The Cavalier daily :: Thursday, November 30, 1967 :: University of Virginia Library

WASHINGTON—In view of extensive
shifts in governmental affairs
since January, Jake Javits,
senior senator from New York,
has called for a new evaluation of
the "state of the union."

Ever so inclined to yield to the
desires of his foes, the President
acceded to the request. He took
the opportunity of the impromptu
press conference called to announce
his newly appointed Secretary
of State, Merlin "Mack" Luhan
to deliver his State of the Union
Massage.

Reporters were required to
watch the conference on television
in retiring Secretary Dean Gutenberg's
office. The President had
provided us with a color set so
we could get involved even more.
Occasionally the sound went off
and all we could hear was a
Southern drawl, but we got the
message anyway.

TO OPEN THE PROGRAM,
technicians twirled seven pictures
of President juxtaposed with seven
Presidential seals, mercilessly
rubbing our eyes as we sat there
in awe, wonderment, and involvement.

While all this business was transpiring
on the boob tube, sounds
emanated intermittently: Pop, Op,
Tear Gas, Twiggy, Fahrenheit 451,
escalate, Viva Che, Unilinear Conceptual
Thinking, Braniff International,
Huntley-Brinkley, Mahler's
Tenth, Benson and Hedges
100's, Zonk, the FCC lives, Mary
Quant, Tactile Response, and Vast
Wasteland.

"Violence is hot; respect for
law is cool," said the President
when he came into focus.

"Do not ask in whose internal
affairs your country can get involved,
get involved yourself. Relate,
man, relate!" he continued.

Every time the President said
"escalate," the vertical hold went
berserk. When he said "enclave,"
we could only see patches of him
in strategic areas.

In closing the President said,
"I'm a guru; I want kudos. Get
the medium? Get the message?"

My initials are TV. I knew I
got the message.