The early poems of John Clare :: :: University of Virginia Library

‘Ah where can he linger’ said doll wi a sigh
As bearing her milk burthen home
‘Sin he broke his vow near an hour has gone bye
‘So fair as he promisd hed come’
—Shed fain had him notic'd the loudly clapt gate
& fein calld him up to her song
But while her streatchd shade provd the omen too late
Heavy hearted she mutterd along

She lookd & she listnd & sigh followd sigh
& jealous thoughts troubld her head
The skirts of the pasture was loosing the eye
As eve her last finishing spread

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& hope so endearing was topmost to see
& tween light so cheating the view
Every thing at a distance a bush or a tree
Her loves pleasing picture they drew

The pasture gate creekd pit a pat her heart went
Fond thrilling wi hopes pleasing pain
She certainly thought that a signal it meant
So she turnd to be cheated again
'Spectations & wishes throbd warm to her side
For soon its sweet feeling were lost
Chill damps quick ensuing when nigh she descried
Her nasty cows rubbing the post

By fancy soon tickld by hopes led astray
Again did she hope but in vain
A twitch at her sleave twas the shepherds fond way
& she lookd oer her shoulder again
Twas a bramble that catchd at her gown passing bye
Dissapointment how great is thy smart
How deep was the sorrow explaind in the sigh
Like a bramble thorn twangd thro her heart

Quite wearied she soodld along thro the dew
& oft lookd & listn'd around
& loudly she clapt eery gate she came thro'
To call her lost love to the sound

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& when ere to rest she her buckets sat down
She[d] gingle her yokes too & fro
& her yokes she might gingle till morn—a sad lown
Ere he it seemd offerd to go

Passing maids wonderd much as she came to the town
To see her so still on her way
& neer stopt to name a young man or new gown
So much as twas usual to say
Some askd if her tongue she had lost on the plain
Others quird if she owd any spite
& short was the answers she made em again
‘Yes’ or ‘no’ & a mutterd ‘good night’

Shed cause to be silent & knew too as well
& sed to her sen passing bye
‘Dissapointments like mine if to ye theyd befell
‘Yed then be as sulky as I’
Now nigh home & roger her bosom glowd hot
& jealousys rose on her cheek
Woud be bound his delay a new sweet heart had got
& if he came now shed not speak

She sat her self down soon as got in the house
No dossity in her to stir
The cat at her presence left watching the mouse
& the milk she might lap at for her
Eat it all & she woud for she card not a pin
Shed other fish frying as then
& soon as chance offerd as she coud begin
She gun weigh her doubts to her sen

356

‘Ah the gipsey she told me my fortune last night
‘Too true have I provd what she sed
‘You love him too warmly that loves you too light’
‘& grevious she shaked her head’
‘His scorn in the lines of your hands’ she said ‘meet’
‘I was fit to drop under my cow
‘Its as plain as the nose in your face for to seet’—
I coudnt believe it till now

How coud I when now but a day or twos gone
Sin he fussed me up in the grove
& preachd like a parson as leading me on
& seemd like a saint fell in love
He smilingly bid me behold the stiff bean
How it held up the weak winding pea—
‘& so on my arm’ sed he ‘dolly may lean
‘For Ill be a prop unto thee

& oft did he shew me as proofs of his love
The gate & the stile where we came
& many a favourite tree in the grove
Where he had bin marking my name

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& these made him staunch in my foolish esteem
But deuce take such provings forsooth
Theyre like flimsy nick nacks that pear in a dream
When the morning sun wakes wi the truth

Lord help me I little knew what he was at
I believd eery word that he spoke
& so as he vowd & he kissd me & that
Who woud ever think it a joke
But sin' hes decievd me in what he has sed
& I prove that mens vows they are vain
Tho he swore while his eyes dropt out of his head
Id never believe him again

Last week the first time I gun doubt his respect
When at market he left me behind
He made no excuses to hide his neglect
Plain proof that hed changed his mind
When I said how I loiterd in hopes he woud come
& when all my troubles he learnd
How late & how wet I was ere I got home
He neer seemd a morsel consernd

& magpies that chatterd no omen so bad
The dreams of my being a bride
Odd crows that are constantly fixt in my pad
Plain provd what bad luck woud be tide

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The coffin spark burning my holliday gown
As nothings so certain a sigh
The knives I keep crossing when ever laid down
Where proofs of these sorrows of mine

A good for nought lobby he nettld me sore
I minded him oft when at church
How under the wenches fine bonnets hed glore
As smiling they came in the porch
Lord knows scores o' times he has made me to sin
For being so botherd & vext
Bout the parsons good preachings I card not a pin
& never once thought of the text

Like a fool wi full many a lying excuse
To see him Ive stole in the street
& drest to entice him but alls a no use
Tis folly such things to repeat
No no his behaviour a good for nought chap
Ill see no uneasiness in it
The wreath he last bought me to dress my new cap
Ill burn it to ashes this minute

‘Ill keep not a thing which I had for his sake
‘Be broken vows bad as they be
‘Full sure I may venture one promise to brake
‘Sin' hes broke a thousand wi me’—
O the proof of that love which the tear giveth birth
Where the heart undisembling does burn
Had the ignorant shepherd a known but its worth
Hed neer gen her reason to mourn

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Thus she vented her griefs & gave ease to her sighs
Till the tinkld latch startld her dumb
& ended her tale in a pause of suprise
While hope wisperd conforts ‘hes come’
He enterd & begd shed excuse the late hour
She doubts his assertions awhile
Then as the glad sun breaks the clouds in a shower
Tears melt in a welcoming smile

Ah sad dissapointment your damp chilly pains
& all jealous doubts you impart
Description but mixes her colors in vain
To picture your horrors at heart
Gauld jealousy like as the tide ebbs to rest
Subsiding as gradually oer
Contented she smotherd her sighs on his breast
& the kiss seemd as sweet as before