The Poetical Works of the Rev. George Crabbe with his letters and journals, and his life, by his son. In eight volumes |
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 | The Poetical Works of the Rev. George Crabbe |  |
“I wish'd to die,—and grief, they say, will kill,
“But you perceive 'tis slowly if it will;
“That I was wretched you may well believe—
“I judged it right, and was resolved to grieve:
“I lost my mother when there lived not one,
“Man, woman, child, whom I would seek or shun.
“But you perceive 'tis slowly if it will;
“That I was wretched you may well believe—
“I judged it right, and was resolved to grieve:
“I lost my mother when there lived not one,
“Man, woman, child, whom I would seek or shun.
“The Dean, my uncle, with congenial gloom,
“Said, ‘Will you share a melancholy home?’
“For he bewail'd a wife, as I deplored
“My fate, and bliss that could not be restored.
“Said, ‘Will you share a melancholy home?’
“For he bewail'd a wife, as I deplored
“My fate, and bliss that could not be restored.
“In his Cathedral's gloom I pass'd my time,
“Much in devotion, much in thought sublime;
“There oft I paced the aisles, and watch'd the glow
“Of the sun setting on the stones below,
“And saw the failing light, that strove to pass
“Through the dim coating of the storied glass,
“Nor fell within, but till the day was gone
“The red faint fire upon the window shone.
“I took the key, and oft-times chose to stay
“Till all was vanish'd of the tedious day,
“Till I perceived no light, nor heard a sound,
“That gave me notice of a world around.
“Much in devotion, much in thought sublime;
“There oft I paced the aisles, and watch'd the glow
“Of the sun setting on the stones below,
“And saw the failing light, that strove to pass
“Through the dim coating of the storied glass,
“Nor fell within, but till the day was gone
“The red faint fire upon the window shone.
“I took the key, and oft-times chose to stay
“Till all was vanish'd of the tedious day,
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“That gave me notice of a world around.
“Then had I grief's proud thoughts, and said, in tone
“Of exultation, ‘World, I am alone!
“‘I care not for thee, thou art vile and base,
“‘And I shall leave thee for a nobler place.’
“Of exultation, ‘World, I am alone!
“‘I care not for thee, thou art vile and base,
“‘And I shall leave thee for a nobler place.’
“So I the world abused,—in fact, to me
“Urbane and civil as a world could be:
“Nor should romantic grievers thus complain,
“Although but little in the world they gain,
“But let them think if they have nothing done
“To make this odious world so sad a one,
“Or what their worth and virtue that should make
“This graceless world so pleasant for their sake.
“Urbane and civil as a world could be:
“Nor should romantic grievers thus complain,
“Although but little in the world they gain,
“But let them think if they have nothing done
“To make this odious world so sad a one,
“Or what their worth and virtue that should make
“This graceless world so pleasant for their sake.
“But to my tale:—Behold me as I tread
“The silent mansions of the favour'd dead,
“Who sleep in vaulted chambers, till their clay
“In quiet dissolution melts away
“In this their bodies' home—The spirits, where are they?
“‘And where his spirit?—Doors and walls impede
“‘The embodied spirit, not the spirit freed:’
“And, saying this, I at the altar knelt,
“And painful joys and rapturous anguish felt;
“Till strong bold hopes possess'd me, and I cried,
“‘Even at this instant is he at my side;’
“Yes, now, dear spirit! art thou by to prove
“That mine is lasting, mine the loyal love!
“The silent mansions of the favour'd dead,
“Who sleep in vaulted chambers, till their clay
“In quiet dissolution melts away
“In this their bodies' home—The spirits, where are they?
“‘And where his spirit?—Doors and walls impede
“‘The embodied spirit, not the spirit freed:’
“And, saying this, I at the altar knelt,
“And painful joys and rapturous anguish felt;
“Till strong bold hopes possess'd me, and I cried,
“‘Even at this instant is he at my side;’
“Yes, now, dear spirit! art thou by to prove
“That mine is lasting, mine the loyal love!
