All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet Being Sixty and three in Number. Collected into one Volume by the Author [i.e. John Taylor]: With sundry new Additions, corrected, reuised, and newly Imprinted |
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 | All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet |  |
One ask'd the Cinnicke
wise Athenian,
The cause why siluer look'd so pale and wan?
He, in reply was quicke, and answer'd straite,
Because so many for it lay in waite.
And did men thinke in what diuersity
Of fashions men for me in waite doe lye,
They would agree together in a tale,
That I had reason to looke wan and pale.
I haue of Treason, bin made Instrument
To betray Kingdomes, and to circumuent,
To vndermine, and to subuert the states
Of Empires, and of mighty Potentates.
I haue caus'd murther, cruell Homicide,
Foule Fratricide, vnnaturall Paricide.
For which a curse doth vnto me remaine,
A Runuagate, and a Vagabond like Caine.
And though that God in thundring Maiestie
Forbad man to haue any Gods but he,
Yet many thousands that command, forget,
Not minding God, their minds on me they set .
To purchase me, men haue forsworne and sworne,
And from the Booke of life their names haue torne.
For me the Sabbath is prophan'd with workes
Of Christians labours, worse then Iewes or Turkes.
For me those Parents that haue nurst and bred
Their children, by them are dishonoured,
For to haue me (to endlesse ioy or woe)
Some children care not where their Fathers goe.
I with the deu'ls sole helpe (my sole partaker)
Haue bin an vniuersall Cuckold-maker:
For where nor wit, or beauty could come in,
In any shape I could admittance win.
I make the Husband sometimes keepe the dore,
The whil'st (for me) his wife doth play the whore.
And many times (to moue all hell to laughter)
I made a Mother Bawde vnto her Daughter.
I'forc'd a Virgin cast off continence
And Chastity, and put on Impudence.
I made a reuerend Iudge to take a Bribe,
I made a Scribe a forged Name subscribe,
I caus'd a Miser sell his soule to hell,
Because I here on Earth with him should dwell.
And eighteene yeeres he kept me day and night
Lock'd in a Chest, not seeing any light.
And though my lot was thus a Slaue to be,
Yet was he a farre worser Slaue to me;
For he had vow'd himselfe to death to pine,
Rather then spend one penny pot of wine,
Although he late had swallow'd downe his throat,
Stinking fresh Herrings threescore for a Groat.
And he did bide this slauish misery,
On purpose to debarre my liberty.
At last this poore, base penurious Knaue,
Was borne (the way of all flesh) to his Graue:
And his braue heire vpon his backe had got
A mourning merry sute, long look'd I wot,
He the next day let flie the ill got treasure,
And I began to see some worldly pleasure;
From my old Masters Chest I was assum'd
To my young Masters pockets, sweet perfum'd,
'T a bawdy house, of the last new translation
He bare me with him, for his recreation,
There for a maydenhead he plaid a game,
Where eightscore more before had done the same:
There did my Master Knaue discharge the score,
And went, and left me with my mistris Whore.
I stai'd not in her seruice long, for shee
Was not two dayes before she set me free,
For hauing got a Frenchified heat,
She was prescrib'd a Dyet and a sweat,
She gaue me to the Surgeon, for some Lotion,
For Unguents, and a gentle working Potion,
For Plaisters, and for oyntments in a Box,
And so I left my Mistris, with a Pox.
The Surgeon me to the Physician sent,
From him I to th'Apothecary went,
But there I thought that Hell I had beene in,
And all the Fiends had in his Boxes bin.
For it appear'd to me that all his drugs
Had got the names of the infernall Bugs:
Zarzaparilla, Colloquintida,
Auxungia Porci, Cassia Fistula,
Egiptiacum, Album Camphiratum,
Blacke Oxicrotium, and white Sublimatum.
But soone my Master freed me from my feare,
He to the Tauerne went and left me there.
And whilst I in the Vintners house remain'd,
Some knowledge of my Masters state I gain'd.
Let no man say that drunke, my selfe I showe,
For what I speake, I vnderstand and know.
I'le shew some discommodities that waite
(For the most part) on euery Vintners state.
First, if a rowe of houses stands together,
All of one bignesse form'd, no oddes in either,
If one of them be to a Vintner let,
Amongst the rest at double rent 'tis set.
Next, if French Wine be twenty pound the Tonne,
But a poore penny in a quart is wonne:
Besides, he sometimes in the Caske doth finde,
Of Lees sixe Gallons, for a Lagge behinde.
And more, when in the Celler it is laid,
The Carmen, and Wine-Porters must be paid.
And by misfortune if the Caske be weake,
Three or foure Gallons in the ground may leake,
Or taking vent, it may grow dead and flat,
And then the Vintner little gets by that.
And if he be a fellow of free heart,
He now and then must giue a pint or quart.
His Candles (night and day) are burning still
Within his Seller, lest his Wines should spill:
And if two Kennell-rakers chance to come,
To come i'th euening, they must haue a roome,
And ouer one bare pint will sit and prate,
And burne a Candle out (perhaps) thereat,
Whilst all the Drawers must stay vp and waite
Vpon these fellowes, be it ne'r so late:
The whilst a Candle in the Kitchin wastes,
Another to his end ith'Seller hastes,
One with the Guests, another at the Barre,
Thus for one pint, foure Candles burning are.
By day-light, this I haue seene some to doe,
Call for a pipe, a pint, and Candle to,
By that time he hath done, 'tis quickly counted,
To what large summe the Vintners gaines amoūted.
Besides all this, his charge is euer great,
For seruants wages, cloathes, and fire, and meat,
For linnen, washing, Trenchers, losse of Plate,
For Glasses broken (by the course of Fate)
Besides, he hath some scores, which if you looke,
They make his posts look white, & black his book:
And if a debter seu'n long yeeres doe stay,
But six pence for a quart of wine hee'll pay,
When if a Merchant doe a Vintner trust
For his forbearance deare he answer must.
And when some Guests haue liquor in their braines,
How they will swagger in their roaring straines,
Out goe their swords, and by the eares they fall,
And now and then one's nail'd vnto the wall.
The man and's wife abus'd, his seruants beaten,
No moneyes pay'd for what is drunke or eaten,
His house in question brought, a man is kill'd,
His and his wiues heart both with sorrow fill'd,
And whereas other Trades their labours end
At night, till midnight He doth still attend,
At euery Groomes command officiously
He waits, and takes hard words most courteously.
He that amongst these harmes can purchase profit,
Much good may't doe him, he is worthy of it.
My Masters Vintner Trade, I thought to touch,
Because I cannot thinke his gaines is much,
I loue them all, my lines here manifests,
And so God send them honest sober guests.
From thence vnto the Wine-Marchant I went,
He presently me to the market sent:
For Butter, and for Egges I was exchang'd,
And to the Country with my Dame I rang'd.
Her Husband gaue me to a lab'ring Ditcher,
He to the Ale-house went, and bang'd the Pitcher.
To stay long there, I was exceeding loth,
They vs'd so much deceit with nick and froth.
