Roberto said?

Rob.
(aside to Gob.)
I really think you'd better go to bed,
You must have drunk a cellar by your eye—

Gob.
Then it's a salt cellar, I am so dry.

Enter Bertram (R.) from hotel. All stare in astonishment
Prince.
Whoever are you, tell us, if you can?

Bert.
I'm a particularly wicked man.
(they recoil)
But stay: I don't indulge in crimes by choice;
In perpetrating them I have no voice.
And after perpetration comes revulsion.
A saint by choice, a devil by compulsion!

Ferd.
Oh, a policeman.

Bert.
(disgusted)
A policeman? No!
(impressively)
Town trav'ller to the Gentleman Below,
Who, for my zealous aid in all futurity,
Accepts and holds my personal security!

Bertu.
But what's your duty?

Bert.
What's my duty, eh?
I must secure one victim every day!
It is hard, isn't it?

Bertu.
And should you fail?

Bert.
I pay for it by forfeiting my bail!
(indicating himself.)
(whining)
It's getting late. I've collared none to-day!
(despairingly)
Will anybody volunteer? (to Ferd.)
I say,
Oblige me, now—

Fred.
No thanks, the dodge won't do,
I am, in fact, engaged.

Bert.
(to Bertuccio)
Well, then, will you?

Bertu.
I'm worse than he—I'm married, on my life!
But here—I say—you're welcome to my wife!

Enter Raimbault, with Guitar (L.)
Bert.
(to Raimbault.)
You're just the sort of chap I'd like to bind.
I am an easy-going man you'll find,
If you but fall in with my little plan.

Rob.
A Mephistopheleasy-going man:

Bert.
(taking Raimbault aside)
Your name—how came you hither—never fear!

Raim.
(whispering)
My name is Raimbault, and I rambled here.
(aloud)
I come from sunny France—a lovely spot!

Rob.
(aside)
Humph!—so do I—and yet I know you not!

Raim.
To earn my bread as troubadour I try.
No railway servant works so hard as I,
Although, in truth, I'm playing all day long.

Rob.
A troubadour? Oblige us with a song!

Raim.
What shall I sing? What songs your fancies strike?
(they express indifference)
A quaint old Norman legend, if you like?
I came from Normandy—a mighty ship in.

Rob.
From Normandy? Go it, my country's pippen!

Song. Raimbault. Air—“Les Rendezvous de noble compagnie.” (Pré aux Clercs.)
Recit.
Raim.
Before I sing—my cap I circulate— (handing round cap.)

The colour of your gold I like to see!
In stirring verse the account I'll narrate (bis)

Of Robert Duke of Normandee (ter)

Aria.

Rob.
(aside).
That's my papa! He knows no more!

Raim.
I beg your pardon, sir—Verse four—
The fiend—for him the people call so—
Although no doubt he's dead, you see—
He left a son—called Robert, also,
Who turned out rather worse than he!

Rob.
I can't stand this, upon my honour.

Raim.
It is too bad!

Bert.
It is too bad,

Rob. Bert., and Raim.
Upon my word it is too bad,
A most unmitigated cad;
It's really sad—he's quite a lad,
Yet an unmitigated cad!

Raim.
Now you all know
How (many, many years ago)
Lived that bravo
Duke of Normandy!

Bert., Raim,
By peer and peasant
Detested—pleasant!

Bert, Raim., Rob.
Upon my word
I never heard
So bad/sad a song,
So bad/sad a song

During this song, Bertram and Robert appear very much annoyed. At the end Robert works himself up into a furious rage.)
Rob.
Well, have you finished?

Raim.
Yes—that's all the song.
But here's a work in verse, three volumes long,
About Duke Robert—his career's a Vandal's
Accept it—it contains the latest scandals.

Rob.
I think you'll find it all the vorse for you!
Arrest that fellow!

Raim.
Why?

Rob.
You'll quickly see,
For I am Robert Duke of Normandy;
He dies!

Raim.
(in great terror)
Oh can't you spare me?

Rob.
Quiet, will you?
Spare you? Of course I can—that's why I kill you.