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“Thus have I thought, returning to the Dean,
“As one who had some glorious vision seen:
“He ask'd no question, but would sit and weep,
“And cry, in doleful tone, ‘I cannot sleep!’
“As one who had some glorious vision seen:
“He ask'd no question, but would sit and weep,
“And cry, in doleful tone, ‘I cannot sleep!’
“In dreams the chosen of my heart I view'd,
“And thus th' impression day by day renew'd
“I saw him always, always loved to see,
“For when alone he was my company:
“In company with him alone I seem'd,
“And, if not dreaming, was as one who dream'd.
“And thus th' impression day by day renew'd
“I saw him always, always loved to see,
“For when alone he was my company:
“In company with him alone I seem'd,
“And, if not dreaming, was as one who dream'd.
“Thus, robb'd of sleep, I found, when evening came,
“A pleasing torpor steal upon my frame;
“But still the habit drew my languid feet
“To the loved darkness of the favourite seat;
“And there, by silence and by sadness press'd
“I felt a world my own, and was at rest.
“A pleasing torpor steal upon my frame;
“But still the habit drew my languid feet
“To the loved darkness of the favourite seat;
“And there, by silence and by sadness press'd
“I felt a world my own, and was at rest.
“One night, when urged with more than usual zeal,
“And feeling all that such enthusiasts feel,
“I paced the altar by, the pillars round,
“And knew no terror in the sacred ground;—
“For mine were thoughts that banish'd all such fear,—
“I wish'd, I long'd to have that form appear;
“And, as I paced the sacred aisles, I cried,
“‘Let not thy Emma's spirit be denied
“‘The sight of thine; or, if I may not see,
“‘Still by some token let her certain be!’
“And feeling all that such enthusiasts feel,
“I paced the altar by, the pillars round,
“And knew no terror in the sacred ground;—
“For mine were thoughts that banish'd all such fear,—
“I wish'd, I long'd to have that form appear;
“And, as I paced the sacred aisles, I cried,
“‘Let not thy Emma's spirit be denied
“‘The sight of thine; or, if I may not see,
“‘Still by some token let her certain be!’
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“At length the anxious thoughts my strength subdued,
“And sleep o'erpower'd me in my solitude;
“Then was I dreaming of unearthly race,
“The glorious inmates of a blessed place;
“Where lofty minds celestial views explore,
“Heaven's bliss enjoy, and heaven's great King adore;
“Him there I sought whom I had loved so well—
“For sure he dwelt where happy spirits dwell!
“And sleep o'erpower'd me in my solitude;
“Then was I dreaming of unearthly race,
“The glorious inmates of a blessed place;
“Where lofty minds celestial views explore,
“Heaven's bliss enjoy, and heaven's great King adore;
“Him there I sought whom I had loved so well—
“For sure he dwelt where happy spirits dwell!
“While thus engaged, I started at a sound,
“Of what I knew not, but I look'd around;
“For I was borne on visionary wings,
“And felt no dread of sublunary things;
“But rising, walk'd—A distant window threw
“A weak, soft light, that help'd me in my view;
“Something with anxious heart I hoped to see,
“And pray'd, ‘O! God of all things, let it be!
“‘For all are thine, were made by thee, and thou
“‘Canst both the meeting and the means allow;
“‘Thou canst make clear my sight, or thou canst make
“‘More gross the form that his loved mind shall take,
“‘Canst clothe his spirit for my fleshly sight,
“‘Or make my earthly sense more pure and bright.’
“Of what I knew not, but I look'd around;
“For I was borne on visionary wings,
“And felt no dread of sublunary things;
“But rising, walk'd—A distant window threw
“A weak, soft light, that help'd me in my view;
“Something with anxious heart I hoped to see,
“And pray'd, ‘O! God of all things, let it be!
“‘For all are thine, were made by thee, and thou
“‘Canst both the meeting and the means allow;
“‘Thou canst make clear my sight, or thou canst make
“‘More gross the form that his loved mind shall take,
“‘Canst clothe his spirit for my fleshly sight,
“‘Or make my earthly sense more pure and bright.’