My Master Host, vnto the Brewer gaue me,
The Malt-man came on Munday, & would haue me,
He to the Alehouse brought me backe in haste,
From thence I quickly to the Baker past,
My seruice there was very short and briefe,
He plac'd me with a Miller and a Thiefe,
That was a merry Master for the nonce,
He got his liuing cogging with two stones;
I next dwelt with a Butcher, that had tricks
To liue and thriue by Mutton and by pricks.
Thus haue I oft beene tossed to and fro,
From bad to worse, from misery to woe,
From miserable Slaues, to Prodigals,
To arrant Thieues, and to good Hospitals,
To good and bad, to true men and to Taylers,
To Fiddlers, Pipers, Fishmongers, and Saylers,
To Mercers, Grocers, Drapers, Tinkers, Peddlers,
To Fruiterers, for Pipins, Plumbs, and Medlers,
To Silk-men, Sadlers, Turners, Tylers, Glasiers,
To Tripewiues, Mealmē, Gardners, Grasiers, Brasiers,
To Plummers, Bricklay'rs, Smithes, and Carpenters,
To Dyers, Goldsmiths, and to Playsterers,
To Noble-men, to Water-mea, and to Ioyners,
To honest men, to Knaues, to clipping Coyners,
To Knights, to Beggers, Scriu'ners, Colliers, Lawiers,
To Stationers, to Printers, Silk-men Sawyers,
To Fooles, to Wise-men, Dunces, and to Doctors,
To Harlots, Varlots, Serieants, Bayliffes, Proctors,
To Papists, Protestants, and Puritans,
To Traytors, Subiects, Matchiuillians,
To Catchpoles, Beadles, Iaylors, Ironmongers,
To Cooks (whose labours do asswage mēs hungers)
To Cuckolds, Bawdes, to greasie Pimps & Panders,
To Cowards, valiant men and stout Commanders,
To Fishers, Fowlers, Shepheards, Queristers,
To Feather-makers, Girdlers, Barristers,
To Players, Bearewards, Fencers, to goodfellowes,
To those that make no breath, yet cā make bellows,
To Pewt'rers, Shoomakers, and Buttonmakers,
To Marshals men, and dirty kenell-rakers.
To Leather-sellers, Armourers, and Curriers,
To Iuglers, Iesters, Masons, Barbers, Spurriers,
To Woodmongers, to Tapsters, and to Salters,
To Ropemakers, for Cables, Ropes, and Halters,
To Painters, Pointers, Hackney-men, and Skinners,
To Hearb-wiues, Fish-wiues, & such scolding sinners
To Cutlers, Parrators, to Posts, to Iudges,
To Druggists, Felmongers, and to toyling Drudges,
To Hatters, Powlterers, Coniurers, and Farmees,
To Priests, Clerks, Sextanes, Sorcerers, & Charmers,
To Bowyers, Chandlers, and Astronomers,
To Gulls, to Gallants, and Embroyderers,
To Basket-makers, Milke-maydes, Iewellers,
To Comfit-makers, and Soliciters,
To Yeomen, Hostlers, and to Vnder-Shrieues,
To Millainers, to Chamberlaines, and Thieues,
To Cappers, Faulkners, Plow-men, Haberdashers,
To Coopers, Weauers, Scullions, Coblers, Trashers,
To Hunts-men, Gunners, Grauers, Rhethoricians,
To Coachmen, Tuckers, Potters, and Musicians,
To Reapers, Spinners, Caruers, and Suruayors,
To Orators, to Carriers, and Puruayors,
To Clothiers, to Logicians, Mowers, Sheermen,
To Clockemakers, Collectors, Miners, Carmen,
Tobacco-sellers, Netmakers, Men, Boyes,
To Sharkes, Stales, Nims, Lifts, Foysts, Cheats, Stands, Decoyes
T'a Cut-purse, and a Pocket picking Hound,
To as mad Rogues as euer trod on ground.
To married men, to Batchelers, to Lads,
To sober fellowes, and to drunken Swads,
To Maydes, to Wiues, to Widdowes, & Whores,
To liberall mindes, and hungry hide-bound Boores,
To Midwiues, Chimney-sweepers, Beadles, Nurses,
To Seampsters, Laundresses, and Gossips purses,
To Drummers, Draimen, Pyrates, Drawers, Glouers,
To Trumpets, Whitsters, Ratcatchers, and Drouers,
To Hang-men, Side-men, to Churchwardens, Cryers,
To Fluits, Horse-coursers, Sellers, and to Buyers,
To Prisoners, to Night-farmers, & to Broome-men,
To all estates of forraigners, and Freemen:
I could name more, if so my Muse did please,
Of Mowse Traps, and tormentors to kill Fleas:
For Ballads, Table-bookes, and Conny-skins,
For ends of Gold and Siluer, Poynts and Pins:
For Knights, and Madames made of Ginger-bread,
And many a stale and musty maydenhead.
These Masters haue I seru'd, and thousands more
Of all degrees and Trades, on seas and shore.
And amongst all the places that I had,
Whereas I found one good, I got ten bad;
If I did serue a poore man but one day,
I fiue yeere (for it) with the rich would stay.
I haue bin Twelue-pence seuenty od long yeere,
And to the world I'le make it plaine appeare,
That where I had one Master lou'd the poore,
I had ten Drunkards, that did loue a Whore,
For each houres seruice good men had of mee,
To my great griefe I seru'd bad people three.
I weare the Kings badge, yet flie from the King,
And to a Misers Chest I profit bring.
The words I haue are Latine, which implies,
That I should waite vpon the learn'd and wise,
But for one Scholler, that can vnderstand,
I haue seru'd twenty Artlesse fooles command.
My seruice to the Poets hath bin euill,
I ranne more swift from them, then from the Deuill,
I know not well the cause, but they and I
Together long could ne'r keepe company.
I haue a true excuse that will defend me,
They loue me not, which makes e'm quickly spend me.
But there's no great loue lost 'twixt them and mee,
We keepe asunder, and so best agree.
They that doe loue me best, beyond Sea dwell,
For there I am like to a soule in hell,
From whence there's no returning, and so I
In the Low Countries or in Germanie,
If they doe get me once vpon their shore,
'Tis ten to one I ne'r see England more.
I haue seru'd Cut-purses, and high-way Fellowes,
And haue brought ten thousand to the Gallowes,
Were he the arrantst Thiefe that euer 'twang'd,
For my loue he would venture to be hang'd.
Some Scriueners, & some Post Knights (it appeares)
Fo louing me too much, haue lost their eares,
There's many a reuerend Bawde rode in a Cart,
For bearing vnto me a louing heart,
There's many a swee-fac'd Punk hath bin perplext,
Whip'd, & behind her back, much grieu'd & vext,
Some of my Masters, would take paines to haue me,
And like to Barbers, wash, clip, poll, and shaue me,
In this I onely differ from a Whore,
We both haue wicked followers great store:
The whore they may kisse, clip and coll, and strip,
Me they may safely kisse, but neuer clip.
And now and then, like imitating Apes,
With Brasse, Tin, Iron, they counterfeit my shapes.
They lou'd me more then honesty requires,
But commonly the Hangmin payes their hires.
Thus though I be but of a small account,
I haue had power to make my Master mount,
And some againe (by their owne bad endeuour)
I haue had power to sinke them downe for euer.
