The Punkin Centre and Paw Paw Valley Railroad
WONDERS will never cease—we've got a railroad in Punkin Centre now;
oh, we're gittin' to be right smart cityfied. I guess that's about the
crookedest railroad that ever wuz bilt. I think that railroad runs
acrost itself in one or two places; it runs past one station three
times. It's so durned crooked they hav to burn crooked wood in the
ingine. Wall, the fust ingine they had on the Punkin Centre wuz a
wonderful piece of masheenery. It had a five-foot boiler and a
seven-foot whissel, and every time they blowed the whissel the durned old
ingine would stop.
Wall, we've got the railroad, and we're mighty proud of it; but we
had an awful time a-gittin' it through. You see, most everybody give the
right of way 'cept Ezra Hoskins, and he didn't like to see it go through
his medder field, and it seemed as
though they'd hav to go 'round fer quite a ways, and maybe they wouldn't
cum to Punkin Centre at all. Wall, one mornin' Ezra saw a lot of fellers
down in the medder most uncommonly busy like; so he went down to them
and he sed, "Wat be you a-doin' down here?" And they sed, "Wall, Mr.
Hoskins, we're surveyin' fer the railroad." And Ezra sed, "So we're
goin' to hav a railroad, be we? Is it goin' right through here?" And
they sed, "Yes, Mr. Hoskins, that's whar it's a-goin', right through
here." Ezra sed, "Wall, I s'pose you'll have a right smart of ploughin'
and diggin', and you'll jist about plow up my medder field, won't ye?"
They sed, "Yes, Mr. Hoskins, we'll hav to do some gradin'." Ezra sed,
"Wall, now, let me see, is it a-goin' jist the way you've got that
instrument p'inted?" They sed, "Yes, sir, jist thar." And Ezra sed,
"Wall, near as I kin calculate from that, I should jedge it wuz a-goin'
right through my barn." They sed, "Yes, Mr. Hoskins, we're sorry, but
the railroad is a-goin' right through your barn."
Wall, Ezra didn't say much fer quite a spell, and we all expected
thar would be trouble; but finally he sed, "Wall, I s'pose
the community of Punkin Centre needs a railroad and I hadn't oughter
offer any objections to its goin' through, but I'm goin' to tell ye one
thing right now, afore you go any further. When you git it bilt and
a-runnin', you've got to git a man to cum down here and take keer on it,
cos it's a-cumin' along hayin' and harvestin' time, and I'll be too
durned busy to run down here and open and shet them barn doors every
time one of your pesky old trains wants to go through."
—
Love—An indescribable longing, something that existed since
Mother Eve was in the apple trust, and will exist until the end of time.
Somethin' that no man has ever yet defined or ever will define. A
somethin' that is past all description. Which will make a hired man
fergit to do the chores, and will make an old man act boyish, and will
make a woman show herself to be stronger than the strongest man. Gosh
durn it, an indescribable somethin' that has never yet bin
described.
—Punkin Centre Philosophy.