 | Tom Thumb |  |
5
ACT I.
SCENE—A Palace Yard.Enter Doodle and Noodle Meeting, they Embrace.
DUET,
Doodle.
Sure such a day,
So renown'd, so victorious—
Such a day as this was never seen;
Courtiers so gay,
And the mob so uprorious—
Nature seems to wear an universal grin.
Noodle.
Arthur to Doll
Is grown bobbish and uxorious;
While both she and Huncamunca tipple, talking tawdry,
Even Mr. Sol,
So tifted out, so glorious,
Glitters like a beau in a new birth-day embroidery.
Doodle.
Oh, 'tis a day
Of jubilee, cajollery;
A day we never saw before;
A day of sun and drollery.
Noodle.
That you may say,
Their Majesties may boast of it;
And since it never can come more,
'Tis fit they make the most of it,
Doodle.
Oh, 'tis a day, &c.
Noodle.
That you may say,
Doodle.
Sure such a day, &c.
Noodle.
Courtiers so gay, &c.
Dood.
Doodle.
Sure such a day,
So renown'd, so victorious—
Such a day as this was never seen;
Courtiers so gay,
And the mob so uprorious—
Nature seems to wear an universal grin.
Noodle.
Arthur to Doll
Is grown bobbish and uxorious;
While both she and Huncamunca tipple, talking tawdry,
Even Mr. Sol,
So tifted out, so glorious,
Glitters like a beau in a new birth-day embroidery.
Doodle.
Oh, 'tis a day
Of jubilee, cajollery;
A day we never saw before;
A day of sun and drollery.
Noodle.
That you may say,
Their Majesties may boast of it;
And since it never can come more,
'Tis fit they make the most of it,
6
Oh, 'tis a day, &c.
Noodle.
That you may say,
Doodle.
Sure such a day, &c.
Noodle.
Courtiers so gay, &c.
Yes, Noodle, yes;—to-day the mighty Thumb
Returns triumphant.—Captive Giants swarm
Like bees behind his car. (Flourish.
Nood.
But hark! These trumpets
Speak the King at levee—I go.
Dood.
And I also.
SCENE.—A Palace.
Enter KING, QUEEN, Lord GRIZZLE, Courtiers and Attendants. —DOODLE and NOODLE apart.
King.
Let no face but a face of joy be seen!
The man who this day frowns, shall lose his head,
That he may have no face to frown withall—
Smile Dollalolla!
Dood.
(Keeling.)
Dread Liege
This Petition—
King.
(Dashes it away.)
Petition me no petitions, Sir, to-day;
To-day it is our pleasure to be drunk,
And this our Queen shall be as drunk as we.
Queen.
I'st so? why then perdition catch the sailers.
Let's have a rouse, and get as drunk as tailors.
AIR. Queen.
What tho' I now am half seas o'er,
I scorn to baulk this bout,
Of stiff rack punch fetch Bowls a score,
'Fore George I'll see them out.
'Fore George, &c.
I scorn to baulk this bout,
Of stiff rack punch fetch Bowls a score,
'Fore George I'll see them out.
'Fore George, &c.
7
But, Sir, your Queen 'twould ill become,
T'indulge in vulgar sips;
No drop of brandy, gin, or rum,
Should pass these royal lips.
Shall pass, &c.
T'indulge in vulgar sips;
No drop of brandy, gin, or rum,
Should pass these royal lips.
Shall pass, &c.
King.
Tho' rack in punch, ten shillings were a quart,
And rum and brandy be but half a crown,
Rather than quarrel thou shalt have thy fill.
(Trumpets.)
Nood.
These martial sounds, my liege, announce the general.
King.
Haste we to meet, and meetly to receive him.
(Martial Music.)
Enter Tom Thumb, Attendants, and Glumdalca in Chains.
Welcome, thrice welcome, mighty Thomas Thumb!
Thou tiny hero—pigmy giant queller!
What gratitude can thank away the debt
Thy valour puts upon us. (Sets him down.)
Queen.
Oh! ye Gods! (Aside.)
Tom.
