BOOK XIX
CHAPTER VII
Wherein Anna Boleyn relates the history of her
life.
"I AM going now truly to recount a life which
from the time of its ceasing has been, in
the other world, the continual subject of
the cavils of contending parties; the one making
me as black as hell, the other as pure and innocent
as the inhabitants of this blessed place; the mist
of prejudice blinding their eyes, and zeal for what
they themselves profess, making everything appear
in that light which they think most conduces
to its honor.
"My infancy was spent in my father's house, in
those childish plays which are most suitable to
that state, and I think this was one of the happiest
parts of my life; for my parents were not among
the number of those who look upon their children
as so many objects of a tyrannic power, but I was
regarded as the dear pledge of a virtuous love,
and all my little pleasures were thought from
their indulgence their greatest delight. At seven
years old I was carried into France with the
king's sister, who was married to the French king,
where I lived with a person of quality, who was an
acquaintance of my father's. I spent my time in
learning those things necessary to give young persons
of fashion a polite education, and did neither
good nor evil, but day passed after day in the
same easy way till I was fourteen; then began my
anxiety, my vanity grew strong, and my heart
fluttered with joy at every compliment paid to my
beauty: and as the lady with whom I lived was of
a gay, cheerful disposition, she kept a great deal
of company, and my youth and charms made me
the continual object of their admiration. I passed
some little time in those exulting raptures which
are felt by every woman perfectly satisfied with
herself and with the behavior of others towards
her: I was, when very young, promoted to be maid
of honor to her majesty. The court was
frequented by a young nobleman whose beauty was
the chief subject of conversation in all assemblies
of ladies. The delicacy of his person, added to
a great softness in his manner, gave everything
he said and did such an air of tenderness, that
every woman he spoke to flattered herself with being
the object of his love. I was one of those who
was vain enough of my own charms to hope to
make a conquest of him whom the whole court
sighed for. I now thought every other object below
my notice; yet the only pleasure I proposed to
myself in this design was, the triumphing over
that heart which I plainly saw all the ladies of the
highest quality and the greatest beauty would
have been proud of possessing. I was yet too
young to be very artful; but nature, without any
assistance, soon discovers to a man who is used to
gallantry a woman's desire to be liked by him,
whether that desire arises from any particular
choice she makes of him, or only from vanity.
He soon perceived my thoughts, and gratified my
utmost wishes by constantly preferring me before
all other women, and exerting his utmost gallantry
and address to engage my affections. This
sudden happiness, which I then thought the greatest
I could have had, appeared visible in all my
actions; I grew so gay and so full of vivacity that
it made my person appear still to a better advantage,
all my acquaintance pretending to be fonder
of me than ever: though, young as I was, I plainly
saw it was but pretense, for through all their
endeavors to the contrary envy would often break
forth in sly insinuations and malicious sneers,
which gave me fresh matter of triumph, and frequent
opportunities of insulting them, which I
never let slip, for now first my female heart grew
sensible of the spiteful pleasure of seeing another
languish for what I enjoyed. Whilst I was in the
height of my happiness her majesty fell ill of a
languishing distemper, which obliged her to go
into the country for the change of air: my place
made it necessary for me to attend her, and which
way he brought it about I can't imagine, but my
young hero found means to be one of that small
train that waited on my royal mistress, although
she went as privately as possible. Hitherto all
the interviews I had ever had with him were in
public, and I only looked on him as the fitter object
to feed that pride which had no other view but
to show its power; but now the scene was quite
changed. My rivals, were all at a distance: the
place we went to was as charming as the most
agreeable natural situation, assisted by the greatest
art, could make it; the pleasant solitary walks
the singing of birds, the thousand pretty romantic
scenes this delightful place afforded, gave a
sudden turn to my mind; my whole soul was
melted into softness, and all my vanity was fled.
My spark was too much used to affairs of this nature
not to perceive this change; at first the profuse
transports of his joy made me believe him
wholly mine, and this belief gave me such happiness
that no language affords words to express it,
and can be only known to those who have felt it.
But this was of a very short duration, for I soon
found I had to do with one of those men whose
only end in the pursuit of a woman is to make her
fall a victim to an insatiable desire to be admired.
