University of Virginia Library

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CONTENTS.

CONTENTS.

• THIRD YEAR.

• CHAPTER XXXII.
  Sad event....A character.... An angel of beauty....A funeral 1

• CHAPTER XXXIII.
  Changes.... Speculations.... Separation.... Imitation of Dr. Pillbox....
  Surprise of Hooshierina....Awh! come now....Parting with an old friend
  ....Indignant flourish....Melancholy ending....Relief for the reader....
  Sixteen reasons for an advertisement....First Piano ever “heern tell
  of!”....Notes of invitation to soirees....“Them'are little jumpers!”....
  Man of the Woods with a soul....A respectable lady....“Encore!”....
  A profitable study for certain religious people....Study for young gentlemen
  about to marry....A concentrated Moral. 4

• CHAPTER XXXIV.
  The reader will remember something....Mr. C., a Trustee and Committee
  man....Surprise.. Kind offer to find a chair and fill it....Charles Clarence....Competition....Mr.
  Jimmey....Dialogues on “cream”—on Algebra....Offer
  to black shoes to boot, and cherry bitters....Mr. Rapid....Dialogue
  on learning three or four of the dead languages....Meeting of the
  Board....Disappointments....“Darnations.” 12

• CHAPTER XXXV.
  Visitation....Sacred Phrenology and Mesmerism....Bulls of Bashan and
  bronchitis....Amazing effects of a very simple machine....difference between
  Barton Stone and Peter Stone....Perseverance....Power of pressure
  in conversion....Pomelling better than switching....Importance of
  accuracy in names....Fanaticism always fatal to morals....Lawyer Insidias
  Cutswell—appearance in full dress—pinch of snuff performed....
  Bishop's prayer against catgut....A venture. 19

• CHAPTER XXXVI.
  Allheart—a master—a “Lyon”—and recommended to all Blacksmiths, learned
  and unlearned....His skill in rifle-making....Mr. C. takes fire and challenges....Returns
  to Vulcanus—what his “left eye ketch'd a glimpse of”
  once....Curious experiment in optics....An offer... A rule of grammar
  ....A musical blacksmith....Paganini....Handling fingers in flute-playing....A
  painter....Rare art....Worth the price of the book to portrait-painters....A
  chef d'œuvre....American goddess....Mr. C. regrets not
  having studied composition....Cutswell's speech on the “hoss-block!”
  ....Woodville House. 27

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• CHAPTER XXXVII.
  Flying visit....Fording....Evil report confirmed....Dear old political friends
  absquatulated....Desolation....Farewells....Bishop Shrub, Uncle John
  and Mr. C. set out....First glimpse of the prairje world....Stopping to
  hold meeting....getting into an odd scrape.... Wanting to, and not daring
  ....Mr. C. laughs, whether the reader does or not....Led by an abrupt
  question into a very undignified ending. 38

• CHAPTER XXXVIII.
  Vincennes....Light and darkness....Puritanical views dangerous to the religion
  of the οι Πολλοι....Baleful effects of reading history forbidden by
  Mother Mystery....Meeting of Suckers, Pukes, and other natives....House
  of Bishops....Dialogue on Swearing.... Grave of a Soldier. 45

• CHAPTER XXXIX.
  Going to Illinois with a Mister....Patriarchal Sucker....Arabian Nights....
  Preface to an odd talk, during which Uncle John shuffles out....His unchristian
  revenge for the razor business....Solemn league of offence and
  defence....Attack on the enemy—how we conquered, and beat ourselves
  ....A sin to be scourged....Homeward trail. 51

• CHAPTER XL.
  Razorville....Aboriginal Egyptian or Greek colony met with.... A non-descript
  pony described.... The way to drive one....What's better than to
  live in clover.... Starting.... The way to follow two trails at once....Led
  into it....advantage of equal reasons.... Echo to the sense.... Getting further
  it.... Advantage of the precise sort of Phrenology... Bursting
  through to an adventure.... Temptation resisted....Escape from danger
  ....Old man Staffords....Getting into and out of it....Prairie late at night
  ....Lone Woman....How two beds were “tuk up.”....Disagreement between
  Uncle John and Mr. C.....Dialogue in two places at once....Mr. C.
  begs for information in fashionable grammar....Four meals devoured at
  once among the stars....Snug. 56

• CHAPTER XLI.
  Change....Christmas—joy in the morning—a messenger at night....Woman
  as she was and should be....A nobleman....Homer's heroes imitated in
  spite of modern critics. 72

• FOURTH YEAR.

