University of Virginia Library

I JEST got a letter from Zekel Bigelow,
tellin me that a good many folks want to git
all the letters I writ to you printed in a book,
for there's a good many kounterfits goin about,
and this is the ony way to put a cross on 'em.
I had a kinder notion the kounterfiters would
git to work, and that's the reason why I always
stuck to your paper—for I was afeard, as
I said once afore in one of my letters to you,
that I should git stump'd sometimes myself
with some of them kounterfits, jest as my old
friend Captain Jumper, of the Two Pollies,
and President of the Downingville Bank, was
a spell ago, when they brought him a bill on

his Bank to examin. It was so slick a kounterfit
the Captain couldn't tell himself: but he
is one of them kind of folks that never says
nothin to commit himself; so says he, `Now
it looks like a kounterfit, and now agin it
don't; and so upon the hull I should say it's
about midlin.'

Zekel says that Mr. Harper & Brothers in
New-York are master hands at printin books,
and they can turn'em out there nigh upon as
fast as Peleg Bissel can wooden clocks.

There ain't no use in printin all the letters
I writ to you afore I started with the Gineral
on the Grand Tower; for I writ to so many
folks afore that time, that I can't tell the giniwine
from the kounterfits. But you best begin
where I tell'd you I warn't drownded, and
then keep on, and let Zekel look over with
you and correct the spellin, for he is a master
hand at that—and he is a real Jackson man,
too; and I don't want nothin printed in that
book unless Zekel and you look well into it,
and see there is no mistake.

I ony wish I had gone to school a leetle
more when I was a boy—if I had, my letters
now would make folks crawl all over: but if
I had been to school all my lifetime, I know I

never could be able to write more honestly than
I have. I am sometimes puzzled most plaguily
to git words to tell jest exactly what I think,
and what I know; and when I git'em, I don't
know exactly how to spell'em—but so long as
I git the sound, I'll let other folks git the sense
on't—pretty much as our old friend down to
Salem, who bilt a big ship to go to China—he
call'd her the `Asha.' Now there is sich a
thing as folks knowin too much: all the learned
ones was puzzled to know who `Asha' was;
and they never would know to this day what it
ment, if the owner of the ship hadn't tell'd'em
that China was in Asha.' `Oh! ah!' says the
larned folks, `we see now—but that ain't the
way to spell it.' `What,' says he, `if A-s-h-a
don't spell Asha, what on earth does it spell?'
And that stump'd'em.

Now that's pretty much all I've got to say
about my spellin—if folks ain't too larned when
they read my letters, they'll git along pretty
well; but if they keep thinkin of Latin and
grammar all the while, they'll be stump'd pretty
often. When they read my letters, I want
them, if they don't know me, jest to keep an
eye on my likeness in the book, and all the
while to keep thinkin that I am a good-natur'd

honest critter as ever marched at the head of
a brigade of militia.

As soon as the book is printed, I want you
to send a copy on't to the Gineral: he keeps
all my letters in the newspapers, but he would
like amazingly to have 'em in a book.

I and the Gineral have been lookin over
the laws about frankin, and we come to the
notion that as all my letters are on public business,
any of our Congressmen can frank'em
as public documents. So if you can git a
good lot on'em here afore Congress goes hum,
they will frank'em all over the country.

If in any of my letters to you I handle any
folks without mittins who don't deserve it, it
is because I find'em in bad company.

Zekel Bigelow wants me to write a Preface
to the book, and to say somethin about my life;
but it's no use: folks know more about me
already than I ever tell'd'em, and some know
a leetle more than I do myself. The Gineral
says, and I say so too, that it don't amount
to nothin to tell when and where a man was
born, so much as to know how he lives, and
how, and when, and where he is goin to die—
that's a plaguy deal more important. I am as
true an American, evry inch on me, as ever

went barefoot till I could earn mony enuff, by
my own labour, beyend payin for schoolin, to
buy me a pair of shoes: and there ain't a critter
in the country I would willingly singe if I
didn't think he desarv'd it; and when I find
sich kind of folks in office, I want to sarve'em
as Captain Jumper sarves rats in the Two
Pollies—smoke 'em out. As long as I live
I mean to do all the good I can; and if
folks will only keep an eye to what I tell'em,
things will go strait enuff to rights: but that
won't be till the people agree to vote for no
man to any office unless he has got a good
character, and is capable to do all the duties
honestly and well, and according to law—but
if the people put scamps in office, jest because
they are party-men, things will go on worse
and worse, and there won't be no laws but jest
such laws as will keep these very scamps in
their offices; and so, instead of havin laws to
protect us agin scamps, we'll have scamps to
make laws for us; and that's jest turnin
things the rong eend first. We have got good
laws now—and all that is wantin to keep'em
so, is for the people to see that none but the
good, and the wise, and the honest git into
office to execute the laws: and if by any accident
a sly chap slips in, we must keep a sharp
eye on him, and as soon as he goes crooked,
smoke him out.

Now this is pretty much all I've got to say
about the book; and as to the Preface to it,
don't forgit my face, and the Gineral's face;
and let the likenesses be good and natural.