To some I am (in comming) slowe as Lead,
But quicke as Quicke-siluer, againe soone fled.
Suppose that any mischiefe that could be,
Had lately bin by th'onely meanes of me,
As casting good men into great distresse,
T'vndoe the Widdow and the Fatherlesse,
A long delaide sute, longer to prolong,
Or hang'd a guiltlesse man, that did no wrong:
Corrupted a chaste Mayd, intic'd a Wife
To folly, and to loath her Husbands life:
If I had bin the meanes to worke all this,
Or ten times more such actions of amisse,
Yet doe I looke as white as Innocence,
And neuer blush, at the most vile offence.
Nay more, there's none will (for my faults refraine me,)
But euery one will straitway entertaine me.
If treason (through my meanes) bee thought or wrought,
I neuer am vnto my triall brought:
For I haue had the triall touch before,
And am so knowne, I shall be tride no more.
For though I be in ill, chiefe formost Actor,
No man suspects me for a malefactor,
And if there be one man that will reueale me,
There are at least ten thousand will conceale me.
Indeed I was a Pagan borne at first,
And since in Christendome I haue beene nurst,
So they might haue me to encrease their pelfe,
Many are turn'd worse Pagans then my selfe.
For I no God or deity did know,
To whom I should my loue and seruice show:
But they forsake their God, whom they know well,
And make a God of me, an Infidell.
So, though I be but of a Heathen state,
I am no base Apostate, Reprobate.
Look on the hearbs, the flowr's, the fruits, the trees,
Fowles of the ayre, the painefull lab'ring Bees,
And aske their Owners why they breed and spring,
His answere is, they must him money bring.
Note but the toyling Plow-man, he is sowing,
He's hedging, ditching, taking, reaping, mowing,
Goes to bed late, and rises before day,
And all to haue my company, hee'll say.
For me with dagled Gownes, and dirty ham'd
The Hall at Westminster, ith' Terme is cram'd,
Such writing, running, sweating, interceding,
Remouing Causes, Pleading, Counterpleading,
Aske the cause why, the answer true will be,
Their wrangling and their strife is all for me.
Looke in the Towne, how folkes throng to & fro,
So thicke, one cannot for another goe,
And how the Shops with Wares are furnish'd out:
How euery one stares, pryes, and gapes about.
Demaund the reason, all will answer make,
They watch, & waite, cause they would money take.
I know, not why my reputation's such,
But still my credit hath beene wondrous much,
I am more willing taken, now and then
Then a seal'd Bond of any Aldermen,
For by long proofe, the Prouerbe true doth say,
That ready money euer will away.
I am no worse then I haue beene of old,
When thrice my worth, for me was bought & sold,
For I could once haue paid a quarters rent
For a small Garden, and a Tenement,
And that (for me) of Barly, Wheat or Rye,
Three times as much as now a man might buy:
The cause why now I not so much attaine,
Is (that I am not lighter halfe a graine)
But that through greedinesse, and hatefull pride,
I still am ill imployde, and worse applide:
For though the world be in a tott'ring state,
Yet am I constant alwayes at one rate,
Let house, land, cloathes, food, high or lower rise,
I am in value, alwayes at one sise,
Raise the price vp, or let it fall downe lowe,
A shilling is but Twelue pence, all men know,
I am the same I was, 'tis onely men
Haue lost the consciences they harbour'd then.
I might (as they might vse me) be a blessing,
And they make me the cause of their transgressing,
Some to obtaine me into mischiefe runne,
And some to spend me haue destruction wonne:
There's many a Master, where I vs'd to dwell,
That tooke delight (with me) to purchase hell.
And all the vicious wayes they ranne a side,
They made the Deuill and me, their onely guide:
(Perhaps) their Fathers went to hell to haue me,
And their mad heires, run the same way to leaue me,
The whilst a haire-brain'd needy crue beset me,
And gallop to the Deu'll amaine, to get me.
Thus vilely, how to get, and keepe, and spend me,
Three quarters of the world doe still attend me.
I haue made Mariages in many a place.
Where hath bin neither beauty, wit, or grace,
All's one for that, I am of that high price,
I can make vice seeme vertue, vertue vice.
I am of that great power, and high command,
In ioyning house to house, and land to land:
That where one hath a dwelling to abide.
One hundred knows not where their heads to hide:
And as one may three hundred Tenants haue,
Fiue hundred know not where to haue a graue.
Far though from Earth man hath originall,
And to the Earth, from whence he came doth fall,
Though he be Earth, & can claime nought but earth,
(As the fraile portion due vnto his birth)
Yet many thousands that the earth doth breed,
Haue no place (certaine) where to lodge or feed:
In which respect mens pleasures are behinde
The Birds, and Beasts for they contentment finde
With the prouision dame Nature giues,
Free (wiout money) euery Creature liues,
Their foode, attire, their Caues, dens, holes, & rests,
They haue and hold, as their owne interests.
And man, that hath a reasonable soule,
Whose reason countermands each beast and fowle,
Within whose face, a Maiestie is seated,
Beyond all Creatures that were e're created;
Yet let him but want money, and 'tis plaine,
He's th'onely briefe and abstract of disdaine,
Despised, scorn'd, deiected, and contemn'd,
And round about with miseries behem'd.
Search all the worlds Records from age, to age,
And view Times variable Pilgrimage:
Note that though Fortune (in her tott'ring guise)
Hath play'd at Foot-ball with great Monarchies,
Yet shall you finde how euer States haue varied,
How-euer things were carried or miscarried,
That money still bare the commanding sway,
To whom both right and wrong, and all obey.
Should all the Witches in the whole world sit
In Counsell, and imploy their damned wit,
And haue the aydes of all the fiends of hell,
With many mumbling Necromantick spell,
And all this toyle and paines of their should be,
To bring Pecunia into infamy,
To cast my Lady Argent in disgrace,
And make some other thing supply her place:
The fruits of all their labours they should finde,
Would be like throwing feathers 'gainst the winde:
For in mans heart 'tis rooted with such loue,
That nothing else but Death can it remoue.
And many humane reasons doe approue it,
That aboue all things earthly he should loue it,
Do'st thou want honour, money straite will buy it.
Although ten thousand needy Slaues enuie it.
Would'st thou an office thy estate to reare,
Money will helpe thee to't man, neuer feare:
Do'st want wit how to guide and gouerne it?
If thou hast money thou canst want no wit.
Art thou a damned Matchiuillian,
Thy money makes thee held an honest man.
Hast thou a scuruy face, take this of me,
If thou hast money, 'tis not seene in thee.
Would'st haue a Whore, a coach, smoke, drinke, or dice?
Money will bring thee all at any price.
Woul'dst haue all pleasures in variety,
Money will thy insatiate wants supply:
Then seeing money can doe what it will,
Haue not men reason to regard it still?
Some things there are that money cannot win,
But they are things men take small pleasure in;
As Heau'n, and a good Conscience, Vertue, Grace,
He that loues Money, cannot these imbrace.
For he whose heart to Money, is inclin'd,
Of things Cœlestiall hath but little minde.
If Money were a woman, I doe see,
Her case most pittie pittifull would bee,
Because I thinke she would no louers haue,
Except a Gowty miserable Knaue:
One that all night would by her lye and Grone,
Grip'd with the Collicke, or tormenting Stone,
With stinking coughing, grūting, spitting, spauling,
And nothing but Contagious Catterwalling.