“So was I speaking, when without a sound
“There was a movement in the sacred ground:
“I saw a figure rising, but could trace
“No certain features, no peculiar face;
“But I prepared my mind that form to view,
“Nor felt a doubt,—he promised, and was true!
“I should embrace his angel, and my clay,
“And what was mortal in me, melt away.
“There was a movement in the sacred ground:
“I saw a figure rising, but could trace
“No certain features, no peculiar face;
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“Nor felt a doubt,—he promised, and was true!
“I should embrace his angel, and my clay,
“And what was mortal in me, melt away.
“O! that ecstatic horror in my frame,
“That o'er me thus, a favour'd mortal, came!
“Bless'd beyond mortals,—and the body now
“I judged would perish, though I knew not how;
“The gracious power around me could translate
“And make me pass to that immortal state:
“Thus shall I pay the debt that must be paid,
“And dying live, nor be by death delay'd;
“And when so changed, I should with joy sustain
“The heavenly converse, and with him remain.
“That o'er me thus, a favour'd mortal, came!
“Bless'd beyond mortals,—and the body now
“I judged would perish, though I knew not how;
“The gracious power around me could translate
“And make me pass to that immortal state:
“Thus shall I pay the debt that must be paid,
“And dying live, nor be by death delay'd;
“And when so changed, I should with joy sustain
“The heavenly converse, and with him remain.
“I saw the distant shade, and went with awe,
“But not with terror, to the form I saw:
“Yet slowly went, for he I did believe
“Would meet, and soul to soul his friend receive;
“So on I drew, concluding in my mind,
“I cannot judge what laws may spirits bind;
“Though I dissolve, and mingle with the blest,
“I am a new and uninstructed guest,
“And ere my love can speak, he should be first address'd.
“But not with terror, to the form I saw:
“Yet slowly went, for he I did believe
“Would meet, and soul to soul his friend receive;
“So on I drew, concluding in my mind,
“I cannot judge what laws may spirits bind;
“Though I dissolve, and mingle with the blest,
“I am a new and uninstructed guest,
“And ere my love can speak, he should be first address'd.
“Thus I began to speak,—my new-born pride,
“My love, and daring hope, the words supplied:—
“‘Dear, happy shade! companion of the good,
“‘The just, the pure, do I on thee intrude?
“‘Art thou not come my spirit to improve,
“‘To form, instruct, and fit me for thy love,
“‘And, as in love we parted, to restore
“‘The blessing lost, and then to part no more?
“‘Let me with thee in thy pure essence dwell,
“‘Nor go to bid them of my house farewell,
“‘But thine be ever!’—How shall I relate
“Th' event that finish'd this ecstatic state?
“Yet let me try.—It turn'd, and I beheld
“A hideous form, that hope and zeal expell'd:
“In a dim light the horrid shape appear'd,
“That wisdom would have fled, and courage fear'd,
“Pale, and yet bloated, with distorted eyes
“Distant and deep, a mouth of monstrous size,
“That would in day's broad glare a simple maid surprise:
“He heard my words, and cried, with savage shout,
“‘Bah!—bother!—blarney!—What is this about?’
“My love, and daring hope, the words supplied:—
“‘Dear, happy shade! companion of the good,
“‘The just, the pure, do I on thee intrude?
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“‘To form, instruct, and fit me for thy love,
“‘And, as in love we parted, to restore
“‘The blessing lost, and then to part no more?
“‘Let me with thee in thy pure essence dwell,
“‘Nor go to bid them of my house farewell,
“‘But thine be ever!’—How shall I relate
“Th' event that finish'd this ecstatic state?
