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THE ENGINE-DRIVER'S STORY.
Since you're all bearin' down on me, and won't let me up without it,
I'll tell you a story, providin' you'll let me foller my plan;
Nor I sha'n't fly the track, although you appear to doubt it,
But push ahead to my station as fast as ever I can.
I'll tell you a story, providin' you'll let me foller my plan;
Nor I sha'n't fly the track, although you appear to doubt it,
But push ahead to my station as fast as ever I can.
Company, please excuse me fur all my gropin' an' skippin';
Likewise from whistlin' at crossin's, or makin' stops to explain;
Never was on the explain; it sets a man's drivers to slippin',
Wherefore he's sure to be losin' more time than he'll ever gain.
Likewise from whistlin' at crossin's, or makin' stops to explain;
Never was on the explain; it sets a man's drivers to slippin',
Wherefore he's sure to be losin' more time than he'll ever gain.
Johnny McNutt was my fireman: as fine young feller as ever
Planted his hoof on a foot-board, or swore at sulphury coal;
Al'ays in his place, an' 'Merican meanin' of clever,
Without any gage on his pockets, or steam-brake onto this soul.
Planted his hoof on a foot-board, or swore at sulphury coal;
Al'ays in his place, an' 'Merican meanin' of clever,
Without any gage on his pockets, or steam-brake onto this soul.
Johnny, he had a wife: she somehow must ha' bewitched him,
Fur she was old an' ugly—how old I do not know;
The boys was al'ays wonderin' as how she ever had switched him;
But it was a dead-true certain, for she had the orders to show.
Fur she was old an' ugly—how old I do not know;
The boys was al'ays wonderin' as how she ever had switched him;
But it was a dead-true certain, for she had the orders to show.
Twenty times he had switched her, an' left the old gal behind him;
Twenty times she had followed, an' stuck to him like a burr;
Wherever he might run, she was always sure to find him;
For, poor old soul, she loved him, although he couldn't her.
Twenty times she had followed, an' stuck to him like a burr;
Wherever he might run, she was always sure to find him;
For, poor old soul, she loved him, although he couldn't her.
All the “legal” remedies that surfeited folks is tryin'
Johnny took no stock in; he sent her half his pay!
An' though the lawyers offered a square divorce for the buyin',
He made no run for freedom, except to keep out of her way.
Johnny took no stock in; he sent her half his pay!
An' though the lawyers offered a square divorce for the buyin',
He made no run for freedom, except to keep out of her way.
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Now when John fired with me, he was feelin' some'at better,
An' somehow had an ide' he'd nothin' more to fear;
For he'd seen nothin' of her—not even the ghost of a letter,
As he in confidence told me—for somethin' more than a year.
An' somehow had an ide' he'd nothin' more to fear;
For he'd seen nothin' of her—not even the ghost of a letter,
As he in confidence told me—for somethin' more than a year.
But just as we was a-startin' one night from a one-hoss station,
She climbed up onto the foot-board, a-lookin' wrinkled an' wan,
An' went for John, an' hugged him an' kissed him like all creation!
An' the more he tried to shake her, the more the old gal hung on!
She climbed up onto the foot-board, a-lookin' wrinkled an' wan,
An' went for John, an' hugged him an' kissed him like all creation!
An' the more he tried to shake her, the more the old gal hung on!
Breakneck Bridge is a matter of fifty foot from the bottom;
Nothin' when you've got there, except the rock an' sand;
An' just as we struck the centre, as if the old boy had got 'em,
They both went off together, before I could raise a hand!
Nothin' when you've got there, except the rock an' sand;
An' just as we struck the centre, as if the old boy had got 'em,
They both went off together, before I could raise a hand!
Off in the pitch-black darkness, they both of 'em went a-flyin';
Off in the pitch-black darkness, they both pulled out for Death;
An' when we found 'em, the woman was down on the rocks a-dyin'
An' John had catched on a timber, mashed up an' out o' breath.
Off in the pitch-black darkness, they both pulled out for Death;
An' when we found 'em, the woman was down on the rocks a-dyin'
An' John had catched on a timber, mashed up an' out o' breath.
An' Johnny laid off for repairs, an' full for a year I missed him;
But very first time he was able to make his run once more,
Sir, the ghost of a wrinkled woman climbed up in the cab an' kissed him,
An' when we got to the Breakneck Bridge, went off, as she did before.
But very first time he was able to make his run once more,
Sir, the ghost of a wrinkled woman climbed up in the cab an' kissed him,
An' when we got to the Breakneck Bridge, went off, as she did before.
I knowed when I opened my valves that you'd some on you disbelieve me,
Though why you should, I'm certain is more than I can think;
For eyes ain't tongues, an' mine don't often go to deceive me,
An' I never doused my head-light with any kind of drink;
Though why you should, I'm certain is more than I can think;
For eyes ain't tongues, an' mine don't often go to deceive me,
An' I never doused my head-light with any kind of drink;
Sir, so that singular woman run down on us all summer;
Every once in a short time she'd come upon us quick;
Till John remarked to me, “There's no escapin' from her;
I'll have to leave the engine; I'm gettin' tired an' sick.”
Every once in a short time she'd come upon us quick;
Till John remarked to me, “There's no escapin' from her;
I'll have to leave the engine; I'm gettin' tired an' sick.”
An' afterwards he wrote me: “If I can believe my senses,
I see my wrinkled woman wherever I may go;
I reckon she's got a pass; an' how to pay expenses,
And keep away from a deadhead, is rather more'n I know.”
I see my wrinkled woman wherever I may go;
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And keep away from a deadhead, is rather more'n I know.”
From which I have learned this lesson: Be sure and never try for 't
To run from a desperate woman that thinks she's treated wrong;
She'll follow you up an' catch you, although she has to die for 't;
For love an' hate together can pull exceedin' strong.
To run from a desperate woman that thinks she's treated wrong;
She'll follow you up an' catch you, although she has to die for 't;
For love an' hate together can pull exceedin' strong.
Sir, that's the whole of my story; I've tried hard not to wander,
An' done my best t' work steady and keep her up on time;
An' I shall be somewhat suited, unless that feller yonder
Steams up his poetical b'iler an' runs me into rhyme.
Conductor.
An' done my best t' work steady and keep her up on time;
An' I shall be somewhat suited, unless that feller yonder
Steams up his poetical b'iler an' runs me into rhyme.
Sailors of the iron seas,
Accidents and dire disease
Oft afflict our toiling band;
Many a sturdy heart and hand
Low in cemeteries lie,
Past which they were wont to fly,
Knowing, in gay carelessness,
Naught of danger or distress;
Counting no long weeks of pain
In life-struggles sadly vain;
With no fear of lying dead
'Neath the engine's heavy tread;
Thinking naught how soon the places
That had glimpsed their smiling faces,
As they journeyed to and fro,
Others in their place must know;
Is there one within the room,
Who will voice that thought of gloom?
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