Besides hee'd be so Iealous day and night,
He would not suffer her goe out of sight:
That sure I thinke her Case farre worse would be,
Then is the Turkish Galley slauery.
For none but such as those whome Age hath got ,
Are in the Loue of Money extreme hot.
And when as Hearing, Sent, and Taste, and sight,
Are gone, yet Feeling Money's their delight.
The whilest a Young-man, full of strength and pride,
Would make her goe by water, Run and Ride,
Force in all things to supply his neede,
For Recreation, or to Cloath and Feede,
Compell her to maintaine him fine and braue.
And in a word make her his Drudge or Slaue,
And all his Loue to her would be so so,
For hee'd but kisse her, and so let her goe.
Thus if It were a Woman as I say,
Her Case were lamentable euery way:
For Old men within Doores would euer worr'y her,
And youngmen round about the world would hurry her.
That were she matchd with either yong or old,
Her miseries would still be manifold.
But this Commanding bright Imperious Dame,
Vsde well or ill, Shee's euermore the same:
Locke her, or Let her loose, she cares not which,
She still hath power the whole world to bewitch.
I call to minde, I heard my Twelue-pence say,
That he hath oft at Christmas beene at play:
At Court, at th'Innes of Court, and euery where
Throughout the Kingdome, being farre and neere.
At Passage, and at Mumchance , at In and in,
Where Swearing hath bin counted for no Sinne,
Where Fullam high and Low-men bore great sway,
With the quicke helpe of a Bard Cater Trey.
My shilling said such swaggering there would be quoth he
Among the wrangling Knaues for me
Such shouing, sholdring, thrusting, thronging, setting,
Such striuing, crowding, iustling, and such betting,
Such storming, fretting, fuming, chafing, sweating,
Refuse, renounce me, damne me, swearing, cheating,
So many heauy curses, plagues and poxes,
Where all are losers, but the Butlers boxes:
That sure in hell the Deuils are in feare,
To curse and to blaspheme as they doe there.
Whilst without touch of conscience, or of sence,
They abuse th'Almighties great Omnipotence,
And this wicked stirre that they doe make,
Is me from one another how to rake.
That though I were a Pagan borne, I see
They make themselues much worse to pocket me.
These Gamesters make this time a time of mirth,
In memory of their blest Sauiours birth.
Whose deare remembrance, they doe annually
Obserue with extreme odious gluttony,
With gurmandizing beastly belly filling,
With swinish drinking, and with drunken swilling,
With ribald Songs, Iigges, Tales, & gawdy cloathes,
With bitter cursings, and most fearefull oathes,
That svre my shilling saith, the Heathen will
Not entertaine the Deuill halfe so ill;
But worship Satan in more kinde behauiour,
Then some professed Christians doe their Sauiour.
In Saturnes raigne when money was vnfound,
Then was that age with peace and plenty crown'd,
Then mine was thine, Thine mine, and all our liues,
All things in common were, except our wiues.
But now the case is altred (as they say)
Quite topsie-turuy the contrary way:
For now mens wealth is priuatly kept close,
The whilst their wiues are commonly let loose.
For he whom loue of money doth besot,
For's owne soule, or's wiues body, much cares not.
It bewitch'd Achan at the siege of Ai,
For which the Israelites did lose the day:
It made Gehezi false in his affaires,
And gain'd the Leprosie for him, and's heires,
It with th'Apostle Iudas bore such sway,
That it made him the Lord of life betray;
And Ananias and his wretched wife,
By suddaine death it made them lose their life;
And Diuine stories, and prophane, recite
Examples of such matters infinite,
'Tis said in Salomons Dominions,
That Siluer was as plenty as the Stones:
But sure the sinne of Couetise was not
Amongst them either borne, or scarce begot.
For all that Siluer, and a great deale more,
Rak'd and Rip'd from the Europian shore,
From Asia, and Sun-parched Africa,
And from the wombe of vast America,
From which last place the Potent King of Spaine,
Eleuen millions in one yeere did gaine,
And from Pottozzy Mines he daily had
Three hundred thirty thousand Ryals made.
To speake what mighty summes King Dauid won,
And left them vnto Salomon his Son,
Of Gold one hundred thousand Talents fine,
Siluer one Thousand thousand, from the Mine,
Besides from Ophír he had at the least,
Three thousand Golden talents of the best.
Iosephus doth of Dauids Tombe thus write,
How th'hidden Treasure there was infinite,
The Basons, Candlesticks, and Censors all,
Lampes, Organs, Instruments most musicall,
Ports, Altar, Tables, Hindges the Gates to hold,
They were all made of pure Refined Gold.
Besides six hundred Shields and Targets more,
The King causd all with Gold be plated o're.
Besides the Richnes of his Royall Throne,
The like whereof elsewhere was neuer none.
When the Great Macedonian did subdue
Darius, and his haples Persian Crue,
'Tis said his Treasure did so much abound,
Twenty nine thousand Talents there was found.
And more he saith (if we may credit this)
How that in Susa and Persepolis,
They found, of Siluer to encrease their store
One hundred seuenty thousand Talents more
When Cyrus Conquer'd Crœsus Crœsus lost
Three hundred millions of good Gold almost,
'Tis writ that Midas Treasure so amounted
Innumerable, not be Accounted.
Sardanapalus an Assyrian King,
Neere eight score millions to the fire did bring.
Where fifteene daies did burne his house, & pelfe,
His whores, & ('mongst the rest) his wretched selfe.
And Plutarch saith, Marke Anthony spent cleare
Of Gold, full sixe score millions in one yeere.
What should I speake of Cleopatraes Treasures,
Or wealth, or Triumphs of the Roman Cæsars?
Or what they were whose riches haue bin such?
Or who they are that now possesse too much?
But here's the question, seeing times of old
Did yeeld such store of siluer and of gold,
And seeing daily more and more is found,
Digg'd in aboundance from the solid ground,
I muse which way the Deuill all is gone,
That I, and thousand thousands can haue none.
I know my selfe as able to abuse it,
As any man that knowes well how to vse it,
But sure I neuer should my Master make it,
But as my seruant take it, and forsake it.
I haue described in particular
What Twelue-pence is, how it hath trauell'd far:
How to all ages, Sexes, Trades and Arts,
It comes and goes, it tarries and departs:
I could tell further how it doth command,
In pressing men to serue by sea or land,
How Bakers thirteene penny loaues doe giue
All for a shilling, and thriue well and liue,
How it a pottle of good Clarret buyes,
How 'tis a quart of rich Canaries prise,
How for a thousand things 'tis daily ranging,
And is so round a summe, it needs no changing,
How vp and downe the world he still doth firrit,
And takes no more rest then an ayery spirit.
Then at the last my Muse to minde doth call,
The mighty power of money in generall,
And how all ages still haue had good store,
Musing the cause my selfe can haue no more.
And Money hauing writ all this for thee,
Shew not thy selfe ingratefull vnto me:
But as I know thou canst, so preethee grant
That when I want, thou wilt supply my want,
Reward thy Poet, that doth set thee forth,
I'le loue thee still, according to thy worth.