• CHAPTER XLII.
  Augustan age of the Purchase....New actor....Chastisement....Character
  ....Uncle Sam....Big and Little recalled to memory, with a piece of Mr.
  Carlton's mind....An opening in 1800, and so forth... Master arrives....
  Sprinkle of boy....Speech—naturally interrupted—resumed....Fixing....
  Growlings....Liberty and equality....Compliments....Dialogue on “trousers,”
  and consequence different from the reader's fears....A Yankee
  trick....Getting used to it. 77

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• CHAPTER XLIII.
  A favourite doctrine badly understood from theory....Paper models....The
  People—universal—general—special—peculiar, &c. &c....What the special
  people did for the general people, and what the particular people said and
  did about it....The people's people advance....A Grand Dignity with eight
  tails!....Board in session—his Rowdy Royalty's speech....Dr. Sylvan's
  compound....Why the Conscript Fathers do bullyism naturally and gracefully....History
  struts in new moccasins or buskins, and ends in a hell-a-blow!.
  87

• CHAPTER XLIV.
  “What now?”....Girls!....Eleven persons—ten and a half horses....Con-trast....Ready—mounted—off!....
  Screechings!—flappings.... Slower—
  talking—eating....Slippery river....“Girls! and all!”—yes....Dr. Hexagon....Hey!....Crossing—forgetting
  the legs....Chattering....“Where's
  pony?”....Passage of Nut creek in a new line—dizzy....Neptune....
  Crocket....Preparing to digress. 94

• CHAPTER XLV.
  Big possum....“Do you want to see, &c.?”....Whip!—start!—go-o!....
  “Well done, &c.”....Amazing effect of praise....A true Indian trace....
  Course by sunshine, yet not by the sun....Sublimity....“Ay! ay! go on!”
  ....A new road, and new grammars, &c....The dry world....All safe. 106

• CHAPTER XLVI.
  Fresh start....One young lady....A number of things told, but not narrated
  ....Romantic curtain....What dispelled, and yet formed part of a dream
  ....Robert Dale Owen and diagrams....Path to Tippecanoe!....Picturesque....Sproutsburgh
  and Indian....Blind path....Getting out the right
  side of a slough....Funeral tree!....First glimpse of the field....How the
  author forgets himself, and turns out only a common man....Where the
  dead?....What is this? with the squatter's tale... Tippecanoe described
  ....Squatter's story of the sentinel....The departed President....“Joe
  Davis,” an old story revived—how he died!....Farewell to....Poetry up to
  fever heat at last, and breaks out in a battle. 111

• CHAPTER XLVII.
  Return to the Doctor's....Setting out for home....Detail before a skip, 100
  yards wide and more---plausibility---circumnavigation...Skip performed unexpectedly....Remarkable
  coincidence in opinion of Aunt Kitty with the reader, 127

• CHAPTER XLVIII.
  Doubts dissipated....Dialogue about “bonnit.”....Character of Mr. Carlton---
  resolves to imitate the Vicar.....Camp-meeting...some prosaic poetry---reasoning
  and inferences....Amount of spiritual labour....Master spirits---
  Sprightly---Novus---anecdotes and sermons, which the reader may skip if he
  can, and go on to the prayer on “moonshine”....Mizraim Ham and his mellow-drama....
  Venerable old warrior, and the way to fire at the Devil....Mr.
  Carlton almost knocked down himself!....Terrific fight between two, and
  

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  the way one made the Devil let go a grip.... The author goes away unson-verted
  himself, but gives a favourable testimony to the efficacy of camp-meetings
  130

• CHAPTER XLIX.
  Love and matrimony!....His “galling” expeditions....How he was once caught
  in a trap!....Miss Brown....Dialogue between Carlton and Glenville---a
  double compound plot....Letter to Miss Smythe---letter to Miss Brown's papa
  ....“What luck?”....Catastrophs properly deferred by a Composition on
  Hunting....Letter—and something else....“I told you so!”....A difficulty
  and a promise 161

• FIFTH YEAR.

• CHAPTER L.
  Clarence versus the Commonwealth....A march and other patent things....
  Fortunate times!....Letter from Clarence to the author---recommended to
  trustees of levelling schools....Reminiscenes of Clarence's Lectures....Foreign....Amazing
  utility of colleges and churches!....Take care, pedagogue!
  A star in the ascendant---mistake in the nature of the Vox....Squally....
  Tom-cat.... Haw-buck.... Carlton's head-quarters—why.... Condensation
  and filtration of talks and dialogues....Ned Stanley introduced in a “bust,” 170

• CHAPTER LI.
  Arrival of the Major....Danger to the State....Castle-building interrupted....
  A monster seen....Large crescit eundo....A procession through οι Πολλοι
  ....Dead-calm....speech....Trial interrupted by a “hurraw!”....Major disconcerted....A
  proposal---followed by “bust”-ings....Clarence makes a god
  speak---thunder on the proper quarter....Mr. Liebug....A question and an
  swer....“Huh! haw!”....Talk between Ned and Carlton....Ned in parlour....Consequence
  of administering patent twaddle in educating....Mr.
  Brass, Sen., and Prof. Harwood---how settled....Quietude 181

