University of Virginia Library

January 1, Thursday-New Years Day 1863.

Bright and beautiful over head. The past year has been one of peculiar trials to me; I feel that it has been a turning point in my life. In the last twelve months I have been under the rod. I have lost the brother of my heart and there have been called upon to say farewell to the pet Sister and the darling Brother for I know not how long but in these trials there is hope left me. What troubles me most is that the voice of slander should have been raised against me and that friends who I believed true should have turned away. This comes of loving too well earthly mould. Oh, will I ever learn the lesson not to love and trust frail human nature so far? It seems that years do not make me any wiser. But I've a Friend of Friends still left me who I know will never desert though earthly friends should fail and may these trials make me look more to Him. I ought not to look for too much sympathy and love on earth. There are those who do love me and I feel I can trust, those of my dear home, but there were others of whose friendship I was vain and anxious to keep but they have but added proof to the wisdom of the "Wise Man" that all is vanity and vexation of spirit. May this year be spent in thinking less of earthly friendships and making more of a friend of my Heavenly Father. What a saddening thought comes to me when I remember how little I have done in His cause during the past year.

I feel that the winnowed thought has been but small. Oh, may another year find me nearer my God even though it be a cross that hast brought me. A New Year's Gift in the mail in the form of a letter from my darling little Sister. It was left in town by Jabe who added a line to tell me he was on his way to Richmond. It seems the day after he got to Jackson, orders came for all Surgeons in Mississippi to report to the Surgeon General in Richmond. It seems very hard for Jabe but he fares no worse then the others. He hopes to get back to Mississippi. Little Sis remains as she hopes to get to Cousin Bab and Jabe thinks he can go right back. Sally says people are much excited South. They have no confidence in [Earl] Van Dorn and many say they will not fight under him. The enemy have such a large part of the state that many of the people have no homes and those who are still in the possession of them think it will only be for a short time for they believe the state will be overrun this winter but Jeff Davis and General Johnston have gone out now and I hope they may do something to inspire the people with more confidence. Jabe tells me he will either see me or write in a few days. Cousin Bab and her family have had to run to Calhoun County where they are living in a cabin but she sends Sally word there is room for her so the little Sister concluded to go to cousin Bab and let Jabe come to Virginia by himself hoping he may be sent right back. The little woman says she missed me so much. Lydia leaves us Saturday. Dave goes with her. Maggie quite sick with dyptheria. Dr. Nelson sent for.