The cause why siluer look'd so pale and wan?
He, in reply was quicke, and answer'd straite,
Because so many for it lay in waite.
And did men thinke in what diuersity
Of fashions men for me in waite doe lye,
They would agree together in a tale,
That I had reason to looke wan and pale.
I haue of Treason, bin made Instrument
To betray Kingdomes, and to circumuent,
To vndermine, and to subuert the states
Of Empires, and of mighty Potentates.
I haue caus'd murther, cruell Homicide,
Foule Fratricide, vnnaturall Paricide.
For which a curse doth vnto me remaine,
A Runuagate, and a Vagabond like Caine.
And though that God in thundring Maiestie
Forbad man to haue any Gods but he,
Yet many thousands that command, forget,
Not minding God, their minds on me they set .
To purchase me, men haue forsworne and sworne,
And from the Booke of life their names haue torne.
For me the Sabbath is prophan'd with workes
Of Christians labours, worse then Iewes or Turkes.
For me those Parents that haue nurst and bred
Their children, by them are dishonoured,
For to haue me (to endlesse ioy or woe)
Some children care not where their Fathers goe.
I with the deu'ls sole helpe (my sole partaker)
Haue bin an vniuersall Cuckold-maker:
For where nor wit, or beauty could come in,
In any shape I could admittance win.
I make the Husband sometimes keepe the dore,
The whil'st (for me) his wife doth play the whore.
And many times (to moue all hell to laughter)
I made a Mother Bawde vnto her Daughter.
I'forc'd a Virgin cast off continence
And Chastity, and put on Impudence.
I made a reuerend Iudge to take a Bribe,
I made a Scribe a forged Name subscribe,
I caus'd a Miser sell his soule to hell,
Because I here on Earth with him should dwell.
And eighteene yeeres he kept me day and night
Lock'd in a Chest, not seeing any light.
And though my lot was thus a Slaue to be,
Yet was he a farre worser Slaue to me;
For he had vow'd himselfe to death to pine,
Rather then spend one penny pot of wine,
Although he late had swallow'd downe his throat,
Stinking fresh Herrings threescore for a Groat.
And he did bide this slauish misery,
On purpose to debarre my liberty.
At last this poore, base penurious Knaue,
Was borne (the way of all flesh) to his Graue:
And his braue heire vpon his backe had got
A mourning merry sute, long look'd I wot,
He the next day let flie the ill got treasure,
And I began to see some worldly pleasure;
From my old Masters Chest I was assum'd
To my young Masters pockets, sweet perfum'd,
'T a bawdy house, of the last new translation
He bare me with him, for his recreation,
There for a maydenhead he plaid a game,
Where eightscore more before had done the same:
There did my Master Knaue discharge the score,
And went, and left me with my mistris Whore.
I stai'd not in her seruice long, for shee
Was not two dayes before she set me free,
For hauing got a Frenchified heat,
She was prescrib'd a Dyet and a sweat,
She gaue me to the Surgeon, for some Lotion,
For Unguents, and a gentle working Potion,
For Plaisters, and for oyntments in a Box,
And so I left my Mistris, with a Pox.
The Surgeon me to the Physician sent,
From him I to th'Apothecary went,
But there I thought that Hell I had beene in,
And all the Fiends had in his Boxes bin.
For it appear'd to me that all his drugs
Had got the names of the infernall Bugs:
Zarzaparilla, Colloquintida,
Auxungia Porci, Cassia Fistula,
Egiptiacum, Album Camphiratum,
Blacke Oxicrotium, and white Sublimatum.
But soone my Master freed me from my feare,
He to the Tauerne went and left me there.
And whilst I in the Vintners house remain'd,
Some knowledge of my Masters state I gain'd.
Let no man say that drunke, my selfe I showe,
For what I speake, I vnderstand and know.
I'le shew some discommodities that waite
(For the most part) on euery Vintners state.
First, if a rowe of houses stands together,
All of one bignesse form'd, no oddes in either,
If one of them be to a Vintner let,
Amongst the rest at double rent 'tis set.
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But a poore penny in a quart is wonne:
Besides, he sometimes in the Caske doth finde,
Of Lees sixe Gallons, for a Lagge behinde.
And more, when in the Celler it is laid,
The Carmen, and Wine-Porters must be paid.
And by misfortune if the Caske be weake,
Three or foure Gallons in the ground may leake,
Or taking vent, it may grow dead and flat,
And then the Vintner little gets by that.
And if he be a fellow of free heart,
He now and then must giue a pint or quart.
His Candles (night and day) are burning still
Within his Seller, lest his Wines should spill:
And if two Kennell-rakers chance to come,
To come i'th euening, they must haue a roome,
And ouer one bare pint will sit and prate,
And burne a Candle out (perhaps) thereat,
Whilst all the Drawers must stay vp and waite
Vpon these fellowes, be it ne'r so late:
The whilst a Candle in the Kitchin wastes,
Another to his end ith'Seller hastes,
One with the Guests, another at the Barre,
Thus for one pint, foure Candles burning are.
By day-light, this I haue seene some to doe,
Call for a pipe, a pint, and Candle to,
By that time he hath done, 'tis quickly counted,
To what large summe the Vintners gaines amoūted.
Besides all this, his charge is euer great,
For seruants wages, cloathes, and fire, and meat,
For linnen, washing, Trenchers, losse of Plate,
For Glasses broken (by the course of Fate)
Besides, he hath some scores, which if you looke,
They make his posts look white, & black his book:
And if a debter seu'n long yeeres doe stay,
But six pence for a quart of wine hee'll pay,
When if a Merchant doe a Vintner trust
For his forbearance deare he answer must.
And when some Guests haue liquor in their braines,
How they will swagger in their roaring straines,
Out goe their swords, and by the eares they fall,
And now and then one's nail'd vnto the wall.
The man and's wife abus'd, his seruants beaten,
No moneyes pay'd for what is drunke or eaten,
His house in question brought, a man is kill'd,
His and his wiues heart both with sorrow fill'd,
And whereas other Trades their labours end
At night, till midnight He doth still attend,
At euery Groomes command officiously
He waits, and takes hard words most courteously.
He that amongst these harmes can purchase profit,
Much good may't doe him, he is worthy of it.
My Masters Vintner Trade, I thought to touch,
Because I cannot thinke his gaines is much,
I loue them all, my lines here manifests,
And so God send them honest sober guests.
From thence vnto the Wine-Marchant I went,
He presently me to the market sent:
For Butter, and for Egges I was exchang'd,
And to the Country with my Dame I rang'd.
Her Husband gaue me to a lab'ring Ditcher,
He to the Ale-house went, and bang'd the Pitcher.
To stay long there, I was exceeding loth,
They vs'd so much deceit with nick and froth.
My Master Host, vnto the Brewer gaue me,
The Malt-man came on Munday, & would haue me,
He to the Alehouse brought me backe in haste,
From thence I quickly to the Baker past,
My seruice there was very short and briefe,
He plac'd me with a Miller and a Thiefe,
That was a merry Master for the nonce,
He got his liuing cogging with two stones;
I next dwelt with a Butcher, that had tricks
To liue and thriue by Mutton and by pricks.