His designs had succeeded, and now he every day
grew colder, and, as if by infatuation, my passion
every day increased; and, notwithstanding all my
resolutions and endeavors to the contrary, my
rage at the disappointment at once both of my
love and pride, and at the finding a passion fixed
in my breast I knew not how to conquer, broke out
into that inconsistent behavior which must always
be the consequence of violent passions. One moment
I reproached him, the next I grew to tenderness
and blamed myself, and thought I fancied
what was not true: he saw my struggle and triumphed
in it; but, as he had not witnesses enough
there of his victory to give him the full enjoyment
of it, he grew weary of the country and returned
to Paris, and left me in a condition it is utterly
impossible to describe. My mind was like a city
up in arms, all confusion; and every new thought
was a fresh disturber of my peace. Sleep quite
forsook me, and the anxiety I suffered threw me
into a fever which had like to have cost me my life.
With great care I recovered, but the violence of
the distemper left such a weakness on my body
that the disturbance of my mind was greatly
assuaged; and now I began to comfort myself in the
reflection that this gentleman's being a finished
coquette was very likely the only thing could have
preserved me; for he was the only man from
whom I was ever in any danger. By that time I
was got tolerably well we returned to Paris; and
I confess I both wished and feared to see this
cause of all my pain: however, I hoped, by the
help of my resentment, to be able to meet him with
indifference. This employed my thoughts till our
arrival. The next day there was a very full
court to congratulate the queen on her recovery;
and amongst the rest my love appeared dressed
and adorned as if he designed some new conquest.
Instead of seeing a woman he despised and
slighted, he approached me with that assured air
which is common to successful coxcombs. At the
same time I perceived I was surrounded by all
those ladies who were on his account my greatest
enemies, and, in revenge, wished for nothing more
than to see me make a ridiculous figure. This
situation so perplexed my thoughts, that when he
came near enough to speak to me, I fainted away
in his arms. Had I studied which way I could
gratify him most, it was impossible to have done
anything to have pleased him more. Some that
stood by brought smelling-bottles, and used means
for my recovery; and I was welcomed to returning
life by all those repartees which women enraged
by envy are capable of venting. One cried
`Well, I never thought my lord had anything so
frightful in his person or so fierce in his manner
as to strike a young lady dead at the sight of
him.' `No, no,' says another, `some ladies' senses
are more apt to be hurried by agreeable than
disagreeable objects.' With many more such sort of
speeches which showed more malice than wit.
This not being able to bear, trembling, and with
but just strength enough to move, I crawled to my
coach and hurried home. When I was alone, and
thought on what had happened to me in a public
court, I was at first driven to the utmost despair;
but afterwards, when I came to reflect, I believe
this accident contributed more to my being cured
of my passion than any other could have done. I
began to think the only method to pique the man
who had used me so barbarously, and to be revenged
on my spiteful rivals, was to recover that
beauty which was then languid and had lost its
luster, to let them see I had still charms enough
to engage as many lovers as I could desire, and
that I could yet rival them who had thus cruelly
insulted me. These pleasing hopes revived my
sinking spirits. and worked a more effectual cure
on me than all the philosophy and advice of the
wisest men could have done. I now employed all
my time and care in adorning my person, and
studying the surest means of engaging the affections
of others, while I myself continued quite indifferent;
for I resolved for the future, if ever
one soft thought made its way to my heart, to fly
the object of it, and by new lovers to drive the
image from my breast. I consulted my glass every
morning, and got such a command of my countenance
that I could suit it to the different tastes
of variety of lovers; and though I was young,
for I was not yet above seventeen, yet my public
way of life gave me such continual opportunities
of conversing with men, and the strong desire I
now had of pleasing them led me to make such
constant observations on everything they said or
did, that I soon found out the different methods of
dealing with them. I observed that most men
generally liked in women what was most opposite
to their own characters; therefore to the grave
solid man of sense I endeavored to appear
sprightly and full of spirit; to the witty and gay,
soft and languishing; to the amorous (for they
want no increase of their passions), cold and
reserved; to the fearful and backward, warm and
full of fire; and so of all the rest. As to beaux,
and all of those sort of men, whose desires are
centered in the satisfaction of their vanity, I had
learned by sad experience the only way to deal
with them was to laugh at them and let their own
good opinion of themselves be the only support of
their hopes. I knew, while I could get other followers,
I was sure of them; for the only sign of
modesty they ever give is that of not depending
on their own judgments, but following the opinions
of the greatest number. Thus furnished with
maxims, and grown wise by past errors, I in a
manner began the world again: I appeared in all
public places handsomer and more lively than
ever, to the amazement of every one who saw me
and had heard of the affair between me and my
lord. He himself was much surprised and vexed
at this sudden change, nor could he account how
it was possible for me so soon to shake off those
chains he thought he had fixed on me for life; nor
was he willing to lose his conquest in this manner.
