University of Virginia Library

1. I.
ON THE STEAMER.

The steamer Ariel starts for California at noon.

Her decks are crowded with excited passengers,
who insanely undertake to “look after” their trunks
and things; and what with our smashing against
each other, and the yells of the porters, and the
wails over lost baggage, and the crash of boxes, and
the roar of the boilers, we are for the time being
about as unhappy a lot of maniacs as were ever
thrown together.

I am one of them. I am rushing round with a
glaring eye in search of a box.

Great jam, in which I find a sweet young lady
with golden hair, clinging to me fondly, and saying,
“Dear George, farewell!”—Discovers her mistake,
and disappears.

I should like to be George some more.

Confusion so great that I seek refuge in a stateroom

which contains a single lady of forty-five summers,
who says, “Base man! leave me!” I leave
her.

By-and-by we cool down, and become somewhat
regulated.

Next Day.

When the gong sounds for breakfast we are fairly
out on the sea, which runs roughly, and the Ariel
rocks wildly. Many of the passengers are sick, and
a young naval officer establishes a reputation as a
wit by carrying to one of the invalids a plate of
raw salt pork, swimming in cheap molasses. I am
not sick; so I roll round the deck in the most cheerful
sea-dog manner.

The next day and the next pass by in a serene
manner. The waves are smooth now, and we can
all eat and sleep. We might have enjoyed ourselves
very well, I fancy, if the Ariel, whose
capacity was about three hundred and fifty passengers,
had not on this occasion carried nearly nine
hundred, a hundred at least of whom were children

of an unpleasant age. Captain Semmes captured
the Ariel once, and it is to be deeply regretted that
that thrifty buccaneer hadn't made mince-meat of
her, because she is a miserable tub at best, and
hasn't much more right to be afloat than a secondhand
coffin has. I do not know her proprietor, Mr.
C. Vanderbilt. But I know of several excellent
mill privileges in the State of Maine, and not one of
them is so thoroughly Dam'd as he was all the way
from New York to Aspinwall.

I had far rather say a pleasant thing than a harsh
one; but it is due to the large number of respectable
ladies and gentlemen who were on board the steamer
Ariel with me that I state here that the accommodations
on that steamer were very vile. If I did not
so state, my conscience would sting me through life,
and I should have horrid dreams like Richard III. Esq.

The proprietor apparently thought we were undergoing
transportation for life to some lonely island,
and the very waiters who brought us meats that any
warden of any penitentiary would blush to offer convicts,
seemed to think it was a glaring error our not
being in chains.

As a specimen of the liberal manner in which this
steamer was managed I will mention that the purser
(a very pleasant person, by the way) was made to
unite the positions of purser, baggage clerk, and doctor;
and I one day had a lurking suspicion that he
was among the waiters in the dining-cabin, disguised
in a white jacket and slipshod pumps.

I have spoken my Piece about the Ariel, and I hope
Mr. Vanderbilt will reform ere it is too late. Dr.
Watts says the vilest sinner may return as long as
the gas-meters work well, or words to that effect.

We were so densely crowded on board the Ariel
that I cannot conscientiously say we were altogether
happy. And sea-voyages at best are a little stupid.
On the whole I should prefer a voyage on the Erie
Canal, where there isn't any danger, and where you
can carry picturesque scenery along with you—so to
speak.