To Miss Howard.
HOW, my sweet Emily, shall I bear
his absence; an absence embittered
by the remembrance of those lively impassioned
hours which love alone can give? What
joy have I found in owning the sentiments
of my soul to one so worthy of all my tenderness!
Yes, Emily, I love him–words
can but ill paint what I feel–he, he alone,
–yet he leaves Belmont–leaves it by my
command, leaves it this very hour, leaves
it perhaps for ever–Great Heaven! can I
support that thought?
If you love, if you pity your unhappy
friend, return immediately to Belmont; let
me repose my sorrows in that faithful
breast: Lady Anne is tenderly my friend,
but the sprightliness of her character intimidates
me: I do not hope to find in her
that sweet indulgence to all my faults, as in
the gentle soul of my Emily.
I have entreated him to take no leave of
me; I shall only see him with the family:
The moment draws near–my fluttering
heart–How shall I hide my concern?–
Lady Anne is coming to my apartment:
I must go with her to the saloon, where
he only waits to bid us adieu: his chaise is
in the court. Oh! Emily! my emotion will
betray me.–
He is gone; the whole house is in tears:
never was a man so adored, never man so
infinitely deserved it. He pressed my
hand to his lips, his eyes spoke unutterable
love. I leaned almost fainting on
Lady Anne, and hid my tears in her bosom:
she hurried me to my apartment,
and left me to give vent to my full heart!
She sees my weakness, land kindly strives
to hide it from others, whilst her delicacy
prevents her mentioning it to myself: she
has a tender and compassionate heart, and
my reserve is an injury to her friendship.
Lady Anne has sent to ask me to air; I
shall be glad to avoid all eyes but hers; perhaps
I may have courage to tell her–she
merits all my confidence, nor is it distrust
but timidity which prevents–she is here–
I am ashamed to see her. Adieu! my dearest,
my beloved friend!
