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[Scene I.]
Scene, the main hall of a large “Dime Museum.” Some space has been cleared for tables, and at the close of a particularly good day's business, the freaks are enjoying themselves at a supper given by the now-and-then liberal manager. Noises of street-cars and pedestrians heard faintly without. Queer things stare at them from the cases on the walls—curiosities staring at curiosities.Proprietor.
Everything snugged up for night?
Lecturer.
All the sights are out of sight:
Mammoth curiosities,
Miniature monstrosities,
Things that sly old Nature made,
When in the constructing trade
She grew tired, as one might say,
Forming similar things each day,
And—with Fancy's sudden aid—
Fixed one up a different way;
All the whim-shaped quadrupeds,
All the calves with surplus heads,
All the plural-bodied lambs,
All the man-invented shams;
Things she double made, or half,
When she wished a little laugh;
Mammoth curiosities,
Miniature monstrosities,
Things that sly old Nature made,
When in the constructing trade
She grew tired, as one might say,
Forming similar things each day,
And—with Fancy's sudden aid—
Fixed one up a different way;
All the whim-shaped quadrupeds,
All the calves with surplus heads,
All the plural-bodied lambs,
All the man-invented shams;
Things she double made, or half,
When she wished a little laugh;
All the things that thrill so much,
From great peoples' look and touch:
Bricks from near where they were born,
Clothes they've maybe some time worn;
Chairs their regal forms did hold;
Canes they lugged around when old;
Cradles of their helplessness;
Beds they've slept in more or less;
From great peoples' look and touch:
Bricks from near where they were born,
Clothes they've maybe some time worn;
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Canes they lugged around when old;
Cradles of their helplessness;
Beds they've slept in more or less;
All the things that meet our views,
Of the toys that robbers use:
Slung-shot, nipper, jimmy, drill,
Blades whose edges yearned to kill;
False keys, billies, metal-fists,
Bracelets, forged for graceless wrists;
Saws, that tore some robber's way
From night-prisons into day;
Pistols, which in unfair strife
Robbed some half-waked man of life;
Locked up safely—all these nice
Curiosities of vice.
Of the toys that robbers use:
Slung-shot, nipper, jimmy, drill,
Blades whose edges yearned to kill;
False keys, billies, metal-fists,
Bracelets, forged for graceless wrists;
Saws, that tore some robber's way
From night-prisons into day;
Pistols, which in unfair strife
Robbed some half-waked man of life;
Locked up safely—all these nice
Curiosities of vice.
Proprietor.
Snakes been housed and groomed and fed?
Lecturer.
All our pets are safe abed.
Coiled, the pictured rattlesnake,
Crawling weapon demons make,
To augment the world's distress:
Foe of timid helplessness—
Open poisoner of his foes—
Magazine of deadly blows.
Now he rests, with savage grace,
In a comrade's cold embrace.
Still, the boa's loathsome length,
Who, a chain of yielding strength,
Binds his prey to deathly doom,
Then becomes his living tomb.
Closed, the viper's brilliant eyes—
Maybe dreaming, as he lies,
Of old savage poisonous times,
In the sultry Eastern climes.
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As the good friends of mankind,
Till, with purpose bad and deep,
Satan found their sire asleep.
Proprietor.
Larger grows the list that you're
Yet unable to procure?
Lecturer.
Yes; a man who never yet
Uncontrolled temptation met;
And a woman who has never
Made uncelibate endeavor;
And a hero who has not
Borne some envy-furnished blot;
And a rich man who has never
Found a beggar over-clever;
And a youth who never sought
More attention than he ought;
And a saint who ne'er has been
Thinking how nice 'twere to sin;
And a mortal who admission
Never gained to superstition.
Proprietor.
Then shall be our banquet spread;
Then the living freaks be fed;
Business ne'er has been so good
Since this wonder-temple stood;
Lucre-floods a week or more
Have been surging through our door—
Just as should be, when, with care,
All the realms of earth and air
Have been searched for what they owe
To a first-class moral show.
Set the tables, pour the wine!
All expense to-night is mine.
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Care a curio be to-night!
For one eve we'll happy be;
All expense shall fall on me!
Lecturer
(aside).
Well, the boss struck a streak
Like he hasn't for many a week:
He's to-night his greatest freak!
Ne'ertheless my work, life through
Still, must be to help him do
What he thinks he wishes to.
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