All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet Being Sixty and three in Number. Collected into one Volume by the Author [i.e. John Taylor]: With sundry new Additions, corrected, reuised, and newly Imprinted |
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| TAYLORS GOOSE:
By Iohn Taylor.
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 | All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet |  |
104
TAYLORS GOOSE: By Iohn Taylor.
DESCRIBING THE VVILDE GOOSE, THE Tame Goose, the Taylors Goose, the VVinchester Goose, the Clack Goose, the Soleand Goose, the Huniburne Goose, Goose vpon Goose, the true nature and profit of all Geese, the honourable victories of the Gray-Goose-wing, the worthinesse of the Pen, the Description of Goosetoft, and Goose Fayre, with the valour of the Gander.
VVhen restlesse Phœbus seem'd himselfe to restHis flaming Carr, descending to the West,
And Hesperus obscur'd her twinkling light:
Then in a sable mantle (Madame night)
Tooke of the world the sole command, and keepe
Charming the eyes of mortals sound a sleepe:
She sent dull Morpheus forth, and Somnus both,
(The Leaden Potentates of Sleepe and Sloth)
Who vnto euery one good rest imparts
Saue Louers, guilty mindes, and carefull hearts.
The stealing houres, creep'd on with sleeping pace,
When masqued Midnight shew'd her Ebon face;
When Hagges, and Furies, Witches, Fairies, Elues,
Ghosts, Sprites, & Goblins doe disport themselues:
When fond imaginarie dreames doe raigne
In formelesse formes, in mans molested braine:
On such a time, I sleeping in my bed,
An vnaccustom'd dreame came in my head,
Me thought as neere vnto a Riuers side,
Within a pleasant Groue I did abide,
That all the feathered birds that swims or flies,
Or liues betwixt the breeding earth and skies,
One at the least of euery seuerall sort,
Did for their recreation there resort.
There was such a variety of notes,
Such warbling, & such whistling frō their throates:
The Base, the Tenor, Trebble, and the Meane,
All acting various Actions in one Sceane:
The sober Goose (not thinking ought amisse)
Amongst the rest did (harshly) keake and hisse:
At which the Peacocke, and the pyde-coate Iay,
Said, Take the foolish gaggling Goose away.
The Goose (though angry) with a modest looke,
Seem'd as she gently this affront would brooke,
When all the Fowles in generall out did breake,
Commanding her she should not dare to speake.
Away the melancholly Goose return'd,
And in a banke of Reede she sate and mourn'd,
Complaining 'gainst the hatefull multitude,
And iustly taxing with Ingratitude
The Race of all mortality; and then
Is none (quoth she) suruiuing amongst men,
That will my true worth search and vnderstand,
And in my quarrell take a Pen in hand,
And in a stately high Heroicke stile,
My Predecessours noble Acts compile,
From age to age descending vnto me,
That my succeeding Issue all may see
The admirable deedes that I haue done,
And runne that worthie course that I haue runne.
O impious age, when there is no defence
For Vertue, and for hated Innocence:
When Flatt'rers, Fooles, and Fiddlers are rewarded,
When I must liue inpittied, vnregarded!
Me thought these last words ended with a keake
Of such force, as if her heart would breake.
At which I starting, wak'ned from my dreame,
And made the Gooses wrong, my Muses theame:
I' arose, put on my cloathes, sate downe, and than
I tooke my Pen in hand, and thus began.
From darke obliuious den I here let loose
Th'imprison'd honour of the famous Goose:
In her creation and originall,
And after in the Law Leuiticall,
105
A Goose hath iustly gain'd the name of good.
To value her with any other Bird,
Comparisons are weake and meere absurd:
First, for her flesh, she is mans daily fare:
She's good, she's cheape, she's plenty, and she's rare:
Bake her, or rost her, vse her as you will,
And Cooke her as she should be, she's good still:
But as great summes are made with little driblets,
So put the Hares head 'gainst the Gooses giblets;
And men may piece a dinner vp (perhaps)
Which otherwise would rise with hungry chaps:
For the old Prouerbe, I must here apply,
Good meate men may picke from a Gooses eye.
She is good fresh, but better two dayes salted,
For then she'le try if Ale or Beere be Malted;
Her greace is excellent (probatum est)
For such as numnesse in their ioynts molest:
For the Sciatica, the Crampe, or Gowte
It either cures or eases, out of doubt.
Mix'd with Stauesacre, and Argentum viue,
It will not leaue a man a Lowse aliue.
Her lungs and liuer into pouder dride,
And fasting in an Asses milke applide,
Is an experienc'd cordiall for the Spleene,
As oftentimes it hath approued beene.
Her braines, with Salt and Pepper, if you blend
And eate, they will the vnderstanding mend.
Her Gall, if one be but with drinke opprest,
Or meat, or fruit, and cannot well digest:
But swallow't downe, and take the 'tother cup,
And presently 'twill fetch the rest all vp.
And thus a Goose, for med'cine and for food,
I haue Anatomiz'd exceeding good.
