University of Virginia Library

Liber Secundus.

[Thou which deluding raisest vp a fame]

Thou which deluding raisest vp a fame,
And hauing shewd the man concealst his name,
Which canst play earnest as it pleaseth thee,
And earnest turne to iest as neede shall be,
Whose good we praise, as being likt of all,
Whose ill we beare, as being naturall,
Thou which art made of vineger and gall,
Wormewood, and Aqua fortis mixt with all.
The worldes spie, all ages obseruer,
All mens feare, fewe mens flatterer,
Cease, write no more to agrauate thy sinne:
Or if thou wilt not leaue, now Ile beginne.

Epigr. 2. In Porum.

Porus when first he ventred for a prize,
Desirde safe conduct but to yonder shoare:
When he ariude and spedd his merchandize,
Sea, bring me home againe, I aske no more.
And yet a second course he vndertakes.
And steeling leaue for gayne which is so deare,
A third and fourth aduenture yet he makes,
And vsde to danger now, forgets to feare.
Ye windes and seas where are your blasts & waues,
With which ye seale and open the great deepe?
Porus contemneth you as captiue slaues,
And saith you are his prisoners vnder keepe.
Like Xerxes he hath Neptune fast in stockes,
And like Vlysses, Æolus in a boxe.

Epigr. 3.

Monsters of men are many now a day,
Which still like Vultures on the dead do pray,
And as the Phœnix doth in wondred wise,
So they, but out of others ashes rise.

Epigr. 4. Ad Henricum Wottonum.

Wotton , the country and the country swayne,
How can they yeelde a Poet any sense?
How can they stirre him vp, or heat his vaine?
How can they feede him with intelligence?
You haue that fire which can a witt enflame,
In happy London Englands fayrest eye:
Well may you Poets haue of worthy name,
Which haue the foode and life of poetry.
And yet the country or the towne may swaye,
Or beare a part, as clownes doe in a play.

Epigr. 5. In hospitem quendam.

Mine boast he hath but one eye which good is,
As for conditions good, one lesse then this,
I pray ye guestes as many as come hether,
In his behalfe to put these both together.

Epigr. 6. De mensæ Iannarii quæ fuit an: do. 1595.

VVhen coldes & frosts, & snowes were wont to reigne,
As in their time of prime in Ianiuere.
Then calme and milde and pleasant was the yeare,
like to the spring which maketh all things feyne.
The little sparrowes these I sawe deceiue,
Which cherped merily and built their nest.
Pore birds, the frost will come when you think lest,
And you of pleasure sodainlye bereaue.
And this poore birds let me your errour rue;
But let the yeare deceiue no more then you.

Epigr. 7. In Lætum.

Lætus by sops, and sups, and little more
Hath got a nose which reacheth to the skies,
This nose hath got a mouth wide gaping so,
This mouth hath gotten eares, these eares haue eies,
And now me thinkes tis little nose againe,
Being deuided, for I did suppose,
That it had neither mouth, nor eares, nor eyne.
I was deceiu'de, I tooke all for a nose,
And if I say als nose, thinke you I lye?
But if I say not; what a nose marre I?

Epigr. 8.

Walking the fieldes a wantcatcher I spide,
To him I went desirous of his game:
Sir haue ye taken wants? yes he replide,
Heere are a dozen which were lately tane.
Then you haue left no more. No more quoth he,
Sir I can shewe you more, the more the worse,
And to his worke he wente, but t'wolde not be,
For all the wantes were crept into my purse.
Farewell friend wantcatcher since t'will not be,
Thou canst not catch the wants, but they catch me.

Epigr. 9.

Westminster is a mill which gryndes all causes,
And grinde his cause for me there he that list:
For by Demurrs and Pleas, appeales, and clauses,
The tole is oft made greater then the gryste.

Epigr. 10.

A Gentleman, if once decline chance,
Theres meate for peasants, there is dainty fare
One snaps the sides, an other hath the haunch,
One hath the vmbles, euery one a share.
O vile base ende of riott and excesse,
He which had liuing, landes and dignitie;
Is eaten vp of very filthinesse.
Falne among swine, a pray to slauerie,
But see the ende; this sweete and daintie foode,
Turns into finer molde, vpstartes a sonne:
He is a Gentleman of your lands blood.
He buyes your Armes, who could be thus vndone,
First would I sterue my selfe and eate my nayles,
Or these rude chufs should drayle me through their tayles.

Epigr. 11.

He which to London did conuey the pigge,
Which was so wōdrous long, so monstrous big
Tell him from me he was a very mome.
For I knowe greater piggs he left at home.

Epigr. 12. In Zoilum.

Zoile now stinkes, cold, wann, and withered,
How shall one know when Zoilus is dead.

Epigr. 13. In Cacum.

Cacus , if any chance on him to call,
Drawes forth the loafe & cheese, but if they eate
A golden sentence he drawes forth withall,
Friendship consisteth not in drinke and meate.
This is a goolden sentence I dare sweare.
This sentence saues him many pound's a yeare.

