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Vulgar Verses

By Jones Brown [i.e. A. J. Munby]
 
 
 
 

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159

Jenny o' Eawr Pit.

1840.
Wat, Sally, thah faace is all grime—
Mah wench, thoo's as clarty as me!
Ah've had moocking eneeaf i' mah time,
Bud Ah niver was blacker nor thee.
It's a doosty owd pit, is this here:
Bud Ah loove it, Ah niver wad chaange;
Ah's been wrought here a mony good year,
An' owt else 'ud be fremdish an' straange.
When Ah was as bonny as thoo,
An' as yoong, an' as loosty an' all,
Ah'd sweethearts enew at this broo,
As 'ud coom, when Ah reckon'd te call.
Bud nah, they're all wedded an' gone,
An' Ah addles mah baggin mesen:
Ah says, Ah'd as lief be aloan,
As meddle wi' childer an' men.
Bud Ah rues it! Ah wish I was wed;
Ah's noan sich a bad un for aage:
An' Ah'd gie him best aaf o' mah bed,
For a whoam, an' a share o' his waage.

160

Hez thoo getten a sweetheart, my lass?
Will he wed tha', as black as thoo is?
Wah then, niver heed abaht brass;
Thy waage 'ull do nicely, wi' his.
Aye—it's dooll, to be allas aloan,
An' lodge in anoother mon room;
Wi' nowt yo can reckon yer awn,
Not sae mooch as yer spaade an' yer broom!
Bud men is sae bad te mak' oot—
Yo niver can tell wat tha meean!
Yon Jemmy'd ha' wed ma', naw doot,
If Ah'd doon wat E owt tull ha' deean.
Waw could think, 'at he'd deah wat he did—
Him a sweetheart, as keen as could be!
Bud he left ma—an' joost to get rid
O' the bairn i' mah bally, an' me.
He was nobbut a lad iv his teens—
An' as kind as Ah iver did see;
We was maates, for wa wrought oop o' the Mesnes,
An' him joost a drawer, lahk me.
Bud tha' rawse him—he allas was quick,
An' Ah was as stupid ageean;
He addled good waage wi' his pick,
Bud Ah stoock te mah belt an' mah cheean.

161

Ah worrk'd for him, efter a bit;
He was th' getter, an' Ah was his fawl:
An' theer wasn't a stronger i' th' pit,
For te draw a good toobfull o' cawl!
Bud tha' rawse him sae offens, at last
He coom'd te be th' Gaffer at broo:
Thinks Ah, then he'll gie ma a cast,
He'll ha' me te worrk under him noo!
Naa, he didn't; thah sees, Ah was big,
An' he knaw'd wat Ah carried was his:
Saw he left ma—an' theer Ah mud lig,
Lahk a fondhead an' feeal, as Ah is!
Bud him! Why, he rawse an' he rawse,
Wahl he made a new-fangled machine,
An' he went oop te Lunnon, thah knaws—
Aye, he went for te show it to th' Queen!
Wat hoo did tiv him, Ah canna tell;
It's a job 'at Ah niver maade aht:
Bud he coom'd back as graadly a swell
As the best o' eawr maasters abaht!
Ah thowt he wur gone reet awaa,
For Ah niver heerd nowt abaht t' taale;
Wahl Ah catch'd 'em a-cracking, woon daa
'At Ah went for a penn'orth o' aale.

162

Ah listen'd—Ah niver could think
Sich talk was agaate o' eawr Jim;
Bud owd Molly, hoo tipp'd ma the wink,
Sae Ah knaw'd it was saafe te be him.
Thinks Ah, it's all ower'd wi' me—
Ah sall niver see Jemmy na moor!
He's lahk oop o' th' top of a tree,
An' Ah nobbut crawls upo' th' floor.
Bud Ah wouldna be bounden tiv 'im,
Te be iver saw graadly an' cleaan!
If ye gie ma a stie, Ah can clim—
Bud Ah sticks te mah belt an' mah cheean.
Well—woon daa (it was efter Ah fell
An' croosh'd ma reet 'and i' yon wheel—
It's nobbut a stoomp, but it's well,
An' as 'ard as a bit o' good steel),
Woon daa, Ah was luggin' mah looad,
Dead set, bud Ah wouldna be beat—
An' thah knaws, when yo gan up o' th' rooad,
Yo mun walk o' your 'ands an' your feet;
Sae Ah lugg'd lahk a good un along,
An' Ah coom into th' sixfoot, at last;
An' Ah likes te look hearty an' strong,
Saw Ah trotted awaa pretty fast.

163

Theer was getters an' wenches an' that—
An' woon on 'em shooted o' me;
A chap iv a billycock 'at,
An' he shoots, “Wat, Big Jenny, is't thee?”
Ah 'eerd, bud Ah niver leeak'd oop:
Ah stood o' me 'ands an' me feet;
For why, Ah was waak as a pup,
An' Ah wouldna let aht Ah was beat.
Ah steeam'd lahk a cart-'orse, wi' sweat;
An' t' moock roonnin' off ma lahk owt!
Bud t' looad 'at Ah went for was fet,
Saw Ah'd nut 'ed mah trooble for nowt.
Well, Ah stood, for Ah wouldna give in,
An' as still as owd Needy eawr ass;
Wahl Ah 'eerd sich a fooss an' a din,
Ah woonder'd wativer it was.
It was straangers, a-scrattin' abaht,
An' a-talkin', reet ower mah 'ed;
Bud ther talk was sae bad te mak aht,
Ah could nobbut tell aaf wat tha said.
Theer was two on 'em; woon was a gell,
An' o soft un, an' free wi' 'er toong:
Be 'er boots an' 'er skets, Ah could tell
Hoo was summat o' laadies, an' yoong.

164

Hoo was speerin' a vast abaht me;
An hoo thowt, bud hoo couldna mak sure,
Soom soort of a beeast Ah mud be,
'At hoo'd niver set eyes on afoor.
Well, thinks Ah, an' hoo's nut sae mich aht—
For Ah gans o' fower legs wi' me looad;
A-crawlin' an' looggin' abaht
Oop an' dahn o' this moocky owd rooad!
Bud t' oother, he laughs, an' he says,
“Naa, it's nobbut a woman, mah dear!
An' hoo's draw'd here the best o' her daas,
Saw hoo diz leeak a lahtle bit queer.
“Hoo's cheean'd tiv her waggon, Ah doot,
Bud Ah'll lowze her, an' then wa sall see
If this two-legged fower-legged brute
Can speeak te thah feyther an' thee!”
Saw he stoop'd, an' he lowzen'd mah cheean,
An' he tell'd ma te get oop on end:
Sae Ah did; bud Ah wish'd Ah was cleean,
For te stand afore 'im an' his friend.
Ah was shaam'd, te be naaked an' black—
Wi' me breeches 'at stoock te me thighs,
An' hardlins a shift te me back—
An' me belt an' me cheean, sich a size!

165

An' theer was yon man an' yon gell
A-stannin' and starin' at me;
An' t' laady, hoo gied sich a yell!
For hoo couldna think wat Ah mud be.
Bud Ah says tiv her, “Dunna be flaa'd,
Dunna skrike, miss! Yo needna be fear'd;
If Ah leeaks lahk this 'ere, it's mah traade—
An' a roogh un, as may be yo'n heerd;
“Ah sweats, for me worrk is sae warm;
An' Ah's moocky, Ah canna be cleean;
Bud Ah niver doos nawbody 'arm,
An' Ah allas speeaks aht wat Ah meean.”
“That's reet,” says yon t' oother, “owd lass!
An' Ah laa thoo's a rare un te draw;
Sae Ah'll gie tha a taaste o' mah brass,
If thoo'll nobbut find room i' thy paw.”
Aye, he gied ma' his moonny, quite grand,
White moonny, an' fresh friv his fob;
Eh, it shined o' the 'oof o' mah 'and
Lahk a sprent o' new milk upo' th' hob!
Bud t' laady, hoo trimled lahk owt—
An' t' mon, he says tiv her, “Bah goom!
Hoo's nut sae well off as Ah thowt,
For hoo's lossen her fingers an' thoomb!”

166

“Yah, Ah's lossen 'em all, sir,” Ah says,
“An' it's nobbut a foot, is this here;
Bud Ah walks on it easy, i' th' waas,
For it's hard, an' a good un te weer.”
Well hooiver, thinks Ah, Ah mun gan—
Ah sall catch it, if t' Gaffer's abaht!
An' t' laady was throng wi' her man,
Hoo fraam'd as hoo couldna speeak aht.
Bud t' mon, he could speeak weel enoogh,
An' he tell'd ma' te gie her mah paw;
An' hoo tooch'd it, this mooddy black 'oof,
Wi' her fingers, was softer 'an snaw.
Eh, Ah thowt, wat a thing, te be sure,
For a woman te hev sich a hand!
As white an' as sweet an' as pure—
Hoo's a laady, thinks I, Ah'll awand!
Ah didna tell her wat Ah thowt—
Naa, Ah kept it all in, te mesel;
Bud Ah leeak'd an' Ah woonder'd lahk owt
At t' faace o' yon bonny white gell.
“Poor creatur,” hoo says, “wat a sight!
Wat a desput hard life thoo mun leead!
Why, if Ah was te be sich a fright,
Ah sure Ah sud wish mesen deead.”

167

“Not a bit, miss,” Ah says, “not a bit!
For Ah's used tiv it, 'arness an' all;
If Ah's fit for nowt else, well Ah's fit
For te draw seven oonderd o' cawl.
“An' Ah likes it! te gan o' fower feet
Is as eeasy as walkin' o' two;
If ye'll let ma', Ah'll gie ye a treat—
Aye, Ah'll draw ye along as Ah goo.”
“Yea,” he says, “thoo sall gie her a ride;
Here's a corf welly empty an' cleean;
An' wi' mah little dowter inside,
Why', thoo'll feel like a filly ageean!”
Bud hoo rued it; hoo hardlins 'ud look,
An' hoo coom'd ower gashly an' paale,
When hoo seed ma' cheean'd oop again th' hook,
An' cheean stickin' aht o' ma' taal.
Well, Ah draw'd her reet oop te t' new shaft,
An' Ah went a good paace along t' rooad,
An' t' wenches, mah wod, bud tha' laugh'd
When tha seed wat Ah'd got for me looad.
“Aye,” Ah says, “yo ma' laugh, bud Ah knaw
Ah sud allas be fresh as Ah is,
If Ah'd niver nowt else for te draw
Bud a nesh little laady, lahk this!”

168

Then Ah watch'd 'em git oop inte t' caage;
An' t' laady, hoo gied ma' a smile,
'At was wuth a deal moor till mah waage,
If Ah'd draw'd her best part of a mile.
Bud t' chap iv a billycock 'at
He slaps ma' o' t' showther, an' says,
“Big Jenny, wat wouldsta be at?
Thoo stoodies, an' seems iv a maaze.”
“Aye,” Ah says, “it's yon lass 'at Ah've draw'd;
It's her an' her feyther,” Ah says;
“For t' wench, well Ah niver ha' knaw'd
Sich a laady, i' t' best o' mah daas.”
“Well,” says he, “hoo's a graadly yoong lass—
An' it's loocky hoo didna knaw thee!
For Ah'll tell tha, mah wench, waw it was:
It was Jim an' his dowter!” says he.
“Wat! Jim, mah owd sweet'art, coom'd back,
An' favvers a masterly man?
An' me joost as roogh an' as black
As Ah was when his coortin' began!”
“Yah,” says Billycock 'At, “an it's trew!
For he's coom'd te be maaster, hez Jim;
If thoo wants 'im te gie tha' thah due,
Why, Ah wish thoo mun get it, friv 'im!”

169

“Naa, it's 'im 'at gat summat o' me,”
Ah says, “an' he's getten it still;
Eh, Ah's woonder'd an' wish'd for te see
Wativer he's doon wi' mah Jill!
“Ah thowt he was faan te get rid
O' th' bairn 'at he'd gotten, thoo knaws:
An' Ah loov'd it, Ah tell tha' Ah did,
Friv it croon, aye, te t' tips o' it taws.
“Bud he sent a yoong man for mah child,
An' thinks Ah, sall Ah tell 'im Ah weeant?
For t' baabe leeak'd sae nice when it smiled—
Bud Ah thowt, it'll clem, if Ah deean't!”
“Ah mun addle mah waage doon i' t' pit,
Thinks Ah, weer nae babbies can be;
An' t' man, he leeak'd friendly an' fit”—
“Aye,” says Billycock 'At, “it was me!”
“Wat!” Ah says, “was it thoo, 'at Ah seed,
Yon tahm, agaan Robison wall?
An' thoo said, 'at he'd paa for it feed,
An' a woman te nuss it an' all?
“Then thoo's t' man 'at Ah's wanted te see!
Thah can tell ma', wat's getten mah Jill:
Hoo'll ha' maybe forgat abaht me,
Bud Ah laa hoo's a bonny un, still!”

170

“Yah,” says Billycock 'At, an' he laugh'd;
“Hoo is, then,—thoo knaws it theesel!
It was 'er, 'at thoo draw'd oop te th' shaft—
Yon white little laady-faaced gell.”
“Well, Ah niver!” Ah says; “if Ah'd knaw'd,
Ah'd ha kuss'd 'er, as black as Ah is:
Bud te think 'at yon laady Ah draw'd
Was mah bairn! Why, it caps ma', it diz!”
Eh, Ah wish'd Ah'd ha' knaw'd it! Hoo fraam'd
Wi' 'er smilin', as nice as could be:
Bud Ah says, “Naw, hoo moonna be shaam'd
Wi' a fower-footed moother lahk me!”
“Hoo mun gan wi' 'er feyther,” Ah says,
“An' Ah niver sall see 'er na' moor!
Bud wonn thing—for t' rest o' mah daas
Ah've a soommat, Ah 'adn't afoor.”
Then he ax'd ma, did Billycock 'At,
Wat soort o' a soommat Ah meean'd;
An' Ah says, “Wah, thoo's noan sich a flat!
Thoo sees 'at hoo's graadly an' cleean'd:
“Well, Ah's prood on 'er, then, as hoo is;
An' Ah thinks, wat a job it 'ud be,
If hoo 'ad te weer 'arness lahk this,
An' be nobbut a drawer, lahk me!”

171

Aye, Sally, Ah's getten a pride,
When Ah draws wi' me owd belt an' cheean,
For te think 'at Ah gied 'er yon ride,
'At Ah couldna ha' thowt tull ha' deean.
Why, hoo rides iv a carriage, hoo diz,
An' wi' 'osses te draw 'er an' all!
An' me! well, thoo knaws wat Ah is—
Ah's a 'oss, like, mesen, te draw cawl.
Eh! them 'osses 'at draws oop aloft
They're a bonny sight grander till me:
Their skins is as shiny an' soft—
Wat, Ah've seed 'em, Ah knaws wat tha' be.
Wad tha draw o' these low moocky rooads,
Lahk wenches an' gallowaas doos?
Wad tha deah for te loog eawr black looads,
Wi' a cheean 'twixt their 'ind legs, lahk ooz?
Naw, lass! thoo ma' reckon it clear
Wat a grand un mah dowter mun be,
When er 'osses hes 'arness te weer
Ower fine for 'er moother an' thee!
Bud Ah looves 'er; Ah's glad 'at hoo's rich,
An' Ah's glad 'at hoo's bonny an' fine:
An' Ah'd sooner be clemm'd iv a ditch,
Nor for 'er te weer breeches lahk mine.

172

Eh! Her feyther, he coom'd t' oother daa,
An' he says te ma, “Jenny,” says he,
“Wat, thoo's niver forgetten, Ah laa,
'At Ah yance 'ad a likin' for thee!
“Well,” he says, “an' Ah's friends wi' tha' still;
An' Ah'll gie tha' a good bit o' brass,
If thoo'll niver let aht abaht Jill
'At thoo is 'er moother, me lass!”
“Wat!” Ah says, “div ye think 'at Ah wad?
Div ye think Ah wad tell sich a taale?
Wah, eawr fawks 'ud mak 'aht Ah was mad,
Or droonk wi' owd Robison aale!
“Te think 'at a laady lahk 'er
Sud be bairn tiv a collier lahk me!
Naa, if Ah was te speeak on it, sir,
Wat a danderin' feeal Ah mud be!
“Naw! Ah'll tell ye wat, maaster,” Ah says,
“As seear as Big Jenny's mah naame,
Ah sall niver, te t' last o' me daas,
Saa a wod for te bring 'er te shaame.
“Naw,” Ah says, “yo mun put oop yer brass,
An' mak' yersel eeasy an' free;
For Ah niver wad tell sich a lass
'At hoo'd getten a moother lahk me.

173

“Wat, a moother 'at draws iv eawr pit,
A moother 'at's naaked an' black!
Mah wod, wat a moother, te sit
Wi' a gell 'at's gat goons tiv 'er back!
“Ah mun see 'er a bit, nah an' then,
Joost te leeak at 'er bonny yoong faace;
And mah taale Ah sall keep te mesen;
Ah sall leeave 'er aloan iv 'er plaace.
“Aye,” Ah says, “Ah remembers them gaames
Yo an' me used te 'ev be wersels!
We was sweet'arts an' maates, Mr. Jaames,
An' yo reckon'd ma t' best o' eawr gells.
“Bud yo left ma'; an' niver said why,
Bud Ah thowt it was 'long o' mah child;
An' Ah did 'ev a middlin' good cry,
For it maade ma' feel lawnsoom an' wild.
“Ah knawna weeriver yo've been,
Bud yo've rawse, lahk te t' top o' the hill;
An' me, Ah's at bottom, yo seen—
Aye, Ah's nobbut at bottom end still!
“Bud yo couldna ha' rawse me an' all;
Naa, Ah's boon' te be joost wat Ah is:
Ah's tied for te scrat amoong cawl;
An' Ah gets me awn livin', Ah diz!

174

“Ah speers for nowt else! Bud,” Ah says,
“Nobbut yo be a feyther te Jill,
An' Ah'll thank ye, te th' end o' mah daas,
An Ah'll worrk for ye, maaster, Ah will!”
“Well,” says 'e, “thoo's a good un, thoo is!”
Saw, he seed theer was naw wonn abaht—
An', Sally, he gied ma a kiss!
Aye, he gied ma' a smacker, reet aht!
Eh, Ah stared when he kuss'd ma', Ah did!
For Ah reckon'd he'd think it disgraace;
An' Ah tell'd 'im te quick an' get rid
O' th' black 'at 'e'd got tiv 'is faace.
Then he laugh'd, an' he wesh'd it awaa;
An' 'e gripp'd 'od o' th' stoomp o' mah 'and,
An' shook it, an' wish'd ma good daa:
“Ah can troost tha,” says 'e, “Ah'll awand!”
“Yah, Ah sear Ah can troost tha', me lass!
An' Ah'll rise tha' a bit, i' thah waage;
An' Ah'll gie tha' a 'looance o' brass,
When thoo cooms te be owt of a aage.”
Aye, Sally, Ah niver sall clem!
For:'e said saw, an' sticks tiv 'is wodd:
Ah sall niver nae moor be o' them
'At mun peck for theer maat, lahk a bodd.

175

Ah keeps te th' owd pit an' th' owd traade;
Ah addles full waage, lahk a mon:
If Ah can't deah sae mich wi' a spaade,
Ah can draw lahk a good un, Ah can!
Well—if Ah's in anoother mon hahse,
Ah can deah wi' 'is coompany still:
Yea, Ah sits theer as mum as a mahse,
When Ah's getten a sight o' mah Jill.
Div Ah see her? Aye, wench, an' Ah diz!
Hoo niver knaws nowt abaht me,
Bud hoo talks te ma, joost as Ah is,
An' as plaan as Ah's talkin' te thee.
Mah wodd, hoo's a scholard, is Jill!
Wheniver hoo gie's ooz a call,
Hoo reeads tiv ooz—me an' eawr Bill,
An' Meary—hoo reeads tiv ooz all.
Hoo reeads abaht sperrits in 'Evven,
Hoo reeads abaht divels in 'Ell;
An' thinks Ah, if yon woman 'ed seven,
Why, Ah've ed aaf-a-doozen mesel!
Aye, Ah favvers them divels i' th' story—
Them black uns, 'at joomp'd inta t' sea:
Bud theer's niver a aangel o' glory
Could leeak lahk mah Jill diz, te me!