University of Virginia Library

II.—A Board of Guardians.

THE Guardians of St. Bartimeus met the day after Mr. Doll's clever stratagem. Among other business was a report from the master of the workhouse that a child, name unknown, found by Mr. Doll, cheesemonger, of Nether Place, in the Parish of St. Simon Magus, opposite his shop, and, as he alleged, on the nearer side of the parish boundary, had been left at the workhouse, and was now in the custody of the matron. The Guardians were not accustomed to restrain

themselves, and did not withhold the expression of their indignation upon this announcement. As Mr. Doll had himself been a guardian of St. Simon Magus, it was clear to their impartial minds that he was trying by a trick to foist a bastard—perhaps his own—on the wrong parish.

Mr. Cheekey, a licensed victualler, moved that the master's report be put under the table.

Mr. Slinkum, draper, seconded the motion.

Mr. Edge, ironmonger, pointed out that there was no parliamentary precedent for such a disposition of the report, and, further, that such action did not dispose of the baby.

"Well,'' said Mr. Cheekey, turning painfully red, "no matter how ye put it. I move to get rid of the brat. What's the best form of motion?''

A churchwarden, who happened to be a gentleman, explained that the Board could not dismiss the question in so summary a way. "He could foresee that there might be a nice point of law in the case. They would have to take some legal means of ascertaining their liabilities, and of forcing the other parish to take the child if they ought to do so. They must consult their solicitor.'' This gentleman was sent for post haste. Meanwhile the baby was ordered to be brought in for inspection. The matron had handed him over to a sort of half-witted inmate of the house, whose wits, however, were strangely about him at the wrong time, to nurse and amuse him. This person brought Ginx's Baby into the Board-room, and placed him on the table. The Board of Guardians took a good look at him. He

was not then in fair condition. He was limp, he was dirty, hollow in the cheeks, white, stiff in his limbs, and half-naked— (to be regardless of gender)—

"Hum!'' said Mr. Stink, who was a dog-breeder—"What's his pedigree?''

This brutal joke was well received by some of the Guardians.

"His pedigree,'' answered the half-wit, gravely, "goes back for three hundred years. Parients unknown by name, but got by Misery out o' Starvashun. The line began with Poverty out o' Laziness in Queen Elizabeth's time. The breed has been a large 'un wotever you thinks of the quality.''

This pleasantry was less acceptable to the Board.

"Well,'' said Mr. Scoop, grocer, a great stickler for parliamentary modes of procedure, "I move it be committed. ''

"Committed! Where?'' said Mr. Stink.

"To Newgate I s'pose,'' said the half-wit, his eyes twinkling.

"Nonsense, sir,—for consideration. Send that man out,'' exclaimed Scoop—"clear the room for consultation.''

Davus was expelled, and the baby was then formally consigned to the care of a committee. By this time the legal adviser came in. The facts having been stated to him, he said:

"Gentlemen, as at present advised I am of opinion that the parish in which the child was found is bound to maintain him. If Mr. Doll (a highly respectable person, my own cheesemonger) found the child beyond the boundaries of St. Simon Magus—and he will

of course swear that he did—you cannot refuse to take it in. However, I had better ascertain the facts from Mr. Doll and take the opinion of counsel. Meanwhile we must beware not to compromise ourselves by admitting anything, or doing anything equivalent to an admission. Let me see—Ah!—yes —a notice to be served on the other parish repudiating the infant; another notice to Mr. Doll to take it away, and that it remains here at his risk and expense—you see, gentlemen, we could hardly venture to return it to Mr. Doll; we should create an unhappy impression in the minds of the public—''

"D—n the public!'' said Mr. Stink.

"Quite so, my dear sir,'' said Mr. Phillpotts, smiling, "quite so, but that is not a legal or in fact practicable mode of discarding them; we must act with public opinion, I fear.

Then, to resume, thirdly and to be strictly safe, we must serve a notice on the infant and all whom it may concern. I think I'll draft it at once.''

In a few minutes the committee in charge pinned to the only garment of Ginx's Baby a paper in the following form:—

PARISH OF ST. BARTIMEUS.

To — — (name unknown), a Foundling, and
all other persons interested in the said Foundling.

TAKE NOTICE

That you, or either of you, have no just or lawful
claim to have you or the said infant chargeable on the
said Parish. And this is to notify that you, the
said infant, are retained in the workhouse of the said
Parish under protest, and that whatsoever is or may
be done or provided for you is at the proper charge
of you, and all such persons as are and were by law
bound to maintain and keep the same.

WINKLE & PHILLPOTTS,

Solicitors for the Board.