• CHAPTER LII.
  Exhibition....Mr. C. busy....Fixings....Loss on shoes....Signals....Orchestral....Blaze....Exclamations!....Cow-bell
  shaken---inaudible fiddles....
  Primo....secundo....Triangle....Speech interrupted---exhibition goes on...
  Contrast in seven particulars between young men and young gentlemen, with
  threat of farther infliction....Two young men....Fixed and wandering stars
  ....A heavy bet on one side 192

• CHAPTER LIII.
  How to spend a vacation in the Purchase....An abstract embodied and seen
  marching by the author!....Grand party to explore a cave---invitations---ready
  —starting—dignity let down....Solemn advice to persons, made up nicely by
  milliners and other artists....Things growing bigger, and why....Mrs. Hunter's
  directions....Found....Domore's report....Refusals....Why Polly
  wouldn't, although Peggy would....Backing one another before the rest....
  

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  What was not seen....Squall prevented....“Hark! what's that?”....Going
  down deeper, and coming back quicker....Retreat....Domore's policy- -his
  apology....What came down---quick writing....What retarded civilization a
  whole year 208

• CHAPTER LIV.
  Learning to spell 223

• CHAPTER LV.
  Married at last....Incipient refinement---consequences....Grand affair determined
  on---why---how---effect....The time---room---company---misgivings....
  “Shiver-ree”....Inside versus Outside....Performers---human, inhuman, and
  superhuman....Something squealy in a parlor....True hog superior to all
  others....Piggy-back....Scalp taken....Danger---“knock 'em down!”....
  Rescue....Difference between Hoosier-mobs and scum-mobs....Orpheus 224

• SIXTH YEAR.

• CHAPTER LVI.
  How to oversee....White crow....A committee....A party....Curious cloud---
  sneer! away!....Horseback.... Churches....Council of Nice.... Another
  party....The Great-North-American-Republican-Horsefly!....Mrs. Trollope
  wanted....Scene---sticking on---sticking to it---wading out....Alone....
  Dreams....Set over....Wilderness....Dialogues with Kate....Mrs. King
  ....Something nice to eat....Off again....Lost-like....Praise 235

• CHAPTER LVII.
  A petition....What Ned and Domore did....Insidias Cutswell, Esq., ad hoosierandum
  249

• CHAPTER LVIII.
  Wild pigeons....Ned's opinion of shot-guns....They make their own snot....
  Accidents....Alarm and excitement....A question evaded....A bag and
  string....Puzzled....Enlightened....Belittled....Dialogues, and execration
  of shot-guns....Melancholy 253

• CHAPTER LIX.
  The King of Terror....The dying one....The two coffins....Funeral train....
  Reader! 263

• SEVENTH YEAR.

• CHAPTER LX.
  Something new and prodigious!....Mystic letters---branding....Hard riding---
  blotted---puffs!---(nervous)---a conversation....Suspicious....Resolved on a
  believing spirit....Leaky....Faces and consciences....Cow-bells---crotch of
  a tree---cows and procession....Episodial about biggest college....Lights---
  omens....Dreams not accounted for 266

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• CHAPTER LXI.
  Particular introduction....History and character....Story about a donkey....
  How to roll up and down at once....Fiction acknowledged 275

• CHAPTER LXII.
  Mystery defended....Conjectures....How to use professors....What Professor
  Spunk would have done....(Note)....A letter....Several dialogues and two
  or three scenes....A resignation....Refreshments in the next chapter 278

• CHAPTER LXIII.
  The Guzzleton barbecue...Preface....Description---plateau---table---seats---
  ---arcade---kitchen---curious iron artillery --- processions --- flags---music---
  “the set-up” performed....Uses of a barbecue, and talks about cost....Domore
  and others clenching rifles....A deep sigh 285

• CHAPTER LXIV.
  Verification....Preface to thrilling scenes....“Hark---the bell!”... The celebrated
  Saturday's show....Court of appeals and repeals....Speeches, talks,
  and interruptions....Something excessively tender and touching....Terror---
  knife drawn---assassination---wrath---big words---voting---dividing and taking
  sides....Grand Jury....Ecclesiastical Court....Body Guard 292

• CONCLUDING SIX MONTHS.

• CHAPTER LXV.
  Ha! I see! I see!....Reader calls out three times....Mr. C. comes back....
  Firm of Glenville & Carlton....Some very deep water....Literary topics resumed....Board
  met....Deeply interesting....A long speech that did nothing,
  and a short one that did all things....Polyphemus and his two meals....
  Curtain falls 303

• CHAPTER LXVI.
  Farewells....A church full....A house empty....A rainy morning....Domore
  and Ned.... * * * * * Pinnacle of a mountain....Soliloquy.... * *
  * * * * A lesson 312