 | The Antipodes |  |
Se. 9.
Ent. Byplay like a Statesman. 3. or 4. Projectors with bundles of papers.Per:
Will you make me mad?
Doct.
We are saild, I hope,
Beyond the line of madnesse. Now sir, see
A States-man studious for the Common-wealth,
Solicited by Projectors of the Country.
Byp.
Your Projects are all good I like them wel.
Especially these two: This for th'increase of wooll:
And this for the destroying of Mice: They'r good,
And grounded on great reason. As for yours,
(Whereby the education of young children,
In turning spits, is greatly hindred)
It may be look'd into: And yours against
The multiplicity of pocket-watches,
(Whereby much neighbourly familiarity,
By asking, what de'yee gesse it is a Clocke?
Is lost) when every puny Clerke can carry
The time oth' day in's Breeches: This, and these
Hereafter may be lookt into: For present;
This for the increase of Wool; that is to say,
By fleying of live horses, and new covering them
With Sheeps-skins, I doe like exceedingly.
And this for keeping of tame Owles in Cities,
To kill up Rats and Mice, whereby all Cats
May be destroyed, as an especiall meanes
To prevent witch-craft and contagion.
Per.
Here's a wise businesse!
Pro.
Will your honour now,
Be pleas'd to take into consideration
The poore mens suits for Briefes, to get reliefe
By common charity throughout the Kingdome,
Towards recovery of their lost estates.
Byp:
What are they? let me heare.
Pro:
First, here's a Gamster, that sold house and land,
To the knowne value of five thousand pounds,
And by misfortune of the Dice lost all,
To his extreame undoing; having neither
A wife or child to succour him.
Byp:
A Batchelour!
Pro:
Yes, my good Lord.
Byp:
And young, and healthfull?
Pro:
Yes.
Byp.
Alas tis lamentable: he deserves much pitty.
Per:
How's this?
Doct.
Observe him further, pray sir.
Pro:
Then, here's a Bawd, of sixty odde yeares standing.
Byp:
How old was she when she set up?
Pro:
But foure
And twenty, my good Lord. She was both ware
And Merchant; Flesh and Butcher, (as they say)
For the first twelve yeares of her house-keeping:
She's now upon fourescore, and has made markets
And twice their number of indifferent geare.
(No riffe raffe was she ever knowne to cope for)
Her life is certifi'd here by the Justices,
Adjacent to her dwelling—
Byp.
She is decai'd.
Pro.
Quite trade-fallen, my good Lord, now in her dotage;
And desperately undone by ryot.
Byp.
'Lasse good woman,
Pro.
She has consum'd in prodigall feasts and Fidlers,
And lavish lendings to debauch'd Comrades,
That suckt her purse, in Jewells, Plate, and money,
To the full value of sixe thousand pounds.
Byp.
She shall have a Collection, and deserves it.
Per.
Tis monstrous, this.
Pro.
Then here are divers more,
Of Pandars, Cheaters, house-and high-way Robbers,
That have got great estates in youth and strength,
And wasted all as fast in wine and Harlots,
Till age o'retooke 'hem, and disabled them,
For getting more
Byp.
For such the Law provides
Reliefe within those Counties, where they practis'd.
Per.
Ha! what for thieves?
Doct.
Yes, their Law punisheth
The rob'd, and not the thiefe, for surer warning,
And the more safe prevention. I have seene
Folkes whipt for losing of their goods and money,
And the picke-pockets cherish'd.
Byp.
The weale publicke,
As it severely punisheth their neglect,
Undone by fire ruines, shipwracke, and the like,
With whips, with brands, and losse of carelesse eares,
Imprisonment, banishment, and sometimes death;
And carefully maintaineth houses of Correction
For decay'd Schollars, and maim'd Souldiers;
So doth it finde reliefe, and almes-houses,
For such as liv'd by Rapine and by Cosenage.
Per.
Still worse and worse! abhominable! horrid!
Pro.
Yet here is one, my Lord, 'bove all the rest,
Whose services have generally bin knowne,
Byp.
Who's that?
Pro.
The captaine of the Cut-purses, my Lord;
That was the best at's art that ever was,
Is fallen to great decay, by the dead palsie
In both his hands, and craves a large collection.
Byp.
Ile get it him.
Per.
You shall not get it him.
Doe you provide whips brands; and ordaine death,
For men that suffer under fire, or shipwracke,
The losse of all their honest gotten wealth:
And finde reliefe for Cheaters, Bawdes, and Thieves?
Ile hang yee all.
Byp.
Mercy great King.
Omnes.
O mercy.
Byp.
Let not our ignorance suffer in your wrath,
Before we understand your highnesse Lawes,
We went by custome, and the warrant, which
We had in your late Predecessors raigne:
But let us know your pleasure, you shall finde
The State and Common-wealth in all obedient,
To alter Custome, Law, Religion, all,
To be conformable to your commands.
Per.
Tis a faire protestation: And my mercy
Meets your submission. See you merit it
In your conformity.
Byp.
Great Sir we shall.
In signe whereof we lacerate these papers
Letoy, Diana, Ioylesse, appeare above.
And lay our necks beneath your Kingly feet.
Per.
Stand up you have our favour.
Dia.
And mine too?
Never was such an actor as Extempore!
Joy.
You were best to flye out of the window to him.
Dia.
Me thinkes I am even light enough to doe it.
Ioy.
I could finde in my heart to Quoit thee at him.
Dia.
So he would catch me in his armes I car'd not.
Let.
Peace both of you, or you'l spoyle all.
Byp.
your Grace
Abounds—abounds—your Grace—I say abounds.
Let.
Pox o' your mumbling chops; is your braine dry?
Doe you pump?
Dia.
He has done much my Lord, and may
Hold out a little.
Let.
Would you could hold your peace
So long.
Dia.
Doe you sneap me too my Lord.
Joy.
Ha, ha, ha.
Let.
Blockehead.
I hope his hotter zeale to's actors
Will drive out my wives love-heat.
Dia.
I had
No need to come hither to be sneape.
Let.
Hoyday! The rest will all be lost, we now give over
The play, and doe all by Extempore,
For your sonnes good, to sooth him into's wits.
If you'l marre all, yon may. Come nearer cocks-combe,
Ha you forgotten (puppy) my instructions
Touching his subjects, and his marriage?
Byp.
I have all now my Lord.
Per.
What voyce was that?
Byp.
A voyce out of the clouds, that doth applaud
Your highnesse welcome to your subjects loves.
Let.
So, now ho's in. Sit still, I must goe downe
And set out things in order.
Ex.
Byp.
A voyce that doth informe me of the tydings
Spread through your kingdome, of your great arrivall;
And of the generall joy your people bring
To celebrate the welcome of their king.
Showts within.
Hearke how the countrey shouts with joyfull votes,
Rending the ayre with musick of their throats,
drum & trumpets
Hearke how the souldier, with his martiall noise,
Threatens your foes, to fill your Crowne with joyes.
Hearke how the City, with loud harmony,
Haughboyes.
Chaunts a free welcome to your majesty.
Heark how the Court prepares your grace to meet
Soft musick.
With solemne musick, state and beauty sweet.
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