University of Virginia Library

On Girls' Rack

I am writing you this letter
because I don't know who else to
turn to. Dean Runk and the other
fine men who run the University
were not in for some reason when
I attempted to contact them, so it
is to you that I am addressing my
complaint.

I am an old biddy that lets
girls rack in my house on big
weekends. It's not that I and my
27 cats appreciate visitors, just
that we can really use the eight
bucks we get from each.

Anyway, on the last big weekend
I took in three girls from the
neighboring women's colleges, and
their deportment, as well as that
of the "gentlemen" who escorted
them, was an outrage and an indecency.
Even my cats were
grossed out.

The first girl had the audacity
to come in 14 minutes after my
11 p.m. curfew, and she was up
to no good in the time she was
out, I can tell you. According to
my stopwatch she spent three
minutes, thirty-two and four tenths
seconds sparking on the porch
with her boyfriend, and I have
films to prove it.

The second girl I suspected of
imbibing the Devil's nectar and
the Breathalyzer test I gave her
after she fell asleep proved it.
Shocking.

The third girl was, on the other
hand, a model of deportment. Unfortunately,
her escort dumped on
her and she was forced to take
a taxi back to my house. At
least she got in at a decent hour.

What is the younger generation
coming to?