The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] ... With a Copious Index. To which is prefixed Some Account of his Life. In Four Volumes |
 | I. |
| II. |
 | III. |
|
|
|
|
|
| I. |
| II. |
JOHN AND JOAN,
|
|
|
|
|
| IV. |
 | The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] |  |
141
JOHN AND JOAN,
A TALE.
Hail, wedded love! the bard thy beauty hails!
Though mix'd, at times, with cock and hen-like sparrings:
But calms are very pleasant after gales,
And dove-like peace much sweeter after warrings:
Though mix'd, at times, with cock and hen-like sparrings:
But calms are very pleasant after gales,
And dove-like peace much sweeter after warrings:
I've written—I forget the page, indeed;
But folks may find it, if they choose to read—
‘That marriage is too sweet without some sour—
Variety oft recommends a flow'r.
But folks may find it, if they choose to read—
‘That marriage is too sweet without some sour—
Variety oft recommends a flow'r.
‘Wedlock should be like punch, some sweet, some acid;
Then life is nicely turbulent and placid.
Then life is nicely turbulent and placid.
‘A picture that is all in light—
Lord, what a thing! a very fright!
No, let some darkness be display'd;
And learn to balance well with shade.’
Lord, what a thing! a very fright!
No, let some darkness be display'd;
And learn to balance well with shade.’
John married Joan—they frown'd, they smil'd;
Now parted, and now made a child:
Now tepid show'rs of love, now chilling snows;
Much like the seasons of the year;
Or like a brook, now thick now clear;
Now scarce a rill, and now a torrent flows.
Now parted, and now made a child:
Now tepid show'rs of love, now chilling snows;
Much like the seasons of the year;
Or like a brook, now thick now clear;
Now scarce a rill, and now a torrent flows.
One day they had a desperate quarrel
About a little small-beer barrel,
Without John's knowledge slily tapp'd by Joan;
For Joan, t'oblige her old friend Hodge,
Thought asking leave of John was fudge;
And so she wisely left the leave alone.
It happ'd that John and Joan had not two beds
To rest their angry, frowning brace of heads;
Ergo, there was but one
To rest their gentle jaws upon.
About a little small-beer barrel,
Without John's knowledge slily tapp'd by Joan;
For Joan, t'oblige her old friend Hodge,
Thought asking leave of John was fudge;
And so she wisely left the leave alone.
It happ'd that John and Joan had not two beds
To rest their angry, frowning brace of heads;
142
To rest their gentle jaws upon.
‘I'll have a board between us,’ cried the man—
‘With all my spirit, John,’ replied the wife:
A board was plac'd, according to their plan:
Thus ended this barrier at once the strife.
‘With all my spirit, John,’ replied the wife:
A board was plac'd, according to their plan:
Thus ended this barrier at once the strife.
On the first night, the husband lay
Calm as a clock, nor once wink'd over—
Calm as a clock, too, let me say,
Joan never squinted on her lover.
Calm as a clock, nor once wink'd over—
Calm as a clock, too, let me say,
Joan never squinted on her lover.
Two, three, four nights, the sulky pair,
Like two still mice, devoid of care,
In philosophic silence sought repose;
On the fifth morn, it chanc'd to please
John's nose to sneeze—
‘God bless you, dear!’ quoth Joan at John's loud nose.
Like two still mice, devoid of care,
In philosophic silence sought repose;
On the fifth morn, it chanc'd to please
John's nose to sneeze—
‘God bless you, dear!’ quoth Joan at John's loud nose.
At this John gave a sudden start,
And, popping o'er the hedge, his head—
‘Joan, did you say it from your heart?’
‘Yes, John, I did, indeed, indeed!’
‘You did?’—‘Yes, John, upon my word’—
‘Zounds, Joan, then take away the board!’
And, popping o'er the hedge, his head—
‘Joan, did you say it from your heart?’
‘Yes, John, I did, indeed, indeed!’
‘You did?’—‘Yes, John, upon my word’—
‘Zounds, Joan, then take away the board!’
Thus it will be with you and Pitt agen;
Love will beam forth, that ev'ry love surpasses;
The grocers be themselves, sweet-temper'd men,
And souse him in a hogshead of molasses.
Thus will Contention take away the bone,
And you and Pitt kiss friends, like John and Joan.
Love will beam forth, that ev'ry love surpasses;
The grocers be themselves, sweet-temper'd men,
And souse him in a hogshead of molasses.
Thus will Contention take away the bone,
And you and Pitt kiss friends, like John and Joan.
| The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] | |