University of Virginia Library

‘You slippery dog!’ quoth he, ‘I knew
What baits of all best suited you.
I 've seen you often read the book,
In sack-cloth garb with solemn look;
But never saw you read alone—
'T was when some one was looking on.
I 've minded you full oft at meeting,
To give you there a hearty greeting;
I 've heard you with lip-service pray
The devil's kingdom might decay,
But I 've to thank you for your zeal
Foremost in furthering my weal;
I 've seen you grieve for negroes' woes
While the poor beast beneath your blows
Has cried like Balaam's ass aloud,
Below your cruel burdens bowed!
I 've seen you give to build a church
Enough to freight a bark of birch,
And have it blazoned in the papers
To hide your mean deceitful capers;
But when your washerwoman came,
With hard work and rheumatics lame,
Begg'd her bill cashed, with tale of sorrow,
You 've bid her call again to-morrow;
Put on your specs and scan'd it o'er,
And swore as Peter never swore.—
No mistress Potiphar could slur you,
Indignant at your stalwart virtue;
Chaste Joseph's story, let me mention,
Was quite beyond your comprehension,
For had you his temptation known,
Your ‘garment’ still had been your own.
I'll toast you on my three-tined spit,
You sweet, old, precious hypocrite!’
The wretch, with loud heart-rending screech
Was soon beyond all pity's reach!