University of Virginia Library

The Fifth LETTER.

In compliance to you, dull serious Maggot,
Another kind of Stile you see I ha' got:
For I have chang'd my Measure, learned Stoick,
From plain Burlesque, into Burlesque Heroick:
And all I gather can from thy Discourse
Is, prithee Friend be sober, and wear Whiskers;
Or something to that purpose not worth minding,
No more than Straw or Cherry-stones worth finding.
You first begin to tell me how you're pester'd,
To think my Soul should with such Skin be fester'd.
And truly, Parson John, I take't unkindly,
That you would have me led about so blindly;
Denying me the blessed use of Reason,
'Tis on this Ground you build this pious Treason.
And could you once deprive me of that Engine,
I quickly might believe all said by Sir John;
Therefore, I think, you'ad e'en best take it from me,
Or I much doubt you'll never overcome me.
But how that must be done I can't imagine;
No Faith, I know no way that you may fadg in,
Unless by means unlawful and uncivil,
By sending me too early to the Devil.
But, prithee, what i'th' name of—urges
Thee thus to huff at Reason like a Burgess?
And to no more effect than brutish Zealot,
Led on by Faith—
Reviles the Stage and Taverns that we reel at.
Alas, poor Reason! he has banish'd thee;
So thou, and not in vain, repair'st to me:
For I'll in thy Defence be very furious,
But first of thy Disgrace the Cause assure us.
Did'st thou rebel 'gainst Faith, and jeer the Squire,
Or did'st thou tell him plainly, that he was a Lyar?
Or did'st thou else his Nakedness expose,
Both to the sight of Eye, and scent of Nose?
Or, prithee, tell me, let me know all truly,
And I'll redress thy Grievances as duly.
He tells Mr. Parson, that in good faith and sooth,
Reason and himself were at it Nail and Tooth.
And that at last the Squire Faith arose,
And kick'd him; so they went from Words to Blows:
Reason too quick—
Laid Faith upon his Back, and in the fall
Tore his long Garment, and discover'd all
Between his Legs, that on it was before on;
The first thing Reason saw was Mah'met's Alcoran:
On his left Leg Aaron, like Corps embalmed,
In Robes of Parchment hung the Jewish Talmud;
And next within the right side of his Vestment,
In a large fair Print was a Greek Test'ment.
Many and various were the Glosses on it;
And some to this, and some to that vail Bonnet.
And 'bout this Book, like Fools, hung to be dry'd there,
Millions of Oaphs whom Faith had slily ty'd there,
Who by so small a Thred were link'd to Saviour,
That you would think them bound to good Behaviour,
Which they ne'er had nor knew.—
These shew'd the Paint which they were drest so rich in,
Like Hen and Chicken hanging in a Kitchin.
Reason was going to look on one more nearly,
But Faith repuls'd him with his Foot severely;
And presently roar'd out for you t'assist him;
You came, and saw Faith down:—
So would not Reason hear, but strait dismiss'd him.
Now the Discourse on which began the Quarrel,
Was this: Faith swore—
The Tun of Heidelberg was but a Barrel.
Reason had often seen't, and help'd to make it;
Now Faith did only upon hearsay take it.
Then had not Reason cause to contradict him,
As he declar'd he did, for which Faith kick'd him?
Reason, abus'd by you, me Guardian chose,
Resolv'd no longer to be led by th'Nose,
By Fables of Faith's making—
It seems before they'ad had another bout,
'Cause Reason could not make Faith's Story out:
For Faith was telling of one Sampson, who
A Thousand with an Ass's Jaw-bone slew;
Which Reason vow'd he ne'er could think was true.
Thus you may see they've many Bickerings had,
Enough to make my Friend, good Reason, mad;
But that he now no more with Faith will dwell,
Who kept him long in awe with Tales of Hell.
But from those needless Fears, and him releas'd,
Reason forsakes him quite, makes him a Jest;
So that of Consequence he must turn Beast,
Or something monstrous, as he was before.
Reason refin'd his Sense; and now no more
Will ought but pious Fools irrational Faith adore.
With sensless Vulgar now he must take up his Quarters,
They will do him the Honour to be torn his Martyrs.
As heretofore in Smithfield People perish'd,
For a mere darling Whimsey, which they cherish'd.