Songs, Ballads, and Other Poems by the late Thomas Haynes Bayly; Edited by his Widow. With A Memoir of the Author. In Two Volumes |
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A COUNTRY BALL ON THE ALMACK'S PLAN. |
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 | Songs, Ballads, and Other Poems |  |
A COUNTRY BALL ON THE ALMACK'S PLAN.
I
Oh! joy to her, who first beganA country ball on the Almack's plan!
Hogsnorton's queen she walks erect;
The ball exclusive and select:
Four Ladies Patronesses sit,
From morn to-night arranging it;
And when you hear the names of all,
You'll guess the merits of the ball.
Plebeian persons they reject,
Hogsnorton balls are so select!
185
II
The squire's own lady, Mistress Pearl,Her sister (quite a stylish girl),
And then the wife of Mr. Flaw,
(Churchwarden, and a man of law,)
And Mistress Pitts, the Doctor's bride,
Related on the mother's side
To Mr. Biggs (who was you know,
Lord Mayor of London long ago!)
By these, all upstart claims are check'd,
Hogsnorton balls are so select!
III
They've quite excluded Mr. Squills,Who makes the antibilious pills;
Not 'cause he makes 'em, but they say
He sells 'em in a retail way;
But Mr. Squills declares his wife
Has seen a deal of stylish life,
And votes Hogsnorton people low,
So if she could, she wouldn't go—
A strange remark, when you reflect
Hogsnorton balls are so select!
IV
And then you know there's Mr. Flinn,The rich old mercer can't get in;
And Sweet the grocer has applied!
But Sweet the grocer was denied;
And both appear to think it hard
That Slush the brewer has a card;
And say, “Why should a brewer be
One bit more fit for hops than we?”
But Slush of course is quite correct,
Hogsnorton balls are so select!
186
V
Of course, all those they won't admitDiscuss the ball, and censure it;
And strange opinions they express
About each Lady Patroness;
Says Mrs. Flinn to Mrs. Sweet,
“I wash my hands of the élite;”
Says Mrs. Sweet to Mrs. Flinn,
“For all the world I'd not go in!”
Here envious feelings we detect;
Hogsnorton balls are so select!
VI
Says Mrs. Squills, “There's Mrs. Pearl,You'd think her father was an earl!
So high and mighty! bless your heart,
I recollect her much less smart,
Before she married; and I knew
That people said—('tis entre nous)
She was a leetle indiscreet—
So much, my dear, for the élite!”
“Dear me! don't say she's incorrect,
Hogsnorton balls are so select!”
VII
Woe, woe to her who first beganA country ball on the Almack's plan!
Grim war is raging in the town,
The men are raving up and down;
And, what may lead to worse mishaps,
The ladies all are pulling caps;
Indeed we hear, from one and all,
As much of bullets as the ball!
Why was Hogsnorton's comfort wreck'd?
Because her balls were so select!
| Songs, Ballads, and Other Poems | |