He endeavored by all means possible to talk to me
again of love, but I stood fixed to my resolution
(in which I was greatly assisted by the crowd of
admirers that daily surrounded me) never to let
him explain himself: for, notwithstanding all my
pride, I found the first impression the heart
receives of love is so strong that it requires the
most vigilant care to prevent a relapse. Now I
lived three years in a constant round of diversions,
and was made the perfect idol of all the
men that came to court of all ages and all characters.
I had several good matches offered me, but I
thought none of them equal to my merit; and one
of my greatest pleasures was to see those women
who had pretended to rival me often glad to
marry those whom I had refused. Yet, notwithstanding
this great success of my schemes, I cannot
say I was perfectly happy; for every woman
that was taken the least notice of, and every man
that was insensible to my arts, gave me as much
pain as all the rest gave me pleasure; and sometimes
little underhand plots which were laid
against my designs would succeed in spite of my
care: so that I really began to grow weary of this
manner of life, when my father, returning from
his embassy in France, took me home with him,
and carried me to a little pleasant country-house,
where there was nothing grand or superfluous, but
everything neat and agreeable. There I led a life
perfectly solitary. At first the time hung very
heavy on my hands, and I wanted all kind of
employment, and I had very like to have fallen into
the height of the vapors, from no other reason but
from want of knowing what to do with myself.
But when I had lived here a little time I found
such a calmness in my mind, and such a difference
between this and the restless anxieties I had
experienced in a court, that I began to share the
tranquillity that visibly appeared in everything
round me. I set myself to do works of fancy, and
to raise little flower-gardens, with many such
innocent rural amusements; which, although they
are not capable of affording any great pleasure,
yet they give that serene turn to the mind which I
think much preferable to anything else human nature
is made susceptible of. I now resolved to
spend the rest of my days here, and that nothing
should allure me from that sweet retirement, to
be again tossed about with tempestuous passions
of any kind. Whilst I was in this situation, my
lord Percy, the earl of Northumberland's eldest
son, by an accident of losing his way after a fox-chase, was met by my father, about a mile from
our house; he came home with him, only with a
design of dining with us, but was so taken
with me that he stayed three days. I had too
much experience in all affairs of this kind not to
see presently the influence I had on him; but I was
at that time so entirely free from all ambition, that
even the prospect of being a countess had no effect
on me; and I then thought nothing in the
world could have bribed me to have changed my
way of life. This young lord, who was just in his
bloom, found his passion so strong, he could not
endure a long absence, but returned again in a
week, and endeavored, by all the means he could
think of, to engage me to return his affection.
He addressed me with that tenderness and respect
which women on earth think can flow from nothing
but real love; and very often told me that, unless
he could be so happy as by his assiduity and
care to make himself agreeable to me, although he
knew my father would eagerly embrace any proposal
from him, yet he would suffer that last of
miseries of never seeing me more rather than owe
his own happiness to anything that might be the
least contradiction to my inclinations. This manner
of proceeding had something in it so noble
and generous, that by degrees it raised a sensation
in me which I know not how to describe, nor
by what name to call it: it was nothing like my
former passion: for there was no turbulence, no
uneasy waking nights attending it, but all I could
with honor grant to oblige him appeared to me to
be justly due to his truth and love, and more the
effect of gratitude than of any desire of my own.
The character I had heard of him from my father
at my first returning to England, in discoursing
of the young nobility, convinced me that if I was
his wife I should have the perpetual satisfaction
of knowing every action of his must be approved
by all the sensible part of mankind; so that very
soon I began to have no scruple left but that of
leaving my little scene of quietness, and venturing
again into the world. But this, by his continual
application and submissive behavior, by
degrees entirely vanished, and I agreed he should
take his own time to break it to my father, whose
consent he was not long in obtaining; for such a
match was by no means to be refused. There remained
nothing now to be done but to prevail with
the earl of Northumberland to comply with what
his son so ardently desired; for which purpose he
set out immediately for London, and begged it as
the greatest favor that I would accompany my
father, who was also to go thither the week following.
I could not refuse his request, and as soon
as we arrived in town he flew to me with the
greatest raptures to inform me his father was so
good that, finding his happiness depended on his
answer, he had given him free leave to act in this
affair as would best please himself, and that he
had now no obstacle to prevent his wishes. It
was then the beginning of the winter, and the time
for our marriage was fixed for the latter end of
March: the consent of all parties made his access
to me very easy, and we conversed together both
with innocence and pleasure. As his fondness was
so great that he contrived all the methods possible
to keep me continually in his sight, he told me
one morning he was commanded by his father to
attend him to court that evening, and begged I
would be so good as to meet him there. I was
now so used to act as he would have me that I
made no difficulty of complying with his desire.
Two days after this, I was very much surprised
at perceiving such a melancholy in his countenance,
and alteration in his behavior, as I could
no way account for; but, by importunity, at last
I got from him that cardinal Wolsey, for what
reason he knew not, had peremptorily forbid him
to think any more of me: and, when he urged that
his father was not displeased with it, the cardinal,
in his imperious manner, answered him, he should
give his father such convincing reasons why it
would be attended with great inconveniences, that
he was sure he could bring him to be of his opinion.
On which he turned from him, and gave him
no opportunity of replying. I could not imagine
what design the cardinal could have in intermeddling
in this match, and I was still more perplexed
to find that my father treated my lord Percy with
much more coldness than usual; he too saw it, and
we both wondered what could possibly be the
cause of all this. But it was not long before the
mystery was all made clear by my father, who,
sending for me one day into his chamber, let me
into a secret which was as little wished for as
expected. He began with the surprising effects of
youth and beauty, and the madness of letting go
those advantages they might procure us till it was
too late, when we might wish in vain to bring them
back again. I stood amazed at this beginning;
he saw my confusion, and bid me sit down and
attend to what he was going to tell me, which was
of the greatest consequence; and he hoped I would
be wise enough to take his advice, and act as he
should think best for my future welfare. He then
asked me if I should not be much pleased to be a
queen? I answered, with the greatest earnestness,
that, so far from it, I would not live in a
court again to be the greatest queen in the world;
that I had a lover who was both desirous and able
to raise my station even beyond my wishes. I
found this discourse was very displeasing; my
father frowned, and called me a romantic fool,
and said if I would hearken to him he could make
me a queen; for the cardinal had told him that the
king, from the time he saw me at court the other
night, liked me, and intended to get a divorce from
his wife, and to put me in her place; and ordered
him to find some method to make me a maid of
honor to her present majesty, that in the meantime
he might have an opportunity of seeing me.
It is impossible to express the astonishment these
words threw me into; and, notwithstanding that
the moment before, when it appeared at so great a
distance, I was very sincere in my declaration
how much it was against my will to be raised so
high, yet now the prospect came nearer, I confess
my heart fluttered, and my eyes were dazzled with
a view of being seated on a throne. My imagination
presented before me all the pomp, power and
greatness that attend a crown; and I was so perplexed
I knew not what to answer, but remained
as silent as if I had lost the use of my speech.
My father, who guessed what it was that made me
in this condition, proceeded to bring all the arguments
he thought most likely to bend me to his
will; at last I recovered from this dream of grandeur,
and begged him, by all the most endearing
names I could think of, not to urge me dishonorably
to forsake the man who I was convinced
would raise me to an empire if in his power, and
who had enough in his power to give me all I
desired. But he was deaf to all I could say, and
insisted that by next week I should prepare myself
to go to court: he bid me consider of it, and
not prefer a ridiculous notion of honor to the real
interest of my whole family; but, above all things,
not to disclose what he had trusted me with. On
which he left me to my own thoughts. When I
was alone I reflected how little real tenderness
this behavior showed to me, whose happiness he
did not at all consult, but only looked on me as a
ladder, on which he could climb to the height of
his own ambitious desires: and when I thought
on his fondness for me in my infancy I could impute
it to nothing but either the liking me as a
plaything or the gratification of his vanity in my
beauty. But I was too much divided between a
crown and my engagement to lord Percy to spend
much time in thinking of anything else; and,
although my father had positively forbid me, yet,
when he came next, I could not help acquainting
him with all that had passed, with the reserve
only of the struggle in my own mind on the first
mention of being a queen. I expected he would
have received the news with the greatest agonies;
but he showed no vast emotion: however, he could
not help turning pale, and, taking me by the hand,
looked at me with an air of tenderness, and said,
`If being a queen would make you happy, and it
is in your power to be so, I would not for the
world prevent it, let me suffer what I will.' This
amazing greatness of mind had on me quite the
contrary effect from what it ought to have had;
for, instead of increasing my love for him it almost
put an end to it, and I began to think, if he
could part with me, the matter was not much.
And I am convinced, when any man gives up the
possession of a woman whose consent he has once
obtained, let his motive be ever so generous, he
will disoblige her. I could not help showing my
dissatisfaction, and told him I was very glad this
affair sat so easily on him. He had not power to
answer, but was so suddenly struck with this unexpected
ill-natured turn I gave his behavior, that
he stood amazed for some time, and then bowed
and left me. Now I was again left to my own
reflections; but to make anything intelligible out
of them is quite impossible: I wished to be a
queen, and wished I might not be one: I would
have my lord Percy happy without me; and yet
I would not have the power of my charms be so
weak that he could bear the thought of life after
being disappointed in my love. But the result of
all these confused thoughts was a resolution to
obey my father. I am afraid there was not much
duty in the case, though at that time I was glad
to take hold of that small shadow to save me from
looking on my own actions in the true light.
When my lover came again I looked on him with
that coldness that he could not bear, on purpose
to rid myself of all importunity: for since I had
resolved to use him ill I regarded him as the
monument of my shame, and his every look
appeared to me to upbraid me. My father soon
carried me to court; there I had no very hard
part to act; for, with the experience I had had
of mankind, I could find no great difficulty in
managing a man who liked me, and for whom I
not only did not care but had an utter aversion
to: but this aversion he believed to be virtue; for
how credulous is a man who has an inclination
to believe! And I took care sometimes to drop
words of cottages and love, and how happy the
woman was who fixed her affections on a man in
such a station of life that she might show her
love without being suspected of hypocrisy or
mercenary views. All this was swallowed very easily
by the amorous king, who pushed on the divorce
with the utmost impetuosity, although the affair
lasted a good while, and I remained most part of
the time behind the curtain. Whenever the king
mentioned it to me I used such arguments against
it as I thought the most likely to make him the
more eager for it; begging that, unless his conscience
was really touched, he would not on my account
give any grief to his virtuous queen; for
in being her handmaid I thought myself highly
honored; and that I would not only forego a
crown, but even give up the pleasure of ever seeing
him more, rather than wrong my royal mistress.
This way of talking, joined to his eager
desire to possess my person, convinced the king
so strongly of my exalted merit, that he thought
it a meritorious act to displace the woman (whom
he could not have so good an opinion of, because
he was tired of her), and to put me in her place.
After about a year's stay at court, as the king's
love to me began to be talked of, it was thought
proper to remove me, that there might be no umbrage
given to the queen's party. I was forced
to comply with this, though greatly against my
will; for I was very jealous that absence might
change the king's mind. I retired again with my
father to his country-seat, but it had no longer
those charms for me which I once enjoyed there;
for my mind was now too much taken up with
ambition to make room for any other thoughts.