As for her qualities, whil'st she doth liue,
She doth example and instruction giue:
Her modesty, and affabilitie,
Shewes she's descended from Gentilitie,
For if they be a hundred in a troope,
To a Barne doore in courtesie thei'l stoope.
How neate & comely they themselues will pick,
That no one feather out of order stick:
How grauely they from place to place will waggle,
And how (like Gossips) freely they will gaggle,
That sure I thinke, the fashion of her prate,
Our wiues at Gossipings doe imitate.
In Plinie and in Gesner I doe finde,
That Geese are of strange sundry sorts and kinde.
In Scotland there are Geese which grow on Trees,
(Which much from humane reason disagrees)
Bred by the Ayre and Sunnes all-quickning fire,
That ne'r was Egge, nor e'r had Dam or Sire.
Then ther's a Soleand Goose, which they so call,
Because the female hath but one in all.
Sole is as much to say, as be alone,
And neuer Soleand Goose did hatch but one:
Or else the name of them may well proceede
From the Dams foot-sole, whence they all do breede,
Which in her Claw she holds vntill it hatch,
The Gander fetches food, the Goose doth watch.
These Soland Geese doe breed in a little Iland in Scotland, two miles within the Sea, called the Basse, betweene twenty fiue and thirty miles beyond Barwick, where they are in such aboundance, that the Lord (or Owner) of the Iland doth yeerly receiue for these Geese two hundred pound sterling.
The Winchester Goose.
Then ther's a Goose that breeds at Winchester,And of all Geese, my mind is least to her:
For three or foure weekes after she is rost,
She keepes her heat more hotter then a tost.
She's seldome got or hatch'd with honesty,
From Fornication and Adultery,
From reaking Lust, foule Incest, beastly Rape,
She hath her birth, her breeding, and her shape.
Besides Whoremongers, Panders, Bawds & Pimpes,
Whores, Harlots, Curtezans, and such base Impes,
Luxurious, letcherous Goates, that hunt in Flockes,
To catch the Glangore, Grinkums, or the Pockes,
Thus is she got with pleasure, bred with paine,
And scarce ere comes where honest men remaine.
This Goose is worst of all, yet is most deare,
And may be had (or heard of) any where.
A Pander is the Cater to the Feast,
A Bawde the Kitchin Clerke, to see her drest.
A Whore the Cooke, that in a pockey heate,
Can dresse a dish fit for the Deuill to eate.
The hot whore-hunter for the Goose doth serue,
The whil'st the Surgeon, and Physician carue.
The Apothecary giues attendance still,
For why the sauce lyes onely in his Bill.
There hath a Turkey at Newmarket bin,
Which to this Goose was somewhat neere a kin:
And some report, that both these Fowles haue seene
Their like, that's but a payre of sheeres betweene.
And one of them (to set them onely forth)
Costs more the dressing then they both are worth.
This Goose is no way to be tolerated,
But of good men to be despisde and hated,
For one of these, if it be let alone,
Will eate the owner to the very bone.
Moreouer, it from Nature is contrary,
And from all other creatures doth vary:
For of all breeding things that I could heare,
The Males doe still beget, and Females beare
But this hath euer a Dam masculine
Engendred by a Father Feminine.
106
The Sir's a Female, and a Male the Mother.
But cease, my Muse, soyle not thy purer straine,
With such contagious mud, rouze, rouze againe,
From this polluted puddle, and once more,
Take the same Theame in hand thou hadst before.
The Taylers Goose.
Bvt yet a little mirth doth make me stay:A Taylers Goose comes wadling in my way,
A thing I cannot giue the Epithite
Of Male or Female, or Hermaphrodite.
Of Uulcans brood it is, whose Dam and Sire,
Was windy bellowse, smoake, and flaming Fire.
By Nature it should much delight to lye,
For in a Forge it had Natiuity,
Yet it with lying doth no hurt commit,
Stealing is more addicted vnto it;
And yet to Steele it is so neere a kin,
That to be true, it doth opinion win.
Tis mettle to the hard backe, I am sure,
And 'tis a dish will ten mens liues endure.
Be it of age a hundred winters long,
It is as tender as 'twas when 'twas young.
A Cooke from it can get but slender fees,
It hath no Gibblets, like to other Geese.
It neither breeds nor feedes, yet doth this good,
It doth helpe others to get cloathes and food.
And of all Geese shee's tamest, shee'l not roame,
This Goose a man may alwayes haue at home.
'Tis dyet onely for an Estrich tooth,
It cannot cog, yet very much doth smooth.
It puts downe all the Fowles that ere man saw,
Tis often rosted, yet 'tis euer raw,
It is a Bird that euery slut may dresse,
It knowes no warres, yet euery day doth presse.
And to conclude, it is a messe of meate,
Which whoso can digest it, let him eate.
The prayse of the Gray Goose wing.
The Winchester and Taylers Goose I see,Are both too heauy, and too hot for me:
I will returne the honour to Emblaze,
Of the Gray Goose that on the greene doth graze.
