University of Virginia Library

1. CHAP. I.

RISING early next morning, the Captain
proceeded, with his man Teague,
on his journey, and having breakfasted at
an inn, where nothing material happened,
we shall pass it over, and come as far
down in the day as eleven o'clock; tho',
by the bye, it might have been more correct
to have said up in the day, because the
sun rises until twelve o'clock, and then
descends: But waving this nicety, we shall
go on to relate what actually took place.
A man was seen before them, driving,
leisurely, a horse with two kegs upon his
back. The Captain took him for what is
called a pack-horse man, that was carrying
salt or sugar to some place of market.

A man of a philosophic turn of mind never
hesitates to enter into conversation
with any character; because human nature
is the field whence he gathers thoughts
and expressions. The Captain therefore
accosting this man, said, Is it salt or molasses
you have in your kegs, countryman?
You are going home from some store, I
suppose, where you have purchased; or
going to set up a small store of your own,
and vend goods. No, said the man,
with a Scotch-Irish pronunciation, there is
an election this day a little way before us,
and I am setting up for the legislature, and
have these two kegs of whisky to give a
dram to the voters. The Captain was
thrown into a reverie of thought, and
began to reflect with himself on the nature
of a republican government, where
canvassing by such means as this, can work
so great an evil as to elevate the most unqualified
persons to the highest deliberative
assemblies. But, in the mean time,
roused a little from his thought, he had
presence of mind to recollect the danger
in which he was about to be involved afresh
with his man Teague; whom, now
looking round, he saw to be about forty
yards behind him. It would have been
adviseable to have diverted from the road,
and taken a circuitous rout, to avoid the
election ground. But as the devil, or
some worse being, would have it, it was
a lane in which they were, with a fence
on each side; so that he could not divert
without leaping like a fox hunter, or one
of your light-horse men, to which the sober
nag on which he rode was not competent.
Besides, if Teague did not leap after
him he would be left exposed in the
lane to the populace, who might solicit
him to be their representative. To turn
directly back would appear indecorous,
and unless he could drive Teague on before
him, which was not customary, and
to which he might not, all at once submit,
his station would of course be the rear,
where he might be picked up as a straggler,
and sent to some public body.

In this quandary of thought, looking up,
he saw the breakers just a-head; that is,
the people met for the purpose of electing,
and that it was now impossible to avoid
them. Depending, therefore, on his
own address, to make the best of circumstances,
he suffered himself to be carried
along towards them, keeping, in the mean

time, an eye upon Teague, who was the
cause of his concern.

Meeting accidentally with a Scotch gentleman
on the ground, whom he knew, he
communicated to him the delicacy of his
situation, and the apprehensions he had on
the part of Teague. Said the Scotch gentleman,
Ye need na gie your sel any trouble
on that head, man; for I sal warrant
the man wi the twa kegs will carry the
elaction: there is na resisting guid liquor;
it has an unco effec on the judgment in
the choice of a representative. The man
that has a distillery or twa in our country,
canna want suffrages. He has his votaries
about him like ane o' the Heathen gods,
and because the fluid exhilerates the brain,
they think he maun be a deity that makes
it; and they fa' down, especially when
they have drank ower muckle, and worship
him, just as at the shrine of Apollo
or Bacchus, among the ancients.

The candidate that opposed the man of
the two kegs, was a person of gravity and
years, and said to be of good sense and experience
in facts. The judgment of the
people was in his favour, but their appetite
leaned against him.

There is a story of one Manlius, a Roman,

who had saved the capitol from the
Gauls, by putting his breast to the rampart,
and throwing them down as they ascended.
When this man afterwards, elated
with the honours paid him, forgot the
duties of a citizen, wishing to subvert the
republic, by usurping the power of a tyrant,
the people, jealous of liberty, were
incensed; and being convicted of the crime,
he was dragged to punishment. It was not
the way, at that time, to hang, as you
would a dog; or behead, as you would
a wild beast: but to throw from a high
rock, which they called the Tarpeian. The
capitol was just in view, and while they
were dragging him along to the place, he
would stretch his hand to this; as much
as to say, There, O Romans, I saved you:
The populace at this would stop a while,
irresolute whether to desist or drag him
on. While they recollected his offence,
they marched a step; but when they cast
their eye on the capitol, they stood still;
and not until some principal men directed
the rout out of the view of the capitol,
could he be brought to justice.

So it was with the multitude convened
on this occasion, between the man with
the two kegs and the grave looking person.

When they looked on the one, they felt
an inclination to promote him. But when
again on the other hand, they saw two
kegs which they knew to be replenished
with a very chearing liquor, they seemed
to be inclined in favour of the other.

But appetite prevailed, and they gave
their votes in favour of the man with the
two kegs.

Teague in the mean time thinking he
had another chance of being a great man,
had been busy, but to no purpose; for the
people gave their votes to the man of the
two kegs. The Captain thought himself
fortunate to be thus relieved, and proceeded
on his journey.