Thus haue I oft beene tossed to and fro,
From bad to worse, from misery to woe,
From miserable Slaues, to Prodigals,
To arrant Thieues, and to good Hospitals,
To good and bad, to true men and to Taylers,
To Fiddlers, Pipers, Fishmongers, and Saylers,
To Mercers, Grocers, Drapers, Tinkers, Peddlers,
To Fruiterers, for Pipins, Plumbs, and Medlers,
To Silk-men, Sadlers, Turners, Tylers, Glasiers,
To Tripewiues, Mealmē, Gardners, Grasiers, Brasiers,
To Plummers, Bricklay'rs, Smithes, and Carpenters,
To Dyers, Goldsmiths, and to Playsterers,
To Noble-men, to Water-mea, and to Ioyners,
To honest men, to Knaues, to clipping Coyners,
To Knights, to Beggers, Scriu'ners, Colliers, Lawiers,
To Stationers, to Printers, Silk-men Sawyers,
To Fooles, to Wise-men, Dunces, and to Doctors,
To Harlots, Varlots, Serieants, Bayliffes, Proctors,
To Papists, Protestants, and Puritans,
To Traytors, Subiects, Matchiuillians,
To Catchpoles, Beadles, Iaylors, Ironmongers,
To Cooks (whose labours do asswage mēs hungers)
To Cuckolds, Bawdes, to greasie Pimps & Panders,
To Cowards, valiant men and stout Commanders,
To Fishers, Fowlers, Shepheards, Queristers,
To Feather-makers, Girdlers, Barristers,
To Players, Bearewards, Fencers, to goodfellowes,
To those that make no breath, yet cā make bellows,
To Pewt'rers, Shoomakers, and Buttonmakers,
To Marshals men, and dirty kenell-rakers.
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To Iuglers, Iesters, Masons, Barbers, Spurriers,
To Woodmongers, to Tapsters, and to Salters,
To Ropemakers, for Cables, Ropes, and Halters,
To Painters, Pointers, Hackney-men, and Skinners,
To Hearb-wiues, Fish-wiues, & such scolding sinners
To Cutlers, Parrators, to Posts, to Iudges,
To Druggists, Felmongers, and to toyling Drudges,
To Hatters, Powlterers, Coniurers, and Farmees,
To Priests, Clerks, Sextanes, Sorcerers, & Charmers,
To Bowyers, Chandlers, and Astronomers,
To Gulls, to Gallants, and Embroyderers,
To Basket-makers, Milke-maydes, Iewellers,
To Comfit-makers, and Soliciters,
To Yeomen, Hostlers, and to Vnder-Shrieues,
To Millainers, to Chamberlaines, and Thieues,
To Cappers, Faulkners, Plow-men, Haberdashers,
To Coopers, Weauers, Scullions, Coblers, Trashers,
To Hunts-men, Gunners, Grauers, Rhethoricians,
To Coachmen, Tuckers, Potters, and Musicians,
To Reapers, Spinners, Caruers, and Suruayors,
To Orators, to Carriers, and Puruayors,
To Clothiers, to Logicians, Mowers, Sheermen,
To Clockemakers, Collectors, Miners, Carmen,
Tobacco-sellers, Netmakers, Men, Boyes,
To Sharkes, Stales, Nims, Lifts, Foysts, Cheats, Stands, Decoyes
T'a Cut-purse, and a Pocket picking Hound,
To as mad Rogues as euer trod on ground.
To married men, to Batchelers, to Lads,
To sober fellowes, and to drunken Swads,
To Maydes, to Wiues, to Widdowes, & Whores,
To liberall mindes, and hungry hide-bound Boores,
To Midwiues, Chimney-sweepers, Beadles, Nurses,
To Seampsters, Laundresses, and Gossips purses,
To Drummers, Draimen, Pyrates, Drawers, Glouers,
To Trumpets, Whitsters, Ratcatchers, and Drouers,
To Hang-men, Side-men, to Churchwardens, Cryers,
To Fluits, Horse-coursers, Sellers, and to Buyers,
To Prisoners, to Night-farmers, & to Broome-men,
To all estates of forraigners, and Freemen:
I could name more, if so my Muse did please,
Of Mowse Traps, and tormentors to kill Fleas:
For Ballads, Table-bookes, and Conny-skins,
For ends of Gold and Siluer, Poynts and Pins:
For Knights, and Madames made of Ginger-bread,
And many a stale and musty maydenhead.
These Masters haue I seru'd, and thousands more
Of all degrees and Trades, on seas and shore.
And amongst all the places that I had,
Whereas I found one good, I got ten bad;
If I did serue a poore man but one day,
I fiue yeere (for it) with the rich would stay.
I haue bin Twelue-pence seuenty od long yeere,
And to the world I'le make it plaine appeare,
That where I had one Master lou'd the poore,
I had ten Drunkards, that did loue a Whore,
For each houres seruice good men had of mee,
To my great griefe I seru'd bad people three.
I weare the Kings badge, yet flie from the King,
And to a Misers Chest I profit bring.
The words I haue are Latine, which implies,
That I should waite vpon the learn'd and wise,
But for one Scholler, that can vnderstand,
I haue seru'd twenty Artlesse fooles command.
My seruice to the Poets hath bin euill,
I ranne more swift from them, then from the Deuill,
I know not well the cause, but they and I
Together long could ne'r keepe company.
I haue a true excuse that will defend me,
They loue me not, which makes e'm quickly spend me.
But there's no great loue lost 'twixt them and mee,
We keepe asunder, and so best agree.
They that doe loue me best, beyond Sea dwell,
For there I am like to a soule in hell,
From whence there's no returning, and so I
In the Low Countries or in Germanie,
If they doe get me once vpon their shore,
'Tis ten to one I ne'r see England more.
I haue seru'd Cut-purses, and high-way Fellowes,
And haue brought ten thousand to the Gallowes,
Were he the arrantst Thiefe that euer 'twang'd,
For my loue he would venture to be hang'd.
Some Scriueners, & some Post Knights (it appeares)
Fo louing me too much, haue lost their eares,
There's many a reuerend Bawde rode in a Cart,
For bearing vnto me a louing heart,
There's many a swee-fac'd Punk hath bin perplext,
Whip'd, & behind her back, much grieu'd & vext,
Some of my Masters, would take paines to haue me,
And like to Barbers, wash, clip, poll, and shaue me,
In this I onely differ from a Whore,
We both haue wicked followers great store:
The whore they may kisse, clip and coll, and strip,
Me they may safely kisse, but neuer clip.
And now and then, like imitating Apes,
With Brasse, Tin, Iron, they counterfeit my shapes.
They lou'd me more then honesty requires,
But commonly the Hangmin payes their hires.
Thus though I be but of a small account,
I haue had power to make my Master mount,
And some againe (by their owne bad endeuour)
I haue had power to sinke them downe for euer.
To some I am (in comming) slowe as Lead,
But quicke as Quicke-siluer, againe soone fled.
Suppose that any mischiefe that could be,
Had lately bin by th'onely meanes of me,
As casting good men into great distresse,
T'vndoe the Widdow and the Fatherlesse,
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Or hang'd a guiltlesse man, that did no wrong:
Corrupted a chaste Mayd, intic'd a Wife
To folly, and to loath her Husbands life:
If I had bin the meanes to worke all this,
Or ten times more such actions of amisse,
Yet doe I looke as white as Innocence,
And neuer blush, at the most vile offence.