To speake of wandring Wild-geese in this place,
Were (like a Goose) to run the Wild-goose chase:
The Egyptians did obserue their wonted guise,
How in the Skie they flew triangle-wise,
Which with one Corner forward, is their drift,
Thus figured to cut the Ayre more swift.
For me the wilde-Goose is too high a game,
My minde is onely to the Goose that's tame,
I in her Fleshes prayse haue wrote before,
But yet her Feathers doe deserue much more.
They are of farre more est mate and price
Then th'Estrich, or the bird of Paradise,
The Rauen, the Crow, the Daw in mourning dight,
The prating Pye attyr'd in blacke and white,
The Buzzard, Redshanke, Kite, Owle, Gull, & Rook,
The fabled Phœnix that breedes where (goe looke,)
The Pheasant, Partridge, Turtle, Plouer, Pidgeon,
The Woodcock, Woodquist, Woodpecker, & Widgeō
The Iay, the Snipe, the Teale, the Cock, the Hen,
The Chogh, the Larke, the Lapwing, & the Wren,
The Falkon, the Gerfalkon, Hobby, Marlin,
The Sparrowhauke, the Goshauke, Tassell, Starlin,
The Haggard, Keistrell, Lanneret, Cormorant,
The Caperkelly, and the Termagant,
The Bunting, Heathcocke, Crane, and Pellican,
The Turkey, Mallard, Ducke, the Storke, the Swan,
The Pewet, Parrot, and the Popinjay,
The Eagle, and the Cassawaraway,
The Sheldrake, Bittour, Blackbird, Nightingale,
The Cuckow that is alwayes in one tale,
The Sparrow of the hedge, or of the house,
The Ringdoue, Redbrest, and the Tittimouse,
The Bulfinch, Goldfinch, Ringtaile, Wagtaile, and
The Hearne that liues by water and by land:
The Swallow, Martin, Lennet, and the Thrush,
The Mauis that sings sweetly in the bush;
The Morecoote, the Kingfisher, and the Quaile;
The Peacock, with his proud vaine-glorious taile.
These sorts of Birds that I haue nam'd before,
If they were thrice redoubled three times more,
And let men value them but as they are,
They cannot with the Goose (for worth) compare.
Many of these doe feed on Carrion still,
And still are Carrion, euer being ill,
Neither in flesh or feathers they affoord
To doe man seruice at his bed or boord.
And some of them yeeld Plumes, and ornaments
For Ladies, and for Knightly Tournaments:
But let these toyes be weigh'd but iust and right,
And thei'le be found as vaine as they are light.
Others there are, as Parrots, Stares, Pyes, Dawes,
Are mightily accounted of, because
They can speak perfect none-sence, prate & chatter,
Feeding the eare: these fowles makes fooles the fatter.
Then there are others great, and small in size,
But great all for the greatnesse of their price,
Most pleasantly their flesh men doe deuoure,
The sawce lyes in the reckoning, sharpe and sowre.
Some are to sing continually in Cages,
And get but bread and water for their wages.
And others, with great paines men doe procure
With cost of Manning, Diet, Hood, Bels, Lure;
107
A Goose for profit doth surpasse them all.
When with her flesh mans stomack she hath fed,
She giues him ease and comfort in his bed:
She yeelds no whim-whams wauering on his crest,
But she relieues him with repose and rest.
And though the world be hard, she layes him soft,
She beares the burthen, and he lyes aloft:
Let him be drunke, or weary, sicke or lame,
She's semper idem, alwayes one the same.
Thus to supply our wants, and serue our needes,
Good meate and lodging from a Goose procedes.
Besides she loues not farre abroad to gad,
But at all times she's easie to be had;
As if (to satisfie mans hungry gut)
She wayted still that he her throat should cut.
Men neede not be at charge for Hawkes and Dogs,
And ride, and run o're hedge, ditch, mires, & bogs:
She's quickly caught, and drest well, eates as pleasant
As (far fetch'd deere bought) Partridge or a Pheasāt.
Throughout the world the Trumpe of Fame loud rings,
T'emblaze the glory of the Gooses wings:
The Romane Eagle ne'r had spred so farre,
But that the gray Goose was the Conquerer.
Sosostris King of Egypt with her feather,
Rain'd stormes and showres of Arrowes, like foule weather,
And ouercame the Iewes, th'Assirians,
Th'Arabians, Scithians, Germanes, Thracians.
The Huns, the Gothes, the Vandals, and the Gals,
With Arrows made great Rome their seu'rall thrals:
The Philistines were mighty Bow-men all,
With which they got the conquest of King Saull.
Cyrus with thousands of his Persians
With Shafts were slaine by the Messagetans,
Turkes, Tartars, Troyans, and the Parthians,
Danes, Saxons, Sweuians, and Polonians;
Yea all the Nations the whole world around,
The gray-Goose-wing hath honour'd and renound.
But why should I roame farre and wide aloofe,
When our own Kingdome yeelds sufficient proofe?
But search the Chronicles, it is most plaine,
That the Goose-wing braue conquests did obtaine.