Epigr. 14. Epitaphium barbæ cuius erat Psillus.

Here lies a bounch of haire deepe falowed,
Of fayre long hayre, trilling a downe the brest,
With goodly flakes and peakes; now all is dead.
The shaking, and the count'nance, and the crest.
Now death of mooches hath dissolude that twynn,
And seased on that goodly sett of hayre.
And marde the order of that famous chynn,
With his posteritie alone so fayre,
Which to posteritie I will commende.
Heere lies a beard, and Psillus at the ende.

Epigr. 15.

Heywood goes downe saith Dauis sikerly,
And downe he goes, I can it not deny.
But were I happy, did not fortune frowne.
Were I in heart, I would sing Dauy downe.

Epigr. 16. Ad Lectorem.

Reader, there is no biting in my verse;
No gall, no wormewood, no cause of offence.
And yet there is a biting I confesse
And sharpenesse tempred to a wholsome sense.
Such are my Epigrams well vnderstood,
As salt which bites the wound, but doth it good.

Epigr. 17. Ad Aulicos.

Ye Courtiers, so may you in courtly sorte
With manners old, old Courtiers long remaine,
So that some vpstart courtiers ye refraine:
vnworthy of a peerelesse princes port.
As courtier leather, courtier pinne, and sope,
And courtier vinegeer, and starch and carde,
And courtier cups, such as were neuer heard,
And such as shall not court it long we hope.
The true gentilitie by their owne Armes,
Aduance themselues, the false by others harmes.

Epigr. 18. In inuidum.

I chanced on a monster of a man,
With health heart sick, sterued with store of food,
With riches poore; with beauty pale and wanne.
Wretched with happinesse, euill with good,
One eye did enuie at the other eye,
Because the other enuide more then he.
His hands did fight for the first iniurie,
So enuie enui'de, enuied to be.
And as he went his hinder foote was sore
And enuide at the foote that went before.

Epigr. 19. In Fœnatores.

Neuer so many vserers were knowne,
As we haue now; yet haue we not enowe,
So many borowing neede hath ouerthrowne,
Which would be more in debt, but know not how,
The vserers are tane vp of Gentlemen,
Of Merchants, of the Nobles of the land.
The poore can now haue no accesse to them,
Vnder vndoing thrise, vnder good band.
Methinkes I heare the wretches how they call,
Let's haue more vsurers, or none at all.

Epigr. 20.

He that will in the mid'st of dronkennesse,
Learne how he may miraculously be fresh:
And in one instant honger after cates,
Which his cramde surfeyting with loathing hates.
And ipso facto cure the rume destilling,
And that which heere to name I am not willing,
Vnlesse Tabaccho vanish his disease.
He must stay longer or he can haue ease.

Epigr. 21. In Momum.

Momus to be a Poet Lawreate,
Hath straynde his wits, through an yron grate.
For he hath rimes and rimes, and double straynes:
And golden verses, and all kindes of veynes,
Now to the presse he presseth hastely,
To sell his friendes stinking eternitie.
For who would be eternall in such fashion,
To be a witnesse to his condemnation.

Epigr. 22.

I mett a courtier riding on the plaine,
Well mounted on a braue and gallant steede;
I sate a iade, and spurred to my paine,
My lazy beast whose tyred sides did bleede,
He sawe my case; and then of courtesie,
Did reyne his horse, and drewe the bridle in
Because I did desire his companie:
But he coruetting way of me doth winne.
What should I doe which was besteaded so?
His horse stoode still faster then mine could go,

Epigr. 23. In Misum.

Misus , thy wealth will quickly breath away,
Thine honestie is shorter then thy breath,
Thy flesh will fall, how can it longer stay,
Which is so ripe and mellow after death?
Yet while thou liu'st men make of thee a iest.
Heere lies olde Misus soule, lockt in his chest.

Epigr. 27. In Lalum.

Lalus is drunke, and able scarse to speake,
He sweares he is not drunke; when by an by
The nimble licour foyles him on his necke,
How durst ye Lalus giue your Ale the lie,
Next time if you will be beleeu'd, confesse,
That when you haue not drunk, you are not fresh.

Epigr. 25. In habentem longam barbam.

Thy beard is long: better it would thee fitt,
To haue a shorter beard, and longer witt.

Epigr. 26.

I want an hundred pounds: my bookes I seeke.
Their answere is; that learning hath a fall:
I seeke my braines: conceipts be so good cheepe,
One dramme of siluer may buy head and all.
Then to the Muses I amased flye.
They tell me Homers case and others more.
Then to my bookes againe as fast I hie.
And backe againe as wretched as before.
Betraying studies standing few in steede;
Why doe ye this forsake me in my neede?

Epigr. 27. In Lætum.

Lætus would begge of me I knowe not what,
But first he couenants, denye not me.
Nay Lætus begge me then if I grant that.
If I will binde my selfe to sett you free.
Twere well if after asking you might haue it
But you will haue a thing before ye craue it.