Nay more, there's none will (for my faults refraine me,)
But euery one will straitway entertaine me.
If treason (through my meanes) bee thought or wrought,
I neuer am vnto my triall brought:
For I haue had the triall touch before,
And am so knowne, I shall be tride no more.
For though I be in ill, chiefe formost Actor,
No man suspects me for a malefactor,
And if there be one man that will reueale me,
There are at least ten thousand will conceale me.
Indeed I was a Pagan borne at first,
And since in Christendome I haue beene nurst,
So they might haue me to encrease their pelfe,
Many are turn'd worse Pagans then my selfe.
For I no God or deity did know,
To whom I should my loue and seruice show:
But they forsake their God, whom they know well,
And make a God of me, an Infidell.
So, though I be but of a Heathen state,
I am no base Apostate, Reprobate.
Look on the hearbs, the flowr's, the fruits, the trees,
Fowles of the ayre, the painefull lab'ring Bees,
And aske their Owners why they breed and spring,
His answere is, they must him money bring.
Note but the toyling Plow-man, he is sowing,
He's hedging, ditching, taking, reaping, mowing,
Goes to bed late, and rises before day,
And all to haue my company, hee'll say.
For me with dagled Gownes, and dirty ham'd
The Hall at Westminster, ith' Terme is cram'd,
Such writing, running, sweating, interceding,
Remouing Causes, Pleading, Counterpleading,
Aske the cause why, the answer true will be,
Their wrangling and their strife is all for me.
Looke in the Towne, how folkes throng to & fro,
So thicke, one cannot for another goe,
And how the Shops with Wares are furnish'd out:
How euery one stares, pryes, and gapes about.
Demaund the reason, all will answer make,
They watch, & waite, cause they would money take.
I know, not why my reputation's such,
But still my credit hath beene wondrous much,
I am more willing taken, now and then
Then a seal'd Bond of any Aldermen,
For by long proofe, the Prouerbe true doth say,
That ready money euer will away.
I am no worse then I haue beene of old,
When thrice my worth, for me was bought & sold,
For I could once haue paid a quarters rent
For a small Garden, and a Tenement,
And that (for me) of Barly, Wheat or Rye,
Three times as much as now a man might buy:
The cause why now I not so much attaine,
Is (that I am not lighter halfe a graine)
But that through greedinesse, and hatefull pride,
I still am ill imployde, and worse applide:
For though the world be in a tott'ring state,
Yet am I constant alwayes at one rate,
Let house, land, cloathes, food, high or lower rise,
I am in value, alwayes at one sise,
Raise the price vp, or let it fall downe lowe,
A shilling is but Twelue pence, all men know,
I am the same I was, 'tis onely men
Haue lost the consciences they harbour'd then.
I might (as they might vse me) be a blessing,
And they make me the cause of their transgressing,
Some to obtaine me into mischiefe runne,
And some to spend me haue destruction wonne:
There's many a Master, where I vs'd to dwell,
That tooke delight (with me) to purchase hell.
And all the vicious wayes they ranne a side,
They made the Deuill and me, their onely guide:
(Perhaps) their Fathers went to hell to haue me,
And their mad heires, run the same way to leaue me,
The whilst a haire-brain'd needy crue beset me,
And gallop to the Deu'll amaine, to get me.
Thus vilely, how to get, and keepe, and spend me,
Three quarters of the world doe still attend me.
I haue made Mariages in many a place.
Where hath bin neither beauty, wit, or grace,
All's one for that, I am of that high price,
I can make vice seeme vertue, vertue vice.
I am of that great power, and high command,
In ioyning house to house, and land to land:
That where one hath a dwelling to abide.
One hundred knows not where their heads to hide:
And as one may three hundred Tenants haue,
Fiue hundred know not where to haue a graue.
Far though from Earth man hath originall,
And to the Earth, from whence he came doth fall,
Though he be Earth, & can claime nought but earth,
(As the fraile portion due vnto his birth)
Yet many thousands that the earth doth breed,
Haue no place (certaine) where to lodge or feed:
In which respect mens pleasures are behinde
The Birds, and Beasts for they contentment finde
With the prouision dame Nature giues,
Free (wiout money) euery Creature liues,
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They haue and hold, as their owne interests.
And man, that hath a reasonable soule,
Whose reason countermands each beast and fowle,
Within whose face, a Maiestie is seated,
Beyond all Creatures that were e're created;
Yet let him but want money, and 'tis plaine,
He's th'onely briefe and abstract of disdaine,
Despised, scorn'd, deiected, and contemn'd,
And round about with miseries behem'd.
Search all the worlds Records from age, to age,
And view Times variable Pilgrimage:
Note that though Fortune (in her tott'ring guise)
Hath play'd at Foot-ball with great Monarchies,
Yet shall you finde how euer States haue varied,
How-euer things were carried or miscarried,
That money still bare the commanding sway,
To whom both right and wrong, and all obey.
Should all the Witches in the whole world sit
In Counsell, and imploy their damned wit,
And haue the aydes of all the fiends of hell,
With many mumbling Necromantick spell,
And all this toyle and paines of their should be,
To bring Pecunia into infamy,
To cast my Lady Argent in disgrace,
And make some other thing supply her place:
The fruits of all their labours they should finde,
Would be like throwing feathers 'gainst the winde:
For in mans heart 'tis rooted with such loue,
That nothing else but Death can it remoue.
And many humane reasons doe approue it,
That aboue all things earthly he should loue it,
Do'st thou want honour, money straite will buy it.
Although ten thousand needy Slaues enuie it.
Would'st thou an office thy estate to reare,
Money will helpe thee to't man, neuer feare:
Do'st want wit how to guide and gouerne it?
If thou hast money thou canst want no wit.
Art thou a damned Matchiuillian,
Thy money makes thee held an honest man.
Hast thou a scuruy face, take this of me,
If thou hast money, 'tis not seene in thee.
Would'st haue a Whore, a coach, smoke, drinke, or dice?
Money will bring thee all at any price.
Woul'dst haue all pleasures in variety,
Money will thy insatiate wants supply:
Then seeing money can doe what it will,
Haue not men reason to regard it still?
Some things there are that money cannot win,
But they are things men take small pleasure in;
As Heau'n, and a good Conscience, Vertue, Grace,
He that loues Money, cannot these imbrace.
For he whose heart to Money, is inclin'd,
Of things Cœlestiall hath but little minde.
If Money were a woman, I doe see,
Her case most pittie pittifull would bee,
Because I thinke she would no louers haue,
Except a Gowty miserable Knaue:
One that all night would by her lye and Grone,
Grip'd with the Collicke, or tormenting Stone,
With stinking coughing, grūting, spitting, spauling,
And nothing but Contagious Catterwalling.
Besides hee'd be so Iealous day and night,
He would not suffer her goe out of sight:
That sure I thinke her Case farre worse would be,
Then is the Turkish Galley slauery.
For none but such as those whome Age hath got ,
Are in the Loue of Money extreme hot.
