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The obligations under which you lay me,
by your generous confidence, and affectionate
expressions of regard, induce me again to assume
the Preceptress towards you, and to gratify your
wishes, by imparting my sentiments on your present
situation and prospects.

I am told by my daughter, who had the honor
of bearing your letter, that you are, what I always
expected you would be, an object of general
admiration. Yet, I trust, your good sense
will enable you duly to distinguish and treat the
several candidates for your favour.

It is, indeed, my young friend, a matter of the
most serious consequence, which lies upon your
mind, and awakens your anxiety. Your friends
are studious of your welfare, and kindly concerned
that the important die on which the happiness of
your life depends, should be judiciously cast. You
doubtless remember, that I discoursed upon this
subject in my concluding lessons to your class.

Disparity of tempers, among other things which
were then suggested, and which you will doubtless
recollect, was represented, as tending to render
life uncomfortable. But there are other disparities
which may be equally hostile to your peace.

Disparity of years is very apt to occasion the
indulgence of passions destructive of conjugal felicity.
The great difference between the sprightly
fancy, vivacity, and enterprize of youth, and
the deliberate caution, phlegmatic coldness, and
sententious wisdom of age, render them very
unpleasant companions to each other. Marriage
between persons of these opposite descriptions is
commonly the result of pecuniary motives, with
one party, at least: the suspicion of this, in the
other, must necessarily produce discontent, uneasiness,
and disaffection.

Age is naturally jealous of respect, and apprehensive
of being slighted. The most trifling and
unmeaning inattentions will therefore be construed
amiss. For an excessive desire of being objects
of supreme regard is almost invariably accompanied
with a strong persuasion of being the reverse.
Hence accusations, reproaches, and restraints, on
the one side, produce disgust, resentment and alienation
on the other, till mutual and unceasing
wretchedness ensue. Indeed, where interest
alone, without this inequality of years, is the
principal inducement, marriage is seldom happy.
Esteem and love are independent of wealth and
its appendages. They are not to be fold or
bought. The conjugal relation is so near and interesting;
the mind, as well as the person, is so
intimately concerned in it, that something more

substantial and engaging than gold is requisite to
make it a blessing.

Marriage, being the commencement of a domestic
life, beside the many agreeable circumstances
attending it, has its peculiar cares and
troubles, which require the solace of a companion
actuated by better principles, and possessed of
more amiable endowments than outward splendour
and magnificence can afford. In the hour
of sickness and distress, riches, it is true, can bestow
bodily comforts and cordials; but can they
be made an equivalent for the tender sympathy,
the endearing kindness, and the alleviating attention
of a bosom friend, kindly assiduous to ease
our pains, animate our prospects, and beguile the
languid moments which elude all other consolations?
The sorrows as well as the joys of a
family state, are often such as none but a bosom
friend can participate. The heart must be engaged
before it can repose with ease and confidence.
To a lady of sensibility, the confinement of the
body, without the consent and union of according
minds, must be a state of inexpressible wretchedness.

Another situation, not less to be deplored, is a
connexion with the immoral and profane.

How shocking must it be, to hear that sacred
NAME, which you revere and love, constantly
treated with levity and irreverence! And how
painful the necessity of being constrained, for the

sake of peace, to witness in silence, and without
even the appearance of disapprobation, the most
shameful outrages upon religion and virtue! May
you never taste the bitterness of this evil!

Intemperance is a vice, which one would imagine
no lady would overlook in a suitor. But,
strange to tell! there are those, even among our
own sex, who think and speak of inebriation in
the other, at the jovial and well-furnished board,
as a mark of conviviality and good fellowship!

What, then, is the distinguishing badge of humanity?
Can that reason, which alone raises us
superior to the brute creation, be wantonly sacrificed
with impunity; yea, with reputation?

How degrading and how dreadful must this
enormity appear to an interested, affectionate,
and virtuous wife! What agonizing pangs of
mortification and anguish must she endure, when
she meets him, in whose society she delights, whose
return she has anticipated with impatience, and
whose happiness and honor are the moving springs
of her life, intoxicated with wine; the powers of
his mind suspended by the poisonous cup, and
every faculty absorbed in the deadly draught!
What a perpetual source of dread and apprehension
must hence arise; and how often must the
blush of indignant virtue and wounded delicacy
be called forth!

The gamester is an equally dangerous companion.
His family is robbed, not only of his company

and his talents, but of that property, to the benefit
of which they have an indisputable claim.
His earnings are squandered among worthless and
profligate associates abroad; while the faithful
partner of his life, and perhaps, too, a rising offspring,
languish at home for want of bread!

How fatal is the tendency of such examples!
How can that father inculcate the duties of piety,
virtue and decency, who exhibits the reverse
of each in his own conduct? And under what
an unspeakable disadvantage must that mother
labour, in the instruction and education of her
children, whose admonitions, counsels, and directions
are practically counteracted by him who
ought to bear an equal share of the burden!
The government and superintendence of a family
are objects of such magnitude and importance,
that the union and co-operation of its
heads are indispensably necessary. It is a little
commonwealth; and if internal feuds and dissensions
arise, anarchy and confusion must ensue.

Domestic happiness is the foundation of every
other species. At times, indeed, we may enjoy
ourselves abroad, among our friends; but a good
heart will return home, as to the seat of felicity.

Since so much, then, depends upon a judicious
choice, how important is it, that you examine
well before you decide; and that you dispense
with no quality in the man to whom you shall
give your hand, which is essential to the virtue
and happiness of your life. For this purpose,
consult your judgment, rather than your fancy;
and suffer not superficial accomplishments, but
solid merit to preponderate.

I have now endeavoured to point out the
most apparent and threatening dangers to which
you may be exposed. But though these are
avoided, many unforeseen accidents will doubtless
occur to cloud your sanguine hopes. These,
when there are no vices to produce them, may
arise from follies, and from the indulgence of erroneous
expectations. Little misunderstandings
sometimes occasion disagreements which terminate
in coldness and disaffection, and plant a
root of bitterness which can hardly be eradicated.

Let prudence, therefore, be your pole-star,
when you enter the married state. Watch with
the greatest circumspection over yourself; and
always exercise the tenderest affection, the most
unwearied patience, and the most cheerful acquiescence
in the treatment of your companion.
Guard especially against being affected by those
little inattentions and foibles, which too often
give pain and umbrage without design; and
produce those remonstrances, criminations, and

retorts, which are the great inlets of strife, and
bane of love.

You must bear, with calmness, every thing that
the sincerest desire of peace can dictate; and studiously
avoid every expression, and even look,
which may irritate and offend. Your own happiness,
you will consider so intimately connected
with that of your husband, as to be inseparable;
and consequently, that all your hopes of comfort
in this life, and perhaps, too, in the next, depend
upon your conducting with propriety and wisdom
towards him.

I take the liberty, through you, to convey my
congratulations to Mrs. Farmington. May her
change of condition be happy, to the full extent
of our most sanguine expectations, and benevolent
wishes. I fully intended writing her on
the subject, but have unwarily bestowed so much
time upon you, that for the present, I must fore-go
the pleasure. Some things in this letter,
which you will doubtless communicate, are applicable
to her case. These she will receive as
friendly hints from me; and I am confident that
her known discretion will continue to shed a benign
and engaging influence upon her whole deportment,
and render her uniformly respected
and beloved.

The bearer is waiting, and I can only add,
that I remain your sincere and affectionate friend.