Remember valiant Edwards name (the third)
How with the wing of this deseruing Bird,
When to small purpose seru'd his Shield or Lance:
At Cressie he ore-top'd the pow'r of France.
And after that, remember but agen
That Thunder-bolt of warre, that Mars of men,
The black Prince Edward, his victorious sonne,
How he at Poictiers a braue battaile wonne,
Where the French King and many Peeres wer tane,
Their Nobles, and their Gentles most part slaine,
And thirty thousand of their Commons more,
Lay in the field all weltring in their gore.
Henry the fift (that memorable King)
All France did vnto his subiection bring,
When forty thousand of the French men lay
At Agincourt, slaine in that bloody fray.
And though true valour did that conquest win,
But for the Gooses wing it had not bin.
In these things, and much more then I can say,
The Gooses feather bore the prize away.
If I should write all in particular,
What this rare feather hath atchieu'd in war,
Into a sea of matter I should runne,
And so begin a worke will ne'r be done.
And thus from time to time it hath appear'd,
How the gray Goose hath brauely domineer'd:
With swiftly cutting through the empty skie,
Triumphantly transporting victorie
From land to land, offending and defending
The Conquest on the Arrowes still depending.
Our English Yeomen, in the dayes of old,
Their names and fames haue worthily extold
Witnesse that Leash, that stout admired three,
Braue Adam Bell, Clim Clough, Will Clowdeslee.
I could capitulate, and write vpon
Our English Robin Hood, and little Iohn,
How with this feather they haue wonne renowne,
That euermore their memories shall crowne.
And e'r the Deuill these damned Gunnes deuis'd,
Or hellish powder here was exercis'd,
With the Goose-wing we did more honour get,
More nobly gain'd, then Gunnes could euer yet.
And how hath Vice our worthy Land infected,
Since Archery hath beene too much neglected?
The time that men in shooting spent before,
Is now (perhaps) peruerted to a Whore,
Or bowling, swearing, drinke, or damned Dice,
Is now most Gentleman-like exercise.
But for these few that in those dayes remaine,
Who are addicted to this shooting veine,
Let men but note their worthy disposition,
And we shall see they are of best condition,
Free honest spirits, such as men may trust,
In all their actions, constant, true, and iust.
It is a thing I haue obserued long,
An Archers mind is cleare from doing wrong,
It is a note worthy respect, and marke,
An Archer is no base defamed Sharke,
Not giuen to pride, to couetousnesse, or
To swearing, which all good men doe abhorre,
Nor doth he exercise, or take delight,
To cheate, to cogge, to lye, and to backe-bite,
But with most louing friendly conuersation,
He practiseth this manly recreation.
There was a Statute in th'eight Henries raigne,
Which Statute yet doth in full force remaine,
108
Wish that it were obseru'd, and kept in vse.
Within these few yeeres (I to mind doe call)
The Yeomen of the Guard were Archers all,
A hundred at a time I oft haue seene,
With Bowes & Arrowes ride before the Queene,
Their Bowes in hand, their Quiuers on their shoulders,
Was a most stately shew to the beholders:
And herein, if men rightly doe obserue,
The Arrowes did for two good vses serue:
First for a shewe of great magnificence,
And trusty weapons for to guard their Prince.
Prince Charles (our hope of Britaines happinesse)
Doth his affection oftentimes expresse:
With many Noble men of worthy race,
Doe with their best performance, shooting grace:
And long may these superiour Worthies liue,
Example to th'inferiour sort to giue,
That though this exercise be much declin'd,
May some supporters and defenders find.
King Sauls braue sonne (true-hearted Ionathan)
Dauids true friend, a Prince, a valiant man,
Did in this noble quality excell,
As the true story of his life doth tell.
King Dauid made a Law, and did command,
That shooting should be taught within this land.
Thus from true Histories we plainely see,
That shooting is of great antiquity:
And that the glory of the Gooses wings
Hath beene aduanc'd by Princes, Lords, and Kings,
And that yet Princes, Peeres, and Potentates,
And best of all conditions, and estates,
Doe giue to Archery the praise and prise
Of the best, manly, honest exercise.
K. Henry the 8. did with the consent of the 3. estates in the Parliament, enact a Statute, for shooting: which Statute is still of force, though not in vse.
The praise of the Gooses Quill.
And thus for shooters hauing shew'd my skill,I'le now say somewhat for the Gooses Quill.
Great Mars his Traine of Military men
I leaue, and turne the Shaft into a Pen:
The Gooses feather acteth sundry parts,
And is an Instrument both of Armes and Arts.
Many diuine and heauenly mysteries,
And many memorable Histories
Had with blind Ignorance beene ouer-growne,
And (were't not for the Pen) had ne'r bin knowne.
The Muses might in Parnass hill haue staid,
Their fames had ne'r bin through the world displaid
But that the Gooses Quill with full consent,
Was found to be the fittest Instrument
To be their Nuntius, and to disperse
Their glory through the spacious Vniuerse.
