 | |  |
April 6-12
Sunday a bright day, but no church ....Feel very anxious about brother Jim, he is certainly getting weaker every day though his spirits are good. So much rainy weather this week. Jabe does not get off until Thursday. He hears at Gordonsville that his Regiment has gone to Richmond so he has followed on horseback. Hope he will not get into any trouble. Thursday Brother Jim seems to be about the same. He seems anxious for me to have that visit home but says I must come back soon. Friday he arranges for Jimmy to drive me up Saturday. Talks very cheerfully about it. I'm with him a good part of the day but in the evening Sally and I go to Aunt Sally's and take supper as I want to see them all before I go up. We get back about sundown and Sister Mary tells us brother Jim has been suffering much while we were away. Still we did not apprehend that he was worse. Sally stayed with him during the night and as was her habit came several times to my room. Now early in the night she carne up and told me brother Jim talked and looked very strange; had had a terrible vomiting spell after which she thought he fainted. I tried to believe it was the effect of the opium which he took in quantities. Sally said if he did not soon get quiet she would send off for the doctor. About two o'clock she came up again and told me he was sleeping very sweetly. I felt satisfied then that all was right. On going down to breakfast the next morning I found Sister Mary and the rest as cheerful as usual. Sally reported that brother Jim had rested badly early in the night but had been sleeping soundly since before two o'clock. He was then still asleep rather an unusual thing for he generally took his breakfast early. In the meantime my things were packed for home and the carriage at the door but I felt that I could not start until I had told the dear Brother, Good Bye. Had been into his room several times but he still slept. In a little while I was sent for in the chamber and on going in saw directly that something was the matter. Sister Mary and Sally were both weeping. Sally said to me, "Lou, you must put off your going home now. We fear brother Jim is very much worse." She said sister Mary concluded it was time he had his breakfast and said he must be wakened but when they tried to rouse him he was perfectly unconsious of all around and then for the first time we felt that the sweet sleep was the sleep of death, that his awakening would only be in a brighter, fairer world. How glad I felt I had not started. The house was soon filled with kind friends and though their sympathy was sweet they could bring no real comfort to the many aching hearts. The doctors said he had been dying all night. Dr. Douglas as soon as he saw him seemed to feel there was no hope but cousin Tom [Meriwether] with his kind heart worked on him to the last. All through his sickness, his only fear was that when called upon to "cross that dark room" his flesh would rebel and there would be a hard struggle ere his spirit could take its flight but, Thanks be to God!, his last hours were as calm and peaceful as the sleep of happy childhood. It seemed like going to sleep and waking in heaven. We watched by him all day and though his breathing was very perceptible he was not conscious once; lay in this condition until after sundown when his breath left him and all that was left to us on earth of that much loved Brother was the emaciated tabernacle of clay. Wood's poem on "A Death Bed" was now a reality to me.
His breathing soft and low
As in his breast the temor of life
Kept heaving to and fro!
So silently we seemed so speak
So slowly moved about
As we have lent him half our powers
To eke his hiving out.
Our very hopes belied our fears
Our fears our hopes belied
We though him dying when he slept
and sleeping when he died
And when the eve came dim and sad
And chill with earthly showers
His quiet eyelids closed-he had
Another morn than ours."
We have much to comfort us in giving up this dear Brother for he was a Christian not only in name but in thought and deed. He had long since put his house in order and only waited for his Master's call and when that call came he was found ready. The voice at midnight came. He started up to hear. A mortal arrow pierced his frame. He fell--but felt no fear.
We committed to the earth all that remained of him on Monday the 14th of April. Lizzie and I picked out a sweet spot for him in the little graveyard in the garden. He sleeps by Uncle Jimmy's [James Hunter Terrel] side. We thought that would be his choice. Had our beautiful church service read. Mr. Boyden made some very pretty and appropriate remarks on the Chapter read. Lizzie and I requested he would not preach a sermon as we had so often heard him say he did not wish any. Lizzie through it all acted like a brave woman. I know how dear her Father was to her and bitter it was to her giving him up but for her Mother's sake she seemed to try to keep up and she acted her part nobly during all of that trying scene. Poor Sister Mary. Hers is indeed a loss. She tried hard to bear up but at times her burden seemed too heavy for her but few wives had such a husband as hers. She looked to him for advice even about the most trivial matters. So much more now will she feel her loss. I trust the Comforter is with her and has left some of his sweet peace in her heart but time alone can heal the wound. May God in His mercy not leave her comfortless. The dear boys grieved much at giving up their Father for they were tenderly attached to him. They cannot know now what a loss theirs is. May they ever have before them his good example and precepts and follow in them. One of his dying wishes was that his children might be raised Christians. Dear little Annie Laurie, to think she can never know the blessing and happiness of a Father's love. But our Heavenly Father has promised His protection of the fatherless. Cousins Sue and Thomas Watson are with us and real friends they have proved themselves. They are both such comforts to Sister Mary. Brother Jim loved and trusted them both. I feel as if I never knew Cousin Thomas before. He has acted more like a brother to Sally and I then a cousin; seems so anxious to assist us in any way in his power, indeed it seemed balm to the wound in our hearts in giving up our dear Brother to find we have another friend raised up to us in our need. And Sally, dear little Sally! What a brave little woman she has proved herself! What a comfort she was to the poor suffering brother. Gave up so many of her own comforts and pleasures so willingly to minister to his needs. I did not know what a real woman she was until I saw her tried. It will be a sweet thought to her to remember how faithfully she nursed him so long. Who can doubt the hand of God in bringing her to us in the hour of need. Dear little Sis, and how much I owe you too for how often have you acted as nurse and comforter to me. When I think of brother Jim's family and what they lose in him I feel as if I had hardly a right to grieve for myself but Oh, who will I ever find who will take the place of the Brother, Friend and Teacher he has ever been to me. So ready as he ever was to listen to all my troubles, my fears and my joys and to aid me with his council. Oh, what a feeling of desolation comes o'er me when I fully realize he is no longer among us. Thank God I've many and dear friends left but it is very hard to give up my Brother but God is good and just and Himself hath done it; therefore, it must be right. The servants all show much feeling at losing their master. A true friend he has been to them all.
| | |