Epigr. 28.

So harde it was for Poets to reiect,
The once conceiued issue of their braine,
As for a mother her babe to neglect,
For whom in trauayling she tooke such paine.
Then if we loue our faultes for our owne sake.
Loue doth but loue the child, which loue did make.

Epigr. 29. in Papam.

The Pope as king of kings hath power from hye,
To plant, and to roote out successiuely:
Why fell the king of France in wofull case?
Because the Pope did plant him of his grace.
But our Elisa liues, and keepes her crowne,
God a mercy Pope, for he would pull her downe.

Epigr. 30. Ad reginam Elizabetham.

Liue long Elisa, that the wolfe of Spayne,
In his owne thirst of blood consumde may be.
That forraine princes may enuie thy reigne.
That we may liue and florish vnder thee,
And though the bended force of mighty kings,
With knots of policy confederate.
Ayme at thy royall Scepter, purposing
Confusion to thy country and thy state.
Heauen fights for thee, & thou shalt haue thy will
Of all thy foes, for thy Sunne standeth still.

Epigr. 31. Ad Lectorem.

Reader me thinkes that now I doe digresse,
Presuming thus to talke of Maiesty.
Which in things easie could my minde expresse,
And dandle little meanings pretily,
For now I loose my proper veynes delight,
Which things vnproper to my veyne rehearse,
Thus I attempting those things to recyte,
Which come not in my compasse of my verse,
In such a plot, cannot make matter faye.
Where so much matter must be cast away.

Epigr. 32. Ad Comitem Essexiæ.

Essex , the ends which men so saine would finde,
Riches, for which most are industrious.
Honour, for which most men are vertuous,
Are but beginnings to thy noble minde:
Which thou as meanes dost frankly spend vpon,
Thy countries good, by thy true honour wonne.

Epigr. 33.

Olde hand in handes saluting now is past,
And friendes embracing armes in armes do cast.
Why? cause the body is the better part?
Or we would feele our friends neerer the heart?
Or that our friends as flitting to and fro
Our armes may hold, our hands would let them go?
Yet were the auncient friendship now of force,
Our armefull, for their handfull I would scorse.

Epigr. 34.

The first defence that goolde hath, is the ground,
Where it lyes hidden till we digge it foorth.
Then in her thicknesse it lies, which we sounde,
For goold's pale spirit of admirable woorth.
And then we let it downe into our heart,
And drench our soule so thirsting after gayne,
Till like a God it reigne in euery part.
No Alcumist can draw it thence againe.
If goolde from goold can be abstracted thus,
Why should not goold as well be drawn from vs?

Epigr. 35. In Fortunum.

I pray thee fortune, (fortune if thou be.)
Come heere aside, for I must braule with thee.
I'st you that sitt as Queene in throne so hye,
In spite of vertue, witt and honesty?
Haue you a Scepter onely to this ende,
To make him rue which neuer did offend?
I'st your fayre face whose fauour fooles doe finde,
And whose vaine smile makes wise mē change their mind?
Thy hands be ful, yet eye thou hast not one,
Th' arte full of mosse, and yet a rolling stone.
Thou fancyest none; yet put'st the worste in trust,
Thou ta'kt no bribes, and yet dost iudge iniust.
Thou makest Lordes, and yet dost cast them down,
Thou hatest kings, and yet dost keepe their crowne,
Thou neuer stand'st: and yet dost neuer fall;
And car'st for none, and yet hast rule of all,
But fortune, though in princely throne thou sit
I enuie not, it is not for thy witt.

Epigr. 36. Ad Sextum.

Sextus in wordes giues me goold wealth and lands
Sextus hath Crassus tongue, but Irus handes.

Epigr. 37. Ad Guilielmum Sutton.

I vowde to make an Epigram a day,
But setting pen to paper twolde not saye.
I wanted matter and inuention.
My pen was tired, and my witt was donne.
Sutton this losse thou well mayst recompense,
Taking out wordes and putting in some sense:
Perhaps thou wilt not, for thou think'st it best,
To leaue some bad which may cōmend the rest.

Epigr. 38. In Caium.

So thy rare vertues fixed in mine eyes,
Thy gentle nature Caius, and thy minde.
So fraught with learning and good qualities:
That thou art ritch this onely fault I finde.
When thou wast poore thy vertues me releeued.
Since thou art ritch, of both I am depriued.

Epigr. 39.

The princes good is good to all: but yeat
The good of all to her good doth not tende.
She one defends vs all what euer threat,
And yet we all can not her one defende.
For the kings euell none but kings can cure.
Yet the kings euill more then kings procure.

Epigr. 40. De libro suo.

One sayde my booke was like vnto a coate,
Of diuerse colours blacke and red and white,
I bent to crosse him saide he spake by roate.
For they in making rather are vnlike.
A coate, one garment made of many fleeces.
My booke, one meaning cutt in many peeces.