When I'm not thank'd at all, I'm thank'd enough—
I've done my duty, and I've done no more. (Bows.)
Queen.
Was ever such a God-like creature seen?
King.
Thy modesty's a flambeau to thy merit.
It shines itself, and shews thy merit too—
O Tom! what to thy prowess do we owe!
Ask some reward,—great as we can bestow.
Tom.
I ask not kingdoms, I can conquer those;
I ask not money,—money I've enough:
If this be call'd a debt, take my receipt in full.
I ask but this, to sun myself in Huncamunca's eyes.
King.
(Aside.)
Prodigious bold request!
Queen.
Be still my soul!—
King.
(After a pause.)
It is resolved!
The princess is thy own. (To Thumb.)
Tom.
O happy Tommy! Super happy Thumb!
Whisper, ye winds, that Huncamunca's mine!
The bloody business of grim war is o'er.
And beauty, heavenly beauty crowns my toils.
8
As when the chimney sweeper,
Has all the live long day,
Thro' darksome paths a creeper,
Pursu'd his sooty way:
Has all the live long day,
Thro' darksome paths a creeper,
Pursu'd his sooty way:
At night to wash with water
His hands and face he flies;
And in his t'other tatter,
With his Brickdusta lies.
His hands and face he flies;
And in his t'other tatter,
With his Brickdusta lies.
King.
(Looking fondly at Glumdalca.)
I feel a sudden pain across my breast— (Aside.)
Nor know I whether it proceeds from love
Or the wind cholic—Hugeous Queen of Hearts,
Sure thou wert form'd by all the Gods in council;
Who having made a lucky hit, beyond their journey work
Cry'd out “This is a woman!”
Glum.
Then were the Gods consoundedly mistaken,
We are a giantess—I tell thee Arthur,
We, yesterday were both a queen and wife;
One hundred thousand giants own'd our sway.
Twenty whereof were wedded to ourself.
Queen.
Oh blest prerogative of giantism! (Aside.)
King.
Be cheer'd, vast Princess.—Think our court thine own,
Call for whate'er thou likest—there's nought to pay.
Nor art thou captive, but thy captive we. (Takes off her chain.)
Queen.
(Aside.)
Ha! Arthur faithless
This gag my rival too, in dear Tom Thumb!
Revenge!—but I'll dissemble—
Madam, believe that with a woman's eye
I view your loss—take comfort—for to morrow,
Our grenadiers shall be call'd out, then chuse
As many husbands as you think you'll want.
Glum.
Madam, I rest your much obliged servant.
[Exit.
Queen.
Tho' greater yet Tom's boasted merit was,
He shall not have my daughter, that is pos. (Advancing to the King.)
King.
Ha! say'st thou?
Queen.
Yes, I say he sha'nt.
King.
How, shan't!
Now by our royal self, we swear he shall.
9
Then tremble all, who weddings ever made,
And tremble more who did this match persuade;
For like a worried cat, I'll spit, I'll squall,
I'll scratch, I'll tear the eyes out of ye all.
[Exit Queen and Ladies.
Dood.
Her majesty the Queen is in a passion.
King.
Be she, or be she not, who cares? We were indeed;
A pretty king of clouts were we to truckle
To all her maudlin humours.
AIR. King.
We Kings, who are in our senses,
Mock our consorts violences;
Pishing at their moods and tenses,
Our own will we follow.
Mock our consorts violences;
Pishing at their moods and tenses,
Our own will we follow.
When the husband once gives way
To his wife's capricious sway,
For his breeches he next day
May go whoop and hollow.
To his wife's capricious sway,
For his breeches he next day
May go whoop and hollow.
[Exeunt Gents. &c.
SCENE changes.
Enter Grizzle. (moody.)
Griz.
—Arthur wrongs me!
Cheats me of my Huncamunca!
Rouse thee, Grizzle! 'Sblood, I'll be a rebel.
Alas, what art thou, glory?
A Monmouth-street lac'd coat, gracing to-day
My back; to-morrow glittering on another's—
To arms! to arms!
Enter the Queen (in a rage.)
Queen.
Teach me to scold, O Grizzle!
Griz.
Scold wou'd my Queen?—say, wherefore.
Queen.
Wherefore!
Faggots and fire—my daughter to Tom Thumb!
10
I'll mince the Atom into countless pieces?
Queen.
Oh! no, prevent the match, but hurt not him—
Him!—Thou!—Thou kill the man
Who kill'd the Giants?
Griz.
Giants!—Why Madam, 'tis all flummery,
He made the Giants first, and then he kill'd them.
Queen.
How! hast thou seen no giants? are there not
Now in our yard, ten thousand proper giants?
Griz.
Madam, I cannot positively tell,
But firmly do believe there is not one.
Queen.
Out from my sight, base Pickthank, hie, begone!
By all my stars, thou enviest Tom Thumb.
DUET. Queen and Grizzle.
Queen.
Liar avaunt,
Thy saucy taunt,
In proof of Tom's desert;
He will break
That scurvy neck,
If on him thou dar'st fling dirt.
Grizzle.
Yes, yes, I go,
But, Madam, know,
(Since your Majesty's so pert)
That a flood
Of Tommy's blood,
To allay this storm shall spirt.
Queen.
Go to hell!
Grizzle.
Oh, mighty well.
Queen.
Thither hie to feed the blaze.
11
I'm glad I know your ways.
Queen.
My sweet creature,
To bespatter,
Quick or dead I'll ne'er forgive.
Grizzle.
'Tis my nature,
Not to flatter,
Take my word, he shall not live.
Queen.
I'll ne'er forgive.
Grizzle.
He shall not live.
[Exeunt.
SCENE.—An Anti-Chamber.
The King discovered on a Couch.
King.
—Methought
I heard a voice say, “Sleep no more!”
Glumdalca exiles sleeps—And therefore, Arthur
Can sleep no more.
Ghost of Gaffer Thumb Rises.
Ghost.
Oh, Arthur! Arthur! Arthur!
Soon shalt thou sleep enough.
King.
Ah! what art thou?
Ghost.
The Ghost of Gaffer Thumb.
King.
A Ghost!—Stand off!
I'll have thee laid in the Red-Sea.
Ghost.
Oh Arthur! take heed.
My thread is spun—list, list, Oh list!
12
Pale death is prowling,
Dire omens scowling,
Doom thee to slaughter,
Thee, thy wife and daughter,
Furies are growling,
With horrid groans:
Grizzle's rebellion,
What need I tell you on?
Or by a red cow,
Tom Thumb devoured?
Hark! the cock crowing.
I must be going,
I can no more.
[Vanishes.
King.
No more! And why no more, or why so much?
Better quite ignorant, than half instructed.
By Jove, this Bo-peep Ghost makes game of us,
Therefore, Fate, keep your secret to yourself.
AIR King.
Such a fine King as I, don't fear your threats of a rush,
Do shew your sweet phiz again, and I'll quickly call up a blush,
Do shew your sweet phiz again, and I'll quickly call up a blush,
For I am up, up, up,
But you are down, down, down,
Do pop up your nob again,
And egad I'll crack your crown.
But you are down, down, down,
Do pop up your nob again,
And egad I'll crack your crown.
Who cares for you, Mr. Ghost?
Or all that you can do;
I laugh at your stupid threats,
And your cock-a-doodle-do;
Or all that you can do;
I laugh at your stupid threats,
And your cock-a-doodle-do;
For I am up, up, up,
But you are down, down, down,
Draw your sword like a man,
Or, I'll box you for a crown.
But you are down, down, down,
Draw your sword like a man,
Or, I'll box you for a crown.
[Exit.
SCENE—Huncamunca's Dressing-Room.
Huncamunca discovered at her Toilette—Frizaletta waiting.
Hunc.
Give me some music,—see that it be sad.
[Band plays a strain of Death and the Lady.]
13
Why had not mighty Bantam been thy father?
Why not the King of Brentford, old or new?
Friz.
Madam, Lord Grizzle.
Enter Lord Grizzle.
Griz.
(Kneeling.)
Oh, Huncamunca! Huncamunca, oh!
Hunc.
This to my rank,—bold man!
Griz.
Ah, beauteous Princess!
Love levels rank,—lords down to cellar bears,
And bids the brawny porter walk up stairs.—
Nought is for love too high, nor ought too low—
Oh, Huncamunca! Huncamunca, oh!
Hunc.
My Lord, in vain, a-suitoring you come,
For I'm engaged this instant to Tom Thumb.
Griz.
Play not the fool, that less than baby shun,
Or you will ne'er be brought to bed of one.
Hunc.
Am I thus fobb'd?—Then I my words recall.
Griz.
Shall I to Doctor's commons?
Hunc.
Do so pray—
I now am in the mood, and cannot stay.
AIR. Grizzle.
In hurry post for a licence,
In hurry ding dong I come back;
For that you shan't need bid me twice hence,
I'll be there, and here in a crack.
Hey ting,
My heart's on the wing,
I now could leap over the moon;
Let the Chaplain
Set us grapp'ling,
And we'll stock a baby-house soon.
[Exit.
Enter Tom Thumb.
Tom.
Where is my Huncamunca? where's my Princess?
Where those bright eyes, the car-matches of Cupid,
That light up all with love my waxen soul?
Hunc.
Put out the light, nor waste thy little taper.
Tom.
Put out the light? Impossible!
As well Sir Solomon might put out his rushlight. (Sings.)
14
I am to Lord Grizzle promis'd.
Tom.
Promis'd?
Hunc.
Too sure, 'tis enter'd in fate's journal.
Tom.
Enter'd!
Rounds! I'll tear out the leaf—I'll blot the page—I'll burn the book.
I tell thee, Princess, had I been thy help-mate,
We soon had peopled this whole realm with Thumbs.
Hunc.
O fie! I shudder at the gross idea!
AIR. Huncamunca.
'Tis not in sinew, or in bone,
That conquering power resides alone;
A fig for size. We often find
In smallest forms the largest mind.
That conquering power resides alone;
A fig for size. We often find
In smallest forms the largest mind.
So lovely Tommy, mighty man,
Although his frame is small,
Can fight as well as giants can;
The spirit serves for all.
Although his frame is small,
Can fight as well as giants can;
The spirit serves for all.
His manly heart and nimble arm,
Subdue both stout and tall;
His love and war alternate charm,
The heart is all in all.
Subdue both stout and tall;
His love and war alternate charm,
The heart is all in all.
Tom.
Then go we to the King—let him decide,
Whether you shall be Grizzle's, or my bride.
AIR. Tom.
That pettisogging Grizzle, I find, is your gallant,
Who, like a hedge-attorney, cogs my title to supplant;
Shall he with you join issue?—No, by my soul, he shan't.
For Tommy is the lad, the lad for thee, &c.
(Going out Hand-in-hand, are met by Glumdalca.)
Glum.
Stop, Brandy-nose! hopest thou the wight,
Who once hath worn my easy chains, will toil in thine?
Hunc.
Easy, no doubt, by twenty husbands worn.
Tom.
In the balcony which o'erhang the stage,
I've seen one wench two 'prentices engage:
15
That just lets peep a little bit of gold.
Miss the half-guinea wisely does purloin,
And scorns the bigger, and the baser coin.
TRIO. Glumdalca.
Oh! the vixen pigmy brat,
Of inches scarce half six;
To slight me for a chit like that,
Ah! Mr. Tom, are these your tricks?
Huncamunca.
Oh! the coarse salacious trull,
Who giant paramours twice ten
To bed can pull,
With hugs can lull,
Yet still would gull
Young gentlemen.
Tom Thumb.
Little tho' I be,
I scorn the sturdy strum;
Nor ever she,
My dear from thee
Shall debauch thy own Tom Thumb.
Glumdalca.
Oh the vixen, &c.
Huncamunca.
Oh the coarse, &c.
Tom Thumb.
Little tho' I be, &c.
| Tom Thumb | |