Concerted Piece.—Trio, Robert, Raimbault, Bertram, and others.
Air—“La tremenda ultrice spada.” (Capuletti.)
Rob.
Soon my falchion, so tempered and trusty,
Shall perforate you through and through!
Men have found that it's blade's cut—and—thrusty,
So shall you! so shall you! so shall you!

Raim.
In my shoes, sir,
I tremble—so would you, sir!
Doomed to be, by a nobleman crusty,
Cut in two! cut in two! cut in two!

(Air changes to—“Hunting the Hare.”)
Raim.
Mercy, oh mercy, I pray you, in charity;
Wasn't aware you belonged to the clan.

Rob.
I'll teach you to libel a Duke with hilarity,
Chaffing Duke Robert's a dangerous plan.

Raim.
Look at my hair and observe its rigidity,
Notice my tears, you unmerciful man!

Bert.
Through your timidity, quibble and quiddity,
See with rapidity surely I can!

All.
—Through his timidity, &c.

Raim.
In a second I'll offer an humble apology—

Rob.
Pooh, your apology's only a sham.

Raim.
A second's an interval known in horology.

Bert.
Plainly the fellow's been drinking a dram!
Off to the prison, and let him be put in it—
Fasten the door with a vigorous slam!

Raim.
I shall be shut in it—never be cuttin' it—
Putting my fut in it always I am!

All.
—He will be shut in it, &c.

(They are about to bear Raimbault away.)
Raim.
My lord, one word—I and my future bride
Have travelled, seeking you far and wide.
We bear this note to you from your mama—

Rob.
A note for me? then hand it over—
(Raimbault gives him a large packet)
Ha!
This must be money, though, at any rate.

Raim.
No—good advice—

Rob.
Oh, good advice can wait
(puts packet in his breast)
Your bride is pretty, is she?

Raim.
Pretty? Very!
She has a smile so sweet—a laugh so merry,
A cheek so dimpled, and an eye so clear!

Rob.
Let me behold her eye—

Raim.
Behold her 'ere!

Enter Alice (L).
Rob.
My sister Alice!

Alice.
(astonished)
Robert! (embrace)


Gob.
(very tipsy)
That won't do;
The girl belongs to us as much as you.

Rob.
(to Gob.)
My foster-sister.

Gob.
Sister? that's all lies.

Rob.
Stand off; the man who touches Alice, dies.
She is my foster-sister—nothing less—
You see I'm forced to 'sist her in distress.
(to Alice)
You're just in time to save your lover's life.

Alice.
What has he done to justify the knife?

Rob.
He sang a verse and pitched it in a wrong key.

Alice
(aside to Raim.)
You've been and sung that song to him, you donkey!

Gob.
(very drunk)
His foster-sister? Nonsense, that's all lying!

Rob.
Bertram, old chap, just send these fellows flying.
(Bertram scares them off with diabolical action. Exit Raimbault into hotel. Bertram remains at the back, and being fascinated with Alice, endeavours to attract her attention.)
Now Alice, you may speak—we're quite alone.

Alice.
Why Robert, how you're changed in speech and tone!
Your forehead, once so smooth, now bears a frown in it;
As for your mouth, it's evident you're down in it.

Rob.
Yes, though I'm young, it's plain to all who con it
Down in the mouth before I've down upon it!
You'll find its reason in this lovely face,

(Showing her a case containing miniature.)
Alice.
I see there is a lady in the case.
To me once more that pretty portrait give—
(Examining it)
The Princess Isabella, as I live!

Rob.
(surprised)
You know her?

Alice.
Yes! Of course you've made a bid.
You told her that you loved her?

Rob.
Yes, I did.
But all the court with indignation filled,
Attacked me, and I surely had been killed,
But dear old Bertram, there, dispersed my foes—

(Bertram is at the back, smirking at Alice)
Alice.
What, that disgusting person with the nose?

Rob.
The very same.

Alice.
But what a horrid fright!

Bert.
The little darling's fascinated quite!

Alice.
With such a horrible complexion trammelled!

Rob.
That's not his fault, my dear, he's been enamelled
How to get at my love I hardly know.

Alice.
Stop—I've a notion!

Rob.
Ha!

Alice.
A good one!

Bert.
(coming down)
Ho!

Alice.
Take pens—

Bert.
And paper?

Alice.
Nothing could be better—
And write her

Bert.
Yes—

Alice.
A long—

Rob.
(breathless with anxiety)
Exactly!

Alice.
Letter!

Rob.
This is, indeed, a most ingenious plan.
But who will take it?

Alice.
I will, if I can.
I'll ask the sturdy porter at the gate
If Isabel is visible—

Bert.
But wait.
Suppose the sturdy fellow, Miss, should frown!

Alice.
I'll stir de fellow up with half-a-crown.
He'll spend it all upon his favorite wets,
He tipsy gets with all the tips he gets!

Rob.
But stay! to prove myself a Duke of price,
I must have money—Raimbault! Ho! Some dice
Enter Gobetto (and other Sicilians) and Raimbault.
Come friends, a main! bring out some sparkling wine,
The Princess Isabella shall be mine!

(A table is brought. They prepare to play)
Ber.
(aside)
Marry the princess? No, that's not my game,
My victim, Robert, I should never claim.
That slight consideration's not delectable,
A man who marries often turns respectable.
(aside to Gobetto.)
Take these, my friend—the gentleman you'll puzzle.

(giving him dice.)
Gob.
The dice are loaded?

Bert.
Loaded to the muzzle!
Throw!

Rob.
(throwing)
Sixes!

Bert.
Good. Gobetto—

Gob.
(throwing
Ninety-seven!

(Takes money from Robert.)
Rob.
Again! (throws)
Ha! one!

Gob.
(throwing)
Two millions and eleven!

(Takes more of Robert's money.)
Rob.
(“Box and Cox” business.)
Those are good dice of yours? Once more we'll toss!
Double the stakes! I must redeem my loss.
(Puts down last coin.)
I'm staking down my only chance to sup.
(Throws and loses.)
And all I'm staking down he's taking up.
One more expiring venture, sir—here goes—
Pray, gentlemen, observe my dying throes!
I pledge my jewelled collar. (throws)
Seven! gone!

Gob.
Your pledge is mine, my lord.

(Takes Robert's collar.)
Bert.
(aside
Rook takes knight's pawn!

Rob.
No more of dicing—Whist! (to Gob.)
you'll take a hand?

Gob.
Well, yes—the game I hardly understand.

Bert.
(aside to Gob.)
You are prepared, I hope?

Gob.
(aside to Bert.)
Oh, never fear!
Observe my boy—I've all the honours here!

Opens his doublet, and shows all the red, court cards fastened on his breast.)
Bert.
Good boy, good boy! How pleasant 'tis to con him,
With all his blushing honours thick upon him!

Rob.
(desperate)
The bottle's empty! Landlord! Ho!
More wine—
We'll cut for deal (does so)
Hurrah, the deal is mine!

Bert.
(with Scotch accent)
Eh, but I'm always unco glad to feel
Robert associated wi' the deil!

Quartette.—Alice, Bertram, Robert, Raimbault and Gobetto.
Air—“Bibi-Bamban.”
(The four players, alternately playing and running round table.)
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight and nine, ten, knave, queen, king.

(Bis)
Rob.
This is the road to ruin plainly,
Very good cards you seem to hold!

Al. and Raim.
Poor little man, he plays insanely,
Poor little man, he's bought and sold!

Bert.
(dealing fresh pack.)
Ho! ho! ho!
Nobody can know
What the cards I'm dealing out may show, show, show!

All.
Ho! ho! ho!
Nobody can know
What the cards he's dealing out may show, show, show!

(During this last line the players have gathered up their cards—then coming to the front, and showing their hands to audience:)
All.
—Trumps at last!
Ill-luck has past,
Despair, despair away I'll throw,
One rubber more—
What luck's in store
We never, never, never, never, never, never, never know!

Air changes to “Ah qu'elles sont bonnes les pommes.”
All.
Oh! look at the cheat a-cheating,
Oh! ain't it a shameful case?
Oh! now with his metre meting,
Oh! punish the traitor base.

Rob.
Throw him—thrust him—thrash him—throttle him,
Place him under a traitor's ban.

Bert.
Blow him, bust him, bash him, bottle him,
(as to Gob.)
Get out of this as soon as you can!

(Gobetto falls—Robert standing over him— Bertram protecting him).
All.
Oh! look at the cheat a-cheating, &c.

Tableau.