“Yet let me try.—It turn'd, and I beheld
“A hideous form, that hope and zeal expell'd:
“In a dim light the horrid shape appear'd,
“That wisdom would have fled, and courage fear'd,
“Pale, and yet bloated, with distorted eyes
“Distant and deep, a mouth of monstrous size,
“That would in day's broad glare a simple maid surprise:
“He heard my words, and cried, with savage shout,
“‘Bah!—bother!—blarney!—What is this about?’
“Love, lover, longing, in an instant fled,
“Now I had vice and impudence to dread;
“And all my high-wrought fancies died away,
“To woman's trouble, terror, and dismay.
“Now I had vice and impudence to dread;
“And all my high-wrought fancies died away,
“To woman's trouble, terror, and dismay.
“‘What,’ said the wretch, ‘what is it you would have?
“‘Would'st hang a man for peeping in a grave?
“‘Search me yourself, and try if you can feel
“‘Aught I have taken,—there was nought to steal:
“‘'T was told they buried with the corpse enough
“‘To pay the hazard,—I have made the proof,
“‘Nor gain'd a tester.—What I tell is true;
“‘But I'm no fool, to be betray'd by you,—
“‘I'll hazard nothing, curse me if I do!’
“‘Would'st hang a man for peeping in a grave?
“‘Search me yourself, and try if you can feel
“‘Aught I have taken,—there was nought to steal:
“‘'T was told they buried with the corpse enough
“‘To pay the hazard,—I have made the proof,
“‘Nor gain'd a tester.—What I tell is true;
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“‘I'll hazard nothing, curse me if I do!’
“The light increased, and plainly now appear'd
“A knavish fool whom I had often fear'd,
“But hid the dread; and I resolved at least
“Not to expose it to the powerful beast.
“A knavish fool whom I had often fear'd,
“But hid the dread; and I resolved at least
“Not to expose it to the powerful beast.
“‘Come, John, I said, suppressing fear and doubt,
“‘Walk on before, and let a lady out!’—
“‘Lady!’ the wretch replied, with savage grin,
“‘Apply to him that let the lady in:
“‘What! you would go, I take it, to the Dean,
“‘And tell him what your ladyship has seen.’
“‘Walk on before, and let a lady out!’—
“‘Lady!’ the wretch replied, with savage grin,
“‘Apply to him that let the lady in:
“‘What! you would go, I take it, to the Dean,
“‘And tell him what your ladyship has seen.’
“When thus the fool exposed the knave, I saw
“The means of holding such a mind in awe,
“And gain my safety by his dread of law.
“The means of holding such a mind in awe,
“And gain my safety by his dread of law.
“‘Alas!’ I cried, ‘I fear the Dean like you,
“‘For I transgress, and am in trouble too:
“‘If it be known that we are here, as sure
“‘As here we are we must the law endure:
“‘Each other's counsel therefore let us keep,
“‘And each steal homeward to our beds and sleep.’
“‘For I transgress, and am in trouble too:
“‘If it be known that we are here, as sure
“‘As here we are we must the law endure:
“‘Each other's counsel therefore let us keep,
“‘And each steal homeward to our beds and sleep.’
“‘Steal!’ said the ruffian's conscience.—‘Well, agreed;
“‘Steal on, and let us to the door proceed:’—
“Yet, ere he moved, he stood awhile, and took
“Of my poor form a most alarming look;
“‘But, hark!’ I cried, and he to move began,—
“Escape alone engaged the dreadful man:
“With eager hand I oped the ponderous door—
“The wretch rush'd by me, and was heard no more.
“‘Steal on, and let us to the door proceed:’—
“Yet, ere he moved, he stood awhile, and took
“Of my poor form a most alarming look;
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“Escape alone engaged the dreadful man:
“With eager hand I oped the ponderous door—
“The wretch rush'd by me, and was heard no more.
“So I escaped,—and when my dreams came on,
“I check'd the madness by the thoughts of John:
“Yet say I not what can or cannot be,
“But give the story of my Ghost and me.”
“I check'd the madness by the thoughts of John:
“Yet say I not what can or cannot be,
“But give the story of my Ghost and me.”
| The Poetical Works of the Rev. George Crabbe | |