Grammar (that of all Science is the ground)
Without it in forgetfulnesse were drownd,
And Rethorick (the sweet rule of eloquence)
Through the Goose Quill distils it's Quintessence:
Logick with definitions (I am sure)
Were nothing, or else very much obscure:
Astronomie would lye, or lye forgot
And scarce remembred, or regarded not;
Arithmetick would erre exceedingly,
Forgetting to deuide and multiply:
Geometry would lose the Altitude,
The crassie Longitude and Latitude:
And Musick in poore case would be o're-throwne,
But that the Goose Quill pricks the Lessons downe.
Thus all the liberall Sciences are still
In generall beholding to the Quill.
Embassages to farre remoted Princes,
Bonds, Obligations, Bills, and Euidences,
Letters twixt foe and foe, or friend and friend,
To gratulate, instruct, or reprehend,
Assurances, where faith and troth is scant,
To make the faithlesse to keepe couenant;
The Potent weapon of the reuerend Law,
That can giue life or death, saue, hang, or draw,
That with a Royall, or a noble dash,
Can from the Kings Exchequer fetch the Cash.
To most shop-keepers it a reckoning makes,
What's got or lost, what he layes out, or takes:
Without the Goose a Scriuener were a foole,
Her Quill is all his onely working toole:
And sure a Goose is of a wondrous nature,
Contrary to each other liuing creature,
Things that in water, earth, or ayre haue growth,
And feede and liue, bite onely with the mouth:
But the Goose with sophisticated skill,
Doth bite most dangerously with her quill,
Yet is she free from prodigality,
And most of all bites partiality:
She oft with biting makes a Knight a detter,
And rankle to a Begger, little better.
She oft hath bit a Gallant from his land
With quick conueyance, and by slight of hand:
Sometimes his biting is as durable,
As is a Gangren most incureable,
And many that into her fangs doe fall,
Doe take the Counters for their Hospitall;
A Forger, or a Villaine that forsweares,
Or a False-witnesse, she bites off their eares:
On me her pow'r she many times hath showne,
And made me pay more debts then were mine own.
Thus doth her Quill bite more then doe her chaps,
To teach fooles to beware of after-claps.
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Is Anser, which made in Anagram,
Is Snare, in English, which doth plaine declare,
That she to fooles and knaues will be a snare.
Indeede she oft hath beene a snare to mee,
My selfe was in the fault, alas not shee.
The memorable honour of the Goose sauing the Capitoll at Rome.
Bvt now to shew her neuer-dying name,And how at Rome she wan deseruing fame:
When barbarous Brennus, cruell King of Galls,
Had wasted Italy, and raz'd Romes walls:
When deuastation did depopulate,
With sword and furious fire the Romane state.
When many a throat was tyrannously cut,
And all the Citie to the sacke was put:
When many of the Citizens did flye
Into the Capitoll to liue and dye,
Whereas the Image of great Iupiter,
(The rip rap, thwick thwack thumping thunderer)
Was of refined gold, adorn'd, ador'd,
Where helples fooles, poore helples helpe implor'd.
The Capitoll a goodly building was,
And did (for strength) by Art and Nature passe,
So that the people that were there within,
Thought it impregnable, that none could win:
But slender watch vpon the walls they kept,
And (thinking all secure) secure they slept,
They thought Ioues Statue, and his Temple there,
Was a sure guard, that foes they need not feare:
But Ioue these dangers did not vnderstand,
Or else he had some other worke in hand:
Perhaps poore Io like a Cow in shape,
He like a Bull then wrong'd with beastly rape,
Or like a Swan for Leada, he thought fit,
In that fowles forme, that foule fault to commit:
Perchance that time faire Danae to intrap,
He rain'd bewitching gold into her lap;
He then (perhaps) did to Alcmena goe,
And made a Cuckold of Amphitrio,
Or else to Semele that time he came,
And burnt his burning loue with lightnings flame,
Perhaps with Hele he the Ram did play,
Or with Europa toy'd the time away,
Mnemosine he could not let alone,
Or he to Hebe at that time was gone,
It may be to Antiopa he went,
Or to Astery, for his more content:
Or it may be he lay within his bed,
And play'd and fool'd with wanton Ganimede:
But whither Iupiter that time was got,
He to defend the Capitoll was not,
Vnlesse he were transformed wondrous strange,
And to a Gooses shape his Godhead change:
For all the Guard were sleeping at that time,
When as the armed Galls the walls did clime.
Then when the Watch did to destruction sleepe,
The carefull Goose true sentinell did keepe,
She spide the foe, and keak'd out an Alarme,
At which the Sleepers wak'd, & cri'd, Arme, Arme:
Then they their Enemies in fury slew,
Which down the battlements in heaps they threw.
And thus a Goose the honour did obtaine,
To saue the Romanes, which had else beene slaine:
And to preserue the famous Capitall,
And set Rome free from the insulting Gall.
The Romane Generall that time, as then
Was manly Manlius, a stout man of men,
The Senate gratefully did raise anon,
An Altar with a golden Goose thereon,
And for the Gooses seruice had beene such,
They allowd almes-Oates from the common Hutch,
For old and sicke decayed Geese to feed,
In memory of that braue Gooses deed.
Why should the Eagle be the Bird of Ioue,
When as the Goose deserueth so much loue?
'Tis plaine and euident the Goose was cause,
That all Rome scap't from speedy Martiall lawes,
Yet did the Romans (like ingratefull Nags)
Aduance an Eagles portrait in their Flags,
When as Cornelius Agrippa sayes,
The Goose deseru'd it more by many wayes.
Now hauing done the Capitoll Goose right,
Ile trye some other wayes to breed delight.
Iupiter could not or would not helpe to defend the Capitoll, or else like many braue whoremasters, he had more mind of his leachery then his honour: so that had it not beene for the Goose, his golden Image had beene taken prisoner by the enemy.
Goostoft in Lincolnshire.
In Lincolnshire an ancient Towne doth stand,Call'd Goostoft, that hath neither fallow'd Land,
Or Woods, or any fertile pasture ground,
But is with watry Fens incompast round.
The people there haue neither Horse or Cowe,
Nor Sheepe, nor Oxe, or Asse, nor Pig, or Sowe:
Nor Creame, Curds, Whig, Whay, Buttermilke or Cheese,
Nor any other liuing thing but Geese.
The Parson of the Parish takes great paines,
And tyth Geese onely, are his labours gaines:
If any charges there must be defray'd,
Or Impositions on the Towne is layd,
110
Or to mend Bridges, Churches, any thing.
Then those that haue of Geese the greatest store,
Must to these Taxes pay so much the more.
Nor can a man be raisde to Dignity,
But as his Geese encrease and multiply.
And as mens Geese doe multiply and breed,
From Office vnto office they proceed.
A man that hath but with twelue Geese began,
In time hath come to be a Tythingman:
And with great credit past that Office thorough
(His Geese increasing) he hath bin Headborough.
Then (as his Flocke in number are accounted)
Vnto a Constable, he hath bin mounted.
And so from place to place he doth aspire,
And as his Geese grow more hee's raised higher.
Tis onely Geese there that doe men prefer,
And 'tis a rule, no Goose, no Officer.
At Hunnibourne, a Towne in Warwickeshire,
What Gogmagog Gargantua Geese are there,
For take a Goose that from that place hath bin,
That's leane, and nought but feathers, bones & skin,
And bring her thither, and with little cost
Shee'l be as fat as any Bawde, almost.
For take foure Geese, and with a like expence,
Feed one there, and the others two miles thence,
And she that feedes at Hunnibourne shall bee
More worth in weight & price, then th'other three.
She shall with flesh vnable be to goe,
I cannot yeeld the Reason, but 'tis so .
Goose Faire at Stratford Bow, the Thursday after Whitsontide.
At
Bowe the Thursday after Pentecost,
There is a Faire of Greene Geese, ready rost,
Where as a Goose is very dogcheape there,
The Sawce is onely somewhat sharpe and deare,
There (e'r they scarce haue feathers on their backe)
By hundreds and by heapes they goe to wracke,
There is such Baking, rosting, broyling, boyling,
Such swearing, drabbing, dancing, dicing, toyling,
Such shifting, sharking, cheating, smoaking, stinking,
Such Gormondizing, cramming, guzling, drinking:
As if the world did runne on wheeles away,
Or all the Deuils in hell kept Holiday.
And as Hearbs, Flowres and Weeds together grow,
So people are that day at Stratford Bow,
There sits a Cheater with a simple Gull,
And there an honest woman, there a Trull,
Yonder a Fidler dawb'd with greace and Ale,
And there an Asse telling an idle tale.
There's one a Rosting, yonders one a Stewing,
And yon's one drinkes vntill he fall a spewing:
There's a kinde Cuckold with his Wife doth wander,
To exercise the office of a Pander,
His Pimpship with his Punke despight the horne,
Eate Gosling giblets in a fort of Corne.
There is ran tan Tom Tinker and his Tib,
And there's a Iugler with his fingers glib.
There throngs a Cutpurse, with his working toole,
And there's a gallant Coxcombe, there's a Foole.
There's foure or fiue together by the eares,
And tumble in the Dirt like Dogs and Beares.
One staggering there hath got the drunken yox,
And there one swaggering's fast within the Stocks.
Thus with these Galleymaufry humours still,
These Linsey-wolsey postures Good and Ill,
These mingle mangle, motly toyes they spend
The time, till night doth make them homeward wend.
Then they returne as wise as Geese away,
For whom so many Geese were slaine that day.
They brought both wit & money with thē thither,
But with the Geese 'tis all deuour'd together.
And if they were but taught as well as fed,
More Coyne were sau'd, and many a wiser head.
There is a Faire of Greene Geese, ready rost,
Where as a Goose is very dogcheape there,
The Sawce is onely somewhat sharpe and deare,
There (e'r they scarce haue feathers on their backe)
By hundreds and by heapes they goe to wracke,
There is such Baking, rosting, broyling, boyling,
Such swearing, drabbing, dancing, dicing, toyling,
Such shifting, sharking, cheating, smoaking, stinking,
Such Gormondizing, cramming, guzling, drinking:
As if the world did runne on wheeles away,
Or all the Deuils in hell kept Holiday.
And as Hearbs, Flowres and Weeds together grow,
So people are that day at Stratford Bow,
There sits a Cheater with a simple Gull,
And there an honest woman, there a Trull,
Yonder a Fidler dawb'd with greace and Ale,
And there an Asse telling an idle tale.
There's one a Rosting, yonders one a Stewing,
And yon's one drinkes vntill he fall a spewing:
There's a kinde Cuckold with his Wife doth wander,
To exercise the office of a Pander,
His Pimpship with his Punke despight the horne,
Eate Gosling giblets in a fort of Corne.
There is ran tan Tom Tinker and his Tib,
And there's a Iugler with his fingers glib.
There throngs a Cutpurse, with his working toole,
And there's a gallant Coxcombe, there's a Foole.
There's foure or fiue together by the eares,
And tumble in the Dirt like Dogs and Beares.
One staggering there hath got the drunken yox,
And there one swaggering's fast within the Stocks.
Thus with these Galleymaufry humours still,
These Linsey-wolsey postures Good and Ill,
These mingle mangle, motly toyes they spend
The time, till night doth make them homeward wend.
Then they returne as wise as Geese away,
For whom so many Geese were slaine that day.
They brought both wit & money with thē thither,
But with the Geese 'tis all deuour'd together.
And if they were but taught as well as fed,
More Coyne were sau'd, and many a wiser head.
Thus (as my Muse is able) I haue told
How that a Gooses vse is manifold.
How many seuerall sortes of Geese there are,
Some wilde, some tame, some too neer some too far.
How from her flesh and entrailes, it is plaine,
Good food and Physicke daily we obtaine:
How freely she doth play the true Vpholster,
And fill with Feathers, pillowes, bed and bolster.
And how in many an honorable War,
The gray Goose wing hath bin the vanquisher.
The necessarie vses of her Quill,
How to the good 'tis good, Ill to the ill.
And Shooting here (according to my loue)
To bee a noble Exercise I proue.
And how the Goose Romes Capitoll did saue,
(As sayes the Story) I described haue.
And now let men examine well and try,
If any Bird in water, earth, or sky,
Or all in generall together are,
With the good Goose (for worth) to make Cōpare.
Many absurdly, idle, foolish, base,
Will call a man a Goose in foule disgrace:
When if men rightly vnderstood the same,
A man is honour'd with a Gooses name.
For though the Eagle be of Birds the King,
Yet 'tis a rauenous, greedy hurtfull thing.
And he that with that tytle me should call,
I had as leiue he call'd me Theefe withall.
Shee while she liues doth yeeld reliefe to many,
And aliue or dead, beholding not to any.
She hath maintain'd ten thousand men,
With food, & Physicke, Lodging, Shafts and Pen,
And lastly (not to charge them any wayes)
Her owne Quill here, writes her own worthy praise.
Because a Goose is common, and not deere,
She amongst fooles is small esteemed heere.
So Blackberryes, that grow on euery bryer,
Because th'are plenty, few men doe desire:
Spanish Potatoes are accounted dainty,
And English Persneps are course meate, though plenty.
But if these Berryes or those Rootes were scant,
They would be thought as rare, through little want,
That we should eate them, and a price allow,
As much as Strawberryes, and Potatoes now.
Why Bread is common, hauing still our fill
We thinke not on, because we haue it still:
But if we want Bread, then we doe remember,
We want the groundworke of our belly timber.
The Light is common, which few thinke vpon,
Till Night doth put her blindfold mufler on,
And all attyr'd in mourning blacke as pitch,
Then men misse light, and tumble in the Ditch.
So should we want a Gooses Flesh and Feather,
The quantity of but fiue yeeres together:
We then should all confesse with one consent,
How that a Goose were superexcellent.
Many good blessings we too much forget,
'Cause they are neere and cheape, not farre to fet.
Me thinkes I heare some Cuckow, or some Iay,
Some Daw, some Pye, some Gull, or Buzzard say,
That I haue giuen the Goose her worthy stile,
But haue forgot the Gander all this while.
Ile giue them Answer (though they merit none)
I doe include both sexes vnder one,
Tis knowne to euery perfit vnderstander,
A Goose is much superiour to a Gander.
For though a man, a Mare or Gelding stride,
We briefly say, he doth on Horsebacke ride:
And though a Gelding be the beast that bare,
We call't a Horse, that's neither Horse or Mare.
So Ganders vnder name of Geese doe goe,
The Gooses worthinesse deserues it so.
Once I remember, Riding on my way
In Barkshire, neere vnto a Towne call'd Bray,
I on my Iourney as I past along,
Rode by a Goose, a Gander and their young:
(I neither minding them nor yet their Crue)
The Gander in my face with fury flew,
Who in his fierce encounter was more hot,
Then if he had bin Spanish Don Quixot.
But sure himselfe so brauely he did beare,
Because his Loue and Lady Goose was there:
And 'twas a spurre his Chiualry vnto,
To haue his sweet heart see what he did doe.
My Horse he started, to the ground I went,
Dismounted in that (Ganderous) tournament.
I should say Dangerous, but sure I am
That Ganderovs is a Dangerovs Anagram.
The Gander was mine enemy, what tho,
Ile honour worthy Valour in my foe.
He Tilted brauely, and in liew of it,
The Gooses Quill, the Ganders praise hath writ;
Thus for the Goose I hauing done my best,
My toyled Muse retires vnto her rest:
Ile shut my Inckhorne, and put vp my Pen,
So take my Goose amongst you, Gentlemen.
How that a Gooses vse is manifold.
How many seuerall sortes of Geese there are,
Some wilde, some tame, some too neer some too far.
How from her flesh and entrailes, it is plaine,
Good food and Physicke daily we obtaine:
How freely she doth play the true Vpholster,
And fill with Feathers, pillowes, bed and bolster.
And how in many an honorable War,
The gray Goose wing hath bin the vanquisher.
The necessarie vses of her Quill,
How to the good 'tis good, Ill to the ill.
And Shooting here (according to my loue)
To bee a noble Exercise I proue.
And how the Goose Romes Capitoll did saue,
(As sayes the Story) I described haue.
And now let men examine well and try,
If any Bird in water, earth, or sky,
Or all in generall together are,
With the good Goose (for worth) to make Cōpare.
Many absurdly, idle, foolish, base,
Will call a man a Goose in foule disgrace:
When if men rightly vnderstood the same,
A man is honour'd with a Gooses name.
For though the Eagle be of Birds the King,
Yet 'tis a rauenous, greedy hurtfull thing.
And he that with that tytle me should call,
I had as leiue he call'd me Theefe withall.
Shee while she liues doth yeeld reliefe to many,
And aliue or dead, beholding not to any.
111
With food, & Physicke, Lodging, Shafts and Pen,
And lastly (not to charge them any wayes)
Her owne Quill here, writes her own worthy praise.
Because a Goose is common, and not deere,
She amongst fooles is small esteemed heere.
So Blackberryes, that grow on euery bryer,
Because th'are plenty, few men doe desire:
Spanish Potatoes are accounted dainty,
And English Persneps are course meate, though plenty.
But if these Berryes or those Rootes were scant,
They would be thought as rare, through little want,
That we should eate them, and a price allow,
As much as Strawberryes, and Potatoes now.
Why Bread is common, hauing still our fill
We thinke not on, because we haue it still:
But if we want Bread, then we doe remember,
We want the groundworke of our belly timber.
The Light is common, which few thinke vpon,
Till Night doth put her blindfold mufler on,
And all attyr'd in mourning blacke as pitch,
Then men misse light, and tumble in the Ditch.
So should we want a Gooses Flesh and Feather,
The quantity of but fiue yeeres together:
We then should all confesse with one consent,
How that a Goose were superexcellent.
Many good blessings we too much forget,
'Cause they are neere and cheape, not farre to fet.
Me thinkes I heare some Cuckow, or some Iay,
Some Daw, some Pye, some Gull, or Buzzard say,
That I haue giuen the Goose her worthy stile,
But haue forgot the Gander all this while.
Ile giue them Answer (though they merit none)
I doe include both sexes vnder one,
Tis knowne to euery perfit vnderstander,
A Goose is much superiour to a Gander.
For though a man, a Mare or Gelding stride,
We briefly say, he doth on Horsebacke ride:
And though a Gelding be the beast that bare,
We call't a Horse, that's neither Horse or Mare.
So Ganders vnder name of Geese doe goe,
The Gooses worthinesse deserues it so.
Once I remember, Riding on my way
In Barkshire, neere vnto a Towne call'd Bray,
I on my Iourney as I past along,
Rode by a Goose, a Gander and their young:
(I neither minding them nor yet their Crue)
The Gander in my face with fury flew,
Who in his fierce encounter was more hot,
Then if he had bin Spanish Don Quixot.
But sure himselfe so brauely he did beare,
Because his Loue and Lady Goose was there:
And 'twas a spurre his Chiualry vnto,
To haue his sweet heart see what he did doe.
My Horse he started, to the ground I went,
Dismounted in that (Ganderous) tournament.
I should say Dangerous, but sure I am
That Ganderovs is a Dangerovs Anagram.
The Gander was mine enemy, what tho,
Ile honour worthy Valour in my foe.
He Tilted brauely, and in liew of it,
The Gooses Quill, the Ganders praise hath writ;
Thus for the Goose I hauing done my best,
My toyled Muse retires vnto her rest:
Ile shut my Inckhorne, and put vp my Pen,
So take my Goose amongst you, Gentlemen.
FINIS.
| All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet | |