University of Virginia Library

Touch me not: look not on me: I am changed,
Changed much since yesternight, and now estranged
From all this world, its vanities, and thee.
I sought to love thee with a soul set free
By one fierce throe from bondage, I have found
God's chain too strong, have spurned it, but am bound.
Thou may'st recall our early love, the house
Low lying, and the bower of woven boughs.
The throbbing of birds' notes that came all day
From the near woods and hillsides far away.
Thou may'st remember one small corner, grown
With lilies of the valley, named my own,
And how thine eyes would weep on it sweet tears
(Thus much thy lips confessed in after years)
For love of me, that love like music's pain
Which thrills young souls ere passion come to stain
With wild desires the thirst for kindred soul,
To swell the pride, to dim the heavenly goal.
Thou may'st remember that red passion-flower
Which robed in summer time our shady bower,
And how we used to watch its growth, and praise
The nails, the twelve apostles, and the rays
Of issuing glory, and marvel why God gave
This manifest symbol of His love to save
And those sweet sufferings thou and I had read,
To a far country where but heathen bred,
Till our good mariners should fetch it thence
In Christian souls to kindle penitence,
And how we pored together o'er that book
So full of marvels in the ivied nook,
The poverty of good Ignatius,
And seven sleeping youths of Ephesus,
And those sweet birds, that, by St. Francis' voice
Taught in the holy legends to rejoice,
To north, east, south, and west in legions four
The joyful tidings to all countries bore,
Till all the feathered birds of every clime
Made all the woods with blessèd music chime:
Ah yes, thou dost remember, and that day
Canst yet recall, when thou and I at play,
A boy and girl no more, with sudden sighs
Paused suddenly, and in each other's eyes
Gazed with a long and aching look of pain;
Our lips shuddered, and thou, with long long strain,
Didst draw me to thee, and I panted there
In frightened joy, but well content to share
The broad folds of thy mantle, and we lost
All memory of all things round almost.
I kissed your eyes, and they were wet, and through
The lids, as my lips clove to them and grew,
One heavy tear broke with a sudden gush;
You clasped me closer, and with burning blush
I broke away, and fled, and wept all night
For joy and fear of my new-found delight.

Then came with time the bitter change which broke
The two hearts grown to one at one sheer stroke,
Thou o'er the seas, I pledged by needy sire
To wed a rich old man, the first love's fire
Still burning as a lamp unseen may shine
Within the precinct of a secret shrine.
What nights were mine with tears instead of sleep!
And how my sire would bid me cease to weep,
And crave the cause with querulous wrath of age,
Or seek with querulous kindness to assuage!
Then, all the secret known, he cursed his child,
For once as with unwonted look he smiled
Upon me, I took courage; and with shame,
With choking tears between, the scarce words came.
I spoke of you, and bit by bit he knew
All, all, and from his lips hot curses flew.
He cast me within convent cloisters, where
Till two nights since in penitence and prayer
And bitter tears and fasts I spent the days.
'Twas but an hour before I saw thy face
This second time, and heard again thy voice,
That I 'twixt world and world had made my choice,
And donned the holy veil, and breathed the vows,
That made me God's elect and Christ's own spouse;
But when I heard thee, saw thee, knew thee well,
I felt all Hell rise up, my soul rebel
And curse at God, for I was mad, and thou,
Why, thou wast changed since last I kist thy brow.
There was a proud hard look upon thy face,
And scorn was in thy lips. The holy place
With impious daring thou hadst broken through,
And all my blood like thine that moment grew:
I tore the veil, and trampled it, I heard
The organ wed with many a holy word,
And mocked the chant, and leapt to thee, and cried
That I would walk the world o'er at thy side.

So then we fled together, and thy steed
Parted the winds of night with thunder-speed:
We passed low granges in the dim of dawn,
And many a wood and many a river-lawn,
And ever and anon with sudden sweep
We came in sight of glimpses of the deep,
And far, far out among the waves and gales
Saw rocks, and snowy sea-birds, and white sails;
And I, who never saw the sea before,
Forgot my fear in joy, and clung the more
To thee, and laughed, and throbbed with a new life,
That turned all blood in me to sudden strife,
And nearer pressed to thine my aching form,
And caught through all my limbs a tingling storm.
Through other sleeping hamlets on we sped,
Startling from dreams full many a sleeping head;
By swamps, and rocks, and bridges, and beneath
Beheld the brown swoln torrents curl and seethe;
By castles with long linden avenues,
And lakes that mirrored many golden views;
By glades where elm and beech a shadow wove,
By here a citron, there an orange grove;
And then I felt no terror such as this
But only the old love, the throbbing kiss
Upon my neck, the salt wind in my hair,
The steed's swift motion and the warm bright air.
Then with a turning of the road we came
In full view of the sea, one broad deep flame
Of blue and amber with its thrilling flow
Of fiery ripples and its surf of snow.
There stood the clustered sails, and ere the night,
I saw above our heads like wings of light
White snows of shivering canvas, as we fled.

Then with the sinking sun the waves grew red,
And you with whispers low won all my soul.
Outside the plank we heard waves beat and roll
With long swift gurgle and with sudden plash,
Felt the ship thrill, when some strong surge would dash
Against the prow, heard timbers creak and groan,
And tramping steps o'erhead. And we alone
Felt deeper storm and music than the sea's,
The swell of infinite tides of strife and ease,
And I for once, so strong, was passion's spell,
Thought it were sweet to share with thee fierce Hell.
My soul, I knew, in every burning kiss
Drank in damnation, but rejoiced in this:
And hot blood thronging through each swollen vein
Burned out all fear from my bewildered brain.
So sped the ship all night long miles of sea,
A night of fiery ecstasies, and we,
Forgetful of things past, both good and ill,
Of love's incestuous chalice drank our fill.
Then dawn arose, and in that weak thin light
Deep burned thine eyes, thy cheek looked deadly white,
And thy lips famished, and I saw thee shrink
From my pale aspect too, and thy look sink.
And hot tears broke from me, but as they fell
Thy lips rained kisses, and each kiss was Hell,
And I in great fear but in stronger bliss
Clasped thee with sobs and gave thee kiss for kiss,
And swooned away in pain, and knew no more.

Then to this isle we came, and strongly swore
Truth beyond death and on this side of it,
And lived with love in sweet embraces knit.
But last night, when soft calm had lulled the storm
And thy strong arms unloosed my heavy form,
And heavy sleep sank on my lids, and sealed
The lashes in oblivion, I beheld
The holy Virgin standing at my side.
Her cheeks were stained with tears, eyes open wide
With a blank look more terrible than aught
Of wrath or scorn, with strange foreboding fraught.
So she stood motionless, it seemed an hour,
And I, with creeping flesh, sustained the power
Of that most awful look, and my eyes ached
In bursting sockets, and like palsy quaked
Each limb of all my body, and at last
Her lips stirred, and there came no lightning-blast,
But quiet, fearful words, distinct and cold,
At which my heart seemed severed fold by fold
And plucked to bits, as maidens pluck a bloom
Petal by petal, words not of death's doom,
Nor yet of penal fire (which I had borne),
But awful alienation, holy scorn,
Eternal desolation and despair,
Outlawry without privilege of prayer,
Continual execration, solitude,
A soul to deep self-scorn undying food.
And so she melted silently, and I
Awoke just now with that unnatural cry
You heard and told me of: nay, touch me not:
Let all things now between us rest forgot.
My soul is doomed, yet would not wish undone
The sin that blasted it: ages may run,
They cannot bring more grief than that was bliss.
I dread no punishment but only this,
The repetition of such deadly wrong.
Do thou remember now thy whole life long
That, though by strongest love to sin enticed,
Yet am I sealed the eternal bride of Christ.
Remember this, and let us rather strive
Each one to save the other's soul alive;
And this may be, that holy deed and gift
And direst penances and frequent shrift,
That these and years of purgatorial pain
May purge some portion of the eternal stain,
And thou and I at the last hour may stand
Purged of all passions, holy, hand in hand,
And each may gladly say, with bended knee,
Behold my God, the soul I bring to thee.