And when as Hearing, Sent, and Taste, and sight,
Are gone, yet Feeling Money's their delight.
The whilest a Young-man, full of strength and pride,
Would make her goe by water, Run and Ride,
Force in all things to supply his neede,
For Recreation, or to Cloath and Feede,
Compell her to maintaine him fine and braue.
And in a word make her his Drudge or Slaue,
And all his Loue to her would be so so,
For hee'd but kisse her, and so let her goe.
Thus if It were a Woman as I say,
Her Case were lamentable euery way:
For Old men within Doores would euer worr'y her,
And youngmen round about the world would hurry her.
That were she matchd with either yong or old,
Her miseries would still be manifold.
But this Commanding bright Imperious Dame,
Vsde well or ill, Shee's euermore the same:
Locke her, or Let her loose, she cares not which,
She still hath power the whole world to bewitch.
I call to minde, I heard my Twelue-pence say,
That he hath oft at Christmas beene at play:
At Court, at th'Innes of Court, and euery where
Throughout the Kingdome, being farre and neere.
At Passage, and at Mumchance , at In and in,
Where Swearing hath bin counted for no Sinne,
Where Fullam high and Low-men bore great sway,
With the quicke helpe of a Bard Cater Trey.
My shilling said such swaggering there would be quoth he
Among the wrangling Knaues for me
Such shouing, sholdring, thrusting, thronging, setting,
Such striuing, crowding, iustling, and such betting,
Such storming, fretting, fuming, chafing, sweating,
Refuse, renounce me, damne me, swearing, cheating,
So many heauy curses, plagues and poxes,
Where all are losers, but the Butlers boxes:
That sure in hell the Deuils are in feare,
To curse and to blaspheme as they doe there.
Whilst without touch of conscience, or of sence,
They abuse th'Almighties great Omnipotence,
And this wicked stirre that they doe make,
Is me from one another how to rake.
74
They make themselues much worse to pocket me.
These Gamesters make this time a time of mirth,
In memory of their blest Sauiours birth.
Whose deare remembrance, they doe annually
Obserue with extreme odious gluttony,
With gurmandizing beastly belly filling,
With swinish drinking, and with drunken swilling,
With ribald Songs, Iigges, Tales, & gawdy cloathes,
With bitter cursings, and most fearefull oathes,
That svre my shilling saith, the Heathen will
Not entertaine the Deuill halfe so ill;
But worship Satan in more kinde behauiour,
Then some professed Christians doe their Sauiour.
In Saturnes raigne when money was vnfound,
Then was that age with peace and plenty crown'd,
Then mine was thine, Thine mine, and all our liues,
All things in common were, except our wiues.
But now the case is altred (as they say)
Quite topsie-turuy the contrary way:
For now mens wealth is priuatly kept close,
The whilst their wiues are commonly let loose.
For he whom loue of money doth besot,
For's owne soule, or's wiues body, much cares not.
It bewitch'd Achan at the siege of Ai,
For which the Israelites did lose the day:
It made Gehezi false in his affaires,
And gain'd the Leprosie for him, and's heires,
It with th'Apostle Iudas bore such sway,
That it made him the Lord of life betray;
And Ananias and his wretched wife,
By suddaine death it made them lose their life;
And Diuine stories, and prophane, recite
Examples of such matters infinite,
'Tis said in Salomons Dominions,
That Siluer was as plenty as the Stones:
But sure the sinne of Couetise was not
Amongst them either borne, or scarce begot.
For all that Siluer, and a great deale more,
Rak'd and Rip'd from the Europian shore,
From Asia, and Sun-parched Africa,
And from the wombe of vast America,
From which last place the Potent King of Spaine,
Eleuen millions in one yeere did gaine,
And from Pottozzy Mines he daily had
Three hundred thirty thousand Ryals made.
To speake what mighty summes King Dauid won,
And left them vnto Salomon his Son,
Of Gold one hundred thousand Talents fine,
Siluer one Thousand thousand, from the Mine,
Besides from Ophír he had at the least,
Three thousand Golden talents of the best.
Iosephus doth of Dauids Tombe thus write,
How th'hidden Treasure there was infinite,
The Basons, Candlesticks, and Censors all,
Lampes, Organs, Instruments most musicall,
Ports, Altar, Tables, Hindges the Gates to hold,
They were all made of pure Refined Gold.
Besides six hundred Shields and Targets more,
The King causd all with Gold be plated o're.
Besides the Richnes of his Royall Throne,
The like whereof elsewhere was neuer none.
When the Great Macedonian did subdue
Darius, and his haples Persian Crue,
'Tis said his Treasure did so much abound,
Twenty nine thousand Talents there was found.
And more he saith (if we may credit this)
How that in Susa and Persepolis,
They found, of Siluer to encrease their store
One hundred seuenty thousand Talents more
When Cyrus Conquer'd Crœsus Crœsus lost
Three hundred millions of good Gold almost,
'Tis writ that Midas Treasure so amounted
Innumerable, not be Accounted.
Sardanapalus an Assyrian King,
Neere eight score millions to the fire did bring.
Where fifteene daies did burne his house, & pelfe,
His whores, & ('mongst the rest) his wretched selfe.
And Plutarch saith, Marke Anthony spent cleare
Of Gold, full sixe score millions in one yeere.
What should I speake of Cleopatraes Treasures,
Or wealth, or Triumphs of the Roman Cæsars?
Or what they were whose riches haue bin such?
Or who they are that now possesse too much?
But here's the question, seeing times of old
Did yeeld such store of siluer and of gold,
And seeing daily more and more is found,
Digg'd in aboundance from the solid ground,
I muse which way the Deuill all is gone,
That I, and thousand thousands can haue none.
I know my selfe as able to abuse it,
As any man that knowes well how to vse it,
But sure I neuer should my Master make it,
But as my seruant take it, and forsake it.
I haue described in particular
What Twelue-pence is, how it hath trauell'd far:
How to all ages, Sexes, Trades and Arts,
It comes and goes, it tarries and departs:
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In pressing men to serue by sea or land,
How Bakers thirteene penny loaues doe giue
All for a shilling, and thriue well and liue,
How it a pottle of good Clarret buyes,
How 'tis a quart of rich Canaries prise,
How for a thousand things 'tis daily ranging,
And is so round a summe, it needs no changing,
How vp and downe the world he still doth firrit,
And takes no more rest then an ayery spirit.
Then at the last my Muse to minde doth call,
The mighty power of money in generall,
And how all ages still haue had good store,
Musing the cause my selfe can haue no more.
And Money hauing writ all this for thee,
Shew not thy selfe ingratefull vnto me:
But as I know thou canst, so preethee grant
That when I want, thou wilt supply my want,
Reward thy Poet, that doth set thee forth,
I'le loue thee still, according to thy worth.
I haue set downe all these Masters of Twelue pence, not in order as they are in degree, but as hee trauailed from man to man, good and bad, poore and rich, without any order.
Heere are a strange gallymawfrey of Twelue-pences Masters, honest men & Knaues like hearbs & weeds in a Hotchpotch.
I speake not against honest mirth, friendly Gaming, nor good cheere, but against the vnlawfull vse of these Recreations, and abuse of God.
| All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet | |