The Bays Miscellany or Colley Triumphant: containing I. The Petty-Sessions of Poets. II. The Battle of the Poets, or the Contention for the Laurel; as it is now Acting at the New Theatre in the Hay-Market. III. The Battle of the Poets. An Heroic Poem. In Two Canto's. With the True Characters of the several Poets therein mention'd; and just Reasons why not qualify'd for the Laurel. The Whole design'd as a Specimen of those Gentlemens Abilities, without Prejudice or Partiality. Written by Scriblerus Quartus [i.e. Thomas Cooke] |
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 | The Bays Miscellany |  |
7
THE PETTY-SESSIONS OF POETS.
What a racket and pother have been of late Days,
With Long-tails and Bob-tails for Frontlet of Bays?
All strove for the Profit, not one for the Honour;
So scribled, petition'd, and harrass'd the Donor.
A Verdict was given in Favour of Bob,
The Word carries Magic, and rithmes well to Rob.
By sly Innuendo I'll mention a few,
Who never were reckon'd among the large Crew.
With Long-tails and Bob-tails for Frontlet of Bays?
All strove for the Profit, not one for the Honour;
So scribled, petition'd, and harrass'd the Donor.
A Verdict was given in Favour of Bob,
The Word carries Magic, and rithmes well to Rob.
By sly Innuendo I'll mention a few,
Who never were reckon'd among the large Crew.
The first that appear'd, and who led up the Van,
Was a peevish, mishapen'd, diminutive Man:
A Bard, who by help of Physician and Parson,
Went quickly to work, on his Chair set his A---on,
And murder'd old Homer; but of his own head,
Flesh-dy'd with Blood, murder'd, mangled poor Shakespear, when dead.
Like a Botcher, he knew how to turn an old Coat,
But not make a new one; and just so he wrote.
Was a peevish, mishapen'd, diminutive Man:
A Bard, who by help of Physician and Parson,
Went quickly to work, on his Chair set his A---on,
And murder'd old Homer; but of his own head,
Flesh-dy'd with Blood, murder'd, mangled poor Shakespear, when dead.
Like a Botcher, he knew how to turn an old Coat,
But not make a new one; and just so he wrote.
The
Parson, who boasted not much of the Spirit,
Asserted his Claim, and said, he had most Merit;
That oftner than Proteus he vary'd his Shape,
Was Draper, Examiner, Buffoon and Ape.
That he many times brazen'd a manifold Rub,
By taking upon him the Tale of a Tub:
He was therefore advised not to sue for the Place,
Till he first turned Christian, and prov'd he had Grace.
Asserted his Claim, and said, he had most Merit;
That oftner than Proteus he vary'd his Shape,
Was Draper, Examiner, Buffoon and Ape.
That he many times brazen'd a manifold Rub,
By taking upon him the Tale of a Tub:
He was therefore advised not to sue for the Place,
Till he first turned Christian, and prov'd he had Grace.
8
The next was a Syllaba longa, a 'Squire,
An Oil-Merchant once, but a Man of some Fire;
To pourtrait his Gideon's great Stature and Strength,
Made him strut in Heroics full eight feet in length.
But finding his Claim not supported by any,
He drop'd his Pretensions, and set up his Zany,
As S---t had before done by Doctor D**l**y.
To the Bays then the Zany endeavour'd to climb,
But could not make Bombast to pass for Sublime;
Extravagant Flight, and extravagant Thought,
To a groveling Condition this Icarus brought:
The Doctor for Tales and Epistles so famous,
In Poetry Epic was found Ignoramus.
An Oil-Merchant once, but a Man of some Fire;
To pourtrait his Gideon's great Stature and Strength,
Made him strut in Heroics full eight feet in length.
But finding his Claim not supported by any,
He drop'd his Pretensions, and set up his Zany,
As S---t had before done by Doctor D**l**y.
To the Bays then the Zany endeavour'd to climb,
But could not make Bombast to pass for Sublime;
Extravagant Flight, and extravagant Thought,
To a groveling Condition this Icarus brought:
The Doctor for Tales and Epistles so famous,
In Poetry Epic was found Ignoramus.
A Title-page Monger, of all Men the oddest,
With Orator H---y, both equally modest,
Their Plea did put in; which, for want of a better,
Was, that they had once trump'd up a scandalous Letter:
The one was adjudg'd a most impudent Jester,
And the other sent down for Correction to L---r.
With Orator H---y, both equally modest,
Their Plea did put in; which, for want of a better,
Was, that they had once trump'd up a scandalous Letter:
The one was adjudg'd a most impudent Jester,
And the other sent down for Correction to L---r.
A
Bantling of Fortune appear'd in the Rear,
Asserted his Title, which seem'd pretty clear;
But as he misused Favour shew'd him before,
'Twas not proper that he should receive any more.
Asserted his Title, which seem'd pretty clear;
But as he misused Favour shew'd him before,
'Twas not proper that he should receive any more.
Had I the Disposal, I'd have giv'n the Place
To a promising Youth, who the Frontlet would grace.
As Scipio not one of the Tribe half so fit,
If Judgment, good Sense, and an accurate Wit
Are Qualifications sufficient to raise
Our Esteem for the Man who does Merit the Bays.
To a promising Youth, who the Frontlet would grace.
As Scipio not one of the Tribe half so fit,
If Judgment, good Sense, and an accurate Wit
Are Qualifications sufficient to raise
Our Esteem for the Man who does Merit the Bays.
| The Bays Miscellany | |