During my stay here, my royal lover often sent
gentlemen to me with messages and letters, which
I always answered in the manner I thought would
best bring about my designs, which were to come
back again to court. In all the letters that passed
between us there was something so kingly and
commanding in his, and so deceitful and submissive
in mine, that I sometimes could not help reflecting
on the difference betwixt this correspondence
and that with lord Percy; yet I was
so pressed forward by the desire of a crown, I
could not think of turning back. In all I wrote I
continually praised his resolution of letting me
be at a distance from him, since at this time it
conduced indeed to my honor; but, what was of
ten times more weight with me, I thought it was
necessary for his; and I would sooner suffer anything
in the world than be any means of hurt to
him, either in his interest or reputation. I always
gave some hints of ill health, with some reflections
how necessary the peace of the mind was
to that of the body. By these means I brought
him to recall me again by the most absolute command,
which I, for a little time, artfully delayed
(for I knew the impatience of his temper would
not bear any contradictions), till he made my
father in a manner force me to what I most
wished, with the utmost appearance of reluctance
on my side. When I had gained this point I began
to think which way I could separate the king
from the queen, for hitherto they lived in the
same house. The lady Mary, the queen's daughter,
being then about sixteen, I sought for emissaries
of her own age that I could confide in, to
instill into her mind disrespectful thoughts of her
father, and make a jest of the tenderness of his
conscience about the divorce. I knew she had
naturally strong passions, and that young people
of that age are apt to think those that pretend
to be their friends are really so, and only speak
their minds freely. I afterwards contrived to
have every word she spoke of him carried to the
king, who took it all as I could wish, and fancied
those things did not come at first from the young
lady, but from her mother. He would often talk
of it to me, and I agreed with him in his sentiments;
but then, as a great proof of my goodness,
I always endeavored to excuse her, by saying
a lady so long time used to be a royal queen
might naturally be a little exasperated with those
she fancied would throw her from that station
she so justly deserved. By these sort of plots I
found the way to make the king angry with the
queen; for nothing is easier than to make a man
angry with a woman he wants to be rid of, and
who stands in the way between him and his pleasure;
so that now the king, on the pretense of the
queen's obstinacy in a point where his conscience
was so tenderly concerned, parted with her. Everything
was now plain before me; I had nothing
farther to do but to let the king alone to his own
desires; and I had no reason to fear, since they
had carried him so far, but that they would urge
him on to do everything I aimed at. I was
created marchioness of Pembroke. This dignity
sat very easy on me; for the thoughts of a much
higher title took from me all feeling of this; and
I looked upon being a marchioness as a trifle, not
that I saw the bauble in its true light, but because
it fell short of what I had figured to myself
I should soon obtain. The king's desires grew
very impatient, and it was not long before I was
privately married to him. I was no sooner his
wife than I found all the queen come upon me;
I felt myself conscious of royalty, and even the
faces of my most intimate acquaintance seemed to
me to be quite strange. I hardly knew them:
height had turned my head, and I was like a man
placed on a monument, to whose sight all creatures
at a great distance below him appear like
so many little pigmies crawling about on the
earth; and the prospect so greatly delighted me,
that I did not presently consider that in both
cases descending a few steps erected by human
hands would place us in the number of those very
pigmies who appeared so despicable. Our marriage
was kept private for some time, for it was
not thought proper to make it public (the affair
of the divorce not being finished) till the birth
of my daughter Elizabeth made it necessary.
But all who saw me knew it; for my manner of
speaking and acting was so much changed with my
station, that all around me plainly perceived I
was sure I was a queen. While it was a secret
I had yet something to wish for; I could not be
perfectly satisfied till all the world was acquainted
with my fortune: but when my coronation
was over, and I was raised to the height of
my ambition, instead of finding myself happy, I
was in reality more miserable than ever; for, besides
that the aversion I had naturally to the king
was much more difficult to dissemble after marriage
than before, and grew into a perfect detestation,
my imagination, which had thus warmly pursued
a crown, grew cool when I was in the possession
of it, and gave me time to reflect what
mighty matter I had gained by all this bustle;
and I often used to think myself in the case of the
fox-hunter, who, when he has toiled and sweated
all day in the chase as if some unheard-of blessing
was to crown his success, finds at last all he
has got by his labor is a stinking nauseous animal.
But my condition was yet worse than his; for he
leaves the loathsome wretch to be torn by his
hounds, whilst I was obliged to fondle mine, and
meanly pretend him to be the object of my love.
For the whole time I was in this envied, this exalted
state, I led a continual life of hypocrisy,
which I now know nothing on earth can compensate.
I had no companion but the man I hated.
I dared not disclose my sentiments to any person
about me, nor did any one presume to enter into
any freedom of conversation with me; but all who
spoke to me talked to the queen, and not to me;
for they would have said just the same things to
a dressed-up puppet, if the king had taken a fancy
to call it his wife. And as I knew every woman
in the court was my enemy, from thinking she had
much more right than I had to the place I filled,
I thought myself as unhappy as if I had been
placed in a wild wood, where there was no human
creature for me to speak to, in a continual fear
of leaving any traces of my footsteps, lest I should
be found by some dreadful monster, or stung by
snakes and adders; for such are spiteful women
to the objects of their envy. In this worst of all
situations I was obliged to hide my melancholy
and appear cheerful. This threw me into an error
the other way, and I sometimes fell into a
levity in my behavior that was afterwards made
use of to my disadvantage. I had a son deadborn,
which I perceived abated something of the
king's ardor; for his temper could not brook the
least disappointment. This gave me no uneasiness;
for, not considering the consequences, I
could not help being best pleased when l had least
of his company. Afterwards I found he had cast
his eyes on one of my maids of honor; and,
whether it was owing to any art of hers, or only
to the king's violent passions, I was in the end
used even worse than my former mistress had
been by my means. The decay of the king's affection
was presently seen by all those court-sycophants who continually watch the motions of
royal eyes; and the moment they found they could
be heard against me they turned my most innocent
actions and words, nay, even my very looks,
into proofs of the blackest crimes. The king, who
was impatient to enjoy his new love, lent a willing
ear to all my accusers, who found ways of making
him jealous that I was false to his bed. He would
not so easily have believed anything against me
before, but he was now glad to flatter himself that
he had found a reason to do just what he had resolved
upon without a reason; and on some slight
pretenses and hearsay evidence I was sent to the
Tower, where the lady who was my greatest
enemy was appointed to watch me and lie in the
same chamber with me. This was really as bad
a punishment as my death, for she insulted me
with those keen reproaches and spiteful witticisms,
which threw me into such vapors and violent
fits that I knew not what I uttered in this
condition. She pretended I had confessed talking
ridiculous stuff with a set of low fellows whom
I had hardly ever taken notice of, as could have
imposed on none but such as were resolved to believe.
I was brought to my trial, and, to blacken
me the more, accused of conversing criminally
with my own brother, whom indeed I loved
extremely well, but never looked on him in any
other light than as my friend. However, I was
condemned to be beheaded, or burnt, as the king
pleased; and he was graciously pleased, from the
great remains of his love, to choose the mildest
sentence. I was much less shocked at this manner
of ending my life than I should have been in any
other station: but I had had so little enjoyment
from the time I had been a queen, that death was
the less dreadful to me. The chief things that
lay on my conscience were the arts I made use
of to induce the king to part with the queen, my
ill usage of lady Mary, and my jilting lord Percy.
However, I endeavored to calm my mind as well
as I could, and hoped these crimes would be forgiven
me; for in other respects I had led a very
innocent life, and always did all the good-natured
actions I found any opportunity of doing. From
the time I had it in my power, I gave a great deal
of money amongst the poor; I prayed very devoutly,
and went to my execution very composedly.
Thus I lost my life at the age of twenty-nine, in which short time I believe I went through
more variety of scenes than many people who live
to be very old. I had lived in a court, where I
spent my time in coquetry and gayety; I had
experienced what it was to have one of those violent
passions which makes the mind all turbulence and
anxiety; I had had a lover whom I esteemed and
valued, and at the latter part of my life I was
raised to a station as high as the vainest woman
could wish. But in all these various changes I
never enjoyed any real satisfaction, unless in the
little time I lived retired in the country free from
all noise and hurry, and while I was conscious I
was the object of the love and esteem of a man of
sense and honor.''
On the conclusion of this history Minos paused
for a small time, and then ordered the gate to be
thrown open for Anna Boleyn's admittance on
the consideration that whoever had suffered being
the queen for four years, and been sensible during
all that time of the real misery which attends that
exalted station, ought to be forgiven whatever
she had done to obtain it.
[11]
[[11]]
Here ends this curious manuscript; the rest being destroyed
in rolling up pens, tobacco, &c. It is to be hoped heedless people
will henceforth be more cautious what they burn, or use
to other vile purposes; especially when they consider the fate
which had likely to have befallen the divine Milton, and that the
works of Homer were probably discovered in some chandlers
shop in Greece.